Yeah, I know that it's 2:45 a.m.

I was awakened by: 1.) the ongoing stream of people blowing their horns in the parking garage, 2.) others in the parking garage yelling at each other, 3.) someone setting off a car's theft alarm that sounded enough like Ruby's that I had to get up and check it out, and 4.) even more of all of the above.

So, awakened, dressed and such, I had to come back to the computer to check things out.

The mormon wrote me back about 2:00 this morning; I had sent him a copy of this incredible letter that a minister wrote about homosexuality; he wrote back that the guy was clearly biased (he's not) and that he is going against the bible (he's not) and that homosexuals (like me) were just trying to justify their actions, blah, blah, blah. I doubt he read past the opening paragraphs. Anyway, I dragged his file envelope into the spam folder, and that's the end of that one.

You, however, can read this amazing letter at letter

It's close enough now to 3:00 that hopefully, all the straight people who have been partying at the Red Door have left (our parking garage here at AMLI Midtown is the de facto parking facility for this very busy club)

I'm thinking of doing something subversive. Like, next Saturday night, around 12:30 a.m., calling for a wrecker service to come tow away EVERY SINGLE CAR THAT'S PARKED IN THE PARKING GARAGE WITHOUT A RESIDENT STICKER.

I wonder if I can get away with that.

Lost my temper with my sister this morning. I just think I'll not call her for .. oh .. six months. See if she likes it better me not speaking to her on the phone than bitching because I don't call AT A TIME THAT SHE'S AVAILABLE when I'm neither driving in the car, sitting in front of the computer or whatever isn't doing absolutely nothing and focusing on talking to her.

I just got pen ink on my white bed cover in here. BLEH.

I need to get a shredder.

Where is Sven?

Travis just left .. he is SUCH a great guy. I'm so glad to be getting to know him.

Time to watch one of these silly movies that I have sitting here.

Oh, have I mentioned that I just LOVE XM?!


XM Radio

So strange. Anyone who's perused my blog for any length of time can tell that the ONLY people I say anything vaguely negative about are those who:

1.) Are taking advantage of me
2.) People who expect me to do their work for them without compensation
3.) Men who stand me up
4.) People who do the business equivalent; change the deal after we've agreed
5.) People who lie to me
6.) That's pretty much it

Big surprise, I am not the world's best at direct communication when someone is being hypocritical, self-serving, lying or cruel to me. I guess part of that is that I am so stunned when someone openly lies, changes the deal, or otherwise acts in such a way that has absolutely no integrity that I don't get aggressive and in their faces. I do speak quietly and directly, albeit not IMMEDIATELY. I point out that what they are saying is not what they have said or what has happened.

So, I've gotten myself in "hot water" twice in the last week by having this blog read by people of whom I have spoken less then completely positively over the past two years. One was my own fault and oversight, but the other was someone who went out of his way to DIG THROUGH THE INTERNET TO SEE IF I'D SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM.

Guilty conscience? Wait, I forgot, people like you have no conscience.

Interestingly enough, both of the people who got so very upset with my journal (the concept of which is stream-of-consciousness writing for someone who needs to express themselves in writing) can't argue that I've been unjust, inaccurate or cruel in my statements. THERE ARE WITNESSES TO THESE EVENTS, AND THEY READ THIS TOO.

Pleh. Get over yourselves. You treat someone badly, don't be surprised to find out that the world knows.

Travis is supposed to be coming over in about an hour. It will be great to see him.

Got a TON done today; credit protests mostly. Have more work to do this weekend.

DROP everything NOW. GO, now to my personal website, www.drdivo.com

Check out what E did for me!! I'm SO happy!

Thanks to Larry in Dallas for the source material.

It's almost 1:30 am, and I'm wide awake. Had a WONDERFUL dinner with Guy tonight; then had a 3 mile walk around Memorial Park. Came home, researched for Fabulair, for some marketing trips for Fabulair, some fun stuff .. and I've been XMing here in the den for hours. It's just SO awesome. I could listen to it until the sun comes up .. which would be counterproductive.

Travis cancelled - he's coming tomorrow at .. 8? I think. More as it develops with him.

Guy was saying at dinner that my dreams lately of Jarred are probably partly true inasmuch as he (Jarred) would likely pop back up when our venture "takes off." Anyway, I wanted to post his other picture for your edification ..



Let's see if that works, or if I need to ask E for help.

Interesting. Travis just called. He's coming over at 6:00. Very interesting.

Time to wire up the speakers, then start (again) working on this quality plan.

MAKE THE SCARY SOUTH AFRICAN GO AWAY!!

Yes, another dream last night about Jarred. This one was VIVID. He was still working in the bar, although it was different in detail from the one he REALLY works in. He approached me, and asked ME out, and made mention of the fact that it had been two years he had been wanting to see me, and took responsibility that it was really his fault that we didn't previously get together. So, we made a date to go out for breakfast on a Saturday.

I went to his apartment to pick him up, knocked on the door, his room mate answered, he was zipping around getting ready. He came out, we went to breakfast ..

Of course, this being a dream, all kinds of crazy stuff was going on. However, the gist of it is .. we had a GREAT time, he was very playful and affectionate. We came to the end of the breakfast time, and I went to take him back so he could go to work - and he said "no I switched shifts with Brad so I could spend the whole day with you .. I don't work until tomorrow at 2."

So, we hung out, went here and there - he was getting very frisky with me if I had a phone call, playing about who was on the phone, and how were they more important than he was .. somehow, we ended up back at his bar and they were playing a movie in the back room, which I got engrossed in, and I went back out front to check on him and he was running a cash register (in a grocery store) but then immediately jumped off the register to spend time with me ..

JUST MAKE IT STOP.

I dusted my bedroom this morning - I'm keeping my apartment at a much higher level than before .. it's pretty cool! Today, I'm going to hang my speakers (not bad after PLANNING to do it for six years.)

E has found an online, interactive Free Cell tournament site .. we may have lost him forever now.

Anyway, that's enough for now. The muse did NOT return last night with the missing poetry.

Well. The day is essentially over. I should watch one of the movies that I have here, so I'm not wasting my Netflix membership.

I just did a little Fabulair-ing, and some blogging on the fabulair blog.

Anyway, out of boredom, I hopped onto gay.com .. started talking to this guy .. it turned out to be RAY. Not Ray #1, but Ray #2. From about nine years ago.

Wow. What a story that was. I don't think that anyone who knows me knows about Ray. He truly broke my heart. Wow.

Part of me wants to see him again, really badly - but my sanity says "Danger, Will Robinson!"

Of course, he's playing totally cagey - "oh, maybe .. we'll just play it by ear."

I ripped the Brazilian today - told him that I was not interested in a relationship with a Latin who felt he owned me, but could do as he pleased. I've already HAD that relationship.

For some reason, I'm REALLY feeling like I won't be hearing from Travis anymore.

Let's see, who else did I nuke today? I told Mickey that I was not going to play with him anymore. Last night, late, I was short with Michael (from Phoenix, who was complaining about not making any appearances herein, although I've been asked by him to NOT mention him.) So, he got testy with me, and told me off. Pleh.

Oh, I forgot to mention - I had TWO dreams about Jarred last night. BIG bleh. The first one, Guy was sitting with me on the patio in front of Baba Yega, and we were talking about Fabulair. I had a text message on my phone from Jarred asking "is that you?" Then, Guy starts telling me I should give Jarred another chance .. blah, blah.

Long story short, I found out he had been talking to Jarred behind my back (in the dream; Guy would rather not see me ever speak to Jarred again) and I stormed out of there, hopped in my new BMW 745i and lit out for places north. For three weeks. Without my laptop.

In the last few nights, I've had repeating dreams about a triptich poem - one poem, three voices, it was awesome .. and of course I can't REMEMBER it. I also had another dream about a poem that was SO wonderful .. and it's gone.

BLEH

I am just LOVING this XM .. it's far better than I even dreamed. I found (a few minutes ago) the hangers for the speakers that I've intended to hang in this room for the last .. oh .. six years. Now, I'll be able to listen to my XM while I slave away over my keyboard.

The room has, by the way, managed to creep back to a condition of wreckage that belies the efforts I took only a week ago.

Well, I really should hit the sack here, get up and apply myself to the few projects that are left. E says that we should land our sub-contract by tomorrow.

I sure hope so.

Okay, this is turning into a better day than yesterday was. I've done a tax return for a returning client (who cracks me up) and I'm about to start working on Scott's quality plan for his mortgage company. I have to do some more housework, but I did get the bathroom cleaned up after Judy turned it into a nuclear waste dump in just two quick days. I'll be working again late into the night today.

Supposed to see Travis tomorrow night; thinking about not. I'm down on men in general, as they're mostly either liars or self-serving. Or both.

Have to tape up some letter sized faxes, make them into legal sized, and then fax the whole bloody mess off. Bleh.

I'm almost out of cell minutes for the month, and I have a week left to go. YEEP!

Judy had a GREAT idea!! I should put together this FABULOUS art show for the wife of one of her supporters in Brownsville here in Houston, and maybe I could get a PERCENTAGE plus I'd be able to make GREAT INROADS with the husband, who used to be the BIGGEST DEVELOPER in Brownsville. Then, I could maybe start doing his mortgages and such .. wouldn't that be GREAT??

I told her "no thanks."

BLEH

That's my official statement about today. Starting with wasting my time with that worthless interview. I just .. don't know quite what to think about my thoughts for the day. They've been a mess, even though, empirically, there was very little that was bad.

The church board meeting tonight was awesome, uplifting, and ..

I got home tonight, and slipped right back into a state of moroseness.

I should just go to bed .. and hope that tomorrow isn't more of the same.

If you want a really fun time, follow this link -

Today (Wednesday) is the second anniversary of LTJ's death in my living room. Maybe that's got me down.

What a USELESS day. I got up (after staying up past 1:00 working on budgets and forecasts) expecting to have a.) a conference call with Crystal Ball about the sub-contract, and b.) a decent interview for a branch manager position with a major national lender.

Well, no call (and still nothing) and the interview was a total waste of two hours and a perfectly good starched shirt. I was driving home, and Nicole called wanting to have lunch .. hm. Perhaps a little Nicole time would be a good thing. So, I fiddled for about a half hour, and then met her at the Hyatt. Okay, hello, Matty? The service SUCKS!? $37.00 for lunch, $6.00 to park, decent food and not as much table service as one gets from Luby's?

So, home I came .. no conference call. No mail. Another crappy note from UPS telling me that they're insisting on charging me $10 per shipment because THEY printed the wrong account number on my pre-printed labels. Hello, USPS?

So, after about a half hour of feeling like crap (which is really irritating, considering how wonderful I felt last night during class and after) I decided to take a nap. BIG waste of time. That accomplished nothing except making me crankier.

Now, I'm looking at the clock, realizing that I have about 40 minutes before I have to meet Mikey and Jay at Cabo, and wishing I could just Howard Hughes the rest of my day, and sit behind drawn blinds.

When I get home tonight, I'm going to have to stay up late, forcing work on some files that I allowed to go untouched today and yesterday.

I should read some more Emma Curtis Hopkins. See if that brings me out of this mood.

Waiting for CBB to show up - he has had some tax issue for, oh, four years, that he keeps talking to me about. So, I'm waiting to hear [again] what it's all about, and he says he's ready to deal with it. I'm not exactly holding my breath.

Class tonight - one more of this series, and then I have a month off until the BIG class starts in late September. I'm wholly unprepared for tonight. Bleh.

Got my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker today in the mail. It's not attractive. Gore's stickers were much more attractive, and look what it got him. Bush has awesome looking stickers.

Have an interview in the morning with a recruiter about being a branch manager for a mortgage company somewhere in town. We'll see how that goes. I had to re-do Scott's quality plan tomorrow, too. Joy. That should be a hoot.

I'm just waiting on Kimberly to fax me some stuff that she has to get to me for this file to close. I've only been waiting a week on it. Bleh. She's out of the office tomorrow, so if I don't get it today from her, it will be WEDNESDAY which would suck.

E was up this morning at 9:05! I about fainted! Of course, he hadn't been to sleep [much] at that point.

After working all day yesterday, and all weekend long, I can see now why people need a full day off in their week. I was just wiped out all day today. I still have a blistering headache. Spent about two hours this morning trying to straighten out phone installation, UPS invoices that are wrong, bank stuff .. how do people get any work done?

I sent Judy a PDF last night showing that their corporation was not-for-profit and in good standing (I love having my own SOS account) and, of course, she can't open it. "Can you fax it to me?" No. Figure it out.

She needs a good month long training on how to use a computer.

I wish tonight was Thursday. I need some Travis time.

She's GONE! I got up this morning, and she told me that she had to leave TODAY with her business plan, shaving nearly 24 hours of the originally agreed upon time to perform. So, I cancelled going to church, sat down and started cranking. I was done at 4:00, finished her revisions and "whoopsies" by 6:00 and she LEFT.

So, my apartment is mine again, and I have a neat little task list to accomplish in the morning. All do-able. I have the towels in the laundry (for the second time) to get rid of the make-up, and I'm trying to figure out how to purge the shower curtain of the talcum powder. The bathtub is totally caked up with oily footprints and .. well, oil. Looks like someone sank the "Condoleeza Rice" in there. So, that will be tomorrow morning.

She managed to fill THREE garbage bags in two days .. it normally takes me a week to fill one up. Weird.

I'm totally loving my XM radio; and am about to hook up the speakers here in the den.

Tomorrow is all MINE now! YAY!

ARGH!

PJ strikes this morning right out of the box. I get up to get ready for church, and she tells me that she has had a call from her boss, and needs to be back in a board meeting in Brownsville TOMORROW, and she needs to leave TODAY with the business plan in hand.

Uh ..

So, she's cutting more than 1/3 of the time out of the schedule, and starts whining at me that "she's been here for two days and I haven't started any of it." Of course, she laid FIFTY pages of text crap, 77% of which was irrelevant, on me yesterday afternoon in between all of her calls for technical assistance with printing, saving to disc and other issues she was having with her computer working on what she was working on.

God, bring me solid, paying clients that aren't fruitcakes?

I think that the next time her Royal Judiness has a project for me to work on, I'm going to insist that she NOT BE HERE to be in my face 24/7 so that I don't have this issue in the future.

Okay, time to shower and crank out a business plan in four hours or less.

What a day, what a day. Started off waiting for my LSAT student to show up, tried calling him, got his mother .. no word from him yet. Judy and I headed out to breakfast by way of this errand, that errand and the other errand .. and we accomplished quite a bit.

Mostly of me spending money on things I needed.

I worked on balancing the checking account, was off by $52.02, which drove me NUTS until I figured out that it was a date range error in Quicken. Now, it balances to the penny, as per the norm.

Looked through Judy's business plan .. my hair is still standing on end. But, I've only been hired to do the goals and the budgets, so that's what I'm going to focus on. Did CP's tax return (price = two cocktails) and got that handled.

Had two text messages from Jarred last night - he got the poem that I had written him; I mailed it to him last week after things went wonky. He was very appreciative and apologetic.

Still doesn't mean I have any interest in seeing him at all.

Haven't listened to my XM ALL DAY.

Judy and I watched American History X last night - I had rented it before, and turned it off halfway through because I so put off. I didn't see the "good" part. We also got a Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD with a Papa John's pizza .. that was a RIOT. We hooted big-time.

No strange dreams .. well, one was bizarre .. Judy and I were students in a school/college; food was involved in a messy way, and I kept trying to study for and take an exam or write a paper and couldn't get it done. Very unsettling.

I decided it was random.

Have to read through all of these publications that her Judiness has printed, faxed and pulled out relating to the business plan.

Guy's bringing over hamburgers in a while.

FINALLY!!!!! I FINALLY got my XM radio hooked up today! I got my home kit in the mail today (I stole it on eBay for $20 off) and hooked it up in less than an hour. It's FABULOUS!!!



I am about to hook up the speakers here in the den/work room/guest room so that I can listen in here.

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

I can't wait to get it hooked up in Ruby and in the Impy!! WOW!

Got my watch fixed today - $12.50 - they had to put one of the chronometer hands back on it, and then re-set the hour hand. Also bought laundry soap and dishwasher soap at Kroger (on sale! woof!) worked on a BUNCH of stuff, got my BRAKES REPLACED! Whoo!! Bought my ticket to Dallas for the last weekend in August.

Scheduled my trips for the rest of the year to make Silver Elite by Christmas .. WHOO!

Happy happy happy happy happy.

I have to load some software, check out another station on my XM and hang with the Judy.

This morning's early blood sugar = 99. In week three of no medication.

Have to take Ruby over to get her brake pads fixed in a little while .. like about 20 minutes. After the coffee and oatmeal are consumed.

My lovely watch from Dusseldorf has broken, after just six weeks. The second hand fell off after hanging up the hour hand and knocking it out of alignment. I'm sure it's an easy fix. There's a lovely watch that the same guy on eBay is selling - Scott wants it REAL badly, and it's pretty cheap.

I'm just feeling evil enough to buy it to deny it him.

I'm writing Richard a note about the truly weird dream that I had about him last night. I wonder if it carries any meaning ..

And whether he'll GET IT.

Here's the dream ..

Richard and Rick were joining some leather club at a bar that was sort of an amalgam of the Ripcord and Lobo, and there were all of these semi-rough looking guys who were having the "meeting." Richard was all dressed in preppy attire - I went to try to "rescue" him from the whole thing, and they ended up "rushing" me. I answered their questions in a smart-assed way, as I thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Then, the new inductees had to select or be assigned club "names" by which they would be known. I think Richard's name was "poodle." They asked me what I wanted my name to be, and I said "divo" - which they loved. So, divo it was.

THEN, things turned ugly. The leather group was some sort of anarchist group, and they were all armed to the teeth. I was trying to break Richard out of there, and they were all smoking (I assume) dope and greasing their weapons. At that point, Lance was with me, and we were shooting our way out. I was a gay super-hero (my preferred profession) and I was blasting the greasy leather girls like it was a hyper version of the video game "Doom."

I never did figure out what happened to Richard in the melee.

It's very interesting to me that Lance keeps cropping up in my dreams as a co-worker/battle-r of evil and evil-doers.

Okay, time to run Ruby down the street and walk back. She needs new brakes.

I made it home, I thought, with my sanity. The trip home went swimmingly, with a quick stop at the Wal-Mart in Bastrop. Traffic was gentle, and I made it home in three hours on the nose, at 4:10 p.m

Dashed into the apartment having had to pee for the last half hour. Lance was here working on my computer, and the dogs were all jumping for joy. I came out of the bathroom, to have Lance tell me that CP was demanding my immediate presence at JR's.

I thought I had just gotten AWAY from that sort of thing.


just a little bit later...

Okay, Travis has come and gone. What a great time! He's a masseur/chiropractor .. and he's about the best chiro I've EVER met. And such a sweet guy. Dinner was pleasant, and I got him to talk about himself some. I guess I'll see him next week Thursday.

My apartment was a WRECK. The kitchen had food and crusty dishes everywhere .. the place smelled badly .. I spent two hours cleaning up.

PLEH.

About to hop into the shower, go with Scooter to the office, work up some investor packages for him, and then hit Texas 71 on the way home. I'll be home around 6:00.

Been reading the biography of Howard Hughes that Guy loaned me .. hoo boy! I had no idea just how twisted his life was. Wow. I'm only up to 1960 and have 16 more years to read about.

No unusual or bizarre dreams last night - there's a first in a while.

Spent some time last night downloading ring tones to my Sprink phone. I discovered (after 18 months of having this phone) how to attach a picture image to a phone book entry, so I can now add in EVERYONE that I have images for, and have their picture show on my screen when they call in.

And, I assigned ring tones to certainn people. Psycho Judy is "The Flight of the Valkyries," Guy is "Copacobana," Lance is "True," Mikey is .. something I don't recall right now, and E is something disco-y.

Seeing Travis tonight after I get home. I sure like him.

MIKEY IS UPSET THAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM ENOUGH IN MY BLOG. NOW, HE'S ALSO UPSET THAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND JAY.

I told him that I only talk about people who tweak me, irritate me, make me think about my life, or otherwise .. that did not assuage him.

So, now, I've talked about him.

Mid-day update...

It's nearly 4:00 - I've re-worked the marketing flyer for these boys. Simplified it, took out a bunch of redundant information, added the logo. Now, I'm working on their HUD approval application. This is SUCH simple work - Scott was insistent that I needed to be here for three days. I'll be done in just a few minutes, and there is no real reason for me to stay much past lunch tomorrow, especially when I'm coming back in another ten days.

Finally at the office. Scott, it seems, doesn't eat breakfast. I, on the other hand, start to get wonky without food early in the day. I wish I had Lance with me.

Scott does have quite the set-up here for interest rates and so on. Clearly, I need to be working through him for any loans that I generate on my own, as he'll pay me a much larger portion than MJV will, and I won't have to wait to get paid as I will with MJV. So, more money and less time waiting, and lower rates/fees.

Works for me.

I have to figure out a way to get some food going here, even if it's just me walking off down the street to the Marriott.

Ah Wednesday in Austin. Scott gets up late and I had a chance to sleep in for once.

He has this dazzling little computer with a tiny keyboard that looks all fashionable, but it hard to work with since it is about the size of a laptop keyboard.

He has a gorgeous apartment and it's impossible to argue that Austin is a huge order of magnitude more lovely than workaday Houston is. However, I'm fully invested in Houston, and this will remain a place to travel to. Scott keeps telling me he wants me to move here, but there is no income foundation for me here.

Last night, I got to thinking about my consulting work, and the effort that I produce for people. I have been billing $75/hour of late, but .... if boy hustlers are worth at least $150 an hour for questionable value, I think that I am undercharging for things that make such a huge difference in people's lives or businesses.

So, last night while at Charlie's where Scott was trying to find us some boy hustlers, I gave myself a raise.

Judy is coming on Friday for three days to "polish" her business plan. I have decided that she's getting eight hours of work, period. She had originally proposed $1000, and now it's $800, half in advance and half on completion. Okay, well, I'm not putting in three weeks' of work like I did for R&R for $800. Their business plan actually took six weeks of working on it about three hours a day of steady work. The amount of time that I spent gestating on it and so on was much greater than that.

If I were using my regular keyboard, I'd have this already knocked out.

Austin is populated with a seeming throng of young men under 24. They are all 'cute' and 'stylish' and utterly uninteresting. Scott revels in their presence, and frankly, I couldn't be less concerned.

I am so glad to be going home tomorrow to a work space that is totally caught up with everything. I will have Scott's tax returns to synthesize, and a few other projects, but, that's NEW work, not something that has been hanging out around for weeks.

Anyway, that's the story. It was HOT yesterday, and Ruby ran flawlessly, as always. I'm so glad that she's getting new brakes on Friday, as hers are down to the nub. I have obviously adjusted my braking behavior to reduce stress on her, and yesterday when in traffic or following Scott home from the office (he seems to think he's Speed Racer) I could tell that she was laboring with the brakes in their current condition. I just hope that her rotors are still in good shape.

Okay, well, about 30 more hours and then I'm headed home to my world.

Ah, coffee. The nectar of the gods. I was up until 2:00 working on tax returns, and this morning, I'm doing the final clean up work on them and they go out in the UPS today. Waiting on a credit card payment, a wire transfer, and then I'm out the door to get gas, the car washed, and my hair cut and off to Austin for three days.

PJ just called, not only is she "on her way" to wire me the money she promised for Sunday, but she's expecting approval to get me paid to write a business plan for them, and she'll be IN MY FACE from Friday until Tuesday.

Yeep. I need the work, though.

Okay, now it's 9:15, I'm still working my butt off, and I have gotten a call from Judy that a.) she sent me my money, and b.) she thinks that she's got approval to hire me to do the business plan.

Hooray and YELP!

I think I sold another loan this morning, that's awesome - it should also close in August.

Ordering insurance certificates, sending clients information, and then I have to package up these two tax files and put them in UPS. The time is slipping by.

What a day, what a day. Got a lot DONE but not what I intended/needed to. I am staying home from class AGAIN to meet with a tax client and work on tax returns. I have apologized to Jarred THREE times (by text message) and delivered some tax returns to a very happy woman who just moved here from California.

I have the corporate tax returns done except for balancing the cash balances. Pleh. Then, I have to finish the personal return, call them in the morning, arrange for the delivery, and head out to Austin.

I've been doing this, that and the other, mostly because I have no idea how to go about balancing these stupid books. Pleh.

I have to get these dogs outside, now that the thundershower has ceased, make up the bed, then see about getting these statements to balance. Then, in the morning, I can do the personal tax return, call about delivering same, and get out of town.

This morning's pre-breakfast blood sugar = 105. Just fine.

Waiting to call CP about meeting him with the car and for brekkie. Then, I have to crank out the tax returns before lunch, and deliver them this afternoon. Then .. would I actually be CAUGHT UP?

Don't say such things.

I think Lance is coming over later this morning. That will be good.

Travis was here on Thursday - my God, he's the nicest man. He's coming over Friday night, and hopefully, post-massage, he'll be up for going out to dinner.

More bizarre BIZARRE dreams last night. I was in some little hotel suite/thing that was more like a lavishly decorated dorm room than anything else. There was this guy that I was .. pursuing .. who was .. indifferent, but very appealing (sound at ALL familiar?) Anyway, I was locking up the door to my room, and this cute-ish husband/wife couple were reaching for my door handle. She told me that they wanted to use my phone. I made some snappy reply about it wasn't a public phone, and then went down the hall. The whole building was like an amalgam of a very exclusive shopping mall, a convention center, and a stunning hotel - weird. Anyway, they were following me while I was trying to find my "boyfriend" (the one who was indifferent, sometimes, but not always) who seems to have recently been released from prison for drug charges, and was running around trying to sell .. something.

So, the husband/wife and I settle in this upholstered love seat in the hotel lobby watching a TV. The wife stretches out on the love seat, I'm sitting on the floor and the husband is standing RIGHT in front of me watching the TV. The husband starts making those hints .. and wants to go back to my room (which was about six blocks away, but all still in this huge convention building thing) and suddenly, I'm wearing nothing but my undershorts, and my khaki shorts and polo are on the floor. He sees that his wife is asleep, and so he's all hot to trot, and we walk off - and I said 'but my keys are in my shorts, I have to go back and get them.' He says that he'll rent a hotel room.

Mercifully, I woke up right about then.

SUSAN! WHERE ARE YOU????

Well, holy SHIT!

Back from dinner ..

I just read a very pretty and thoroughly CRAPPY business plan. It was .. to be as discrete as possible, half-assed, ill conceived, and unsupported. I am writing a .. gentle .. email that says the thing is a piece of shit.

Hopefully, he'll want to hire me at a steep fee to re-write the whole thing. 'Cause I ain't doing ANYTHING risk based anymore, unless I'm the owner of it.

One hour, sixteen minutes.

Just where in the world IS Floweree, Montana? Perhaps I should ask Mapquest.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. The bed in the guest room is starting to look more like a bed, and less like someone upended a filing cabinet on it. There are file folders, neat stacks, and most everything has actually been put away.

Two hours until dinner with Nancy and Nicole. They chose the Stables, which I have a negative impression of because of R&R.

I'm cruising through the antihistamines today like Sherman went through Atlanta.

Some recent fortunes garnered through various chinese food visits:

"You understand how to have fun with others and to enjoy your solitude."
"An Admirer is concealing his affection for you."
"Your professional experience is worth a huge fortune."

I have the mail processed and ready to go out tomorrow, I have my work for tomorrow all organized and lined out, I have things really coming along in here. Lance is going to cover me while I'm in Austin.

And an hour to go!!! Should I actually start doing some work?

Well, at long last, a text message from Jarred. He says that clearly text messaging isn't the best for us, and that he thought I wanted to reschedule, since I had written to him that time was against me.

Of course, I did call, and never heard from him. So, I sent him a quick reply to that effect, and, as far as I am concerned, it's just concluded.

Ah, well. I only went to that stupid bar to see him, and I sure have more than enough to keep myself busy.

This morning's blood sugar was 118 - still normal, near the high side of the scale, but I drank a lot of wine last night AND had bananas foster for dessert. So, that's all well and good, I guess.

I'm thinking that my friendship with Richard is clearly going into cold storage. It will remain there until things break down with Rick, and Richard is either in desperate financial straights or Rick leaves him, or both. Then, I'll get to be the "on deck best friend" again.

Should I accept that, is the question?

Going to church this morning; not responsible for anything, just have to sit and enjoy. That's so cool. Had a note from Chuck this morning; he's a great guy.

When I get home from church today, I MUST tackle this home office/guest room. I think I can get everything cleaned up in less than 30 minutes, it just needs DOING. After that, I can work on the tax returns that I have to deliver tomorrow, and then go to Nancy's birthday party around 7:00.

Tomorrow, meeting CP at his mechanic at 9:00 so that I can have Ruby's spark plugs, wires and filters changed out (which have been riding around in the trunk now for THREE months, waiting for Trevor to change them.) Then, I am working on loans and getting the decks cleared to leave for Austin first thing Tuesday morning. Work with Scotticia all week, and back Thursday afternoon late.

So far, the auction on the '73 Impy isn't bringing many bids, and I'm the current high bidder. The auction doesn't close until tonight, and will do so while I'm at dinner with Nancy and Nicole. Right now, the bid is at $1525.00. No bids yesterday at all.

Next weekend, I have to complete my loan officer re-certification and get my LO reinstatement application in to Austin. Bleh.

Just had some guy on Manhunt send me a message .. "nice pic, you want to get together?" I replied with "are you partnered?" He said yes, so I replied "I don't get together with partnered men, whether 'straight' or gay. Too messy. Also, very little room for respect for me/my needs/my schedule."

He replied with a quick "understand." End of story.

My new strategem for dealing with these guys.

Mitch is supposed to come over today to work on his "legal stuff." He has a strong tendency to not actually show up, so .. it's likely that I won't hear from him.

I won't be able to do hardly ANY Fabulairing this week. I'm going to be Mr. Mortgage man, I guess. Have to move that ball forward by sending some detailed emails and requests out to the Fabulair 'team' later today that they can work on while I'm gone.

Okay, it's almost time to hop into the shower and head off to church. Adios!

Okay, so I'm rotated and balanced.

My tires, that is.

While I watched them find the ONE tire that was out of balance (I could tell from driving Ruby that it was only one tire, so that was fun) I talked to Susan for a while. She was trying to help me distinguish my energy around being stood up ongoingly, and we didn't really get anywhere as far as root causes, but we did put in place a few structures for the future:

1.) Someone stands me up or cancels on me ONE TIME, they don't get a second chance, period.
2.) In business, if someone doesn't follow through on their word .. it's OVER. No second chances.
3.) I am never again going to ask someone out - I am only going to respond to men asking ME out. That way, I can't create possibility in my head and go forward with it; they have to generate it.

Had dinner at Lance and Steve's place tonight - Steve is going to design our in-flight food "Vice-President of Culinary Fabulousness."

It was yummy.

Still not a word out of Jarred.

I'm almost ready for bed. I really need some time to just unwind - two days. I may be able to get those next weekend, if I can get all my tax returns done on Friday.

Okay, so "Bitter, Party of One"

I wrote last night's blog, and then felt really ugly about it. So, I went to bed. That didn't help. Then, I had dreams about my mother (not good ones, either) and some more insight into this whole thing with men, I think. At least some clues, if not insight.

So, then I woke up feeling .. not good about the thing, and embarassed that I had written to ALL of my friends (well, not all, only the ones who might remotely think about sending Jarred a message) last night that displayed such childishness and bitterness.

BLEH

I spent the hours after being stood up (again, not just by Jarred, but .. the fifth time in two weeks?) being all rational and intellectual about it - as in "I wouldn't want to be around someone who would treat someone that way anyway, etc."

As is common for me with emotionally stressful situations, I process first, then indulge the emotion, then process the emotion.

Now, most people will not read this entire thing until this morning, or later .. say Monday. A few have read it .. and whoo-EEE, am I embarassed.

Let me begin to cover my tracks by saying that this morning's early blood glucose reading was 96. Coolness.

I think I need to (1) call Susan today, (2) focus on Fabulair, my contracts and my friends, and (3) refrain from contact with men until I get something straightened out in my head. Well, not STRAIGHT ...

Well. Now, nearly 10.5 hours since I was to have met Jarred at lunch. No message, no return call, no nothing.

Jarred ver. 5.01

Stood up again! Text messaged him twice about maybe changing restaurants, and called, straight to voice mail. Went to the original restaurant, and he never showed. It's now 75 minutes after our lunch appointment, and he hasn't called or replied.

It's raining outside .. like crazy. Kind of peaceful.

WOW. How unexpected!

Mikey and Jay were over last night, and I thought they were staying for dinner. They left before I started cooking, and I had been emailing with Chuck all day, and I just shot him an email asking if he'd like to come over for dinner. He called back about 8:30, and said that he had just come in. We chatted briefly, and I said "well, eat something, and get bored and come over." So, he said he would.

He came over about 10:00, and had a movie with him - "Girls Will be Girls." We watched it, had a nice time hanging out. It was about midnight, and he got up to leave. I tohught I was going to get a chaste kiss goodnight, and he ended up staying until 2:45. We had a GREAT time, lots of talking and snuggling. We are supposed to talk again today.

I'm waiting on a tax client who called yesterday; I've talked to her three times today, and she should be here by now. After that, Travis is coming over, and then I have to run to Sam's to pick up a prescription for Jay. The LSAT student didn't show up, nor call, nor email. Bleh.

Just had an automated email from eBay telling me "congratulations on your first purchase from eBay motors." Scared me silly. I haven't mentally committed to buying that Impy, and I did put a bid on it, one that I feel confident will be outbid in the nearly four days left on the auction.

Had to go and check.

Well, where IS this tax client?

Oh!  I forgot!  I have a lunch date with Jarred, the bartender from EJ's on Friday!

.

WOW.  What a day.

I started off at 7:30 this morning; after having been up to 2:00 working on a tax return.  Got out of the rack, and started off by clearing email and so on.  Sent a clarifying email to my Fabulair "team" - telling them just where things were, and what to expect.  I'm starting a Fabulair blog tomorrow to keep people abreast of that - it's going to be private for just those who are participating, and those who are important, like Susan and Nicole.

SO, no more fabulair news here.

I cleaned ALL the ceiling fans today, cleaned the track lights, the tops of the doors, the laundry room, the kitchen floor.  Bought groceries.  Did tax work.  Did financial work.  Helped Mikey's boyfriend Jay out.  Set up a toll-free number for Fabulair.  Set up my Outlook Express to manage Fabulair email.  Filled up water jugs.  Paid for my new brake pads.  I'm exhausted!

Now, I'm too tired to work more.  I have a 10:30 doctor's appointment, a 11:30 tax appointment, the LSAT student coming for tutoring, and more work to do in the afternoon and evening.

At least the apartment is pretty clean.  Tomorrow, I still have dusting to do, and the bathroom floor to clean.  Whew!

Okay, I'm pretty tired now, and I have to reboot.  Hopefully, I'll have more in the morning.

seraflame00's Yahoo! Profile

The first morning of "Freedom." 

Haven't started WORKING just yet, but have clipped out a number of emails, and done some online work.  I'm waiting to hear from Lance; he said he's coming over this morning.  Taxes have to be done today, loans worked on.  Plus, I have to go through all this CRAP I brought home from the office, and figure out where to PUT it all.  Bleh. 

Okay, so Lance is coming at noon.  I can spend my morning doing cleaning and organizing, so that I have something set up here that makes this place look a little less disorganized.  Since he's not coming for breakfast, I'll have to whip up some oatmeal now.

I got the original window sticker for the '73 Impy that I found on eBay yesterday.  It ROCKS!  I think it's the PERFECT car for me (timing, condition, equipment, color, etc.)   You can check it out for a few weeks at:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2485571883&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMEWA%3AIT

Brent just IMd.  Today is his birthday. 

I'm thinking of buying a new Palm.  They're making it nearly impossible to resist.  If I sign up for a 12 month subscription with some audio book company (annual price of $160) they'll give me $100 off, plus they'll ship it for free, and give me a $50 gift certificate for more Palm stuff if I ship them my old one back (which gives me something to do with it - it's been a good machine these last five years, but there is no support for it anymore.)  If I buy it by Friday, they'll include 32MB memory card for free.  So, the net out of pocket price is $99, I can have a year's worth of audio books to teach myself Spanish and re-fresh my German, and they'll essentially FINANCE the other $100 of the purchase price.

Okay, Lance is here and we're going to get to work.  More later.  Brent's coming over to celebrate his birthday later.

 

 

Well, it is truly over.  I could tell this morning that it wasn't going to go well when I walked into the office and Rick was behind the office door with the door locked and the lights off - like he was going to catch me doing something.

Short story - he brought Lance and me into the conference room, asked us to air our concerns, we said we already had, he said that they were going to have us work on the consulting business making sales calls.  For commission.  Only.  That we'd have to split.

So, I pointed out that it was a 180 degree turn from what I had been promised to induce me to come aboard.  He nodded.  So, I said "no."  He looked at Lance.  Lance said "no."  We packed up our stuff and were back at my apartment by 10:00.

Later today, Richard wrote to me and asked if this was going to interfere with our friendship.  Uh, no.  However .. your boyfriend IS sucking you dry, and has it set up to totally screw you.

He read it, but hasn't responded.

So, the apartment is now crowded with "stuff" from the office.  Again.

Oh, just a footnote - this evening, Curtis (who hasn't been mentioned here in a while - the construction worker who got married to a woman who was supposedly pregnant with his baby) called today - he was on his way back from Freeport in his boss' truck - could he come over and hang out?  And then, could I drive him up past Tomball home (about 60km each way)  Uh, no.  So, it turns out that he doesn't WANT to go home, because she'll chew on him when he just wants to sleep.  I said "well, you're the one who married her.  Deal with it."

The married guy Brent dropped by again today.  He just needs to get a grip and deal with the fact that he's a big old fag.

A sweet big old fag who likes to play golf, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Okay, I'm out of ideas.  I have a ton of work to do tomorrow.

Douglas J. Hord

Douglas J. Hord

God, more bizarre dreams last night.  Exhausting.  I don't even really remember what they were about last night.

Walking the dogs this morning, I got to thinking that I really don't want to split fees with MJV anymore, so I went to the ProSeries website and ordered up a demo package.  Seems that I can buy my own copy with a license for 50 returns for $250.  Why, that's less than what I'd have to give over to him for ONE big corporate return!  I just don't know if I can qualify through the background suitability check for being an e-filer, but I'm sure I can figure that out.

I have to get into the shower in 15 minutes to leave for "work."  I really don't want to go, but Lance and I have agreed that we'll both show up this morning.  I'm not doing any more meetings, and I'm not doing any more sales presentations, webinars, demos, nothing.  No more.

Anyway, Eric has taken on, unasked, the project of converting my douglashord.com website to a non-flash site; I'll be able to host google ads there and have a bunch more content over on that side.  He also suggested a "martinimotorist" website .. another avenue for me to have more google ads.

I don't know how long I'll be at "work" today - could be fairly short, and me coming home with a box full of my stuff.  Wouldn't hurt my feelings in the slightest.

The bread's done.  I should hit the sack here, but of course, I'm not sleepy.

I was talking to Mike - this terrific guy that I've known about three years.  He moved to Phoenix a few months back.  I was his "first" back about three years ago.  He'd come over, we'd have GREAT sex, and then he'd vanish for months.  Then, he'd roar back into life .. for a few hours .. and then vanish again.  Not willing to talk to me at all.

Since he's been in Phoenix, he's been much more communicative.  He's gotten "into" being submissive, sexually, and he likes me to talk to him in that fashion.  Then, he'll go into these moods where he talks to me like I'm a dirty old man, only interested in him for something he won't and can't give.  He tells me that he ran from me because I expected too much from him, wanted too much, and he couldn't be around that.

So, today, he tells me that I've put a "curse" on him, that he can't find anyone to have sex with.  And that he's open to being my boyfriend.

Where's the valium?

Jennifer Government: NationStates | Divo | Rio Gay Dinero

FabulAIR -- Taking off shortly!

gfn.com - Author Archives

JibJab

Baking bread.  I've accomplished little in the way of substantive work today; I still have to read for tomorrow evening's class, I have two movies to watch and send back.

Not a peep out of R&R this weekend.  Lance feels we should go in tomorrow morning, and see where things take us.  We're both committed to finding something else.

The church thing this morning went great.  I had no real "lesson" per se, I was just winging it.  I had no reference material, just was talking about how the freedom from worry (serenity) brought about opportunities and increasing our income to a level appropriate to our skill set and productivity.

Today, at lunch, I had a fortune cookie "Your professional experience is worth a huge fortune."

I like it!

In my post church nap period today, I had truly bizarre dreams.  I was wiped out when I woke up.  I was back in my high school (which was about six times the size of my actual high school) in the theater .. and running around from room to room .. for some reason, I think I was trying to find someone to have sex with, but it was just weird.  Part hunting, part running.  Anyway, there were these two guys that I met in a stairwell who were threatening.  I don't remember exactly what happened to the one, but the other .. well .. the police showed up to arrest him, and we were sort of engaged in sexual congress while the police officer was busy dealing with the other guy.

Then, I was in my father's house, which was across the street from Rick's house.  I kept going from one to the other.  Rick was totally threatening, and he kept screwing with my computer (shades of truth)  I was trying to get away, and I kept going to my dad's house for help, but he was busy with his wife and her friends.  Nicole kept trying to help me, but I felt aimless.

I woke up just .. stunned by it all.

Anyway .. that's the poop.  More in the morning.

 

Almost an hour before I have to jet to UTMB and teach cold from materials I haven't looked at in maybe three years.  Lovely.  Last night was INSANE.  I talked to Lance on the phone for more than an hour, found out that Rick is blaming ME for everything that's going wrong at the firm; they were my decisions, my recommendations, my inaction.. blah, blah, blah.

In talking to Lance, I realized last night that I've spent the last nearly seven years working for people for whom I had great responsibility, but no real authority.  John Frels, Judy, Valentine and now this.  Everyone expected me to produce everything, manage everything, handle everything, but they held the decision making power to themselves.

I was thinking last night (as I lay awake rolling things over in my mind) whether this was the big black hairy beast that my sister was hosing down in my dream the other night.  Certainly, Lance's presence in my life has made this pattern less tolerable.

Anyway, yesterday, I asked Scott Hardie if I could process loans for him (which I can do from home) and then, E suggested that I could handle his contract to process HUD records for public housing authorities.  It pays $1.85 a record, there are 50,000 records to input.  Or something like that.  Details at 11:00.

Not a peep out of R&R yesterday after the end of our unproductive conversation.  I had a mind to overnight my keys and my access card to them for Monday morning delivery.  I'm having lunch with Lance tomorrow to discuss our next moves.  Rick was glued to his side after the telephone convo, and was trying to paint me and Lance as the bad characters in this drama.  Lance (from his conversation with me) didn't give an inch, and kept tossing the scenarios back into Rick's lap.  However, Lance is pretty subtle, and I doubt that Rick would have taken in that he was having things put back on him, given his ability to blame others and never look at his own input.

So, I have a pattern, not yet fully identified (but I have until tomorrow morning to synthesize it and be able to do something with it) with lots of clues buzzing around.

Yesterday afternoon, Valentine was telling me that he couldn't believe that they would take advantage of me that way, at least HE treated me fairly.  I nearly spit out teeth.  In the conversation, he finally admitted that he had gone more than a year with me being on a fungible, undocumented pay promise, and that maybe I hadn't been treated properly.  I have written him an email, but haven't sent it yet.

I need to create a plan for myself, I guess.  I am so good at creating plans, and yet haven't done that for myself.

More later.

well, I just quit my "job" with Intelli-Source.

It's all about serenity, I guess.  I need to gestate on this some more.

Ah, the secret of success.  Get up early!  I woke up before 6:00 this morning, and instead of going back to sleep, I just got up.  It's 6:41 now, and I've walked the dogs, made the bed, vacuumed the bedroom, cleaned the patio windows, made coffee, read the paper, checked for new bank transactions, read my email, etc., etc.  Normally, I'd be still in bed contemplating whether I should be getting up just yet.

Another interesting dream last night.  I had a new house - which was really an old house, but newly mine.  A techie weirdo with 70's tastes and technology had inhabited it.  Like, in the master bedroom, every wall was COVERED with old telephones screwed to the wall.  A talking chicken, those old touch-tone phones in wood boxes, other figures, all cheek to jaw, covering all the walls, mixed in with electrical switches, distribution boxes, as far as the eye could see.  At first, I was overwhelmed by all the work to make the place MINE, at the end of the dream, I was checking through everything and deciding I could just pull all the stuff off the walls and sell it on eBay.  Anyway...

At the end of the dream, someone was knocking on the front door (I was living with a bunch of other people, well, housing them, actually, because it was clearly MY house) and someone was telling me that Lance had stirred up some big ugly scorpion thing, thinking it was a frog.  So, I went out into the front yard, and there was this HUGE black .. THING .. it looked like a movie version of an irradiated super-tarantula or something, with these big pinchers at its mouth - it was hairy, and it was chasing my sister, who was holding it off by spraying it in the face with a garden hose.

Anyhow, during the middle of all this, I was dreaming that I was wearing my fairy costume, and buzzing around the inside of some department store - flying, actually - it was hallowe'en, and I was dressed for that.  Or, was it Christmas?  One or the other.  There was this guy that I REALLY liked a lot, and he seemed to like me as well.  I kept trying to get close to him, and he was kind of receptive, and so my emotions went down THAT road - and then, he was buddying up with this OTHER guy, who was (in my judgment) cuter than I was, and I was feeling quite the lesser for it.  When I woke up, I was thinking "ah hah!"  THIS is the basis for my sentence (if you haven't done the ENTIRE Landmark/Forum programs, you'll have to ask me what this is) as it applies to men and dating.  So, now I have something to chew on there.

Oh, and in the middle of all THAT, there was this GORGEOUS (heterosexual and married) guy who was living in ths sort of refugee camp setup in the basement (little cubicles made up with plywood and curtains) who started an affair with me that was VERY rewarding.  Of course, he wasn't exactly available emotionally.  Fully.  Married, you know?  And I'm thinking "ah hah Ver. 2.01"  of the sentence and men.  I think I need to call Susan.  Or go spend a weekend with her.

Like this weekend.  THAT will work.

Okay, time to finish up this oatmeal, and get into the shower.  My opportunity to beat Rick into the office is fading.

20:40 and I JUST finished working.  I cleaned up the guest room, put files away, worked on loan files, made phone calls, sent off faxes, did emails.  I also scrubbed the bathtub (which I assert is FAR better than having sex with some idiot man who just wants his ticket punched) and the kitchen, pruned the house plants, had a meeting with new clients (who want me to run a TAB for God's sake.)  I hooked up the new trackball, put up Joe's computer (my old one,) put away books, files, dug through stuff that I needed to find, worked, worked, worked all damned day.

Vacuumed up the floor, changed vac bags, forgot to eat three times, have a ton of work lined out for tomorrow, still haven't reviewed the materials I'm teaching on Saturday morning, haven't STARTED to write my sermon from Sunday, although I've got some ideas.

BLISTERING headache.  I still have a full day's worth of work that needs doing, aside from Intelli-Source.

Had a dream about my sister this afternoon (during the should have eaten lunch nap) that made it clear I have some deep, foul, unresolved anger with her.  Time to let that stuff go.

The bed (filing table) in the guest room is STILL covered over, although it's much better than it was.  At least it's nice, ORGANIZED piles now.  Two tax returns, an FHA lender application, two credit files (well, three, but I'm thinking of sending one back.  Okay, well, FIVE) and the stuff I have to study for class on Saturday.  And the stuff I have to read for class on Monday.

Have I mentioned that I'd just love to take tomorrow off too?

The car needs waxed, Jackie needs to be clipped, shaved and bathed, I could really use getting these tax returns done, and studying for my class on Saturday.  Sounds like a full day already.

I wonder if my blood sugar will support me taking off tomorrow too?

Ah, Thursday.  Last Thursday, I took off to get caught up on work, and had to drive to Seabrook (which took all morning) then found that I couldn't really work on the tax returns, because I didn't have the print codes.  Blah, blah.  So, I called in "sick" today, and I'm going to get ALL caught up.  And cleaned up.  I am not going to try to get the car waxed, though, there is only SO much a guy can do.

It's SO nice and quiet here today.  I've realized yesterday that I'm packing my schedule in too tightly, and I have to give myself downtime away from everything just to keep re-charged.  So, I've started adding that into my schedule.

Travis called me yesterday!  He's such a cool guy - I hope I get to learn more about him.

Okay, time to finish the breakfast thing and get to working.

Wednesday morning.  The Brazilian is again beating me up about getting him a visa.  Every day, over and over.  The only thing he wants to talk about.  "Can you get me a sponsorship letter?"  "Are you going to get me a job there?"  He never asks me how I'm doing, except superficially.

What was I thinking?  That a man would actually be interested in me for me?  Get out the sharpie - time to cross out another one.

I feel awful today.  My blood sugar was only 56 this morning, two hours after I ate.  Below 60 is considered an emergency for someone who's young and NOT diabetic.  Lance got me some peanut butter crackers, which were okay, but now I'm feeling all hypo again.  I ran out of styrettes this morning, so I have to go home and pick some up to check again.  I think I'll stay home after I get there.

Stood up by four different men in three days.  I should just give up.

I want to be Fabulairing.

 

Tuesday morning - it's all about recruiting today.  I got here this morning at 8, which is a new record for me.
 
Forgot to set a reminder about my blood sugar, so I took it a half hour late.  It was 99, but it's hard to know what that meant about what it was 30 minutes earlier.
 
Working with the PC Recruiter program; it's very powerful, but you have to know the "magic" commands to make it work properly.
 
Can't connect to my PC at home for the second day.  Weird.  When I got home last night, it was online, and the software to connect to it was running.
 
Mickey canceled for tonight - I was expecting to hear that.  He got real quiet yesterday, so I figured it was coming.
 
Well, that just means I can do housework, study for my class on Saturday and work on other things.
 
Men SUCK.
 
I want to Fabulair.

Whither this blog taketh us this morning?
 
I was a busy bee this morning, taking out the trash, bringing in eight gallons of water from the car, setting up a big task list for today, planning the week out, etc.  Should have been up at 6:30 and I didn't get up until 7, so I was 15 minutes late for week.
 
Blood sugar today is 97, a very good number.
 
There is an extra $54 deposit in my bank account today; how strange.  
  
Had a phone call from the gate box at my apartment complex while I was seeing "Pirates of Penzance" with Nicole Saturday night.  A married guy I know, lives in Dallas, was in town, didn't tell me, came over for "servicing."  Wouldn't tell me last week he was coming, didn't leave a message.  What a creep.  I deleted him off my Yahoo list this morning.
 
I have the Mormon thoroughly frustrated.  He doesn't even want to talk anymore.  He's not working on his LSAT at all, but that's not my problem.
 
I'm supposed to be seeing Mickey tomorrow night to work on his credit, but he's not online today, which is a precursor for "I can't make it."  Again.
 
And I just bought new ceramic brake pads for Ruby on eBay pretty cheap.  :)
 
Okay, back to cranking on our business plan.  I'd rather be Fabulair-ing.

I feel like I have no clear idea of what I'm going to say in the morning, but I've been structuring it all week - I have my main ideas formulated, but my internet research today was fruitless - which means in the morning, I have to pull out BOOKS and search the INDICES and read.  Bleh.
 
I'm speaking on the "inevitability of the NOW" in the morning, tying quantum physics into our spiritual beliefs (which are NOT some pagan ritual, but soundly rooted in the Bible) and I have a basic idea of where I'm going to go with it, I just like to have some REFERENCES to support my statements.
 
Call me what you will.
 
I had the most bizarre dream I've had in .. well, a long time .. this afternoon during the post-teaching nap.
 
It started off with me trying to leave some place - it was dark, and there were steps that were treacherous and unlighted, and I kept having to retrace these steps .. and I kept losing my shoes.  I think that there has been an ongoing theme of losing my shoes for weeks, just haven't strung it together.
 
So, here I am, trying to get away from this place in the dark, and for some reason, it was like it was in my family's home town of Lake City, even though none of the locality was familiar.  Next to the stairs was this little sliding window in through the cinder block of the dark house, and I could see inside .. there was a very modest home in there .. not familiar to me. 
 
Anyway, somehow I was retracing my steps, and I was inside this funky place, and there were a number of people in it that I knew, but not from my life out here in reality.  Some of the people were talking among themselves, and some were paying attention to me.  All were mildly irritating.  One of the people was a chubby guy who felt everyone disliked him (probably because everyone DID) and he was sort of bouncing around doing stupid little things that were irritating.  And I kept losing my damned SHOES.
 
So, fat boy.  Irritating.  I kept trying to show him that it was his own behavior that was causing people to dislike him; that it was his own actions that he needed to be responsible for .. and he was like talking to a WALL.  (could this have anything to do with the Mormon who has been arguing against me all week about his religious beliefs - well, it's been more of a diatribe, as I won't engage in senseless argument)  Anyway, I lost my damned shoes AGAIN.  
 
So, I simply had to get out of there.  I hopped in [a car] and drove off.  Now, suddenly the surroundings changed from being Lake City (the little town that my family is from) to Grand Rapids (the city where I was born, about the size of Austin, Texas)   It was STILL dark, and I was trying to drive through downtown, which was very Batman (the movie) Gotham-like.  The police had all of the downtown streets blocked off, as someone was shooting a movie there, and I was blocked in.  Which irritated me quite a bit.  So, I cut across a plaza (around the cones) to get out of downtown, and there, the lead actor in the movie shot, was Bob Maddox of the Country Playhouse theater .. we were both surprised there for a moment, and I rocketed onward.
 
Except that I was back in the silly house, and the people in it were plagued by the fear that there was a wild animal loose in the house.  So, I looked through the house and there was nothing.  But, they insisted.  So, I looked again, turning on all the lights in the house, and there was a black lion hiding in the shadowy corner of one of the bedrooms.  So, I coaxed the lion out of the house (it wasn't acting very lion-y) and it started walking back and forth across the street on the sidewalk.

Except that then, it turned into a black bear like thing, and seemed more threatening, and the fire department showed up to deal with it.
 
Then, back to crawling up those damned steps in the dark, past the sliding window and the cinder block, which was now a convenience store, and they had M&Ms.  I was sneaking my hand in through the window to grab some M&Ms, and apparently, I had been doing this for some time.  SO, I had to go in for some reason, and I only wanted to buy a diet Coke with my debit card.  I thought that I'd just BUY some M&Ms to bring up the sales price to a more respectable level, and the woman charged me for SIX packages of M&Ms by mistake.
 
Hm.  Sort of cleared up my debt, huh?
 
So, I think I woke up around the time that the sales clerk acknowledged that she had made an error.
 
And I lay there, wondering what was all THAT about?
 
Any ideas?

Mid-week, morning, sunny - it hasn't rained since .. Sunday? Amazing. Ran around yesterday morning, paid the light bill, made a deposit, picked up a check ... got in about 9:05, and Rick was fit to be tied. He had Lance and I in for a little "meeting" to discuss our coming in from 8 to 5 - it was quite the clusterfuck. Everything turned out just fine, and we are more focused than we were.

Had lunch yesterday with Boris, which was wonderful - he's SUCH a great guy.

Worked hard yesterday, and then my "date" for last night said he wasn't coming. That's number four for him. He swears he wants to meet me tonight. Uh, busy.

Helped Luis the Brazilian with his visa application last night online for TWO hours, then he says he doesn't think I want him. Oh, God. So, around midnight last night, I was inspired, and wrote him that I was planning on losing 100 pounds - and sent him a picture of what I look like at the much reduced me. He, of course, professes to like old chubby guys .. we'll see what his reaction is today.

About to slam down the Mormon with the question "if homosexuality is a sin, why is it okay for you to use your sexual appeal to lure older gay men into giving and doing things for you for free?"

That should be fun.

Taking the day off from work today to - work. I have a bunch of tax returns that I must get in the mail today, and the other LSAT student is coming over at 6:30.

More later!

I DID IT!

I started watching a Netflix last night "Passenger 57" which was SO lame (am I predisposed to not like it because I decided based on the trailers back in 1992 that I'd hate it, or was it really just bad? Metaphysicians, you may weigh in now.) I was looking and Barney, his matted hair and how miserable he was, and I got up, grabbed the dog shears .. he's looking at me all "huh?" .. and I pulled his head guard off, then his collar, then he was REALLY surprised, and I started trimming all the clotted and matted hair off of him. He was VERY happy. Then, I grabbed the clippers, and lured him into the bathroom and shaved his back and belly - THEN, I put him in the tub, and scrubbed him three times. He was so happy. His skin (on his back) was all scaly, and when I scrubbed him, all the scabs and nastiness came off and his skin was just raw underneath. After he got out of the tub, he was much less anxious. I'll have to scrub him again in a few days.

Tonight is Jackie's turn.

I have to do a tax return that I started on last night, but must finish today. I'm picking up Guy this afternoon at IAH on his way home from Dominica.

I did a LOT of creative work on Fabulair last night. I have RFQs out for the logo and for photo shots of "personnel." I pretty much finalized the color scheme. Talked to the web developer last night. I have two local graphics artists to ask for quotes for a logo. I did more design work on the website layout and content. I asked Lance to help me create seat maps, and finalized the cabin layouts. Lance created the titles for me yesterday. I started nabbing images off the web that can serve as models for fleet photographs. I started making a list of people whose "endorsements" I want to get or buy. I'm going to approach RuPaul (whom my deceased ex-boyfriend was friends with) about being the "In Flight Fabulousness Designer." I'm going to approach Tom Filicia from "Queer Eye" about "designing" the interiors.

And, last night, I was thinking .. hey, if gay tour organizations can charter a whole CRUISE ship, why couldn't I put together an all gay "fabulair" charter to G&L Mardi Gras in Sydney?

And, guess who wrote up all the organizational documents for a travel agency back 12 years ago? Yep.

So. Now, I have to keep the pace up, start checking out ACMI operators, etc., etc. This is going to be a scream.

Also, last night, right after I got Barney dried off and re-hooded, the phone rings. It's Stevan, my dog groomer/house cleaner .. haven't talked to him in MONTHS. He has been sick .. again .. got fired from his job .. again. He was calling, though, because he hadn't seen me on Gay.com in weeks - and some people in the chat room were starting to gossip that I was DEAD. One rumor involved a heart attack, one a car accident, and the third a house fire. So, he was calling to see if I'd answer the phone. What a hoot.

Found PJ last night on Public Data. He's in TDJC until September 2005 - no release date posted. Holy cow. Apparently, his most recent brush with the law was aggravated assault.

Anyway, it's time to get to work - more later!

Monday, Monday .. I'm cutting class tonight to work on tax returns for clients, and to try to get more done at home than I already have. Blood sugar this morning was good, although I checked it late. I really need to clean up the dogs; I think that they are the source of most of my allergy trouble at home.

I woke up this morning at 4, 5, 6 and 7 .. I could have gotten up at 5:00, but by now I really would have been dragging. Bleh. I hope my sleep cycle isn't going haywire again.

Luiz from Brasil talked to me all weekend. He REALLY wants to move here. His job with Halliburton ended; I read that they were going to down-size their overseas staff, and two days later, his job ended. Amazing.

Guy comes home tomorrow afternoon.

Applying to out.com to be a contributor - we'll see where that leads. I can contribute articles about home ownership, travel, recruiting, whatever ..

I'm wrestling with the last of the business plan. Rick seems to be head down working on this job order we got in, and I think he's going to a hospital this afternoon to give them our presentation for review before our appointment with the big cheese.

On safari again!

How much fun was that. Saw Jarred .. he was his usual self. Mikey was a hoot. Worked Jarred over like a cheap nickel. Jarred apparently has a new cell phone - he gave me the number (which Mikey immediately tried, and it didn't seem to work) and I watched Jarred give his number to at least four other people at the bar in quick succession.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Anyway, had a pretty good day. Nicole signed me up for membership with CPH, and I'm working on organizing the 21st Century version of the French Revolution there come November.

Picked out the color schemes with Guy for Fabulair - he had some AWESOME ideas for the elements of the website. Talked to Timmy from Thos. Cook airlines today; I told him he was going to be in charge of "in-flight" as VP of In Flight Fabulousness. I also realized I need to write to RuPaul and ask his permission to use his name as the "trainer" for the flight attendants.

I'm very excited about that project.

Other than that, had the boy from Brazil ask me again about a visa for him. Took a big nap, and worked with one of my LSAT students from last September - he's making good progress. The Mormon hasn't been heard from all day.

Ah, it's Divo the SCREWED again. Bleh. This morning, I had an email from the woman that I've taught with for 14 years; she got me in at UH-CL, where I've been a contract instructor for six years. She withdrew from our contract gig at UH-CL about two years ago, because she got a job with Rice U, and didn't want to make the drive down there anymore. At that time, I offered to teach her four modules. I've taught them before, I'm qualified to do it, and the students uniformly love me. My student reviews are TOP NOTCH. Always have been. And, the woman that they hired to replace my friend (with three years' experience) is getting paid 15% more than I am. I've never had nor asked for an increase. So, I have to address this issue soon, and ask for a hefty increase.

Looks like the weekend will be a good one, anyway. The Mormon is frisky, again, and I've slapped him down pretty hard.

Just took the most HILLARIOUS quiz on the liquidgeneration.com website. Check it out! My movie villain character is Jack Torrance from "The Shining."

Poetry.Com: Free Poetry Contest, Poems, Publishing, Links and Chat

Lockheed Constellation and Super Constellation Survivors

Airline History Museum at Kansas City

Jennifer Government: NationStates

AIRLINERS.NET - Bringing Online Aviation To New Heights

Douglas J. Hord

FABULAIR

The BEST thing! After six years of trying, I was FINALLY able to register fabulair.com today! I've been wanting to make a creative, functional, "paper" airline website for years - back in 1998, I got an email from my employer (Big Fag) and it was a scream. I expanded on it, turned it into something .. and, the web domain was taken.

I have had a placeholder website for years - http://www.geocities.com/paxton006/FABULAIR.htm

I'm going to be working on this very soon - it's going to ROCK. I found out today that my geocities webpage is #1 on yahoo for AIRLINES! It's #1 on yahoo for Fabulair, and Google pulls it up, too. 708 hits since I put it up, 53 in November, 2003.

Anyway, off to do some more reading of "The Body of Jonah Boyd." It just turned for the better.

Ah, a Thursday - the day before Friday, and the day before the weekend. I am to hear from Richard in a short while about whether I can expect to get paid this week - and how much, and I was just told by Rick that the hours here are 8 to 5. Uh-huh.

And, I still am scrambling to figure out how to pay rent and utilities - and then, there's the car payment due in just over a week. AND ..

So, this is starting to irritate me. Why did I think I could work for/with this guy?

Ugh.

Nicole called last night - a number of people at CPH are lining up to create an insurgent backlash against the "powers that be" there - she asked if I wanted to play. YOU BET! How fun is THAT?

I had a dream last night (which reminds me, I should write to Chris about it) that somehow, an unpubished script/score from a very famous author (actually, it was a 400 year old British author, I think, but who cares?) that we put on at CPH as a world premiere. We had spruced up the theater, replaced the carpeting and the seats, everything that Nicole, Nancy and I ever talked about. We had a full house, and ran it for MONTHS. It was cool, this dream.

I walked out on stage for a curtain speech, and it was like "I'm baack!"

Rick is meeting with the guy that we're hiring to replace the other Nicole.

Lunch with Jeffrey today.

Mikey wants to meet earlier tonight to work out, which could be good for me, since I have to work on the tax returns that are waiting for me. I have to extend my friend Scooter, and go up to Austin to pick up his tax work, and get started on THAT. (sighs)

After the weekend, Guy is going to work with Mikey and me to develop a work-out plan and an eating plan for the next two months. He used to be heavier than I ever have been, and he's down to about 210, but very beefy, with big arms and chest - I'm excited about that!

Okay, back to working on the business plan.

Another day with rain in the forecast.

Lance and I are about to run out for Thai buffet - hopefully, they'll have tapioca today - then, back to work on the business plan, then home to work out with Mikey, Guy is coming over for Bad Movie Night, and I have to work on this loan application for MJV's tax scofflaw client. MJV is already trying to think of how he can keep ALL of the money on the deal - I know how he thinks after all these years.

Well, my next talk in church is "The Inevitability of NOW" - focusing on the impossibility of actually being in the past or the future; from a physics standpoint, we can only be where we are right now. So, I'm back in the swirl, but this time, probably for different reasons.

Lovely. I find out last night that my new employer association can't pay me the promised monthly sum, and also, the one I work with every day is sulking in my general direction because I wasn't here this morning at 8:30. You see, HE was late (nearly the identical amount of time I was) and so he was expecting me to be here to "cover" things.

I had asked for a partial check for this morning, and Richard said he'd send it with Rick, who is now (I assume) withholding it as a sign of his displeasure.

I have a new tax client to meet at the apartment at 12:30, hopefully he'll show up.

We're supposed to have some word on whether we have our sales presentation tomorrow (the first one - the one we've been waiting on for weeks) but, that information has not yet come through. Frankly, if I have to make a living on the side from home, I don't know why I should bother coming in here and giving my time away.

Rick has previously told me that he feels I should have "something at risk" for my participation in this business; of course, he lives rent-free, expense-free, grocery-free, medical-free and everything else free on Richard's back - he has NOTHING at risk - I have to generate everything for myself each month "on God's good humor" as I put it.

(insert comment about self-righteous, priviledged Republicans here)

Well!

Independence Day - and I was BRILLIANT in church this morning! I had my epiphany about 11:00 last night while walking the dogs - everything I was experiencing was about my "sentence" (the Landmark description for the self-definition that one lives ones truth out of.) I was experiencing a lot of swirl, but I just wasn't getting it until Friday and Saturday, when I had all that STUFF going on with getting paid, and people showing up, etc.

I didn't do but the roughest of outlines on what I had to say, pulled about six quotes together from A Course in Miracles, the bible, the Science of Mind and Troward's essays.

Got to church about 9:30 - the Lutherans across the street had taken over the ENTIRE parking lot. Parked around the corner, was the first and only one there until about 10:00, by which time I had set everything up. We only had six today; but, I was BRILLIANT. I had EVERYONE talking, asking questions, posing situations, giving examples. It was GREAT. Afterward, Rosita (one of the other board members) said that she was so enjoying the little environment that we have created that she hated missing a Sunday! She loves the conversation, and what we're working on!

After church, drove home, changed, walked the mutts, and drove out to Mikey's to have lunch (yum!) and see Spiderman 2. That was fun. Then, a quick visit to Jarred (who was swamped - the only bartender working) and then to R&R's for dinner and QAF, which was very very good. After that, I scrubbed Ruby down at a coin-op car wash, drove home, wiped down the car, walked the dogs and now .. hopefully, I can get some sleep!

Tomorrow, I've decided to focus on getting some of the integrity back - waxing the car, grooming the dogs, working on some document projects .. that will feel just great.

I think I'm losing it. I know I'm having an anxiety attack - wow. A long time since I've had to deal with one of those. We interviewed two people today to replace Nicole, who just quit to take a job with a much higher base and health insurance. The afternoon was totally absorbed with that. We went to lunch at Miyako (which I hate) for Nicole's going away meal, and sometime around then, I started feeling like I was coming un-done. By the time we got to the second interview, I started having white spots, and feeling very light headed. My vision started to narrow, and I thought I was having a stroke or something.

After we over-interviewed the woman who doesn't fit into our team or need for an hour, we went back and talked to Lance about compensating him for July - he was fine with that.

And I didn't get paid today. Okay, I'm all about trusting in the Universe, and that things will work out for me without drama - but what the fuck is going on?

Was talking to Guy today, and learned through him that Jaecub (who earlier today told me that he was too busy this weekend to even think about meeting up with me) had asked him if they could get together this weekend. Okay, I can handle that.

But, why did I get stood up tonight by not one, but TWO guys?

So, I'm sure that everything has something to do with my Sunday sermon - "Declare your Independence" but .. uh, could we have a little revelation here? In a big fat hurry?

The Mormon (whom guy has taken to calling "the moron") has backed off about a country mile. Which is fine, when that boy busts out of the closet, it's going to be MESSY. However, I'm done supporting his LSAT effort.

I have to really focus on preparing some tax returns and getting all of my side job integrity into place tomorrow. For one thing, I'm going to have to figure out SOME way to cover my obligations for the 1st, and for another thing, I have to make sure I don't have ANY integrity issues outstanding in order that I can try to move through this.

So, tomorrow is going to be a VERY busy day for me.

Friday before the 4th of July. Nearly three full days of R&R - which include cleaning house, catching up on side work, grooming the dogs (oh, my - I MUST do that) and being profound in church on Sunday. It's going to be great.

"Fuzzy" (the man from Oklahoma who wanted to move in) has again dropped off the map after my telling him that I was not interested in hosting/supporting someone again. He backed WAY off and said that he only wanted to meet and get to know each other. But, he hasn't been calling since.

The Mormon is continuing to withdraw; which is fine. I'm no longer throwing baggage for other people. The 72 hours of peacefulness starts in just a few hours. I'm quite excited about it.

"Hot Pants" (as my friend Yvette used to call him) is dating someone - I hear through the grapevine. Ah, well. He was something when we were together, but .. I'm not throwing baggage for other people.

On Sunday, I'm speaking about "Declaring Your Independence." I'm about 30% through designing my presentation - I have some readings from Troward and from Emerson and Holmes to dig out - and I'm probably going to find something out of "The Course in Miracles." Basically, I'm going to talk about releasing the past - from a quantuum physics and mental standpoint -

I wonder if I clean up the dogs and the apartment, if my allergies will stop plauging me?

Going on Safari Saturday night - just for a quick "Jarred" hit .. nothing expected, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I could say a lot more about how crappy men are in general, but I'm sort of in mid-swirl with "declaring my independence," and I'm not clear how it's all going to shake out. Just a lot of emotional noise to be sifted through.

Ah, Tuesday. I may actually have a night OFF tonight. Our business meeting for tonight appears to have been rescheduled for Thursday night, and I could do something radical. Like trying to get caught up on my side work.

I'm the only one here in the office this morning so far - I just made some coffee, and I have to crack open our business plan and start working on it.

Class last night - again, I was left with the feeling that I've moved past the people who are around me - that they're at a level I was more than a year ago. It's kind of cool, but weird at the same time.

Everything that we were discussing about Troward last night made perfect sense to me; I was making connections on how the material inter-related, and the other people in the class were making connections about the material itself, and asking questions about how it related to basic concepts. It's hard to explain.

Fuzzy [the David from Oklahoma who wanted to come be my "house boy" more than a month back] called and IMd yesterday; seems he has another housing crisis. He called again last night after class, blah, blah, blah. I just know if I let him through the door, he's going to be "sticky."

Another day of scheduled rain .. my poor car. I need to make a run to Wally World at lunch to pick up more dog food and a few other things.

Well, I must off to my business plan..

Another rainy day - thundershowers all day. I don't remember this many consecutive days of rain and clouds since I've lived here.

I've got a slow start on today, for sure.

Missed a phone call from T last night - I can't imagine what he was calling about so late.

Had an email from the mormon last night asking me if I thought he was gay. As in "are you hitting on me?" I think I gave him both barrels. I didn't read his response this morning, I'm not sure I care to. I never did answer the question, either.

Saw "The Stepford Wives" last night with Nicole. That was fun.

Okay, I'm late, and I should already be in the car driving to work, so I'm off. Someone build me an ark with leather seats, a great stereo and a supercharger?

Another rainy day - have we woken up in Seattle somehow? Strange. It rained like crazy last night, and then overnight, and then this morning again ..

Worked out with Mikey last night for a while - did about five minutes on the stair master, and about DIED. I was so wiped out last night after he left that I sat down and fell asleep. For two hours.

Hm. Youngsters, don't let yourselves get out of shape. It's too hard to get it back.

Seeing a movie with Nicole tonight - "The Stepford Wives." "Farenheit 9/11" comes out this weekend, and I really want to see that. Michael the Peeler comes in tomorrow, and will be here until Sunday.

Got my hair cut today - YAY! I've spent my day reading articles to support our marketing effort, and now I'm about to pick up a book and start plowing through it to the same end. I have to start doing my reading for class on Monday, and I promised the Mormon that I would go through the Emerson quote I sent him and explain what the heck it was I was trying to say .. more work!

And, I have to run by the child care place, pick up their taxes and work on them this weekend. T is changing my spark plugs for me Saturday, and the parade is Saturday night. I've invited R&R to join us for the parade, and there's a chance they may actually do that.

I have two netflix movies that I haven't tried to watch, and another that should be there today. Yikes! And tomorrow night, a board meeting - so no movie watching then.

Somehow, this will all come together ..

Jejune. Wow. Class tonight was awesome. I hadn't read a THING (which I will touch on in a moment,) but still got a LOT out of the class using my tried-and-true approach of scanning ahead to the next passage, quickly reading the material we're about to cover, and then synthesizing with the ongoing conversation to say something brilliant.

Which I'm not committed to, in this pursuit, but it worked for tonight. Jesse (the minister) came up after the class was over, gave me a hug and said he was REALLY glad that I was in the class. That was cool.

And, tonight, three minutes before the class ended, I was able to find my reply to David (the Mormon's) relation of his spiritual beliefs (which are .. well. Yikes.)

I tried to track Jarred down today to encourage him to call Maureen the immigration attorney; without success. I left him a VM on the placebo number; perhaps he'll actually retrieve it.

Came home from my second effort at finding Jarred to find a whiny email from David (the Mormon) about my complaint yesterday at his statement that we could no longer hang out, only study. I was feeling all supercharged from my class, so I wrote QUITE the reply back. We'll see what that generates.

I've committed to starting walking with Lisa in the morning at 7:00 - yeek. And, tomorrow after work, I'm walking again with Mikey.

About that whole "declare your independence" thing for the 4th of July "talk," I'm cooking up some great ideas. Tonight's class was so LIBERATING. We distinguished that it's okay to have random disaster/illness/whatever fantasies - it's just like watching a scary movie. You can enjoy it, and then just shrug it off - it doesn't mean you've created that as reality.

And, we talked about being in the moment with things - like new relationships and new experiences - not mapping out the possible scenarios and pre-judging how things are going. About a world view that is either hostile (my heritage) or friendly (my developing trend.) It was just .. wow. Validating. I felt like I was again on the right path.

Earlier today, I started feeling like this new gig might run out of money before we hit some success, but after class tonight, I was able to put that all away.

More tomorrow .. hasta

Monday, Monday -

Had an interesting email from the Mormon (David) last night - he's no longer able to "hang out" with me, as his schedule is too busy. Probably for the best; he's going to be one tortured puppy.

And David (fuzzy) called several times Friday, looking to be rescued. No return phone number, and he stopped calling after about 15 minutes. Not persistent.

Got the kitchen swamped out, which was good, got all the ceramic ducks that Jenny gave me five years ago off the patio this morning, and went food shopping with Mikey on Saturday - blew the entire contents of my wallet at the Wal-Mart. So, my refrigerator is FULL of food, which is a wild rarity. Tomorrow morning, I'm scrubbing the bathroom, and then my apartment will be mostly clean. For a few days.

Michael the peeler comes in this week to work for Pride weekend. I've invited Larry down from Dallas, but we'll see where that goes.

I'm mentally preparing for my talk in two weeks about declaring one's independance. What should I declare my independance from? Hm.

Had a young man from Brazil send me an email a few weeks ago - he says he likes me; works for .. well, the big, nasty construction contractor that's in the news so much lately. Wants to come for a visit. Seems needy, but nice. Asked me if I'd help pay for the ticket over the weekend.

Uh, no.

I'm feeling blase this morning for no apparent reason. Just not my usual, skippy self. I'll survive.