Lost my temper with my sister this morning. I just think I'll not call her for .. oh .. six months. See if she likes it better me not speaking to her on the phone than bitching because I don't call AT A TIME THAT SHE'S AVAILABLE when I'm neither driving in the car, sitting in front of the computer or whatever isn't doing absolutely nothing and focusing on talking to her.

I just got pen ink on my white bed cover in here. BLEH.

I need to get a shredder.

Where is Sven?

Travis just left .. he is SUCH a great guy. I'm so glad to be getting to know him.

Time to watch one of these silly movies that I have sitting here.

Oh, have I mentioned that I just LOVE XM?!


XM Radio

So strange. Anyone who's perused my blog for any length of time can tell that the ONLY people I say anything vaguely negative about are those who:

1.) Are taking advantage of me
2.) People who expect me to do their work for them without compensation
3.) Men who stand me up
4.) People who do the business equivalent; change the deal after we've agreed
5.) People who lie to me
6.) That's pretty much it

Big surprise, I am not the world's best at direct communication when someone is being hypocritical, self-serving, lying or cruel to me. I guess part of that is that I am so stunned when someone openly lies, changes the deal, or otherwise acts in such a way that has absolutely no integrity that I don't get aggressive and in their faces. I do speak quietly and directly, albeit not IMMEDIATELY. I point out that what they are saying is not what they have said or what has happened.

So, I've gotten myself in "hot water" twice in the last week by having this blog read by people of whom I have spoken less then completely positively over the past two years. One was my own fault and oversight, but the other was someone who went out of his way to DIG THROUGH THE INTERNET TO SEE IF I'D SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM.

Guilty conscience? Wait, I forgot, people like you have no conscience.

Interestingly enough, both of the people who got so very upset with my journal (the concept of which is stream-of-consciousness writing for someone who needs to express themselves in writing) can't argue that I've been unjust, inaccurate or cruel in my statements. THERE ARE WITNESSES TO THESE EVENTS, AND THEY READ THIS TOO.

Pleh. Get over yourselves. You treat someone badly, don't be surprised to find out that the world knows.

Travis is supposed to be coming over in about an hour. It will be great to see him.

Got a TON done today; credit protests mostly. Have more work to do this weekend.

DROP everything NOW. GO, now to my personal website, www.drdivo.com

Check out what E did for me!! I'm SO happy!

Thanks to Larry in Dallas for the source material.

It's almost 1:30 am, and I'm wide awake. Had a WONDERFUL dinner with Guy tonight; then had a 3 mile walk around Memorial Park. Came home, researched for Fabulair, for some marketing trips for Fabulair, some fun stuff .. and I've been XMing here in the den for hours. It's just SO awesome. I could listen to it until the sun comes up .. which would be counterproductive.

Travis cancelled - he's coming tomorrow at .. 8? I think. More as it develops with him.

Guy was saying at dinner that my dreams lately of Jarred are probably partly true inasmuch as he (Jarred) would likely pop back up when our venture "takes off." Anyway, I wanted to post his other picture for your edification ..



Let's see if that works, or if I need to ask E for help.

Interesting. Travis just called. He's coming over at 6:00. Very interesting.

Time to wire up the speakers, then start (again) working on this quality plan.

MAKE THE SCARY SOUTH AFRICAN GO AWAY!!

Yes, another dream last night about Jarred. This one was VIVID. He was still working in the bar, although it was different in detail from the one he REALLY works in. He approached me, and asked ME out, and made mention of the fact that it had been two years he had been wanting to see me, and took responsibility that it was really his fault that we didn't previously get together. So, we made a date to go out for breakfast on a Saturday.

I went to his apartment to pick him up, knocked on the door, his room mate answered, he was zipping around getting ready. He came out, we went to breakfast ..

Of course, this being a dream, all kinds of crazy stuff was going on. However, the gist of it is .. we had a GREAT time, he was very playful and affectionate. We came to the end of the breakfast time, and I went to take him back so he could go to work - and he said "no I switched shifts with Brad so I could spend the whole day with you .. I don't work until tomorrow at 2."

So, we hung out, went here and there - he was getting very frisky with me if I had a phone call, playing about who was on the phone, and how were they more important than he was .. somehow, we ended up back at his bar and they were playing a movie in the back room, which I got engrossed in, and I went back out front to check on him and he was running a cash register (in a grocery store) but then immediately jumped off the register to spend time with me ..

JUST MAKE IT STOP.

I dusted my bedroom this morning - I'm keeping my apartment at a much higher level than before .. it's pretty cool! Today, I'm going to hang my speakers (not bad after PLANNING to do it for six years.)

E has found an online, interactive Free Cell tournament site .. we may have lost him forever now.

Anyway, that's enough for now. The muse did NOT return last night with the missing poetry.

Well. The day is essentially over. I should watch one of the movies that I have here, so I'm not wasting my Netflix membership.

I just did a little Fabulair-ing, and some blogging on the fabulair blog.

Anyway, out of boredom, I hopped onto gay.com .. started talking to this guy .. it turned out to be RAY. Not Ray #1, but Ray #2. From about nine years ago.

Wow. What a story that was. I don't think that anyone who knows me knows about Ray. He truly broke my heart. Wow.

Part of me wants to see him again, really badly - but my sanity says "Danger, Will Robinson!"

Of course, he's playing totally cagey - "oh, maybe .. we'll just play it by ear."

I ripped the Brazilian today - told him that I was not interested in a relationship with a Latin who felt he owned me, but could do as he pleased. I've already HAD that relationship.

For some reason, I'm REALLY feeling like I won't be hearing from Travis anymore.

Let's see, who else did I nuke today? I told Mickey that I was not going to play with him anymore. Last night, late, I was short with Michael (from Phoenix, who was complaining about not making any appearances herein, although I've been asked by him to NOT mention him.) So, he got testy with me, and told me off. Pleh.

Oh, I forgot to mention - I had TWO dreams about Jarred last night. BIG bleh. The first one, Guy was sitting with me on the patio in front of Baba Yega, and we were talking about Fabulair. I had a text message on my phone from Jarred asking "is that you?" Then, Guy starts telling me I should give Jarred another chance .. blah, blah.

Long story short, I found out he had been talking to Jarred behind my back (in the dream; Guy would rather not see me ever speak to Jarred again) and I stormed out of there, hopped in my new BMW 745i and lit out for places north. For three weeks. Without my laptop.

In the last few nights, I've had repeating dreams about a triptich poem - one poem, three voices, it was awesome .. and of course I can't REMEMBER it. I also had another dream about a poem that was SO wonderful .. and it's gone.

BLEH

I am just LOVING this XM .. it's far better than I even dreamed. I found (a few minutes ago) the hangers for the speakers that I've intended to hang in this room for the last .. oh .. six years. Now, I'll be able to listen to my XM while I slave away over my keyboard.

The room has, by the way, managed to creep back to a condition of wreckage that belies the efforts I took only a week ago.

Well, I really should hit the sack here, get up and apply myself to the few projects that are left. E says that we should land our sub-contract by tomorrow.

I sure hope so.

Okay, this is turning into a better day than yesterday was. I've done a tax return for a returning client (who cracks me up) and I'm about to start working on Scott's quality plan for his mortgage company. I have to do some more housework, but I did get the bathroom cleaned up after Judy turned it into a nuclear waste dump in just two quick days. I'll be working again late into the night today.

Supposed to see Travis tomorrow night; thinking about not. I'm down on men in general, as they're mostly either liars or self-serving. Or both.

Have to tape up some letter sized faxes, make them into legal sized, and then fax the whole bloody mess off. Bleh.

I'm almost out of cell minutes for the month, and I have a week left to go. YEEP!

Judy had a GREAT idea!! I should put together this FABULOUS art show for the wife of one of her supporters in Brownsville here in Houston, and maybe I could get a PERCENTAGE plus I'd be able to make GREAT INROADS with the husband, who used to be the BIGGEST DEVELOPER in Brownsville. Then, I could maybe start doing his mortgages and such .. wouldn't that be GREAT??

I told her "no thanks."

BLEH

That's my official statement about today. Starting with wasting my time with that worthless interview. I just .. don't know quite what to think about my thoughts for the day. They've been a mess, even though, empirically, there was very little that was bad.

The church board meeting tonight was awesome, uplifting, and ..

I got home tonight, and slipped right back into a state of moroseness.

I should just go to bed .. and hope that tomorrow isn't more of the same.

If you want a really fun time, follow this link -

Today (Wednesday) is the second anniversary of LTJ's death in my living room. Maybe that's got me down.

What a USELESS day. I got up (after staying up past 1:00 working on budgets and forecasts) expecting to have a.) a conference call with Crystal Ball about the sub-contract, and b.) a decent interview for a branch manager position with a major national lender.

Well, no call (and still nothing) and the interview was a total waste of two hours and a perfectly good starched shirt. I was driving home, and Nicole called wanting to have lunch .. hm. Perhaps a little Nicole time would be a good thing. So, I fiddled for about a half hour, and then met her at the Hyatt. Okay, hello, Matty? The service SUCKS!? $37.00 for lunch, $6.00 to park, decent food and not as much table service as one gets from Luby's?

So, home I came .. no conference call. No mail. Another crappy note from UPS telling me that they're insisting on charging me $10 per shipment because THEY printed the wrong account number on my pre-printed labels. Hello, USPS?

So, after about a half hour of feeling like crap (which is really irritating, considering how wonderful I felt last night during class and after) I decided to take a nap. BIG waste of time. That accomplished nothing except making me crankier.

Now, I'm looking at the clock, realizing that I have about 40 minutes before I have to meet Mikey and Jay at Cabo, and wishing I could just Howard Hughes the rest of my day, and sit behind drawn blinds.

When I get home tonight, I'm going to have to stay up late, forcing work on some files that I allowed to go untouched today and yesterday.

I should read some more Emma Curtis Hopkins. See if that brings me out of this mood.

Waiting for CBB to show up - he has had some tax issue for, oh, four years, that he keeps talking to me about. So, I'm waiting to hear [again] what it's all about, and he says he's ready to deal with it. I'm not exactly holding my breath.

Class tonight - one more of this series, and then I have a month off until the BIG class starts in late September. I'm wholly unprepared for tonight. Bleh.

Got my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker today in the mail. It's not attractive. Gore's stickers were much more attractive, and look what it got him. Bush has awesome looking stickers.

Have an interview in the morning with a recruiter about being a branch manager for a mortgage company somewhere in town. We'll see how that goes. I had to re-do Scott's quality plan tomorrow, too. Joy. That should be a hoot.

I'm just waiting on Kimberly to fax me some stuff that she has to get to me for this file to close. I've only been waiting a week on it. Bleh. She's out of the office tomorrow, so if I don't get it today from her, it will be WEDNESDAY which would suck.

E was up this morning at 9:05! I about fainted! Of course, he hadn't been to sleep [much] at that point.

After working all day yesterday, and all weekend long, I can see now why people need a full day off in their week. I was just wiped out all day today. I still have a blistering headache. Spent about two hours this morning trying to straighten out phone installation, UPS invoices that are wrong, bank stuff .. how do people get any work done?

I sent Judy a PDF last night showing that their corporation was not-for-profit and in good standing (I love having my own SOS account) and, of course, she can't open it. "Can you fax it to me?" No. Figure it out.

She needs a good month long training on how to use a computer.

I wish tonight was Thursday. I need some Travis time.

She's GONE! I got up this morning, and she told me that she had to leave TODAY with her business plan, shaving nearly 24 hours of the originally agreed upon time to perform. So, I cancelled going to church, sat down and started cranking. I was done at 4:00, finished her revisions and "whoopsies" by 6:00 and she LEFT.

So, my apartment is mine again, and I have a neat little task list to accomplish in the morning. All do-able. I have the towels in the laundry (for the second time) to get rid of the make-up, and I'm trying to figure out how to purge the shower curtain of the talcum powder. The bathtub is totally caked up with oily footprints and .. well, oil. Looks like someone sank the "Condoleeza Rice" in there. So, that will be tomorrow morning.

She managed to fill THREE garbage bags in two days .. it normally takes me a week to fill one up. Weird.

I'm totally loving my XM radio; and am about to hook up the speakers here in the den.

Tomorrow is all MINE now! YAY!

ARGH!

PJ strikes this morning right out of the box. I get up to get ready for church, and she tells me that she has had a call from her boss, and needs to be back in a board meeting in Brownsville TOMORROW, and she needs to leave TODAY with the business plan in hand.

Uh ..

So, she's cutting more than 1/3 of the time out of the schedule, and starts whining at me that "she's been here for two days and I haven't started any of it." Of course, she laid FIFTY pages of text crap, 77% of which was irrelevant, on me yesterday afternoon in between all of her calls for technical assistance with printing, saving to disc and other issues she was having with her computer working on what she was working on.

God, bring me solid, paying clients that aren't fruitcakes?

I think that the next time her Royal Judiness has a project for me to work on, I'm going to insist that she NOT BE HERE to be in my face 24/7 so that I don't have this issue in the future.

Okay, time to shower and crank out a business plan in four hours or less.