I picked up my new Automobile magazine from the mailbox today. I didn't look at it until Nick was nearly in Harris County, and then, I find a six page wrap-up article about the Four Seasons test they did with a VW Phaeton. They LOVED it, aside from the awful dealer service, and the electrical gremlins. LOVED it. "Seats from the Gods."
Nick saw one on the interstate this morning just before he got to Little Rock. He's now very excited about them, also.
Nick got here at about 5:30. He came in the door and a glitter bomb of a smile burst across his face. He's very happy. He has his favorite blankie and pillows, and he's made himself a nest on the sofa.
Lisa (from church) has set herself up with IM so that she and I can talk all the time. That's just so damned awesome. She's terrific to talk to; I'm so lucky that I've got her in my life.
So, a hooker update. The hooker was working me over earlier today, and he told me he wanted to come over and do the work that I had hired him to do months ago. After some to-ing and fro-ing, it came to pass that he was going to do it to clear the slate - not for new money. Blah, blah - he wants to "hang out" and take me to lunch and such. Yeah, whatever Mary Francis. He tells me some guy is going to pick him up and bring him into town, and he'll be over around 2:00. Then, around 2:00, he calls and says it's going to be about 4:00. He calls again around 6:00 and says "things have come up."
Well, it seems that these things are that his trick took him to an hourly motel, and after two and half hours of fooling around, the trick ditched him without paying him. He was there with no money and no ride, and he starts text messaging me asking me for a ride home. This went on for a few hours, and it got funnier and funnier (to me.) I haven't yet had a chance to suggest to him that perhaps karma was returning to him the behavior he's already demonstrated. Anyway, he's now clear that I'm not coming to get him, and I guess he's finding someone to take care of his needs.
Okay, it's pretty much time to take the dogs outside, and then hit the sack. I didn't get a nap today.
DJHJD
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Saturday morning in a heap of mess
Yesterday, as I said partially, I went through EVERY box, drawer, closet, and enclosed space in the apartment, looking for things that were no longer needed. In so doing, I found about 60 floppy diskettes that were repositories of old data. This morning, I'm going through each one of them, and reformatting them. I just found some grant application materials on one of them; if I'm really lucky, I'll find my hate crime grant from 2000.
The hooker is on instant messenger and working me over like I'm some addle brained wheezer. He wants me to pick him up, bring him back here, let him do some work (for money.) However, I've already paid him to do all of this for me, and gotten nothing but insults and nastiness for my assistance. He's being all sweet and semi-flirtatious. He must have needs.
Around 4:30 p.m.
I've gone through more than 100 old floppy diskettes, and moved files, reformatted, thrown out and destroyed the ones that wouldn't read. That's taken a long time. Went to the gym with Lance. Then, to lunch with CP and Lance; then back here. I need to walk up to CVS real quick; I guess I'll do that now.
After CVS
Nick's nearly in town - he just called about dinner, and said some friend of his (who was about to leave town or something) was saying that he's going to stop at that friend's house and pick up something Italian in the way of food that this guy has made for him.
Picked up lancettes for the first time in nearly a week. My BG has been creeping up again; I needed to be able to check it.
Have to sort through pictures and periodicals (that I've been in) and then I'll have everything SORTED. Hopefully, Nick can start making some progress with putting all of this stuff out on eBay and selling a bunch of it FAST.
I can then focus on making some money, and stop thinking about all this nonsense.
I'm spending part of tomorrow afternoon with Lisa after church to work on old emotional baggage. I am looking forward to that.
The hooker is on instant messenger and working me over like I'm some addle brained wheezer. He wants me to pick him up, bring him back here, let him do some work (for money.) However, I've already paid him to do all of this for me, and gotten nothing but insults and nastiness for my assistance. He's being all sweet and semi-flirtatious. He must have needs.
Around 4:30 p.m.
I've gone through more than 100 old floppy diskettes, and moved files, reformatted, thrown out and destroyed the ones that wouldn't read. That's taken a long time. Went to the gym with Lance. Then, to lunch with CP and Lance; then back here. I need to walk up to CVS real quick; I guess I'll do that now.
After CVS
Nick's nearly in town - he just called about dinner, and said some friend of his (who was about to leave town or something) was saying that he's going to stop at that friend's house and pick up something Italian in the way of food that this guy has made for him.
Picked up lancettes for the first time in nearly a week. My BG has been creeping up again; I needed to be able to check it.
Have to sort through pictures and periodicals (that I've been in) and then I'll have everything SORTED. Hopefully, Nick can start making some progress with putting all of this stuff out on eBay and selling a bunch of it FAST.
I can then focus on making some money, and stop thinking about all this nonsense.
I'm spending part of tomorrow afternoon with Lisa after church to work on old emotional baggage. I am looking forward to that.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Well, I'm not quite done with it all yet
But, I've pulled nearly a Phaeton trunk load of crap out to be listed/sold on eBay. I have to get up in the closet yet and pull out some MORE stuff. I've created some more shelf space in the den closet, which I have to fill up with file storage boxes, and then I'll move stuff around in MY closed, and haul out some more .. stuff.
Nick is on his way. He's very emotional; I like that he can express himself so easily. I also like it that, if nothing else, he'll list and manage the sales of all of this STUFF for me. I need to see what else I can ditch here. Yurg. I just have so DAMNED MUCH STUFF that I never use. NOT FOR MUCH LONGER.
Nick is on his way. He's very emotional; I like that he can express himself so easily. I also like it that, if nothing else, he'll list and manage the sales of all of this STUFF for me. I need to see what else I can ditch here. Yurg. I just have so DAMNED MUCH STUFF that I never use. NOT FOR MUCH LONGER.
Friday - work to do
And, I don't mean the paperwork kind. It's slower than molasses in a Vermont winter on the phone, since the Veteran's Day holiday is being observed.
Nick has called, called again, "fallen asleep," called again and says he's about to get onto the road. He called while I was on the phone with the hooker, who was saying he needed a "friend" to talk to.
The hooker, it seems, is VERY happy with his sugar daddy. He speaks of the two of them as a couple. When I pointed that out to him, he got very weird about it. He says that "they" are moving to Galveston Island in January. He also talked about me having wanted him to move in with me, and how he almost did it, and how that was the problem with the sugar daddy. Wow. The way people can adjust their interpretation of what really happened to fit their own stories.
I'm pulling out more stuff to put in my eBay sale (that starts tomorrow!) Nick, when I told him I was getting it all ready to list on eBay, whined "what am I supposed to do?" I replied that I had no idea where he would be, or when he would get here, and that I was making contingency plans.
Anyway, I need to get back to it.
Nick has called, called again, "fallen asleep," called again and says he's about to get onto the road. He called while I was on the phone with the hooker, who was saying he needed a "friend" to talk to.
The hooker, it seems, is VERY happy with his sugar daddy. He speaks of the two of them as a couple. When I pointed that out to him, he got very weird about it. He says that "they" are moving to Galveston Island in January. He also talked about me having wanted him to move in with me, and how he almost did it, and how that was the problem with the sugar daddy. Wow. The way people can adjust their interpretation of what really happened to fit their own stories.
I'm pulling out more stuff to put in my eBay sale (that starts tomorrow!) Nick, when I told him I was getting it all ready to list on eBay, whined "what am I supposed to do?" I replied that I had no idea where he would be, or when he would get here, and that I was making contingency plans.
Anyway, I need to get back to it.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Thursday evening post-class
Wow - what a class. We talked about many things, but I got so MANY pearls of wisdom - I hope that I can remember them all.
Debbie talked about, in business - energy attracts energy. That was powerful - then, we distinguised that we attracted people into our lives that push us - and that when they do push us, we have to look at how the events or person makes us FEEL. Then, we can develop what we WANT to feel, and start to attract situations and persons that support that desire.
I have a lot of journaling to do. Maybe later.
Nick is, of course, indulging in more drama. Now, he's going to leave in the morning. At some point, he'll stop calling and telling me what is inhibiting him from leaving, and either confess that he's not coming or tell me he's on the way.
In the meantime, I'm going to spend time thinking about what I want to feel - and work on that.
Oh, I think it's time for some sleep.
Debbie talked about, in business - energy attracts energy. That was powerful - then, we distinguised that we attracted people into our lives that push us - and that when they do push us, we have to look at how the events or person makes us FEEL. Then, we can develop what we WANT to feel, and start to attract situations and persons that support that desire.
I have a lot of journaling to do. Maybe later.
Nick is, of course, indulging in more drama. Now, he's going to leave in the morning. At some point, he'll stop calling and telling me what is inhibiting him from leaving, and either confess that he's not coming or tell me he's on the way.
In the meantime, I'm going to spend time thinking about what I want to feel - and work on that.
Oh, I think it's time for some sleep.
Thursday madness
So, the cable guy was here this morning at 7:30. The appointment was from 8 to 10, so I guess that was pretty good. =) I've been on the phone with Nick for an hour, counseling him about all this Carlos drama. He claims that he's leaving tonight for Houston. I'm not holding my breath.
In a moment, I'm going to shower, clean up the kitchen, throw the sheets into the laundry, and then re-wire the stereo rack. THEN, I'll work work.
I guess the hooker must be seriously jonesing for drugs, 'cause he's after me this morning awfully early.
In a moment, I'm going to shower, clean up the kitchen, throw the sheets into the laundry, and then re-wire the stereo rack. THEN, I'll work work.
I guess the hooker must be seriously jonesing for drugs, 'cause he's after me this morning awfully early.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Wednesday evening stuff
Okay, for everyone who wants the Nick report - he's gone incommunicado again. I have no idea what's going on.
I spent hours today cleaning the house. I had some control over that process, so I did it fully. Moved out the refrigerator and scrubbed underneath it. Scrubbed the bathroom floor. Dusted everything. Scrubbed the kitchen sinks. Cleaned out the refrigerator. I did do some work on the Fabulair business plan. I have more of that to do in the morning.
PEK found me a consultant and potential investor, with whom I spoke today. That's a wonderful movement forward. I'm not all excited about it, but I wish I was. Maybe I'll get there. I don't get excited about much. Not anymore.
Tomorrow, I think I'll scrub the dogs. And the car. And spot clean the carpeting. And work on the business plan.
I spent hours today cleaning the house. I had some control over that process, so I did it fully. Moved out the refrigerator and scrubbed underneath it. Scrubbed the bathroom floor. Dusted everything. Scrubbed the kitchen sinks. Cleaned out the refrigerator. I did do some work on the Fabulair business plan. I have more of that to do in the morning.
PEK found me a consultant and potential investor, with whom I spoke today. That's a wonderful movement forward. I'm not all excited about it, but I wish I was. Maybe I'll get there. I don't get excited about much. Not anymore.
Tomorrow, I think I'll scrub the dogs. And the car. And spot clean the carpeting. And work on the business plan.
Hump day
Started off not sleeping this morning and coming in here to work on the computer a while. At 5:00 in the morning, Barney (the black dog) decides that he needs this program to be about him, and he starts whining and making noise. Now, this is two hours prior to the time that he normally would be attended, and I just ignored him.
So, a few minutes into this, I hear him peeing on the tile floor in the kitchen. This REALLY pisses me off, as he's been peeing on the floor since 1992 to get his way, and so I just left him/them in there until 8:30. I probably am not winning any battles, but it's making me feel a bit better.
I went back to sleep after this event (which is one of the reasons that they had to wait until 8:30) and had the revelation that I was looking for. I'm not going to go into it here, much, but it factors into my choices and the men I associate with, plus the clients that I attract, including mortgage lenders and mortgage company operations.
Very fun stuff.
This morning is not exactly going my way, so I think I'll do something that I have some control over, such as scrubbing the floors.
So, a few minutes into this, I hear him peeing on the tile floor in the kitchen. This REALLY pisses me off, as he's been peeing on the floor since 1992 to get his way, and so I just left him/them in there until 8:30. I probably am not winning any battles, but it's making me feel a bit better.
I went back to sleep after this event (which is one of the reasons that they had to wait until 8:30) and had the revelation that I was looking for. I'm not going to go into it here, much, but it factors into my choices and the men I associate with, plus the clients that I attract, including mortgage lenders and mortgage company operations.
Very fun stuff.
This morning is not exactly going my way, so I think I'll do something that I have some control over, such as scrubbing the floors.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Doctor idiot - ver. 268174.01
Yep. That's me. Larry was right, I was wrong. He's not coming. He hasn't even got the decency to tell me what the big drama is all about ... only that "he's had the worst two days of his life."
Aw.
Taking a Brainbench test on real estate finance. The questions are very technical and obnoxious.
Aw.
Taking a Brainbench test on real estate finance. The questions are very technical and obnoxious.
WHAT TEACHERS MAKE
The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher. Be honest. What do you make?"
Having a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?
"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
"You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention because they just didn't learn."
I paused and continued. "You want to know what I make?
'I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.'
What do you make?"
"Teachers make every other profession possible!"
He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher. Be honest. What do you make?"
Having a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?
"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.
"You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention because they just didn't learn."
I paused and continued. "You want to know what I make?
'I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.'
What do you make?"
"Teachers make every other profession possible!"
We can't help who we fall in love with
Steve Blow:We can't help who we fall in love with
08:27 AM CST on Sunday, October 30, 2005
I saw Sandra Bullock interviewed on TV recently, and a question came up about her unlikely marriage to Jesse James.
I'm sure you know Ms. Bullock, all perky and cute. You may not know Mr. James, all coarse and tattooed. He builds motorcycles for a living and became a TV star in the process.
So Ms. Bullock explained the unusual way she realized she wanted to marry this outlaw.
She attended a car race he was in. He crashed during the race and was badly injured. She ran to the ambulance and discovered that as his girlfriend or live-in or whatever, she was just a face in the crowd, legally speaking.
Excuse her language, but she said: "I was so pissed off that I had no legal say. None! And I knew from the moment I got into that ambulance ... that I was in for the long haul with him. That was a huge deciding factor for me."
Well, her story probably won't be a huge deciding factor in the upcoming election, but it struck me as going to the very heart of this gay-marriage amendment.
Neither you nor I may understand homosexuality. But I'll bet we both understand Ms. Bullock's moment of realization that she wanted to officially be part of Mr. James' life. Forsaking all others, she wanted to be one with him.
And that's really all this boils down to -- whether two adults ought to be able to legally entwine their lives into one.
Love is funny, isn't it? I'm sure Ms. Bullock can't explain why she was drawn to rough-and-tumble Jesse James. She just was.
I can't explain why dark-haired, headstrong women appeal to me so much. But they do. And I'm sure happy with the one who plighted me her troth, whatever that means exactly.
Love plays its funniest joke on gay people. For reasons neither they nor science can explain, the heart draws them to people of the same sex.
It's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's just another wrinkle in funny old love.
As I have observed the long, long debate over homosexuality, it sure seems like society has pulled a double-cross on gay folks.
In the beginning, you often heard opponents portray all gays as outrageous, wanton, sex-obsessed creatures.
That description certainly didn't fit the mass of gay and lesbian couples living quiet, faithful lives.
Yet when that segment of the gay community stepped forward to decry promiscuity and champion committed relationships, the critics suddenly reversed course.
Oh, no! they screamed. You can't have what we have! Marriage is only for men and women.
So gay folks are blasted for being promiscuous on the one hand and blasted for wanting to legally marry on the other.
Talk about a no-win situation.
Many people I respect seem caught in a semantic quandary. They believe that gays deserve fair treatment. But they are deeply troubled by expanding marriage to include same-sex couples.
For me, it boils down to a pretty simple "duck" test. (You know, "if it quacks like a duck ...") Gay couples I know have relationships that sure quack and waddle in a very familiar way, one I call "marriage."
To me, marriage is about commitment, not plumbing.
But I understand that society changes in stages. So if it's just words that hang people up, then fine, let's find some new ones for this new territory. Fairness is the real issue here, not vocabulary.
And that's where Proposition 2 goes wrong. This amendment goes far beyond defining marriage. In a case of overkill, it goes on to deny gay people "any legal status identical to or similar to marriage."
Did you get that swipe?
Forget about marriage, the amendment tells gay couples, and also forget any other legal commitment that even smells like marriage.
Look, I can't explain love. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James? That will always be a mystery to me. Gay couples may baffle you even more.
But should we deny them the right to unite their lives -- just because we don't understand?
08:27 AM CST on Sunday, October 30, 2005
I saw Sandra Bullock interviewed on TV recently, and a question came up about her unlikely marriage to Jesse James.
I'm sure you know Ms. Bullock, all perky and cute. You may not know Mr. James, all coarse and tattooed. He builds motorcycles for a living and became a TV star in the process.
So Ms. Bullock explained the unusual way she realized she wanted to marry this outlaw.
She attended a car race he was in. He crashed during the race and was badly injured. She ran to the ambulance and discovered that as his girlfriend or live-in or whatever, she was just a face in the crowd, legally speaking.
Excuse her language, but she said: "I was so pissed off that I had no legal say. None! And I knew from the moment I got into that ambulance ... that I was in for the long haul with him. That was a huge deciding factor for me."
Well, her story probably won't be a huge deciding factor in the upcoming election, but it struck me as going to the very heart of this gay-marriage amendment.
Neither you nor I may understand homosexuality. But I'll bet we both understand Ms. Bullock's moment of realization that she wanted to officially be part of Mr. James' life. Forsaking all others, she wanted to be one with him.
And that's really all this boils down to -- whether two adults ought to be able to legally entwine their lives into one.
Love is funny, isn't it? I'm sure Ms. Bullock can't explain why she was drawn to rough-and-tumble Jesse James. She just was.
I can't explain why dark-haired, headstrong women appeal to me so much. But they do. And I'm sure happy with the one who plighted me her troth, whatever that means exactly.
Love plays its funniest joke on gay people. For reasons neither they nor science can explain, the heart draws them to people of the same sex.
It's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's just another wrinkle in funny old love.
As I have observed the long, long debate over homosexuality, it sure seems like society has pulled a double-cross on gay folks.
In the beginning, you often heard opponents portray all gays as outrageous, wanton, sex-obsessed creatures.
That description certainly didn't fit the mass of gay and lesbian couples living quiet, faithful lives.
Yet when that segment of the gay community stepped forward to decry promiscuity and champion committed relationships, the critics suddenly reversed course.
Oh, no! they screamed. You can't have what we have! Marriage is only for men and women.
So gay folks are blasted for being promiscuous on the one hand and blasted for wanting to legally marry on the other.
Talk about a no-win situation.
Many people I respect seem caught in a semantic quandary. They believe that gays deserve fair treatment. But they are deeply troubled by expanding marriage to include same-sex couples.
For me, it boils down to a pretty simple "duck" test. (You know, "if it quacks like a duck ...") Gay couples I know have relationships that sure quack and waddle in a very familiar way, one I call "marriage."
To me, marriage is about commitment, not plumbing.
But I understand that society changes in stages. So if it's just words that hang people up, then fine, let's find some new ones for this new territory. Fairness is the real issue here, not vocabulary.
And that's where Proposition 2 goes wrong. This amendment goes far beyond defining marriage. In a case of overkill, it goes on to deny gay people "any legal status identical to or similar to marriage."
Did you get that swipe?
Forget about marriage, the amendment tells gay couples, and also forget any other legal commitment that even smells like marriage.
Look, I can't explain love. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James? That will always be a mystery to me. Gay couples may baffle you even more.
But should we deny them the right to unite their lives -- just because we don't understand?
Tuesday - up in the air, Junior Birdmen!
Ah, the joys of self-employment. Today, I have more clean up paperwork to accomplish, I need to re-load my "to-do" list, and work on Fabulair.
And, today, I think I'm going to start accumulating a pile of stuff to sell on eBay and Craig's List. It's just time for a big ol' clearance sale.
Not a peep from Nick since last night at 20:00, when he said that he was still in Columbus (where Carlos is) but that he was definately coming down today.
Uh-huh.
Okay, time to get productive and pro-active.
And, today, I think I'm going to start accumulating a pile of stuff to sell on eBay and Craig's List. It's just time for a big ol' clearance sale.
Not a peep from Nick since last night at 20:00, when he said that he was still in Columbus (where Carlos is) but that he was definately coming down today.
Uh-huh.
Okay, time to get productive and pro-active.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Monday post #2
Well, I feel a bit better, having cleared through my task list for today, and processed most of the paper lingering about. Tomorrow, I only have to work on the Fabulair business plan. And maybe some dusting. And floor cleaning.
Meeting Guy in about 90 minutes for a walk around Memorial Park.
I got out a Fabulair omnibus email this afternoon that I've been thinking about for a few days. That made me feel a lot better.
Got a model of a Phaeton in the mail today - I bought it on eBay a few days ago. It has the four seat package! Very cool. It's attached to its base - I'll have to figure out how to unattach it so I can fiddle with it some.
Watching a Peter Sarsgaard movie - "Center of the World." Very interesting stuff. It started out fast, and now it's kind of a cross between 9 1/2 weeks and Blade Runner. Which isn't to say something kind about it.
Nick leaves for Houston in the morning - It's going to take him nearly 24 hours to drive down here.
Hopefully, once he gets here, he can start loading up all my stuff onto eBay and get more space cleared out here. I keep finding stuff that I can unload. I think maybe tomorrow, I'll take a BIG pass through here and collect a bunch of stuff to list and sell.
Meeting Guy in about 90 minutes for a walk around Memorial Park.
I got out a Fabulair omnibus email this afternoon that I've been thinking about for a few days. That made me feel a lot better.
Got a model of a Phaeton in the mail today - I bought it on eBay a few days ago. It has the four seat package! Very cool. It's attached to its base - I'll have to figure out how to unattach it so I can fiddle with it some.
Watching a Peter Sarsgaard movie - "Center of the World." Very interesting stuff. It started out fast, and now it's kind of a cross between 9 1/2 weeks and Blade Runner. Which isn't to say something kind about it.
Nick leaves for Houston in the morning - It's going to take him nearly 24 hours to drive down here.
Hopefully, once he gets here, he can start loading up all my stuff onto eBay and get more space cleared out here. I keep finding stuff that I can unload. I think maybe tomorrow, I'll take a BIG pass through here and collect a bunch of stuff to list and sell.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Sunday evening hooker drama
Plus, Angel Season Two.
The hooker - what a hoot! He's been messaging me like CRAZY, wanting me to drive out there and .. well, pay him for sex. Which is why he's a hooker.
Talking to Nick. Oh, what an idiot I am. Again. Version 931006.01. I think I should probably run in the other direction when I find someone attractive.
Enough on that. I told him straight out that I don't think he's going to do anything to help me with Fabulair, with anything that I've asked him to help me with. I didn't use the words "I think that the money I paid you is going to go for naught." However, I did say that in an email that he apparently hasn't read yet.
I also told him that until he stops feeling like he deserves to be treated the way Carlos has treated him, he'll only be attracted to men such as he, and that someone like me, who wants to treat him like a prince, won't stand a chance, because he can't see himself as being worth that.
I got myself all empowered about Fabulair, and now I've talked myself back out of it. I've started thinking about all the people who promised that they'd help with specific tasks, and then done nothing. Some of those fine people later criticized me for not having more accomplished. I thought about how long it's taken to accomplish simple things, like the calendar plug-in, and how I've tried to find people to help me research out the calendar data, only to be presented with three or four entries, and ..
What is it in me that fails to inspire people to participate in this idea?
What is it in me that has people only wanting to criticize without suggestion?
What is it in me that has people want to stop communicating with me entirely?
What is it in me that I keep attracting people who don't keep their word?
I don't know.
So, perhaps the thing to do is to abandon Ken Doll, and the other people who have previously volunteered a willingness only through their speaking, and not through their action, start over with a team of people who are getting paid (once I find some money for the thing,) and just not worry about who's unwilling to participate. Find a new team. Attract some new energy and some new people.
And, I think also I should go to bed. I have a lot to accomplish tomorrow, not the least of which is scrounge up a bunch of cash.
The hooker - what a hoot! He's been messaging me like CRAZY, wanting me to drive out there and .. well, pay him for sex. Which is why he's a hooker.
Talking to Nick. Oh, what an idiot I am. Again. Version 931006.01. I think I should probably run in the other direction when I find someone attractive.
Enough on that. I told him straight out that I don't think he's going to do anything to help me with Fabulair, with anything that I've asked him to help me with. I didn't use the words "I think that the money I paid you is going to go for naught." However, I did say that in an email that he apparently hasn't read yet.
I also told him that until he stops feeling like he deserves to be treated the way Carlos has treated him, he'll only be attracted to men such as he, and that someone like me, who wants to treat him like a prince, won't stand a chance, because he can't see himself as being worth that.
I got myself all empowered about Fabulair, and now I've talked myself back out of it. I've started thinking about all the people who promised that they'd help with specific tasks, and then done nothing. Some of those fine people later criticized me for not having more accomplished. I thought about how long it's taken to accomplish simple things, like the calendar plug-in, and how I've tried to find people to help me research out the calendar data, only to be presented with three or four entries, and ..
What is it in me that fails to inspire people to participate in this idea?
What is it in me that has people only wanting to criticize without suggestion?
What is it in me that has people want to stop communicating with me entirely?
What is it in me that I keep attracting people who don't keep their word?
I don't know.
So, perhaps the thing to do is to abandon Ken Doll, and the other people who have previously volunteered a willingness only through their speaking, and not through their action, start over with a team of people who are getting paid (once I find some money for the thing,) and just not worry about who's unwilling to participate. Find a new team. Attract some new energy and some new people.
And, I think also I should go to bed. I have a lot to accomplish tomorrow, not the least of which is scrounge up a bunch of cash.
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