Today = 343. This seems to be a plateau. I can definately tell I'm losing body size, though.
Have two meetings today - or three. I need to re-open outlook and see. Have a ton of work to do as well; tax extensions are running down, and I'm beating people to get their materials in to me so I can do the work.
Watched a movie on Netflix last night - boy, that didn't work out. The main character is a gay, closeted construction worker who is in love with his best friend. Blah, blah, he comes out to the best friend on a television program, his parents throw him out, the best friend accuses him (rightly) of trying to sabotage his girlfriend relationship, and then beats him with a pipe. And leaves with the girlfriend, who intervenes just as the best friend was about to kill our central figure with the pipe.
Yikes!
DJHJD
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Hump Day Contemplations
Philip is still engaged in this "seminar," which seems not to involve his employment ID and staying out overnight. Good on him!
I'm just wiped out today. Why? My number this morning was 355. Urgh. I have a ton of things to catch up on today.
Won my desk (which is in Dallas) today for $51.00. Now, I have to go up there and get it and figure out some place to KEEP it until Philip moves on.
My class last night went so great - one of the students found the data file that's in the book, so I was finally able to give them something to DO.
I think I need to just work on some simple things and see if I start feeling better here in a little bit.
I'm just wiped out today. Why? My number this morning was 355. Urgh. I have a ton of things to catch up on today.
Won my desk (which is in Dallas) today for $51.00. Now, I have to go up there and get it and figure out some place to KEEP it until Philip moves on.
My class last night went so great - one of the students found the data file that's in the book, so I was finally able to give them something to DO.
I think I need to just work on some simple things and see if I start feeling better here in a little bit.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Tuesday - work and meetings consume my brain
Meeting with CP to work on our mortgages in an hour; organizing things around the office until then.
Had an email note from Philip yesterday morning telling me that he'd be in a seminar downtown, and likely away from the apartment in the evening. Then, he didn't come home last night. Personally, I think he's getting his groove on with the girl he went to see on Saturday.
An interesting note from N8 yesterday; he resurfaced after having been totally in hiding since telling me that he wanted to explore his sexuality. Seems his parents' home has been foreclosed and all of his stuff is gone. While I sympathize with his situation, it does suggest that he REALLY went underground after busting loose with a revelation about his sexual fantasies. I mean, how could you miss being evicted?
Buying a desk today - it's in Dallas, and it won't come in for another couple of weeks when I go up there with a friend and a truck and pick it up. I'm trying to conceptualize how to arrange the furniture here in the den for the best arrangement.
I really need to get all of the office stuff into this one room, and have it readily accessible. I don't have time to work on that today, but this week.
Had an email note from Philip yesterday morning telling me that he'd be in a seminar downtown, and likely away from the apartment in the evening. Then, he didn't come home last night. Personally, I think he's getting his groove on with the girl he went to see on Saturday.
An interesting note from N8 yesterday; he resurfaced after having been totally in hiding since telling me that he wanted to explore his sexuality. Seems his parents' home has been foreclosed and all of his stuff is gone. While I sympathize with his situation, it does suggest that he REALLY went underground after busting loose with a revelation about his sexual fantasies. I mean, how could you miss being evicted?
Buying a desk today - it's in Dallas, and it won't come in for another couple of weeks when I go up there with a friend and a truck and pick it up. I'm trying to conceptualize how to arrange the furniture here in the den for the best arrangement.
I really need to get all of the office stuff into this one room, and have it readily accessible. I don't have time to work on that today, but this week.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Gay panic defensiveness
An interesting Sunday. Got up and my blood sugar was 343. Good lord, when will this abate!? Drove down to the church, got set up, finished outlining my presentation, did that whole thing. It was good.
On the way home, I resolved to have Ruby cleaned up. While there, there's a public internet terminal, so I checked my email. My client from Friday night had written to me .. let's just copy his message here, shall we?
"Hey man I need to ask you a question, But I do not intend to offend you at all.
When you hugged me goodbye yesterday you added that little extra grab at the end and it threw me off. I just want to know if you are gay. If you are not then I do not mean to make you mad it just seemed a little strange. It made me a little uncomfortable and I did not know what to think. If you are gay then that is cool too. I just want you to know that I am not and we can still be friends, visit, hang out, whatever.
Please do not get mad at me for this email. In my opinion friends say what it on their mind. Talk to you soon.
John"
Okay, so on the way out the door, I put my arm around his SHOULDERS and gave him a squeeze. Around the shoulders. Said "nice to see ya!"
That's it.
How do we get "I was rattled by that?"
Gay panic.
So, was it my behavior, or his interpretation that created this gay panic? Is it his own internalized homophobia? (yes, I'm saying he's a fag. He's so far back in the closet that he's hiding in a trap door behind the cedar.)
So, this afternoon, I'm working on getting some things done around the house. A quiet day. Have a packed up week lined up, so I need the time to get caught up and have some peace.
Ruby is driving like a champ. Mikey (after all of the people who said they'd help me do it) re-assembled the 1998 Buick website (which I purloined three years ago) and I intend to deploy it on the drdivo.com website (which is under major reconstruction.) I need to have the little niggly dings taken out of her, and have her thoroughly detailed and waxed (maybe next weekend, hmm?) And I have to have the stereo fixed.
I am four weeks from Philip's return to MSU and having my apartment empty again. He's been a nice man to have around - polite, very interesting, has lots of things to talk about that are engaging. He's so incredibly beautiful that it's unsettling.
When he leaves, I'm making some major revisions to the Casita here. First, I'm converting this den into a home OFFICE - taking down the bed. I'm going to then take my platform bed that I've been sleeping on 15 years (I bought it just before I met Jimmy) and I'm going to use the full sized mattress and box spring from this four poster bed, and buy a new (inexpensive) bed frame to use in the purple Divo bedroom. I'm then buying an old Steelcase type desk (from the 1950s, go figure) and re-arranging this den into a functional office.
On the way home, I resolved to have Ruby cleaned up. While there, there's a public internet terminal, so I checked my email. My client from Friday night had written to me .. let's just copy his message here, shall we?
"Hey man I need to ask you a question, But I do not intend to offend you at all.
When you hugged me goodbye yesterday you added that little extra grab at the end and it threw me off. I just want to know if you are gay. If you are not then I do not mean to make you mad it just seemed a little strange. It made me a little uncomfortable and I did not know what to think. If you are gay then that is cool too. I just want you to know that I am not and we can still be friends, visit, hang out, whatever.
Please do not get mad at me for this email. In my opinion friends say what it on their mind. Talk to you soon.
John"
Okay, so on the way out the door, I put my arm around his SHOULDERS and gave him a squeeze. Around the shoulders. Said "nice to see ya!"
That's it.
How do we get "I was rattled by that?"
Gay panic.
So, was it my behavior, or his interpretation that created this gay panic? Is it his own internalized homophobia? (yes, I'm saying he's a fag. He's so far back in the closet that he's hiding in a trap door behind the cedar.)
So, this afternoon, I'm working on getting some things done around the house. A quiet day. Have a packed up week lined up, so I need the time to get caught up and have some peace.
Ruby is driving like a champ. Mikey (after all of the people who said they'd help me do it) re-assembled the 1998 Buick website (which I purloined three years ago) and I intend to deploy it on the drdivo.com website (which is under major reconstruction.) I need to have the little niggly dings taken out of her, and have her thoroughly detailed and waxed (maybe next weekend, hmm?) And I have to have the stereo fixed.
I am four weeks from Philip's return to MSU and having my apartment empty again. He's been a nice man to have around - polite, very interesting, has lots of things to talk about that are engaging. He's so incredibly beautiful that it's unsettling.
When he leaves, I'm making some major revisions to the Casita here. First, I'm converting this den into a home OFFICE - taking down the bed. I'm going to then take my platform bed that I've been sleeping on 15 years (I bought it just before I met Jimmy) and I'm going to use the full sized mattress and box spring from this four poster bed, and buy a new (inexpensive) bed frame to use in the purple Divo bedroom. I'm then buying an old Steelcase type desk (from the 1950s, go figure) and re-arranging this den into a functional office.
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