source article
Never pick a fight you know you cannot win. Or so I was told. Pick an argument if you must, but not a fight.
Nothing I have read or heard in recent weeks suggests that fighting Iran over its nuclear enrichment programme makes any sense at all. The very talk of it -- macho phrases about "all options open" -- suggests an international community so crazed with video-game enforcement as to have lost the power of coherent thought.
Iran is a serious country, not another two-bit post-imperial rogue waiting to be slapped about the head by a white man. It is the fourth largest oil producer in the world. Its population is heading towards 80m by 2010. Its capital, Tehran, is a mighty metropolis half as big again as London. Its culture is ancient and its political life is, to put it mildly, fluid.
All the following statements about Iran are true. There are powerful Iranians who want to build a nuclear bomb. There are powerful ones who do not. There are people in Iran who would like Israel to disappear. There are people who would not. There are people who would like Islamist rule throughout western Asia. There are people who would not. There are people who long for some idiot western politician to declare war on them. There are people appalled at the prospect. The only serious question for western strategists is which of these people do they want to help.
Of all the treaties passed in my lifetime the 1968 Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty always seemed the most implausible. It was an insiders' club which any outsider could defy with a modicum of guile. So it has proved. America, sitting armed to the teeth across Korea's demilitarised zone, has let North Korea become a nuclear power despite a 1994 promise that it would not. America supported Israel in going nuclear. Britain and America did not balk at India doing so, nor Pakistan when it not only built a bomb but deceitfully disseminated its technology in defiance of sanctions. Three flagrant dissenters from the NPT are thus regarded by America as friends.
I would sleep happier if there were no Iranian bomb but a swamp of hypocrisy separates me from overly protesting it. Iran is a proud country that sits between nuclear Pakistan and India to its east, a nuclear Russia to its north and a nuclear Israel to its west. Adjacent Afghanistan and Iraq are occupied at will by a nuclear America, which backed Saddam Hussein in his 1980 invasion of Iran. How can we say such a country has "no right" to nuclear defence?
None the less this month's reopening of the Natanz nuclear enrichment plant and two others, though purportedly for peaceful uses, was a clear act of defiance by Iran's new president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Inspectors from the UN's International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) remain unsure whether it implies a secret weapons programme but the evidence for this is far stronger than, for instance, against Saddam Hussein. To have infuriated the IAEA's Mohamed ElBaradei takes some doing. As Saddam found, deviousness in nuclear matters is bound to arouse suspicion. Either way, the reopening yielded a strong diplomatic coalition of Europe, America, Russia and China in pleading with Ahmadinejad to desist.
On Monday of this week Washington's knee-jerk belligerence in hinting at an attack on Iran put this coalition under immediate strain. In two weeks the IAEA must decide whether to report Iran to the UN Security Council for possible sanctions. There seems little point in doing this if China and Russia veto them or if there is no plan B for what to do if such pressure fails to halt enrichment, which seems certain. A clear sign of western floundering is speeches and editorials concluding that Iran "should not take international concern lightly," the West should "be on its guard" and everyone "should think carefully." It means nobody has a clue.
I cannot see how all this confrontation will stop Iran doing whatever it likes with its nuclear enrichment, which is reportedly years away from producing weapons-grade material. The bombing of carefully dispersed and buried sites might delay deployment. But given the inaccuracy of American bombers, the death and destruction caused to Iran's cities would be a gift to anti-western extremists and have every world terrorist reporting for duty. It will reinforce the case for building a nuclear weapon.
Nor would the "coward's war" of economic sanctions be any more effective. Refusing to play against Iranian footballers (hated by the clerics), boycotting artists, ostracising academics, embargoing commerce, freezing foreign bank accounts -- so-called smart sanctions -- are as counterproductive as could be imagined. Such feel-good gestures drive the enemies of any embattled regime into silence, poverty or exile. As Tim Garton-Ash wrote in these pages after a recent visit, western aggression "would drain overnight its still large reservoir of anti-regime, mildly pro-Western sentiment." Why set Ahmadinejad up for such a triumph?
By all accounts this president is by no means secure. He is subject to the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khameini. His wily foe, Ali Akbar Rafsanjani, retains a degree of power. Tehran is not a Saddamist dictatorship or a Taliban autocracy. It is a shambolic oligarchy with bureaucrats and technocrats jostling for power with clerics. Despite a quarter century of effort, the latter have not succeeded in creating a truly fundamentalist islamic state. Iran is a classic candidate for the politics of subtle engagement.
This means strengthening every argument in the hands of those Iranians who do not want nuclear weapons and do not want Israel eliminated, who crave a secular state and good relations with the west. No such argument embraces name-calling, sabre-rattling, sanctions or bombs.
At this very moment American officials in Baghdad are on their knees begging Iran-backed Shiite politicians and militias to help them get out of Iraq. From Basra to the suburbs of Baghdad, Iranian influence is dominant. Iranian posters adorned last month's elections. Whatever Bush and Blair thought they were doing by invading Iraq, they must have known the chief beneficiary from toppling the Sunni ascendancy would be Shiite Iran. They cannot now deny the logic of their own policy. Democracy itself is putting half Iraq in thrall to its powerful neighbour.
Iran is the regional super-state. If ever there were a realpolitik demanding to be "hugged close" it is this one, however distasteful its leader and his centrifuges. If you cannot stop a man buying a gun, the next best bet is to make him your friend, not your enemy.
DJHJD
Monday, January 23, 2006
Monday, Monday ver. 667.01
We begin today with BIG [non] gay drama - my friend Mitch had his car "borrowed" by an itinerant gentleman who was staying with him - who wrecked it. Mitch was uninsured. One of the wheels is bent over at an angle. This man also took checks from Mitch and wrote them against his account.
So, boy howdy, did I dodge bullets with Nick and Michael both. This guy who stayed with Mitch stayed OVERNIGHT! Urk.
Fiddled with my printer today for HOURS trying to convince it that there was no paper jam. "There is no spoon." Does mental treatment work on a mechanical device? E suggested that I tip it upside down to shake out whatever was in it - and that seemed to have jolted it loose.
Sorted through six years of old tax records, and have them ready to shred. Worked on New Vision stuff today for about four hours. All in all, it's good.
So, boy howdy, did I dodge bullets with Nick and Michael both. This guy who stayed with Mitch stayed OVERNIGHT! Urk.
Fiddled with my printer today for HOURS trying to convince it that there was no paper jam. "There is no spoon." Does mental treatment work on a mechanical device? E suggested that I tip it upside down to shake out whatever was in it - and that seemed to have jolted it loose.
Sorted through six years of old tax records, and have them ready to shred. Worked on New Vision stuff today for about four hours. All in all, it's good.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Sunday evening
Having a DVD sort of an evening. Watched "Valentine," with my dream man David Boreanaz. Stupid movie, the only redeeming value was the eye candy, including said David B.
Church today was great - outstanding, in fact. Chuck went with me. We had another good crowd. Someone had bought new coffee .. from the dollar store. It was dreadful. I'm going to buy some Community and take it down there on Tuesday. The new pedestal is very nice, and the new table cloths in the front are a big improvement.
Had fun with Jarred last night; he and I were bantering again about him going to LA with me; he asked where we could stay while there, and I was thinking about all of the hotels in Century City.
Another week in the real estate business coming up. One lender has DENIED a loan; the hag. Speaking of hags, I was talking to a friend tonight who did a bunch of work for a Century City realtor (alison winston) who isn't paying him. I watched him do the work! Completely consistent with my thinking about realtors. Bleh. I have one here in town who's chasing me around, wanting me to work with him. I have to do a LOT of clean up and organization work this week.
Chuck was working on our calendar; he kept remarking "who knew there were so many women's events?" It's like there's www.lesbian.com or something.
I have to work on my other stuff this week also. And, see if I can figure out why Ruby's battery was deader than a doornail. And manifest a bunch of cash.
Other than that, I think I'm done here. Later!
Church today was great - outstanding, in fact. Chuck went with me. We had another good crowd. Someone had bought new coffee .. from the dollar store. It was dreadful. I'm going to buy some Community and take it down there on Tuesday. The new pedestal is very nice, and the new table cloths in the front are a big improvement.
Had fun with Jarred last night; he and I were bantering again about him going to LA with me; he asked where we could stay while there, and I was thinking about all of the hotels in Century City.
Another week in the real estate business coming up. One lender has DENIED a loan; the hag. Speaking of hags, I was talking to a friend tonight who did a bunch of work for a Century City realtor (alison winston) who isn't paying him. I watched him do the work! Completely consistent with my thinking about realtors. Bleh. I have one here in town who's chasing me around, wanting me to work with him. I have to do a LOT of clean up and organization work this week.
Chuck was working on our calendar; he kept remarking "who knew there were so many women's events?" It's like there's www.lesbian.com or something.
I have to work on my other stuff this week also. And, see if I can figure out why Ruby's battery was deader than a doornail. And manifest a bunch of cash.
Other than that, I think I'm done here. Later!
World Traveller
Flying home from Tampa – CO 1807 Seat 16A 40,000 feet
I was fully expecting to spend my flight home IMing with Lisa, Mikey, Carlos and whoever else was online. However, this aircraft is one of those that they’ve taken the airfones out of – since no one was really using them, they figured it was added weight they didn’t need.
I have my little study book to prepare for tomorrow’s talk at New Vision – I have to go through it, and do some prep work – also get ready for my class on Thursday, for which I’m behind, and start getting ready for classes on Tuesday nights at NV. I am going to probably head straight from the airport to EJ’s to have a cocktail; then, home to get some more sleep.
Tomorrow after church, I’ll be shredding seven years’ worth of receipts supporting tax returns that I no longer need to keep. I’m sure the shredder will be burning up by the end of it.
Helped my parents get themselves a new car; we spent nearly a full day working on it, and went to four dealerships. Mary wanted something that sat up high, like an SUV, and my Dad wanted something that would ride well, and was a large car for long distance travel. They bought a 2005 Ford 500 Limited with 10,000 miles on it. The car is nice, and is more fully equipped than any my dad has had since his 1972 Olds 98 LS. Hopefully, this will be more reliable than that car was. My sister and my aunt Roxanne both were extremely critical of the choice; my sister wanted them to buy a Honda Accord and my aunt a Toyota Avalon. Both of those cars were significantly more expensive than this one. My folks are quite happy, and that’s what matters in my mind.
This aircraft is barely loaded – only about 60% of the seats are full. I’m in an exit row, but I’m mashed up against the window wall and the seat is too narrow. I need to do some more work on my self-belief structure about body and appearance, and get this weight off of me. This particular aircraft is one that they use to fly to Dublin, Hamburg, Berlin, Brussels, Iceland and Scotland from Newark. I’ve read so many internet conversations belaboring that this aircraft is too small for such service; it’s true that it’s narrower than a larger aircraft, but it feels taller, and more spacious than a 737. The seat is narrow, but it is the same size seat that I’d be using if I were on a 767 or 777. Being in this exit row gives me nearly four more inches of legroom. It comes down to my body size that’s making me uncomfortable on this airplane. So, before I buzz off to Berlin to celebrate the end of my oral boards this summer, I’ll have to drop the weight.
My folks are moving out of their house on Tuesday- I helped them pack up a number of things, including the stereo and the computer. They had jerry rigged the stereo so badly that I was about to gasp – so, I volunteered to come to Ocala in March and help them set it all up.
Using the lappy with my Treo as the modem worked just fine; had I had a decent signal out on my folk’s island, it would have worked even better. No Wi-Fi at the Tampa airport, and no internet connection on this aircraft. Strange. Sooner or later, we’re going to be surrounded by wifi signal, and our computers will be connected all the time, even as we fly.
My sister was here during my stay, and we had a very short but fun interaction. She went home Friday morning EARLY, and had to work today. Most of my family (other than Liz, whom I talk to quite a bit) were shocked that I have some official capacity with NV and that I’m taking on more studies and licensing with them. They had quite the squint going.
My folks gave me some money, but it’s done in such a way that I can only use it for my licensing this summer. Blarg. I was hoping for something I could use to bridge some other obligations and choices, but this will do. I have been working on my thinking in that regard today; they gave me the gift last night. It’s sitting in my wallet, unusable until the right time.
The testing for this license is seeming more difficult the closer to it that I come. I’ll be spending some months preparing, have the oral boards and the written tests, and then I hop straight into ministerial school. I assume. I’ll be spending the entire year of 2006 studying, testing, licensing and being examined. Interesting. It should be quite the challenge.
I still think that Florida is an ugly state, people wise. Bad hair, damaged skin, bad make up, and bad clothing choices. Houston is a much more attractive place; at least the part I’m in.
It’s amazing that I just spent nearly a day with my entire living family, save my mother’s sister, and there were no hiccups nor hurts on any part. What a transformation that has occurred there; this idea itself used to just terrorize me.
I guess this stuff works.
I’ve had Travis on the mind, still..
I had a dream last night about a black Boeing 707-320 that was somehow associated with Fabulair. I also had an email from the saleswoman that I had visited with a few months ago – she who represented the townhouses near EJ’s that I liked so much. They have designed their homes for the front of that project – four patio homes that have back yards. She gave me some direction as to their floorplans, but I couldn’t examine them on the Treo connection with one bar of signal. I’ll look later tonight. They won’t be ready for occupancy until the end of 2006, and will have about 2600 square feet, which is somewhat larger than the patio home that I had originally discussed with her.
Overall, this has been a very interesting trip – my entire life just ceased to exist, and all I was doing was hanging out with my family. I slept a lot at night, and just existed. I didn’t do a whole lot of thinking, good or bad, and hardly talked to anyone from my reality. I had a nice conversation with Rosita last night, and we talked about the new pedestal that they bought for the church, and the latest folderol with the ex-minister.
I have eight “sermons” planned for March and April – the seven deadly sins, followed by the mechanics of forgiveness. I have to plan those out on the calendar, actually – I think I may start in February.
We’re planning an arrival in Houston that will be nearly fifteen minutes early; that could put me at home before 8:45 tonight. I may just stop at the apartment first, and unload my stuff before heading out for a cocktail.
I wish I had had the internet connection here onboard. But, thanks to my friend Buhz for getting me the exit row seat!
I hate losing a bunch of free cell games in a row. It makes me feel stupid. Sometimes, though, I think it’s a gauge of how well my brain is working. I haven’t had to do much critical thinking in the last few days, and maybe I’m out of practice. Or I’m tired. Or, I haven’t had enough vitamin “V,” as E calls it.
I was fully expecting to spend my flight home IMing with Lisa, Mikey, Carlos and whoever else was online. However, this aircraft is one of those that they’ve taken the airfones out of – since no one was really using them, they figured it was added weight they didn’t need.
I have my little study book to prepare for tomorrow’s talk at New Vision – I have to go through it, and do some prep work – also get ready for my class on Thursday, for which I’m behind, and start getting ready for classes on Tuesday nights at NV. I am going to probably head straight from the airport to EJ’s to have a cocktail; then, home to get some more sleep.
Tomorrow after church, I’ll be shredding seven years’ worth of receipts supporting tax returns that I no longer need to keep. I’m sure the shredder will be burning up by the end of it.
Helped my parents get themselves a new car; we spent nearly a full day working on it, and went to four dealerships. Mary wanted something that sat up high, like an SUV, and my Dad wanted something that would ride well, and was a large car for long distance travel. They bought a 2005 Ford 500 Limited with 10,000 miles on it. The car is nice, and is more fully equipped than any my dad has had since his 1972 Olds 98 LS. Hopefully, this will be more reliable than that car was. My sister and my aunt Roxanne both were extremely critical of the choice; my sister wanted them to buy a Honda Accord and my aunt a Toyota Avalon. Both of those cars were significantly more expensive than this one. My folks are quite happy, and that’s what matters in my mind.
This aircraft is barely loaded – only about 60% of the seats are full. I’m in an exit row, but I’m mashed up against the window wall and the seat is too narrow. I need to do some more work on my self-belief structure about body and appearance, and get this weight off of me. This particular aircraft is one that they use to fly to Dublin, Hamburg, Berlin, Brussels, Iceland and Scotland from Newark. I’ve read so many internet conversations belaboring that this aircraft is too small for such service; it’s true that it’s narrower than a larger aircraft, but it feels taller, and more spacious than a 737. The seat is narrow, but it is the same size seat that I’d be using if I were on a 767 or 777. Being in this exit row gives me nearly four more inches of legroom. It comes down to my body size that’s making me uncomfortable on this airplane. So, before I buzz off to Berlin to celebrate the end of my oral boards this summer, I’ll have to drop the weight.
My folks are moving out of their house on Tuesday- I helped them pack up a number of things, including the stereo and the computer. They had jerry rigged the stereo so badly that I was about to gasp – so, I volunteered to come to Ocala in March and help them set it all up.
Using the lappy with my Treo as the modem worked just fine; had I had a decent signal out on my folk’s island, it would have worked even better. No Wi-Fi at the Tampa airport, and no internet connection on this aircraft. Strange. Sooner or later, we’re going to be surrounded by wifi signal, and our computers will be connected all the time, even as we fly.
My sister was here during my stay, and we had a very short but fun interaction. She went home Friday morning EARLY, and had to work today. Most of my family (other than Liz, whom I talk to quite a bit) were shocked that I have some official capacity with NV and that I’m taking on more studies and licensing with them. They had quite the squint going.
My folks gave me some money, but it’s done in such a way that I can only use it for my licensing this summer. Blarg. I was hoping for something I could use to bridge some other obligations and choices, but this will do. I have been working on my thinking in that regard today; they gave me the gift last night. It’s sitting in my wallet, unusable until the right time.
The testing for this license is seeming more difficult the closer to it that I come. I’ll be spending some months preparing, have the oral boards and the written tests, and then I hop straight into ministerial school. I assume. I’ll be spending the entire year of 2006 studying, testing, licensing and being examined. Interesting. It should be quite the challenge.
I still think that Florida is an ugly state, people wise. Bad hair, damaged skin, bad make up, and bad clothing choices. Houston is a much more attractive place; at least the part I’m in.
It’s amazing that I just spent nearly a day with my entire living family, save my mother’s sister, and there were no hiccups nor hurts on any part. What a transformation that has occurred there; this idea itself used to just terrorize me.
I guess this stuff works.
I’ve had Travis on the mind, still..
I had a dream last night about a black Boeing 707-320 that was somehow associated with Fabulair. I also had an email from the saleswoman that I had visited with a few months ago – she who represented the townhouses near EJ’s that I liked so much. They have designed their homes for the front of that project – four patio homes that have back yards. She gave me some direction as to their floorplans, but I couldn’t examine them on the Treo connection with one bar of signal. I’ll look later tonight. They won’t be ready for occupancy until the end of 2006, and will have about 2600 square feet, which is somewhat larger than the patio home that I had originally discussed with her.
Overall, this has been a very interesting trip – my entire life just ceased to exist, and all I was doing was hanging out with my family. I slept a lot at night, and just existed. I didn’t do a whole lot of thinking, good or bad, and hardly talked to anyone from my reality. I had a nice conversation with Rosita last night, and we talked about the new pedestal that they bought for the church, and the latest folderol with the ex-minister.
I have eight “sermons” planned for March and April – the seven deadly sins, followed by the mechanics of forgiveness. I have to plan those out on the calendar, actually – I think I may start in February.
We’re planning an arrival in Houston that will be nearly fifteen minutes early; that could put me at home before 8:45 tonight. I may just stop at the apartment first, and unload my stuff before heading out for a cocktail.
I wish I had had the internet connection here onboard. But, thanks to my friend Buhz for getting me the exit row seat!
I hate losing a bunch of free cell games in a row. It makes me feel stupid. Sometimes, though, I think it’s a gauge of how well my brain is working. I haven’t had to do much critical thinking in the last few days, and maybe I’m out of practice. Or I’m tired. Or, I haven’t had enough vitamin “V,” as E calls it.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Tuesday blowback
Still with the Nick horsehockey. Nick's called several times today, and then sent a text that "he sees how it is now. Thanks."
So, after detecting that he'd get no further support from me and ceasing our communication, why is he now trying to manage how I feel about him? What's the upside for him?
Anyway - The further I get away from having bois around, the more I want to be away from it.
So, after detecting that he'd get no further support from me and ceasing our communication, why is he now trying to manage how I feel about him? What's the upside for him?
Anyway - The further I get away from having bois around, the more I want to be away from it.
Monday, January 16, 2006
The proof is in the pudding
“As the world's leading voting solutions
provider, Diebold provides the financial
stability, substantial manufacturing capacity,
world-wide service network and proven
election expertise needed for your long term
election system solution.”
-- http://diebold.com/solutions
“Some 33,000 Diebold voting stations are
being used simultaneously in locations
across the United States to assist voters in
exercising their most fundamental
constitutional right: The right to vote.”
-- http://diebold.com/dieboldes
Deceptive sales and marketing
Fw: Battery Status & Charging---and too much bull!!
To:
Subject: Fw: Battery Status & Charging---and too much bull!!
From: "Mike"
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2001 10:57:40 -0500
It does not matter whether we get anything certified or not, if we can't even get the foundation of Global stable.
This company is a mess! We should stop development on all new, and old products and concentrate on making them stable instead of showing vaporware. Selling a new account will only load more crap on an already over burdened entity.
Everyone is waiting for Diebold to come and save us. What do you think Diebold will say when they see what a mess everything is, or more to the point what Global has not shown them, or maybe it will not matter at that time, hmmm...
Every time I look at the support list there is another sales person or manager screaming we can't go forward without having to fix this or to fix that. You are taxing the development team beyond what they can handle. This is not there problem, it is yours.
Elections are not rocket science. Why is it so hard to get things right! I have never been at any other company that has been so miss managed. I see blame being put on anything that moves.
Communication does not exist! All I here from upper management is "That’s fine, he or she will be removed".
Upper management seems to think they know what is going on. They are to caught up in to much politics, and to much self importance, to even realize that there are employees watching them, waiting for some direction... We have allot of bright people in Global, why is it so hard to get things right....
I just received a call from Ingrid, she says she is tired of getting calls from clients asking for help. No one at Global is giving them the time of day. Ingrid is the only name I will use in this conversation. I have had calls from other ex-employees stating the same thing.
We have a management team that is so redundant, it is pathetic, and yet we don't have enough employees to get the work done. Wake up! We keep loosing good people, and yet management does not see this, or more to the point, "just keep everything going, Diebold is coming and everything will be fine". Bull!!
My views are my views only. If you wish to fire me for speaking the truth, bring it on... or fix this crap. The employees of this company are watching, waiting to see if you are the leaders that will keep them going, or the pathetic fools that will drive this company into the ground. I believe Global has great products, great ideas, great
people, just get things right and we will be the best.
Take care all.
Mike Brown.
To: Global Election Systems
From: Brian Clubb
RE: Resignation
5 October 2001
For the past three years I have worked for Spectrum then Global. Over that time I have become increasingly concerned about the apparent lack of concern over the practice of writing contracts to provide products and services which do not exist and then attempting to build these items on an unreasonable timetable with no written plan, little to no time for testing, and minimal resources. It also seems to be an
accepted practice to exaggerate our progress and functionality to our customers and ourselves then make excuses at delivery time when these products and services do not meet expectations. The pressure to meet these deadlines and deal with repeated calls from sales staff and customers trying to ascertain actual progress versus exaggerated reports has become intolerable. The resulting stress has had a very negative effect
on me both mentally and physically.
As internal politics and mismanagement continue to divert attention and resources away from these issues, the problems become further and further entrenched. Since the acquisition of Spectrum by Global, none of the personal or workplace benefits which the employees of Spectrum were promised have yet been realized.
This, in addition to the above issues, leads me to conclude that management is not concerned for the employees.
Either they do not value the contributions of the employees, or are incapable of fulfilling these promises. Thus, seeing no end to this troubling situation, I find no other option but to end my employment with the company effective immediately.
Signed,
Brian Clubb
(Signed and submitted via fax to HR 10/5/2001)
Uncertified versions of software have been used in elections
· To: "Support"
· Subject: Florida Certified Versions
· From: "Greg Forsythe"
· Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 11:12:02 -0500
· Organization: Global Election Systems, Inc
Just received a call from Beverly Hill, Alachua County. She has a survey form from the state regarding versions and things. She is at the SA screen and the version is 1.92-15.
Saturday, Feb. 12 she created a screen test database. This copy has 1.92-14. 1.92-14
is certified, 1.92-15 is not. SOLUTION REQUIRED! Greg Forsythe
To:
Subject: Re: Florida Certified Versions
From: "Greg Forsythe"
Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 12:55:09 -0500
Organization: Global Election Systems, Inc
References: <007301bf7961$cda9d030$cdbb2fd1@greg
Hernando's original database installed with Gunzip shows 1.92-09. Their copy has
1.92-14. It appears that when the database is gunzipped from the original diskette it
carries the version from the source. When a copy is made on the customer's computer
the version relates to the version the customer's computer programmed for. Solution
might be to make the copy the official database showing the correct version.
Comments .....
· To:
· Subject: Re: Florida Certified Versions
· From: "Nel Finberg"
· Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 10:09:56 -0800
You are correct. However, Hernando's database should technically have been compiled
using patch 14, not patch 9. We do want to make sure that ballots have been successfully tested and memory cards uploaded, particulary given the initial version conflict. It would be a good idea to get rid of the original diskette in order to remove the perception of version conflicts.
Nel
· To: "SUPPORT (E-mail)"
· Subject: 1-17-7-5 testing
· From: "Tari Runyan"
· Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2000 08:21:16 -0600
I have tested this version to the extent I am able - twice even and unless anyone
else has discovered anything - i think it can be released to the Ca Counties - Let
me know if anyone else has any concerns as I would like to get this out this morning.
Thank you
Election results are stored without
password protection, and this is by
design because some counties have
directly edited election results
To:
Subject: RE: alteration of Audit Log in Access
From: "Ken Clark"
Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2001 09:55:02 -0700
Importance: Normal
In-reply-to:
Its a tough question, and it has a lot to do with perception. Of course everyone knows perception is reality.
Right now you can open GEMS' .mdb file with MS-Access, and alter its contents. That
includes the audit log. This isn't anything new. In VTS, you can open the database with progress and do the same. The same would go for anyone else's system using whatever database they are using. Hard drives are read-write entities. You can change their contents.
Now, where the perception comes in is that its right now very *easy* to change the
contents. Double click the .mdb file. Even technical wizards at Metamor (or Ciber, or
whatever) can figure that one out.
It is possible to put a secret password on the .mdb file to prevent Metamor from
opening it with Access. I've threatened to put a password on the .mdb before
when dealers/customers/support have done stupid things with the GEMS
database structure using Access. Being able to end-run the database has
admittedly got people out of a bind though. Jane (I think it was Jane) did some
fancy footwork on the .mdb file in Gaston recently. I know our dealers do it.
King County is famous for it. That's why we've never put a password on the file
before.
Note however that even if we put a password on the file, it doesn't really prove much.
Someone has to know the password, else how would GEMS open it. So this technically
brings us back to square one: the audit log is modifiable by that person at least (read, me). Back to perception though, if you don't bring this up you might skate through Metamor.
There might be some clever crypto techniques to make it even harder to change the log
(for me, they guy with the password that is). We're talking big changes here though, and at the moment largely theoretical ones. I'd doubt that any of our competitors are that clever.
By the way, all of this is why Texas gets its sh*t in a knot over the log printer. Log printers are not read-write, so you don't have the problem. Of course if I were Texas I would be more worried about modifications to our electronic ballots than to our electron logs, but that is another story I guess.
Bottom line on Metamor is to find out what it is going to take to make them happy. You can try the old standard of the NT password gains access to the operating system, and that after that point all bets are off. You have to trust the person with the NT password at least. This is all about Florida, and we have had VTS certified in Florida under the status quo for nearly ten years.
I sense a loosing battle here though. The changes to put a password on the .mdb file are not trivial and probably not even backward compatible, but we'll do it if that is what it is going to take.
Ken
Anyone with a blank memory card can
modify results on a voting machine
Spyrus creating unauthorized Manager Cards
* To: "Bug Track"
* Subject: Spyrus creating unauthorized Manager Cards
* From: "Steve Ricke"
* Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 11:49:10 -0600
* Importance: Normal
4K Smart cards which had never been previously programmed are being recognized by the Card Manager as manager cards.
When a virgin card from CardLogix is inserted into a Spyrus (have tried CM-0-2-9 and CM-1-1-1) the prompt "Upgrade Mgr Card?" is displayed. Pressing the ENTER key creates a valid manager card.
This happens in Admin mode and Election mode.
The only way which I have found to avoid this situation is to initiate the
card by creating it as a voter card with an AVTS unit (any version). Once a
card has been programmed once it will work correctly for any election.
Will overnight a batch of virgin cards to Vancouver. Please let me know
the amount you may need.
Stephen Ricke
Global Election Systems
Phone: 972-542-6000
Fax: 972-542-6044
Email: Steve@GESN.com
Audit logs judged undesireable
-----Original Message-----
From: Jeff Hintz [mailto:jhglobal@earthlink.net]
Sent: Sunday, December 09, 2001 11:03 AM
To: Support Team (E-mail)
Subject: Status of Audit Lor RCR for Johnson County, KS
What is the status of this RCR??? I was doing training in Johnson County, KS last
Thursday & Friday, and they wanted to know.
Thanks,
Jeff
Jurisidiction: Johnson County, KS & All Accounts
Date Requested: November 16, 2001
Date Required: Before their Primary Election in March 2002
Johnson County, KS will be doing Central Count for their mail in ballots. They will also be processing these ballots in advance of the closing of polls on election day. They would like to log into the Audit Log an entry for Previewing any Election Total Reports. They need this, to prove to the media, as well as, any candidates & lawyers, that they did not view or print any Election Results before the Polls closed.
However, if there is a way that we can disable the reporting functionality, that
would be even better.
provider, Diebold provides the financial
stability, substantial manufacturing capacity,
world-wide service network and proven
election expertise needed for your long term
election system solution.”
-- http://diebold.com/solutions
“Some 33,000 Diebold voting stations are
being used simultaneously in locations
across the United States to assist voters in
exercising their most fundamental
constitutional right: The right to vote.”
-- http://diebold.com/dieboldes
Deceptive sales and marketing
Fw: Battery Status & Charging---and too much bull!!
To:
Subject: Fw: Battery Status & Charging---and too much bull!!
From: "Mike"
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2001 10:57:40 -0500
It does not matter whether we get anything certified or not, if we can't even get the foundation of Global stable.
This company is a mess! We should stop development on all new, and old products and concentrate on making them stable instead of showing vaporware. Selling a new account will only load more crap on an already over burdened entity.
Everyone is waiting for Diebold to come and save us. What do you think Diebold will say when they see what a mess everything is, or more to the point what Global has not shown them, or maybe it will not matter at that time, hmmm...
Every time I look at the support list there is another sales person or manager screaming we can't go forward without having to fix this or to fix that. You are taxing the development team beyond what they can handle. This is not there problem, it is yours.
Elections are not rocket science. Why is it so hard to get things right! I have never been at any other company that has been so miss managed. I see blame being put on anything that moves.
Communication does not exist! All I here from upper management is "That’s fine, he or she will be removed".
Upper management seems to think they know what is going on. They are to caught up in to much politics, and to much self importance, to even realize that there are employees watching them, waiting for some direction... We have allot of bright people in Global, why is it so hard to get things right....
I just received a call from Ingrid, she says she is tired of getting calls from clients asking for help. No one at Global is giving them the time of day. Ingrid is the only name I will use in this conversation. I have had calls from other ex-employees stating the same thing.
We have a management team that is so redundant, it is pathetic, and yet we don't have enough employees to get the work done. Wake up! We keep loosing good people, and yet management does not see this, or more to the point, "just keep everything going, Diebold is coming and everything will be fine". Bull!!
My views are my views only. If you wish to fire me for speaking the truth, bring it on... or fix this crap. The employees of this company are watching, waiting to see if you are the leaders that will keep them going, or the pathetic fools that will drive this company into the ground. I believe Global has great products, great ideas, great
people, just get things right and we will be the best.
Take care all.
Mike Brown.
To: Global Election Systems
From: Brian Clubb
RE: Resignation
5 October 2001
For the past three years I have worked for Spectrum then Global. Over that time I have become increasingly concerned about the apparent lack of concern over the practice of writing contracts to provide products and services which do not exist and then attempting to build these items on an unreasonable timetable with no written plan, little to no time for testing, and minimal resources. It also seems to be an
accepted practice to exaggerate our progress and functionality to our customers and ourselves then make excuses at delivery time when these products and services do not meet expectations. The pressure to meet these deadlines and deal with repeated calls from sales staff and customers trying to ascertain actual progress versus exaggerated reports has become intolerable. The resulting stress has had a very negative effect
on me both mentally and physically.
As internal politics and mismanagement continue to divert attention and resources away from these issues, the problems become further and further entrenched. Since the acquisition of Spectrum by Global, none of the personal or workplace benefits which the employees of Spectrum were promised have yet been realized.
This, in addition to the above issues, leads me to conclude that management is not concerned for the employees.
Either they do not value the contributions of the employees, or are incapable of fulfilling these promises. Thus, seeing no end to this troubling situation, I find no other option but to end my employment with the company effective immediately.
Signed,
Brian Clubb
(Signed and submitted via fax to HR 10/5/2001)
Uncertified versions of software have been used in elections
· To: "Support"
· Subject: Florida Certified Versions
· From: "Greg Forsythe"
· Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 11:12:02 -0500
· Organization: Global Election Systems, Inc
Just received a call from Beverly Hill, Alachua County. She has a survey form from the state regarding versions and things. She is at the SA screen and the version is 1.92-15.
Saturday, Feb. 12 she created a screen test database. This copy has 1.92-14. 1.92-14
is certified, 1.92-15 is not. SOLUTION REQUIRED! Greg Forsythe
To:
Subject: Re: Florida Certified Versions
From: "Greg Forsythe"
Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 12:55:09 -0500
Organization: Global Election Systems, Inc
References: <007301bf7961$cda9d030$cdbb2fd1@greg
Hernando's original database installed with Gunzip shows 1.92-09. Their copy has
1.92-14. It appears that when the database is gunzipped from the original diskette it
carries the version from the source. When a copy is made on the customer's computer
the version relates to the version the customer's computer programmed for. Solution
might be to make the copy the official database showing the correct version.
Comments .....
· To:
· Subject: Re: Florida Certified Versions
· From: "Nel Finberg"
· Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 10:09:56 -0800
You are correct. However, Hernando's database should technically have been compiled
using patch 14, not patch 9. We do want to make sure that ballots have been successfully tested and memory cards uploaded, particulary given the initial version conflict. It would be a good idea to get rid of the original diskette in order to remove the perception of version conflicts.
Nel
· To: "SUPPORT (E-mail)"
· Subject: 1-17-7-5 testing
· From: "Tari Runyan"
· Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2000 08:21:16 -0600
I have tested this version to the extent I am able - twice even and unless anyone
else has discovered anything - i think it can be released to the Ca Counties - Let
me know if anyone else has any concerns as I would like to get this out this morning.
Thank you
Election results are stored without
password protection, and this is by
design because some counties have
directly edited election results
To:
Subject: RE: alteration of Audit Log in Access
From: "Ken Clark"
Date: Thu, 18 Oct 2001 09:55:02 -0700
Importance: Normal
In-reply-to:
Its a tough question, and it has a lot to do with perception. Of course everyone knows perception is reality.
Right now you can open GEMS' .mdb file with MS-Access, and alter its contents. That
includes the audit log. This isn't anything new. In VTS, you can open the database with progress and do the same. The same would go for anyone else's system using whatever database they are using. Hard drives are read-write entities. You can change their contents.
Now, where the perception comes in is that its right now very *easy* to change the
contents. Double click the .mdb file. Even technical wizards at Metamor (or Ciber, or
whatever) can figure that one out.
It is possible to put a secret password on the .mdb file to prevent Metamor from
opening it with Access. I've threatened to put a password on the .mdb before
when dealers/customers/support have done stupid things with the GEMS
database structure using Access. Being able to end-run the database has
admittedly got people out of a bind though. Jane (I think it was Jane) did some
fancy footwork on the .mdb file in Gaston recently. I know our dealers do it.
King County is famous for it. That's why we've never put a password on the file
before.
Note however that even if we put a password on the file, it doesn't really prove much.
Someone has to know the password, else how would GEMS open it. So this technically
brings us back to square one: the audit log is modifiable by that person at least (read, me). Back to perception though, if you don't bring this up you might skate through Metamor.
There might be some clever crypto techniques to make it even harder to change the log
(for me, they guy with the password that is). We're talking big changes here though, and at the moment largely theoretical ones. I'd doubt that any of our competitors are that clever.
By the way, all of this is why Texas gets its sh*t in a knot over the log printer. Log printers are not read-write, so you don't have the problem. Of course if I were Texas I would be more worried about modifications to our electronic ballots than to our electron logs, but that is another story I guess.
Bottom line on Metamor is to find out what it is going to take to make them happy. You can try the old standard of the NT password gains access to the operating system, and that after that point all bets are off. You have to trust the person with the NT password at least. This is all about Florida, and we have had VTS certified in Florida under the status quo for nearly ten years.
I sense a loosing battle here though. The changes to put a password on the .mdb file are not trivial and probably not even backward compatible, but we'll do it if that is what it is going to take.
Ken
Anyone with a blank memory card can
modify results on a voting machine
Spyrus creating unauthorized Manager Cards
* To: "Bug Track"
* Subject: Spyrus creating unauthorized Manager Cards
* From: "Steve Ricke"
* Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 11:49:10 -0600
* Importance: Normal
4K Smart cards which had never been previously programmed are being recognized by the Card Manager as manager cards.
When a virgin card from CardLogix is inserted into a Spyrus (have tried CM-0-2-9 and CM-1-1-1) the prompt "Upgrade Mgr Card?" is displayed. Pressing the ENTER key creates a valid manager card.
This happens in Admin mode and Election mode.
The only way which I have found to avoid this situation is to initiate the
card by creating it as a voter card with an AVTS unit (any version). Once a
card has been programmed once it will work correctly for any election.
Will overnight a batch of virgin cards to Vancouver. Please let me know
the amount you may need.
Stephen Ricke
Global Election Systems
Phone: 972-542-6000
Fax: 972-542-6044
Email: Steve@GESN.com
Audit logs judged undesireable
-----Original Message-----
From: Jeff Hintz [mailto:jhglobal@earthlink.net]
Sent: Sunday, December 09, 2001 11:03 AM
To: Support Team (E-mail)
Subject: Status of Audit Lor RCR for Johnson County, KS
What is the status of this RCR??? I was doing training in Johnson County, KS last
Thursday & Friday, and they wanted to know.
Thanks,
Jeff
Jurisidiction: Johnson County, KS & All Accounts
Date Requested: November 16, 2001
Date Required: Before their Primary Election in March 2002
Johnson County, KS will be doing Central Count for their mail in ballots. They will also be processing these ballots in advance of the closing of polls on election day. They would like to log into the Audit Log an entry for Previewing any Election Total Reports. They need this, to prove to the media, as well as, any candidates & lawyers, that they did not view or print any Election Results before the Polls closed.
However, if there is a way that we can disable the reporting functionality, that
would be even better.
Monday, Monday ver. 661.01
Ah, a rainy, peaceful, very quiet Martin Luther King Jr. day ..
One more mass of paperwork to sort through today; I’ve gotten most of what’s on my list for today done already.
I have planned to FINALLY complete my vision poster for 2006 tonight. I have everything over behind me, waiting to go up on the board. Glue stick at the ready. Sheesh. Can’t believe it’s taking me this long. Then, I have to figure out WHERE I’m going to put it. Blah.
Had an amusing exchange with Nick today, by accident. I was talking to Carlos, who intended to share with me an email he had sent to Nick for my amusement. I read it, and replied – I thought – to Carlos, and it went, of course, to Nick. Which I find hilarious.
Today, for the first time in a long time, Nick called, IM’d and emailed. He wants to know who my comments are directed toward. Hello? Person most in need of a clue?
Here’s what I said:
I'm just going to sit here and say nothing.
Okay, f%*k it - you deserve better. WAAY better. Like someone with an education, a career, moral standards, nasty, fulfilling sex and who adores you 24/7, not just when it's Manipulation Monday.
Of course, I was saying this to Carlos.
So, Nick – I don’t need to have my beads read by a 28 year old, chronically unemployed, uneducated manipulator. I don’t need to hear you tell me over the phone that you’re upset, or you’re angry, or you’re hurt – because I don’t think you have feelings, except as a tool to manipulate the persons around you to get what you want. A person who actually had feelings wouldn’t behave in the way I’ve observed you behave – without jumping off a bridge from self-loathing.
Carlos, whom you long portayed as a psychotic stalker, seems to be an erudite, thoughtful, considerate man who can carry on conversations about things that don’t involve you. He remembers what a person is thinking about, working on, concerned about – and then he asks questions to learn how things are going with the other person. He gives thought to the experience of the people he interacts with. This is something I’ve never witnessed in you since we met in person.
So – go on about your merry way, and Godspeed. I have no further use for discussion with you, as it will add nothing to my life.
End of open letter to Nick.
One more mass of paperwork to sort through today; I’ve gotten most of what’s on my list for today done already.
I have planned to FINALLY complete my vision poster for 2006 tonight. I have everything over behind me, waiting to go up on the board. Glue stick at the ready. Sheesh. Can’t believe it’s taking me this long. Then, I have to figure out WHERE I’m going to put it. Blah.
Had an amusing exchange with Nick today, by accident. I was talking to Carlos, who intended to share with me an email he had sent to Nick for my amusement. I read it, and replied – I thought – to Carlos, and it went, of course, to Nick. Which I find hilarious.
Today, for the first time in a long time, Nick called, IM’d and emailed. He wants to know who my comments are directed toward. Hello? Person most in need of a clue?
Here’s what I said:
I'm just going to sit here and say nothing.
Okay, f%*k it - you deserve better. WAAY better. Like someone with an education, a career, moral standards, nasty, fulfilling sex and who adores you 24/7, not just when it's Manipulation Monday.
Of course, I was saying this to Carlos.
So, Nick – I don’t need to have my beads read by a 28 year old, chronically unemployed, uneducated manipulator. I don’t need to hear you tell me over the phone that you’re upset, or you’re angry, or you’re hurt – because I don’t think you have feelings, except as a tool to manipulate the persons around you to get what you want. A person who actually had feelings wouldn’t behave in the way I’ve observed you behave – without jumping off a bridge from self-loathing.
Carlos, whom you long portayed as a psychotic stalker, seems to be an erudite, thoughtful, considerate man who can carry on conversations about things that don’t involve you. He remembers what a person is thinking about, working on, concerned about – and then he asks questions to learn how things are going with the other person. He gives thought to the experience of the people he interacts with. This is something I’ve never witnessed in you since we met in person.
So – go on about your merry way, and Godspeed. I have no further use for discussion with you, as it will add nothing to my life.
End of open letter to Nick.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Sunday - the day before MLK day
Church today was something else. I drove down there rather scattered. I had my morning started with the intention of working on some paperwork AND getting ready for church, and I was sticking my head in the sand with respect to what and how I was going to say .. whatever. The topic and material was quite well established - it was a matter of how I was going to approach it.
I had already pulled together video cable, the candle plate I bought at Pier One, the Play-Doh, my books .. and so I drove Ruby down there with the stuff. Got there in record time, and started cabling, candling, and getting ready. In pops a brand-new guy, who wanted to ask questions - and I'm trying to mark my reference materials for my discussion. Urk. Eighteen people drift in; some old, two new .. as things wrapped up, a guy walked in and told us that he went to the Unitarian church nearby, but wasn't happy. He told me what it was he wanted and it was clear he had come to the right place. So, we talked about SOM for a while, and the things he didn't like about the Unis, and he says he has SIX friends that he thinks will come along with him if he likes it at NV.
So, after the crowd nattered for another half hour, we talked about where we were going to put everyone - 18 chairs of 24 is pretty full! So, we moved some things around, and now have thirty-nine chairs in the church.
I worked with Lisa after we cleaned everything up, and checked my voice mail for the first time - and found Chuck had wanted to go with me! That would have been 19!
I worked with Lisa a long while today; I was very clear that we'd be working on my weight issue. That dredged up a whole TON of old feelings, beliefs, and so on - it just went on and on - wave after wave of memories, and clarity in how I formed such powerful, negative self-beliefs. I was drained. But, I can feel a difference somewhat already.
Lisa says this will take lots and lots more work. Urk.
Came home, made a huge salad, took a nap, worked on the paperwork I wanted to finish in the morning, and have been screwing around on the net since. I'm trying to decide if tonight will be a movie night or not. I think it just could be.
I've had Travis on the mind a lot lately. A lot a lot. I'm resisting.
I had already pulled together video cable, the candle plate I bought at Pier One, the Play-Doh, my books .. and so I drove Ruby down there with the stuff. Got there in record time, and started cabling, candling, and getting ready. In pops a brand-new guy, who wanted to ask questions - and I'm trying to mark my reference materials for my discussion. Urk. Eighteen people drift in; some old, two new .. as things wrapped up, a guy walked in and told us that he went to the Unitarian church nearby, but wasn't happy. He told me what it was he wanted and it was clear he had come to the right place. So, we talked about SOM for a while, and the things he didn't like about the Unis, and he says he has SIX friends that he thinks will come along with him if he likes it at NV.
So, after the crowd nattered for another half hour, we talked about where we were going to put everyone - 18 chairs of 24 is pretty full! So, we moved some things around, and now have thirty-nine chairs in the church.
I worked with Lisa after we cleaned everything up, and checked my voice mail for the first time - and found Chuck had wanted to go with me! That would have been 19!
I worked with Lisa a long while today; I was very clear that we'd be working on my weight issue. That dredged up a whole TON of old feelings, beliefs, and so on - it just went on and on - wave after wave of memories, and clarity in how I formed such powerful, negative self-beliefs. I was drained. But, I can feel a difference somewhat already.
Lisa says this will take lots and lots more work. Urk.
Came home, made a huge salad, took a nap, worked on the paperwork I wanted to finish in the morning, and have been screwing around on the net since. I'm trying to decide if tonight will be a movie night or not. I think it just could be.
I've had Travis on the mind a lot lately. A lot a lot. I'm resisting.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Saturday night at home
Went over to meet Guy and his boyfriend; Guy had invited me to see a movie with him - we made our plans a week ago. He added in the boyfriend about 20 minutes before I was to meet him/them. I was sitting on the Katy Freeway in traffic for nearly 15 minutes before throwing in the towel.
Now, I'm at home.
Barbara revealed last night and today that she has it for Wolfram. As I suspected, it's likely that she was feeding each of us lines to make each of us ... do whatever she thought would be good for her program. Lovely. Thwarted by a 20 year old female. And a sexually ambiguous married man.
Carlos is going home tomorrow; he's not coming to Houston.
Talked to Wim today finally. Six weeks ago, he came by and said he wanted to work on the Fabulair calendar. Finally, he talked to me today. He's done nothing. That's two people that I offered to pay money to do the calendar research. No, three. No, four. So far, I've gotten approximately 70 events out of it. In a year. A damned year.
Now, I'm at home.
Barbara revealed last night and today that she has it for Wolfram. As I suspected, it's likely that she was feeding each of us lines to make each of us ... do whatever she thought would be good for her program. Lovely. Thwarted by a 20 year old female. And a sexually ambiguous married man.
Carlos is going home tomorrow; he's not coming to Houston.
Talked to Wim today finally. Six weeks ago, he came by and said he wanted to work on the Fabulair calendar. Finally, he talked to me today. He's done nothing. That's two people that I offered to pay money to do the calendar research. No, three. No, four. So far, I've gotten approximately 70 events out of it. In a year. A damned year.
Friday, January 13, 2006
TGIF - with New Vision!
I've just returned from the eye doctor, where I was told my eyes are in great shape; arguably better than they were in 1997 when I first started going there. Interesting.
I'm charging my new Bluetooth headset, which I finally figured out how to use. It seems to work great! A huge improvement.
On my way home from the eye doctor, it occured to me that I was driving RIGHT past Pier One, and that I wanted a couple more stacking wine racks - so, in I went. They had the ones I wanted, and I credited myself for only buying two when I wanted THREE (now I have to buy wine.) I found a candle plate for New Vision, and TWO DVD racks that relieved the space problem on the DVD shelf. This does create room for another 20 or so DVDs and the rest of the Angel boxed sets.
Watching "Friday Night Lights." I've been wanting to see this - it's about the 1988 Odessa Permian High School football team.
Applied for a loan for a Phaeton today; have to work out some details.
I've replaced ice cream in my diet with apples and raisins. Not quite the same thing, but it will make me feel a lot better in the long run.
I have a ton of work to do tomorrow.
And, I'm already pooped.
It looks like the club at the end of the street is going to have a parking lot party tonight. That should be .. loud. And, the parking lot should be full of non-resident cars tonight. Fun.
I'm charging my new Bluetooth headset, which I finally figured out how to use. It seems to work great! A huge improvement.
On my way home from the eye doctor, it occured to me that I was driving RIGHT past Pier One, and that I wanted a couple more stacking wine racks - so, in I went. They had the ones I wanted, and I credited myself for only buying two when I wanted THREE (now I have to buy wine.) I found a candle plate for New Vision, and TWO DVD racks that relieved the space problem on the DVD shelf. This does create room for another 20 or so DVDs and the rest of the Angel boxed sets.
Watching "Friday Night Lights." I've been wanting to see this - it's about the 1988 Odessa Permian High School football team.
Applied for a loan for a Phaeton today; have to work out some details.
I've replaced ice cream in my diet with apples and raisins. Not quite the same thing, but it will make me feel a lot better in the long run.
I have a ton of work to do tomorrow.
And, I'm already pooped.
It looks like the club at the end of the street is going to have a parking lot party tonight. That should be .. loud. And, the parking lot should be full of non-resident cars tonight. Fun.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Thursday evening class returns
Urk. I finished my term paper, did most of my reading, did the other homework assignments - I haven't felt so disconnected with a project in a long time.
Today, I got a lot of things done. Almost have the desk cleared off, which is scary. Bought the 1099 kits for myself and clients, got a new bluetooth headset which is too complex for me to figure out.
Talked to C today a while; seems I'll not be having dinner with him this weekend after all. Mikey is taking a sabbatical from the Whores of Baghdad, and Chuck is headed to B'ham to hang out with his lesbionic boyfriend. So, it's just me .. or will it be? Barbara reports that Wolfram has stated his intention to spend time with me this weekend.
Will it be a weekend of sexual ambiguity and mixed messages? Or, do I hunker down, ignore the ministrations of the married, and focus on doing my home work for next week, continuing to get ready for tax season and cleaning my apartment?
I bought some dual layer DVDs today, and STILL can't get all the files I want to write to disk. I'm going to have to beg Mikey to take the blanks and copy the files for me. Sheesh.
Other than synchronizing my Treo, I'm ready to go to class, so I guess this will be a short entry tonight.
Today, I got a lot of things done. Almost have the desk cleared off, which is scary. Bought the 1099 kits for myself and clients, got a new bluetooth headset which is too complex for me to figure out.
Talked to C today a while; seems I'll not be having dinner with him this weekend after all. Mikey is taking a sabbatical from the Whores of Baghdad, and Chuck is headed to B'ham to hang out with his lesbionic boyfriend. So, it's just me .. or will it be? Barbara reports that Wolfram has stated his intention to spend time with me this weekend.
Will it be a weekend of sexual ambiguity and mixed messages? Or, do I hunker down, ignore the ministrations of the married, and focus on doing my home work for next week, continuing to get ready for tax season and cleaning my apartment?
I bought some dual layer DVDs today, and STILL can't get all the files I want to write to disk. I'm going to have to beg Mikey to take the blanks and copy the files for me. Sheesh.
Other than synchronizing my Treo, I'm ready to go to class, so I guess this will be a short entry tonight.
MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED
(Research done by the AARP Legal Department)
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Hump day speedbumps
I don’t know why, but it’s so much easier for me to write these posts using Word than typing them into a browser window.
Today started off ruggedly. My dad backed off of his promise to send me some money after selling his house in Florida for a half million clear. I couldn’t reach my mortgage broker to get a check from him that was due today, and I couldn’t email or reach someone at Chase about the rapacious fees they socked me with yesterday for my client’s $200 check bouncing on me the day before.
So, after mentally throwing in the towel, and realizing that I’d be much happier if I generated my own money rather than having some of my dad’s, I reached the broker, talked to Jeffrey about retrieving my big man bag (which I had left at his place the night before,) and started my circle of errands with my lower lip tucked into my waist band.
Ran errands, feeling quite sorry for myself, and met up with Chuck for lunch. Came home,helped him with some things, then had the ugly realization that it was nearly 3:00 and I hadn’t yet produced any WORK. The phone had begun to ring, and I had just a few hours to crank out something productive. I did make some progress on the inter-asian land purchase transaction – I think I may actually have this one in the bag before the client leaves for a month long vacation to Cambodia. That’s a shocker.
Didn’t make ANY progress on my term papers, nor the reading I have to have done for tomorrow night.
Was going to have dinner with Michael; he wandered off at around 5:00 and said “call me.” I did, and heard nothing further from him until 7:30, at which time I told him that he had missed his window of opportunity. Travis, the marvelously sexually ambiguous and likely married doctor called, sounding VERY low tonight, and wanted to “get together” tomorrow night. I called him back after telling Michael that his time was passed, and he came by around 9:15 tonight. WOW.
I’ve known Travis about two years now, and he’s never been particularly sexually involved, even when we were going out fairly regularly. The last two weeks though has signalled a huge shift. Tonight, he fairly jumped on me. I was .. shocked? Flattered?
I’ve always really liked Travis - aside from the fact that he's a proto-nazi, right wing Christian bigot. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s beautiful, and no one fills out a pair of Dockers quite as well as he does.
Tomorrow is a hugely busy day for me. Fortunately, it should start off with some good news from Chase – the officer on my account was SO nice to me today. Then, some quick work on the inter-asian loan file, and then a TON of sorting through records, trying to make heads or tails of this corporate accounting mess.
And, of course, the reading, terms papers and other preparation for class, which starts up tomorrow.
Today started off ruggedly. My dad backed off of his promise to send me some money after selling his house in Florida for a half million clear. I couldn’t reach my mortgage broker to get a check from him that was due today, and I couldn’t email or reach someone at Chase about the rapacious fees they socked me with yesterday for my client’s $200 check bouncing on me the day before.
So, after mentally throwing in the towel, and realizing that I’d be much happier if I generated my own money rather than having some of my dad’s, I reached the broker, talked to Jeffrey about retrieving my big man bag (which I had left at his place the night before,) and started my circle of errands with my lower lip tucked into my waist band.
Ran errands, feeling quite sorry for myself, and met up with Chuck for lunch. Came home,helped him with some things, then had the ugly realization that it was nearly 3:00 and I hadn’t yet produced any WORK. The phone had begun to ring, and I had just a few hours to crank out something productive. I did make some progress on the inter-asian land purchase transaction – I think I may actually have this one in the bag before the client leaves for a month long vacation to Cambodia. That’s a shocker.
Didn’t make ANY progress on my term papers, nor the reading I have to have done for tomorrow night.
Was going to have dinner with Michael; he wandered off at around 5:00 and said “call me.” I did, and heard nothing further from him until 7:30, at which time I told him that he had missed his window of opportunity. Travis, the marvelously sexually ambiguous and likely married doctor called, sounding VERY low tonight, and wanted to “get together” tomorrow night. I called him back after telling Michael that his time was passed, and he came by around 9:15 tonight. WOW.
I’ve known Travis about two years now, and he’s never been particularly sexually involved, even when we were going out fairly regularly. The last two weeks though has signalled a huge shift. Tonight, he fairly jumped on me. I was .. shocked? Flattered?
I’ve always really liked Travis - aside from the fact that he's a proto-nazi, right wing Christian bigot. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s beautiful, and no one fills out a pair of Dockers quite as well as he does.
Tomorrow is a hugely busy day for me. Fortunately, it should start off with some good news from Chase – the officer on my account was SO nice to me today. Then, some quick work on the inter-asian loan file, and then a TON of sorting through records, trying to make heads or tails of this corporate accounting mess.
And, of course, the reading, terms papers and other preparation for class, which starts up tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Tuesday developments
A good day, I guess, all around. Got work out on two loan files, cleaned up some stuff, got a client's bank account that much closer to straightened out, worked on some consulting gigs, brought in some more work, got funded on a loan. Ended up with a lot less paper on the desk, although the amount of paper that needs be generated tomorrow is larger than what today started with.
Dinner with Jeffrey and Steven tonight - they're so wonderful. Left my big man bag over there, though. Talked to my Aunt Liz today, which was great. Got the bid for the Fabulair merchandise in - Dad closed on his house today (I think,) and I got my Phaeton owner's manual in the mail today.
Finding all KINDS of information that isn't available on the news, mostly from my friend Mike F.
My house is a WRECK. Well, by Hord standards, it's a white trash tenement slum sixth floor cold water walkup flat.
Heard from C today - he's driving down here this weekend. Yup. You guessed it. Oh, my.
Asked Michael out to dinner tomorrow night.
Another REALLY scary article about diabetes in today's NYT. Holy shit.
Okay, it's time for me to get some sleep. Later, gators!
Dinner with Jeffrey and Steven tonight - they're so wonderful. Left my big man bag over there, though. Talked to my Aunt Liz today, which was great. Got the bid for the Fabulair merchandise in - Dad closed on his house today (I think,) and I got my Phaeton owner's manual in the mail today.
Finding all KINDS of information that isn't available on the news, mostly from my friend Mike F.
My house is a WRECK. Well, by Hord standards, it's a white trash tenement slum sixth floor cold water walkup flat.
Heard from C today - he's driving down here this weekend. Yup. You guessed it. Oh, my.
Asked Michael out to dinner tomorrow night.
Another REALLY scary article about diabetes in today's NYT. Holy shit.
Okay, it's time for me to get some sleep. Later, gators!
Monday, January 09, 2006
Monday, Monday ver. 660.01
Baking chicken for dinner. I've recently discovered a chicken preparation method that just WORKS. I bake a single chicken breast in a covered, small pyrex dish - just barely big enough for the chicken breast. It gives an amazingly moist breast, without adding liquid.
I figured I'd be hearing from Michael (The Hooker) soon enough - and, tonight, there he was. He wanted to "talk." Uh-huh. What is there to say? He did admit to having to taking my car, and that it was inexcusable. Blah, blah. He wants to come pick up his "stuff." C'mon. Bring it.
Been spending some time today thinking about my self-definitions and beliefs (again.) Worked on my business website, on generating some new income, and on having some new loan business.
Had a message or two from Wolf tonight - I pretty much burned that bridge tonight. Just worn through with ambivalence. Speaking of ambivalence, I had an unsolicited email from N8 today; he's up to his normal bizarre behavior. Strange wit PLUS ambivalence. And, just to make sure things are as amusing as they can be .. PJ has been chasing Mikey around. Apparently, my telling him that he is a drunk, a bad lay and an arrogant little shit who adds nothing to life had something to do with his abandoning me for Mikey.
Watching "Strictly Ballroom." I think I've seen this before - it's just SO overdone. Cute, but overdone.
Big article today in the NYT about diabetes. Scary. Really damned scary. Scared the living shit out of me.
I figured I'd be hearing from Michael (The Hooker) soon enough - and, tonight, there he was. He wanted to "talk." Uh-huh. What is there to say? He did admit to having to taking my car, and that it was inexcusable. Blah, blah. He wants to come pick up his "stuff." C'mon. Bring it.
Been spending some time today thinking about my self-definitions and beliefs (again.) Worked on my business website, on generating some new income, and on having some new loan business.
Had a message or two from Wolf tonight - I pretty much burned that bridge tonight. Just worn through with ambivalence. Speaking of ambivalence, I had an unsolicited email from N8 today; he's up to his normal bizarre behavior. Strange wit PLUS ambivalence. And, just to make sure things are as amusing as they can be .. PJ has been chasing Mikey around. Apparently, my telling him that he is a drunk, a bad lay and an arrogant little shit who adds nothing to life had something to do with his abandoning me for Mikey.
Watching "Strictly Ballroom." I think I've seen this before - it's just SO overdone. Cute, but overdone.
Big article today in the NYT about diabetes. Scary. Really damned scary. Scared the living shit out of me.
Why is Alito ashamed of his past?
By kos on ScAlito
Michael at AMERICAblog. Apologies for stealing the whole thing, but this deserves as wide a reading as possible.
The far right wants us to believe that Supreme Court nominee Alito is similar to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Even though everyone knew Ginsburg was a liberal, she was passed by a vast majority in the Senate. They are both in the mainstream of judicial philosophy, the far right says. So Alito deserves the same treatment because he's "qualified."
So why is Alito so ashamed of his entire career?
Ginsburg IS in the mainstream of judicial philosophy, even though she's clearly a strong liberal. But she never pretended to be anything else. And everything on Ginsburg's resume was something she was proud of. Every group she belonged to, every organization she worked for, every position she staked out on the issues of the day and every promise she made reflected who Ruth Bader Ginsburg was, what she stood for and what she believed in.
Did she insist you shouldn't read anything into her work for the ACLU? Of course not; she was proud of that work. Did she insist you shouldn't read anything into her activism over the years, her push for equality among the sexes? Don't be absurd. Did she break her word on solemn pledges made before the Senate? Never.
Nothing could be further from the truth for Alito. He is apparently ashamed of everything he's ever done. Alito boasted on an application for promotion in the Reagan administration about belonging to the racist, Neanderthal-ish Concerned Alumni For Princeton. Now he pretends he can't remember ever belonging to them at all.
Alito said he wanted to become a lawyer because he was so distraught about Supreme Court rulings that led to "one person, one vote," a cornerstone of our modern democracy. Now, he says we should ignore his consistent, persistent attacks on affirmative action.
Alito also cannily helped to devise the incremental approach to dismantling Roe v Wade that has been the very tactic the far right has used. Now Alito says to ignore all that.
Alito has repeatedly proven he believes the president is more like an emperor -- someone who deserves almost unlimited deference from the Supreme Court, especially during a time of war.
Finally, Alito pledged to the Senate that he would recuse himself under certain situations as a federal judge. He repeatedly broke that pledge. His excuses vary: he forgot, the computers shouldn't have assigned him those cases in the first place, he never HAD to recuse himself, and finally he never promised he would recuse himself forever. The reasons change, but the fact remains: Alito gave his word and then he broke it. He can't be trusted.
Since Alito is so clearly ashamed of himself, shouldn't we be ashamed of him and keep him off the Supreme Court?
While conservatives like to pretend that the country is with them, their actions speak louder than words.
If the country is truly with them, why do they have to spin, lie, and frame away the things they truly stand for? Scalito is just the latest in a long history of efforts to hide what they really stand for.
To conservatives I say, "Be proud! Stand tall! Tell people what you TRULY believe! And if they're with you, then you've won the war of ideas. But quit the subterfuge. It's quite unbecoming."
Of course, they won't listen. They know that a full airing of their views would doom them. It would doom Alito. And as such, true conservatism remains in the closet, pathetically hiding in the shadows.
Michael at AMERICAblog. Apologies for stealing the whole thing, but this deserves as wide a reading as possible.
The far right wants us to believe that Supreme Court nominee Alito is similar to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Even though everyone knew Ginsburg was a liberal, she was passed by a vast majority in the Senate. They are both in the mainstream of judicial philosophy, the far right says. So Alito deserves the same treatment because he's "qualified."
So why is Alito so ashamed of his entire career?
Ginsburg IS in the mainstream of judicial philosophy, even though she's clearly a strong liberal. But she never pretended to be anything else. And everything on Ginsburg's resume was something she was proud of. Every group she belonged to, every organization she worked for, every position she staked out on the issues of the day and every promise she made reflected who Ruth Bader Ginsburg was, what she stood for and what she believed in.
Did she insist you shouldn't read anything into her work for the ACLU? Of course not; she was proud of that work. Did she insist you shouldn't read anything into her activism over the years, her push for equality among the sexes? Don't be absurd. Did she break her word on solemn pledges made before the Senate? Never.
Nothing could be further from the truth for Alito. He is apparently ashamed of everything he's ever done. Alito boasted on an application for promotion in the Reagan administration about belonging to the racist, Neanderthal-ish Concerned Alumni For Princeton. Now he pretends he can't remember ever belonging to them at all.
Alito said he wanted to become a lawyer because he was so distraught about Supreme Court rulings that led to "one person, one vote," a cornerstone of our modern democracy. Now, he says we should ignore his consistent, persistent attacks on affirmative action.
Alito also cannily helped to devise the incremental approach to dismantling Roe v Wade that has been the very tactic the far right has used. Now Alito says to ignore all that.
Alito has repeatedly proven he believes the president is more like an emperor -- someone who deserves almost unlimited deference from the Supreme Court, especially during a time of war.
Finally, Alito pledged to the Senate that he would recuse himself under certain situations as a federal judge. He repeatedly broke that pledge. His excuses vary: he forgot, the computers shouldn't have assigned him those cases in the first place, he never HAD to recuse himself, and finally he never promised he would recuse himself forever. The reasons change, but the fact remains: Alito gave his word and then he broke it. He can't be trusted.
Since Alito is so clearly ashamed of himself, shouldn't we be ashamed of him and keep him off the Supreme Court?
While conservatives like to pretend that the country is with them, their actions speak louder than words.
If the country is truly with them, why do they have to spin, lie, and frame away the things they truly stand for? Scalito is just the latest in a long history of efforts to hide what they really stand for.
To conservatives I say, "Be proud! Stand tall! Tell people what you TRULY believe! And if they're with you, then you've won the war of ideas. But quit the subterfuge. It's quite unbecoming."
Of course, they won't listen. They know that a full airing of their views would doom them. It would doom Alito. And as such, true conservatism remains in the closet, pathetically hiding in the shadows.
More King George
By kos on signing statements
Ahh, this is why Bush has never vetoed any bills:
When George Bush signed the defense appropriation bill containing John McCain's amendment removing torture and other human rights violations from the official repertoire of the armed forces, he added his own little amendment: "Unless I say otherwise." The vehicle through which he reserved the option to break the law is called a bill-signing statement, and as Knight Ridder's Ron Hutcheson revealed on Friday, the McCain bill was far from the first victim of the practice: Bush has used it some 500 times since taking office [...]
Bush doesn't veto bills because in his view, he doesn't have to; he can simply ignore the ones he doesn't like.
The administration have made that argument explicit, but only in terms of the president's capacity as "commander in chief" during an endless war, as with the National Security Agency's warrantless wiretapping, the decisions to ignore various Geneva Conventions and the selective suspension of habeas corpus. According to the Hutcheson story, though, it isn't only legislation dealing with national security issues that the White House asserts the right to ignore.
In 2003, lawmakers tried to get a handle on Bush's use of signing statements by passing a Justice Department spending bill that required the department to inform Congress whenever the administration decided to ignore a legislative provision on constitutional grounds.
Bush signed the bill, but issued a statement asserting his right to ignore the notification requirement.
Seriously, why doesn't King George just dissolve Congress and get it over with.
Ahh, this is why Bush has never vetoed any bills:
When George Bush signed the defense appropriation bill containing John McCain's amendment removing torture and other human rights violations from the official repertoire of the armed forces, he added his own little amendment: "Unless I say otherwise." The vehicle through which he reserved the option to break the law is called a bill-signing statement, and as Knight Ridder's Ron Hutcheson revealed on Friday, the McCain bill was far from the first victim of the practice: Bush has used it some 500 times since taking office [...]
Bush doesn't veto bills because in his view, he doesn't have to; he can simply ignore the ones he doesn't like.
The administration have made that argument explicit, but only in terms of the president's capacity as "commander in chief" during an endless war, as with the National Security Agency's warrantless wiretapping, the decisions to ignore various Geneva Conventions and the selective suspension of habeas corpus. According to the Hutcheson story, though, it isn't only legislation dealing with national security issues that the White House asserts the right to ignore.
In 2003, lawmakers tried to get a handle on Bush's use of signing statements by passing a Justice Department spending bill that required the department to inform Congress whenever the administration decided to ignore a legislative provision on constitutional grounds.
Bush signed the bill, but issued a statement asserting his right to ignore the notification requirement.
Seriously, why doesn't King George just dissolve Congress and get it over with.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Should I stay or should I go?
Church this morning was very good - I was explaining how the Science of Mind works - people seemed to be very pleased.
After church, we went to Sartin's for lunch and our board meeting. Meeting went well; then, we got up to leave and I sliced the snot out of my left ring finger putting my bag over my head. I bled EVERYWHERE. I don't think I've ever bled that much.
I just looked at it thinking .. uh, well .. what do you know? I had many people ministering to me (and wiping up the blood.) Now it's just inconvenient to type with.
Lined up classes that I'll be teaching at NV starting in Feburary; and immediately realized that I need to change the dates, as they will conflict with San Jac teaching.
Got home around 5:45 today - a very full day.
Had a quick conversation tonight with C, who was asking me about my Hallowe'en trip to Dallas - he started asking me about different "events" - it was a "sister say WHAT?" moment. Like, which trip to Dallas had he heard about? The trips I've taken bore no resemblance to what he'd heard. Went to Jack in the Box and picked up who? I didn't have a car! I didn't drive that entire weekend, except when I test drove the Phaeton.
So, more hostility from the leasing office. And more loud banging from upstairs. My lease is up March 6 - my time to give notice is already passed, but I could certainly have Mike F. help me nuke them and get me out. But, where to go?
My blood sugar is totally catawampus again. Blarg.
Where did I put my interview on Fox 26? I can't find the tape.
I had more profound pontificating planned for tonight, but it seems to have escaped me.
Heard from Wolfram tonight:
Wolrfram "I'm breathing again."
Divo "I guess breathing is a good thing."
Wolfram "Back to work for more auditing."
Divo "Tonight? It's 800 pm in the evening."
Wolfram "Yeah. Sigh."
Divo "You didn't hear? Lincoln freed the slaves. So, why communication all of a sudden?"
Wolfram "B told me you asked if I was okay. Busy as hell, but okay."
Divo "Ah. Actually, I asked if she'd heard from you. So, had I not triangulated with her, you would yet be silent? Nice."
No further word.
Had another conversation today that was interesting (they're all interesting, after my conversation with Lisa today.) A guy that I've had ONE date with asks me why I don't like him. Ver. 214.11 ugh. "Why am I the one who always initiates these conversations? Blah, blah." He asked me to be honest. So, after gathering my words, I told him that every conversation with him required that I either assuage his hurt feelings because I had had a phone call, or a fax, or an email that interrupted my immediate response to his hails, OR he asked me why I didn't like him or want to date him, which also required assuagement. Thus, I said, I avoid these conversations, as they're difficult, repetitive and whiney.
Wow.
He says "okay, I can accept that." And promptly begins to tell me that he's worried about me, as I'm the worst workaholic he knows. Uh .. who? Who are you speaking about? You can't follow my somewhat vague, but very clear statement should have included the obvious "I'm making excuses to deflect having to tell you that you're too difficult to spend time with." Along with the fact that the one time we did go out, I thought you were going to eat my face when we had a good night kiss. YUCK.
I've begun to notice that some of my more ... right-wing .. friends have begun to speak with a tone of resignation about the future of the Republicans, and have begun to back away from their association with these folk. It's been very subtle. I think that as this information continues to cascade out - as dots continue to be connected - it's going to get worse.
At which point, I intend to take a baseball bat to anyone who beat the crap out of me about Clinton's blowjob if they aren't crawling on the floor, begging forgiveness for the hypocrisy.
Gently, of course.
Read Philip's blog tonight. He's having a roaring time in Oz. Just totally not my speed or style. I'm glad he's having the trip of his dreams, though.
After church, we went to Sartin's for lunch and our board meeting. Meeting went well; then, we got up to leave and I sliced the snot out of my left ring finger putting my bag over my head. I bled EVERYWHERE. I don't think I've ever bled that much.
I just looked at it thinking .. uh, well .. what do you know? I had many people ministering to me (and wiping up the blood.) Now it's just inconvenient to type with.
Lined up classes that I'll be teaching at NV starting in Feburary; and immediately realized that I need to change the dates, as they will conflict with San Jac teaching.
Got home around 5:45 today - a very full day.
Had a quick conversation tonight with C, who was asking me about my Hallowe'en trip to Dallas - he started asking me about different "events" - it was a "sister say WHAT?" moment. Like, which trip to Dallas had he heard about? The trips I've taken bore no resemblance to what he'd heard. Went to Jack in the Box and picked up who? I didn't have a car! I didn't drive that entire weekend, except when I test drove the Phaeton.
So, more hostility from the leasing office. And more loud banging from upstairs. My lease is up March 6 - my time to give notice is already passed, but I could certainly have Mike F. help me nuke them and get me out. But, where to go?
My blood sugar is totally catawampus again. Blarg.
Where did I put my interview on Fox 26? I can't find the tape.
I had more profound pontificating planned for tonight, but it seems to have escaped me.
Heard from Wolfram tonight:
Wolrfram "I'm breathing again."
Divo "I guess breathing is a good thing."
Wolfram "Back to work for more auditing."
Divo "Tonight? It's 800 pm in the evening."
Wolfram "Yeah. Sigh."
Divo "You didn't hear? Lincoln freed the slaves. So, why communication all of a sudden?"
Wolfram "B told me you asked if I was okay. Busy as hell, but okay."
Divo "Ah. Actually, I asked if she'd heard from you. So, had I not triangulated with her, you would yet be silent? Nice."
No further word.
Had another conversation today that was interesting (they're all interesting, after my conversation with Lisa today.) A guy that I've had ONE date with asks me why I don't like him. Ver. 214.11 ugh. "Why am I the one who always initiates these conversations? Blah, blah." He asked me to be honest. So, after gathering my words, I told him that every conversation with him required that I either assuage his hurt feelings because I had had a phone call, or a fax, or an email that interrupted my immediate response to his hails, OR he asked me why I didn't like him or want to date him, which also required assuagement. Thus, I said, I avoid these conversations, as they're difficult, repetitive and whiney.
Wow.
He says "okay, I can accept that." And promptly begins to tell me that he's worried about me, as I'm the worst workaholic he knows. Uh .. who? Who are you speaking about? You can't follow my somewhat vague, but very clear statement should have included the obvious "I'm making excuses to deflect having to tell you that you're too difficult to spend time with." Along with the fact that the one time we did go out, I thought you were going to eat my face when we had a good night kiss. YUCK.
I've begun to notice that some of my more ... right-wing .. friends have begun to speak with a tone of resignation about the future of the Republicans, and have begun to back away from their association with these folk. It's been very subtle. I think that as this information continues to cascade out - as dots continue to be connected - it's going to get worse.
At which point, I intend to take a baseball bat to anyone who beat the crap out of me about Clinton's blowjob if they aren't crawling on the floor, begging forgiveness for the hypocrisy.
Gently, of course.
Read Philip's blog tonight. He's having a roaring time in Oz. Just totally not my speed or style. I'm glad he's having the trip of his dreams, though.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
A day of rest -
Watching another season of "Angel." Such a fun show. Earlier, I watched the most insipid British, gay movie. Bleh.
Trying to create just how I'm going to do my presentation tomorrow for New Vision.
Today has totally been a day of rest. I don't think I've done a thing but screw around on the internet, read, nap, make food and throw some laundry in.
Barney, after going hog wild on the attention getting thing two days ago, has settled back down and is diong his best to be inoffensive.
I have about $1000 in software to purchase in the next two weeks. Urk. Tax software and the updated version of the mortgage software. I think I'm also going to go with the website that goes along with the mortgage software. It's reasonable.
Things upstairs have indeed been much quieter lately. I wonder if it's going to stay improved.
Carlos and Nick are silent as a tomb. Wolfram has run in the other direction. It looks as if my commitment to stay away from men for six months (including not allowing in through my front door) will be easier to keep.
I was talking to Denny the other day about the car thing; I found a V8 Phaeton in Cleveland that was cheaper (by a lot) and with much lower mileage. He asks "yes, but which car is it that is fully you when you pull up somewhere?"
Rotten bastard. After all this time of not being at ALL in my world, he pegs me with the first dart.
I'm thinking of going up there Thursday to check the car out. I think Denny would go up there with me.
He also says he has a friend at a credit union that can help me get a decent loan.
Trying to create just how I'm going to do my presentation tomorrow for New Vision.
Today has totally been a day of rest. I don't think I've done a thing but screw around on the internet, read, nap, make food and throw some laundry in.
Barney, after going hog wild on the attention getting thing two days ago, has settled back down and is diong his best to be inoffensive.
I have about $1000 in software to purchase in the next two weeks. Urk. Tax software and the updated version of the mortgage software. I think I'm also going to go with the website that goes along with the mortgage software. It's reasonable.
Things upstairs have indeed been much quieter lately. I wonder if it's going to stay improved.
Carlos and Nick are silent as a tomb. Wolfram has run in the other direction. It looks as if my commitment to stay away from men for six months (including not allowing in through my front door) will be easier to keep.
I was talking to Denny the other day about the car thing; I found a V8 Phaeton in Cleveland that was cheaper (by a lot) and with much lower mileage. He asks "yes, but which car is it that is fully you when you pull up somewhere?"
Rotten bastard. After all this time of not being at ALL in my world, he pegs me with the first dart.
I'm thinking of going up there Thursday to check the car out. I think Denny would go up there with me.
He also says he has a friend at a credit union that can help me get a decent loan.
Friday, January 06, 2006
What year is this anyway? Rollback to 1214 AD.
What Year Is This Anyway?
By Nick Turse
TomDispatch.com
Thursday 05 January 2006
Source article
What might happen to an "often cruel and treacherous" national leader who "ignored and contravened the traditional" norms at home and waged "expensive wars abroad [that] were unsuccessful"?
On June 15, 1215, just such a leader arrived at Runnymede, England and - under pressure from rebellious barons angered by his ruinous foreign wars and the fact that "to finance them he had charged excessively for royal justice, sold church offices, levied heavy aids," and appointed "advisers from outside the baronial ranks" - placed his seal on the Magna Carta. The document, which was finalized on June 19th, primarily guaranteed church rights and baronial privileges, while barring the king from exploiting feudal custom. While it may have been of limited importance to King John or his rebel nobles (as one scholar notes, "It was doomed to failure. Magna Carta lasted less than three months"), the document had a lasting impact on the rest of us, providing the very basis for the Anglo-American legal tradition.
Over the years, the Magna Carta came to be interpreted as a document that forbade taxation without representation and guaranteed trial by jury. In the US, it is seen as providing a basis for the 5th Amendment to the Bill of Rights that holds: "No person shall... be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law..." (The Magna Carta states: "No Freeman shall be taken, or imprisoned... but by lawful Judgment of his Peers, or by the Law of the Land.") While many progressive and democratic understandings of the document, popular from the seventeenth to the nineteenth century, have now been dismissed as misinterpretations, the Magna Carta has one absolutely significant feature. As the website of the US National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) notes, "When King John confirmed Magna Carta with his seal, he was acknowledging the now firmly embedded concept that no man - not even the king - is above the law."
Fast forward 561 years. Says NARA, "In 1776, the Founding Fathers searched for a historical precedent for asserting their rightful liberties from King George III and the English Parliament." They found it in the Magna Carta. Fast forward another 230 years. Their war for independence long since over, Britain's former rebel colonies begin the new year of 2006 on a precipice. During the previous 365 days, they saw, among other shocking displays, their Vice President publicly campaign against Senator John McCain's anti-torture amendment and, as such, essentially offer his support for illegal torture. Then, following a failed attempt by the President to quash a New York Times story on the National Security Agency (which the paper had already suppressed for a year), the people also found out that their President had ordered unlawful spying on American citizens.
After the latter scandal became public, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales (who, in 2002 as White House counsel, penned a memo advising the President on how to circumvent the 1996 War Crimes Act) claimed that George Bush had the right to violate the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (which makes it illegal to spy on US citizens in the United States without prior or retroactive - within 72 hours - court approval) due to his "inherent authority as commander in chief under the Constitution." This, despite the fact that in 2004 Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, writing for the court, insisted, "A state of war is not a blank check for the president when it comes to the rights of the nation's citizens." Bush himself then came out swinging, claiming that he had no need for the courts since he acted as his own agency of oversight, and his acts were legal because he "swore to uphold the laws."
The President's threatened veto of the McCain anti-torture amendment, the Vice-President's pro-torture campaign, the President's illegal spying, which he proudly claimed he had re-authorized many times over, his attempt to squelch the free press (which Thomas Jefferson once called "the only security of all" and about which he stated, "Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter"), and his own and the Attorney General's defense of all of the above, are not only the latest examples of the administration's quest to shred the US Constitution and expand already vast presidential powers past anything conceivably envisioned by the founders of the United States, but also a direct attempt to overturn nearly 800 years of Anglo-American legal precedent. In other words, the administration has launched nothing short of a bid to invalidate the guiding precepts of what the US government acknowledges to be the Ur document that inspired and provided precedent for America's founders to issue their Declaration of Independence in 1776: the Magna Carta.
In 1957, the American Bar Association erected a monument at Runnymede to "acknowledg[e] the debt American law and constitutionalism" owed to the Magna Carta. Today, the defining tenet of the American legal system is in jeopardy as the Bush administration has attempted to roll back the clock to the 13th century. Such a gambit seeks to do nothing short of shatter and effectively bury the framework for the Anglo-American legal tradition by transforming the chief executive into an unchecked despot and so plunging us into a pre-1215 world. The implications are dire. As Harold Hongju Koh, dean of the Yale Law School, observed, "If the president has commander-in-chief power to commit torture, he has the power to commit genocide, to sanction slavery, to promote apartheid, to license summary execution."
During the birth of the United States, John Adams - who also proclaimed that Britain's rule under which "The Law, and the Fact, are both to be decided by the same single Judge" was "directly repugnant to the Great Charter [Magna Carta] itself" - wrote of "a government of laws and not of men." During the Watergate crisis (to hop a couple of centuries) and just after he was fired by a President who wanted to shield his criminal acts by citing the doctrine of executive privilege, Special Prosecutor Archibald Cox warned, "Whether ours shall continue to be a government of laws and not of men is now for Congress and ultimately the American people." Just 33 years later, the question again begs answer - is this to be a nation of laws or of men? Is this to be a nation that recognizes nearly 800 years of Anglo-American legal precedent in which even the nation's chief executive is subject to the rule of law, or one that allows that leader to assume the unchecked rights of a sovereign during the Middle Ages? Are we willing to accept the Bush administration's latest rollback campaign and reset the calendar to 1214?
By Nick Turse
TomDispatch.com
Thursday 05 January 2006
Source article
What might happen to an "often cruel and treacherous" national leader who "ignored and contravened the traditional" norms at home and waged "expensive wars abroad [that] were unsuccessful"?
On June 15, 1215, just such a leader arrived at Runnymede, England and - under pressure from rebellious barons angered by his ruinous foreign wars and the fact that "to finance them he had charged excessively for royal justice, sold church offices, levied heavy aids," and appointed "advisers from outside the baronial ranks" - placed his seal on the Magna Carta. The document, which was finalized on June 19th, primarily guaranteed church rights and baronial privileges, while barring the king from exploiting feudal custom. While it may have been of limited importance to King John or his rebel nobles (as one scholar notes, "It was doomed to failure. Magna Carta lasted less than three months"), the document had a lasting impact on the rest of us, providing the very basis for the Anglo-American legal tradition.
Over the years, the Magna Carta came to be interpreted as a document that forbade taxation without representation and guaranteed trial by jury. In the US, it is seen as providing a basis for the 5th Amendment to the Bill of Rights that holds: "No person shall... be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law..." (The Magna Carta states: "No Freeman shall be taken, or imprisoned... but by lawful Judgment of his Peers, or by the Law of the Land.") While many progressive and democratic understandings of the document, popular from the seventeenth to the nineteenth century, have now been dismissed as misinterpretations, the Magna Carta has one absolutely significant feature. As the website of the US National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) notes, "When King John confirmed Magna Carta with his seal, he was acknowledging the now firmly embedded concept that no man - not even the king - is above the law."
Fast forward 561 years. Says NARA, "In 1776, the Founding Fathers searched for a historical precedent for asserting their rightful liberties from King George III and the English Parliament." They found it in the Magna Carta. Fast forward another 230 years. Their war for independence long since over, Britain's former rebel colonies begin the new year of 2006 on a precipice. During the previous 365 days, they saw, among other shocking displays, their Vice President publicly campaign against Senator John McCain's anti-torture amendment and, as such, essentially offer his support for illegal torture. Then, following a failed attempt by the President to quash a New York Times story on the National Security Agency (which the paper had already suppressed for a year), the people also found out that their President had ordered unlawful spying on American citizens.
After the latter scandal became public, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales (who, in 2002 as White House counsel, penned a memo advising the President on how to circumvent the 1996 War Crimes Act) claimed that George Bush had the right to violate the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (which makes it illegal to spy on US citizens in the United States without prior or retroactive - within 72 hours - court approval) due to his "inherent authority as commander in chief under the Constitution." This, despite the fact that in 2004 Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, writing for the court, insisted, "A state of war is not a blank check for the president when it comes to the rights of the nation's citizens." Bush himself then came out swinging, claiming that he had no need for the courts since he acted as his own agency of oversight, and his acts were legal because he "swore to uphold the laws."
The President's threatened veto of the McCain anti-torture amendment, the Vice-President's pro-torture campaign, the President's illegal spying, which he proudly claimed he had re-authorized many times over, his attempt to squelch the free press (which Thomas Jefferson once called "the only security of all" and about which he stated, "Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter"), and his own and the Attorney General's defense of all of the above, are not only the latest examples of the administration's quest to shred the US Constitution and expand already vast presidential powers past anything conceivably envisioned by the founders of the United States, but also a direct attempt to overturn nearly 800 years of Anglo-American legal precedent. In other words, the administration has launched nothing short of a bid to invalidate the guiding precepts of what the US government acknowledges to be the Ur document that inspired and provided precedent for America's founders to issue their Declaration of Independence in 1776: the Magna Carta.
In 1957, the American Bar Association erected a monument at Runnymede to "acknowledg[e] the debt American law and constitutionalism" owed to the Magna Carta. Today, the defining tenet of the American legal system is in jeopardy as the Bush administration has attempted to roll back the clock to the 13th century. Such a gambit seeks to do nothing short of shatter and effectively bury the framework for the Anglo-American legal tradition by transforming the chief executive into an unchecked despot and so plunging us into a pre-1215 world. The implications are dire. As Harold Hongju Koh, dean of the Yale Law School, observed, "If the president has commander-in-chief power to commit torture, he has the power to commit genocide, to sanction slavery, to promote apartheid, to license summary execution."
During the birth of the United States, John Adams - who also proclaimed that Britain's rule under which "The Law, and the Fact, are both to be decided by the same single Judge" was "directly repugnant to the Great Charter [Magna Carta] itself" - wrote of "a government of laws and not of men." During the Watergate crisis (to hop a couple of centuries) and just after he was fired by a President who wanted to shield his criminal acts by citing the doctrine of executive privilege, Special Prosecutor Archibald Cox warned, "Whether ours shall continue to be a government of laws and not of men is now for Congress and ultimately the American people." Just 33 years later, the question again begs answer - is this to be a nation of laws or of men? Is this to be a nation that recognizes nearly 800 years of Anglo-American legal precedent in which even the nation's chief executive is subject to the rule of law, or one that allows that leader to assume the unchecked rights of a sovereign during the Middle Ages? Are we willing to accept the Bush administration's latest rollback campaign and reset the calendar to 1214?
Pastor accused of propositioning a cop
Source article
The Rev. Lonnie Latham, an outspoken opponent of homosexuality and a national figure in the Southern Baptist Convention, was arrested Tuesday in Oklahoma City and charged with propositioning a male undercover police officer.
"I was set up," he protested while leaving jail. "I was in the area pastoring to police."
Latham was in the parking lot of the Habana Inn, an area not known for police officers but rather for male prostitutes who flag down cars, police Capt. Jeffrey Becker told the Associated Press.
Becker said Latham asked an undercover officer to join him in his hotel room for oral sex.
Police arrested the pastor and impounded his 2005 Mercedes. He was charged with a misdemeanor count of offering to engage in an act of lewdness and was released on $500 bail Wednesday afternoon.
Latham could be sentenced to a year in jail. He also faces a $2,500 fine.
Latham will also face a puzzled congregation at South Tulsa Baptist Church, where he is the senior pastor.
Latham, a member of the Southern Baptists' executive committee, has spoken out against same-sex marriage and has supported a Southern Baptist convention directive aimed at converting gays into heterosexuals. Southern Baptists are urged to befriend gays and lesbians and try to convince them that they can become heterosexual "if they accept Jesus Christ as their savior and reject their 'sinful, destructive lifestyle.' "
His church has posted a note on its Web site that reads, "We are deeply grieved to hear the news about our pastor, Lonnie Latham. Our first concerns are with Lonnie, his family, and our church family. We will be focused on doing what we can to minister to everyone in this difficult time. Our church has a great history and a great future of ministry in this community. We would appreciate your prayers."
The Southern Baptist Convention is the largest Protestant denomination in the United States.
The Rev. Robyn Murphy, a spokeswoman for Soulforce, an organization devoted to changing the hearts and minds of religious leaders who engage in anti-gay campaigns, was sympathetic to Latham.
"The anti-gay bias has now claimed another victim," Murphy said. "Now he will be ridiculed for being gay."
"What he needs some is some sanity and grace, and that's the message he should have been spreading all along," she said. "We wish him well, and we wish he didn't have to be outed in this fashion."
Matt Foreman, the executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, suggested that Latham's arrest was indicative of a larger pattern.
"This is just another example of people who are the most viciously homophobic and at the same time are clearly gay," he told the PlanetOut Network, adding that he suspects the same is true for many anti-gay leaders.
"It's nearly impossible to explain the irrational hatred of our opponents, other than to think they have internal conflicts about their own sexuality," Foreman concluded.
The Rev. Lonnie Latham, an outspoken opponent of homosexuality and a national figure in the Southern Baptist Convention, was arrested Tuesday in Oklahoma City and charged with propositioning a male undercover police officer.
"I was set up," he protested while leaving jail. "I was in the area pastoring to police."
Latham was in the parking lot of the Habana Inn, an area not known for police officers but rather for male prostitutes who flag down cars, police Capt. Jeffrey Becker told the Associated Press.
Becker said Latham asked an undercover officer to join him in his hotel room for oral sex.
Police arrested the pastor and impounded his 2005 Mercedes. He was charged with a misdemeanor count of offering to engage in an act of lewdness and was released on $500 bail Wednesday afternoon.
Latham could be sentenced to a year in jail. He also faces a $2,500 fine.
Latham will also face a puzzled congregation at South Tulsa Baptist Church, where he is the senior pastor.
Latham, a member of the Southern Baptists' executive committee, has spoken out against same-sex marriage and has supported a Southern Baptist convention directive aimed at converting gays into heterosexuals. Southern Baptists are urged to befriend gays and lesbians and try to convince them that they can become heterosexual "if they accept Jesus Christ as their savior and reject their 'sinful, destructive lifestyle.' "
His church has posted a note on its Web site that reads, "We are deeply grieved to hear the news about our pastor, Lonnie Latham. Our first concerns are with Lonnie, his family, and our church family. We will be focused on doing what we can to minister to everyone in this difficult time. Our church has a great history and a great future of ministry in this community. We would appreciate your prayers."
The Southern Baptist Convention is the largest Protestant denomination in the United States.
The Rev. Robyn Murphy, a spokeswoman for Soulforce, an organization devoted to changing the hearts and minds of religious leaders who engage in anti-gay campaigns, was sympathetic to Latham.
"The anti-gay bias has now claimed another victim," Murphy said. "Now he will be ridiculed for being gay."
"What he needs some is some sanity and grace, and that's the message he should have been spreading all along," she said. "We wish him well, and we wish he didn't have to be outed in this fashion."
Matt Foreman, the executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, suggested that Latham's arrest was indicative of a larger pattern.
"This is just another example of people who are the most viciously homophobic and at the same time are clearly gay," he told the PlanetOut Network, adding that he suspects the same is true for many anti-gay leaders.
"It's nearly impossible to explain the irrational hatred of our opponents, other than to think they have internal conflicts about their own sexuality," Foreman concluded.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Thursday, with feeling
Spent most of today with Denny, which was a nice change from my previous relationship with him. That usually made me want to puke up a lung, as he was so totally NOT into anything important to me.
We motored around, looking for a Passat W8 that was listed on eBay. The dealer had moved, left no forwarding address, their phone number was answered by a fax machine, and I couldn't log into eBay on my Treo to save my life. We went all the way down to Stafford, looking for this dealer.
After, I was talking to Lisa - she pointed out that it was NOT the car for me, as it had been such a struggle to even find it, and I wasn't successful with that. I realized - well, no, it was NOT the car I wanted - it was a compromise. The car I want is in Austin.
I spent another couple of hours tonight researching the Phaeton, pulling down the build codes, looking through the equipment/option code lists and combination choices. I need more expansion cards for my Treo; even after deleting all of the pictures of other Phaetons, I don't have room for these new pdfs.
Which leads to a whole conversation about compromise and settling for less than what we really want. That's a big clue, a HUGE clue that you cannot accept something larger for yourself. In other words, as soon as you start to think that you should settle for something less, it's a clue that you believe yourself unworthy of having what you want.
I'm really about over listening to some people's non-stop conversation about their sex lives. I've been having recurring conversations with several people that involve me listening and lobbing in occasional "uh-huhs" while they carry on about how hot, how wonderful, how .. who gives a fuck? I'm WORKING? Of course, one friend, who shall remain nameless, REPEATS everything. Over and over and over and over and over and over.
"Did I tell you how hot he was?" Yes, sixteen times. "Did I send you his picture?" Yes, and you've asked me if I received it five times.
So rarely do one of these people even ask a.) how I am, b.) if I am busy, c.) do I want to listen to them carry on about their random sexual acts and d.) have I yet opened up my wrists with a dull, rusty razor blade.
In these conversations, a consistent feature is:
Caller: "droning on"
Divo: "Uh, I have to go - I have an appointment/death squad at my door/suicide note to write."
Caller: "oh, okay .. drone, drone, drone, drone."
My weakness is in failing to interrupt these calls right off with "Hey, these are work hours and I want to focus. Call me later (like shortly after I've sawed my head off with a blunt sugar spoon, please.)" It is also in not bellowing down the horn "Hey, I'm busy and have to hang up. GOOD BYE."
Perhaps I can adopt these conversational techniques in the next few days.
We motored around, looking for a Passat W8 that was listed on eBay. The dealer had moved, left no forwarding address, their phone number was answered by a fax machine, and I couldn't log into eBay on my Treo to save my life. We went all the way down to Stafford, looking for this dealer.
After, I was talking to Lisa - she pointed out that it was NOT the car for me, as it had been such a struggle to even find it, and I wasn't successful with that. I realized - well, no, it was NOT the car I wanted - it was a compromise. The car I want is in Austin.
I spent another couple of hours tonight researching the Phaeton, pulling down the build codes, looking through the equipment/option code lists and combination choices. I need more expansion cards for my Treo; even after deleting all of the pictures of other Phaetons, I don't have room for these new pdfs.
Which leads to a whole conversation about compromise and settling for less than what we really want. That's a big clue, a HUGE clue that you cannot accept something larger for yourself. In other words, as soon as you start to think that you should settle for something less, it's a clue that you believe yourself unworthy of having what you want.
I'm really about over listening to some people's non-stop conversation about their sex lives. I've been having recurring conversations with several people that involve me listening and lobbing in occasional "uh-huhs" while they carry on about how hot, how wonderful, how .. who gives a fuck? I'm WORKING? Of course, one friend, who shall remain nameless, REPEATS everything. Over and over and over and over and over and over.
"Did I tell you how hot he was?" Yes, sixteen times. "Did I send you his picture?" Yes, and you've asked me if I received it five times.
So rarely do one of these people even ask a.) how I am, b.) if I am busy, c.) do I want to listen to them carry on about their random sexual acts and d.) have I yet opened up my wrists with a dull, rusty razor blade.
In these conversations, a consistent feature is:
Caller: "droning on"
Divo: "Uh, I have to go - I have an appointment/death squad at my door/suicide note to write."
Caller: "oh, okay .. drone, drone, drone, drone."
My weakness is in failing to interrupt these calls right off with "Hey, these are work hours and I want to focus. Call me later (like shortly after I've sawed my head off with a blunt sugar spoon, please.)" It is also in not bellowing down the horn "Hey, I'm busy and have to hang up. GOOD BYE."
Perhaps I can adopt these conversational techniques in the next few days.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Fun with Dick and Jane
I'm watching the 1977 Movie "Fun with Dick and Jane," which is a hoot. George Segal has been trying to rob businesses for hours, and he hasn't had the guts to do anything. Jane Fonda is just SO dry and sarcastic.
They're driving around in a stolen XK-R, and just robbed a motel. It's just a stitch. I had forgotten that they robbed a televangelist.
Jane Fonda is 69 years old this year. Holy cow. She just looks amazing. I had forgotten that she had the exercise videos back in the 1980s - when she was in her 40s. MIDDLE forties.
My age.
Wow.
Exchanged a few text messages today with Wolfram. He's so weird. Well, I'd have to say that he's a step forward, since he isn't looking for a handout, and he is interested in me personally. Barb says she's going to bring him to our Whores of Baghdad meeting on Friday night.
Finished the answers to one of my classes today. Tomorrow, working on another loan, and then also working on a paper for my class, and organizing another course that I have to publish.
Ordered the Fabulair initial merchandise. It should be in anytime. Also working on our parade float and entry, on the website, on photo shoots coming up, on flight attendant costumes .. lord, there's a lot to keep track of.
That, plus ramping up for tax season, working on church, trying to exercise - again, keeping everything else working. Urk.
I need to do some more self-work; blarg. Doubting that my dad will come through with his promises next week. Blah, blah.
Had my wrists, elbows and shoulders adjusted today; it was excruciating in a lovely way.
My bottle of White Star remains yet in my 'fridge, untouched. No one to drink it with. Bleh.
They're driving around in a stolen XK-R, and just robbed a motel. It's just a stitch. I had forgotten that they robbed a televangelist.
Jane Fonda is 69 years old this year. Holy cow. She just looks amazing. I had forgotten that she had the exercise videos back in the 1980s - when she was in her 40s. MIDDLE forties.
My age.
Wow.
Exchanged a few text messages today with Wolfram. He's so weird. Well, I'd have to say that he's a step forward, since he isn't looking for a handout, and he is interested in me personally. Barb says she's going to bring him to our Whores of Baghdad meeting on Friday night.
Finished the answers to one of my classes today. Tomorrow, working on another loan, and then also working on a paper for my class, and organizing another course that I have to publish.
Ordered the Fabulair initial merchandise. It should be in anytime. Also working on our parade float and entry, on the website, on photo shoots coming up, on flight attendant costumes .. lord, there's a lot to keep track of.
That, plus ramping up for tax season, working on church, trying to exercise - again, keeping everything else working. Urk.
I need to do some more self-work; blarg. Doubting that my dad will come through with his promises next week. Blah, blah.
Had my wrists, elbows and shoulders adjusted today; it was excruciating in a lovely way.
My bottle of White Star remains yet in my 'fridge, untouched. No one to drink it with. Bleh.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Monday post #2
A rather productive day. Tomorrow is jam packed with appointments, which rather suggests that I won't be getting much work work done. I hope that nothing unexpected happens tomorrow morning - I need for this loan to close, and I don't have a lot of attention to babysit it tomorrow.
This movie was much closer to the end than I was expecting. Interesting.
I've been working on Fabulair steadily, which feels VERY good. Today, I could feel that it would become full time around March or April. Without investors.
Was fiddling around on eBay tonight, and found an owner's manual for the Phaeton - so, I nabbed it. I want to go up to Austin and check out that Phaeton up there.
I'm tired, but I am not sleepy. I feel like I'm getting kind of sick, but I feel fine. Weird, weird.
Wolfram has been out of touch all day. Lovely.
Let's just get interested in a confused, married closet case who's a great kisser.
I so need to clean the corners in here. I need Joey back to touch up the paint, fix a shelf and fix some furniture. That's what I need.
That, and X10. And a CDMA repeater/extender.
This movie was much closer to the end than I was expecting. Interesting.
I've been working on Fabulair steadily, which feels VERY good. Today, I could feel that it would become full time around March or April. Without investors.
Was fiddling around on eBay tonight, and found an owner's manual for the Phaeton - so, I nabbed it. I want to go up to Austin and check out that Phaeton up there.
I'm tired, but I am not sleepy. I feel like I'm getting kind of sick, but I feel fine. Weird, weird.
Wolfram has been out of touch all day. Lovely.
Let's just get interested in a confused, married closet case who's a great kisser.
I so need to clean the corners in here. I need Joey back to touch up the paint, fix a shelf and fix some furniture. That's what I need.
That, and X10. And a CDMA repeater/extender.
The Age of e-Cash
Casey Research, Inc. c/o InvestorsInsight Publishing, Inc. 14900 Landmark Blvd, Suite #350, Dallas, Texas 75254.
(c) Casey Research, Inc. 2005
He's big, he's bad. He sidles up to you on an otherwise deserted street and growls: "Your phone or your life."
This alternate take on the highwayman's traditional choice for his victim--life vs. money--has probably not yet been uttered, at least not in this country. But it may not be far off.
Japan, as it so often does with things electronic, has taken the lead in exploring the possibilities of "e-cash" as the preferred form of retail transaction. Increasingly, that brings into play an interface between the ubiquitous cell phone and the bits and bytes that pass for a medium of monetary exchange these days.
Modern life is, to a large extent, about convenience and saving time. Take dining out, for example. You eat, you chat with your companions, you conduct a business deal, whatever. Then, at the end, you have to settle your bill. This takes time. It has to be brought to you, then you have to wait in line at the register, then you have to wait some more while your credit card is processed, or submit your PIN for a debit card, then you have to sign.
Suppose you could just get up and walk out of the restaurant, pausing only long enough to wave your cell phone at the check-out desk. In a growing number of establishments, that's exactly what you can do in Japan today.
All you need is an e-cash card or a properly equipped cell phone. These smart cards and phones feature built-in antennas and integrated circuits that allow for the transmission and receipt of electronic signals. When you swipe one of them near a compatible scanner, e-money is deducted from your account--which can be replenished with paper money at thousands of automated docking stations around the country (reverse ATMs), or over the Internet with a credit card.
What began four years ago as a time-saving alternative payment method for high-speed rail commuters has rapidly morphed into a staple of Japanese life. An estimated 15 million people (projected to reach 40 million by 2008) now use e-cash for 15.8 million transactions per month, a 100% increase over 2004. E-cash is accepted by a wide range of retailers, including convenience stores, restaurants, department stores, newsstands, electronics dealers, furniture stores, and supermarkets. There are even vending machines where a wave of the hand will net you a Coke. Many shoppers are thus able to leave home with nothing in their pockets but their cell phone.
Time savings can be significant, especially in a crowded restaurant at lunch hour or in a supermarket. One study indicates that supermarket shoppers save a minimum of 10% of their time over those who pay with cash, and even more over those who pay by credit card.
In the confident words of Makoto Yamada, an executive at bitWallet, Inc., the country's largest virtual money service, "Japan is moving toward the cashless society."
Will the concept make its way across the Pacific? That's a good question. It might seem like a no-brainer, given the speed with which Internet e-commerce has been accepted in the U.S. But there are other considerations.
For one thing, the American consumer is hooked on debt, with credit cards playing a major role. E-cash is, in a way, the opposite of a credit card. As with a debit card, you have to prepay for your purchases. Whether the domestic buyer is going to want to take a further step away from his or her "buy now, pay later" mentality remains to be seen.
Another stumbling block is philosophical. Privacy is a strongly held traditional value in the States, unlike Japan, and Americans are acutely aware that every day more and more of it is being stripped away. Many will see the rise of e-cash as just another way of letting the government/corporate complex know what you're doing and where you're doing it.
It isn't only drug dealers and burglars who benefit from the existence of cold, hard cash; it's everyone who appreciates the value of being able to conduct transactions in private, with no paper trail, when the need arises.
Could there be a way around this objection? The answer, satisfyingly, is yes. Anonymous e-cash is not just a possibility, it's here. And it's been here for a decade.
Microsoft, for instance, was issued a 1998 patent for technology that allows e-cash transactions to remain anonymous. I.e., it lets consumers spend their e-money without the bank or other repository being aware of the specifics, including user identity. Such is the general mistrust of Microsoft, however, that at the time Chris Oakes warned in Wired that "the development raised speculation about . . . whether the patent could be an effort to stymie the proliferation of anonymous cash." Oakes went on to write that "No patents in the area of anonymous micropayment are fundamental enough to make all businesses dependent upon one company's technology."
No Microsoft-type suspicions attached to DigiCash, founded in the early 1990s and the acknowledged pioneer in the field.
How DigiCash's system works is too technical to explain in depth, but it basically uses public-key cryptography (the public-private key pair system employed by PGP, for instance) to anonymize a transaction. In essence, it boils down to this: The user spends e-coins issued by his participating bank, which supplies them to him without knowing where they are going. The accepting merchant knows only that the bank stands behind the e-cash, without knowing the identity of the buyer. Each step in the process is fully encrypted and secure.
So how come we haven't heard more about this? Well, unfortunately for lovers of the concept, DigiCash filed for Chapter 11 in September of 1998, and no one else has stepped up. Hmmm, maybe Microsoft never intended to market their product after all.
This makes the future of DigiCash, or some similar form of anonymous electronic money, murky indeed. Even absent an MS conspiracy, it still requires an intricate arrangement among consumer, bank, and merchant that must be agreeable to all. But beyond that, there's the problem of government (isn't there always?). Washington loves the idea of a cashless society, provided it isn't one that comes with privacy attached; there's that misbegotten drug war to fight, y'know. Thus we can be pretty sure that anonymous e-cash transactions will be resisted by the feds, and perhaps prohibited by law.
Steven Levy envisioned a rosy future in Wired in 1994, one which will "shatter the Orwellian predictions of a Big Brother dystopia, replacing them with a world in which the ease of electronic transactions is combined with the elegant anonymity of paying in cash."
But will we ever get there? Right now, chances don't look especially good.
(c) Casey Research, Inc. 2005
He's big, he's bad. He sidles up to you on an otherwise deserted street and growls: "Your phone or your life."
This alternate take on the highwayman's traditional choice for his victim--life vs. money--has probably not yet been uttered, at least not in this country. But it may not be far off.
Japan, as it so often does with things electronic, has taken the lead in exploring the possibilities of "e-cash" as the preferred form of retail transaction. Increasingly, that brings into play an interface between the ubiquitous cell phone and the bits and bytes that pass for a medium of monetary exchange these days.
Modern life is, to a large extent, about convenience and saving time. Take dining out, for example. You eat, you chat with your companions, you conduct a business deal, whatever. Then, at the end, you have to settle your bill. This takes time. It has to be brought to you, then you have to wait in line at the register, then you have to wait some more while your credit card is processed, or submit your PIN for a debit card, then you have to sign.
Suppose you could just get up and walk out of the restaurant, pausing only long enough to wave your cell phone at the check-out desk. In a growing number of establishments, that's exactly what you can do in Japan today.
All you need is an e-cash card or a properly equipped cell phone. These smart cards and phones feature built-in antennas and integrated circuits that allow for the transmission and receipt of electronic signals. When you swipe one of them near a compatible scanner, e-money is deducted from your account--which can be replenished with paper money at thousands of automated docking stations around the country (reverse ATMs), or over the Internet with a credit card.
What began four years ago as a time-saving alternative payment method for high-speed rail commuters has rapidly morphed into a staple of Japanese life. An estimated 15 million people (projected to reach 40 million by 2008) now use e-cash for 15.8 million transactions per month, a 100% increase over 2004. E-cash is accepted by a wide range of retailers, including convenience stores, restaurants, department stores, newsstands, electronics dealers, furniture stores, and supermarkets. There are even vending machines where a wave of the hand will net you a Coke. Many shoppers are thus able to leave home with nothing in their pockets but their cell phone.
Time savings can be significant, especially in a crowded restaurant at lunch hour or in a supermarket. One study indicates that supermarket shoppers save a minimum of 10% of their time over those who pay with cash, and even more over those who pay by credit card.
In the confident words of Makoto Yamada, an executive at bitWallet, Inc., the country's largest virtual money service, "Japan is moving toward the cashless society."
Will the concept make its way across the Pacific? That's a good question. It might seem like a no-brainer, given the speed with which Internet e-commerce has been accepted in the U.S. But there are other considerations.
For one thing, the American consumer is hooked on debt, with credit cards playing a major role. E-cash is, in a way, the opposite of a credit card. As with a debit card, you have to prepay for your purchases. Whether the domestic buyer is going to want to take a further step away from his or her "buy now, pay later" mentality remains to be seen.
Another stumbling block is philosophical. Privacy is a strongly held traditional value in the States, unlike Japan, and Americans are acutely aware that every day more and more of it is being stripped away. Many will see the rise of e-cash as just another way of letting the government/corporate complex know what you're doing and where you're doing it.
It isn't only drug dealers and burglars who benefit from the existence of cold, hard cash; it's everyone who appreciates the value of being able to conduct transactions in private, with no paper trail, when the need arises.
Could there be a way around this objection? The answer, satisfyingly, is yes. Anonymous e-cash is not just a possibility, it's here. And it's been here for a decade.
Microsoft, for instance, was issued a 1998 patent for technology that allows e-cash transactions to remain anonymous. I.e., it lets consumers spend their e-money without the bank or other repository being aware of the specifics, including user identity. Such is the general mistrust of Microsoft, however, that at the time Chris Oakes warned in Wired that "the development raised speculation about . . . whether the patent could be an effort to stymie the proliferation of anonymous cash." Oakes went on to write that "No patents in the area of anonymous micropayment are fundamental enough to make all businesses dependent upon one company's technology."
No Microsoft-type suspicions attached to DigiCash, founded in the early 1990s and the acknowledged pioneer in the field.
How DigiCash's system works is too technical to explain in depth, but it basically uses public-key cryptography (the public-private key pair system employed by PGP, for instance) to anonymize a transaction. In essence, it boils down to this: The user spends e-coins issued by his participating bank, which supplies them to him without knowing where they are going. The accepting merchant knows only that the bank stands behind the e-cash, without knowing the identity of the buyer. Each step in the process is fully encrypted and secure.
So how come we haven't heard more about this? Well, unfortunately for lovers of the concept, DigiCash filed for Chapter 11 in September of 1998, and no one else has stepped up. Hmmm, maybe Microsoft never intended to market their product after all.
This makes the future of DigiCash, or some similar form of anonymous electronic money, murky indeed. Even absent an MS conspiracy, it still requires an intricate arrangement among consumer, bank, and merchant that must be agreeable to all. But beyond that, there's the problem of government (isn't there always?). Washington loves the idea of a cashless society, provided it isn't one that comes with privacy attached; there's that misbegotten drug war to fight, y'know. Thus we can be pretty sure that anonymous e-cash transactions will be resisted by the feds, and perhaps prohibited by law.
Steven Levy envisioned a rosy future in Wired in 1994, one which will "shatter the Orwellian predictions of a Big Brother dystopia, replacing them with a world in which the ease of electronic transactions is combined with the elegant anonymity of paying in cash."
But will we ever get there? Right now, chances don't look especially good.
Monday, Monday ver. 659.01
Working to clear through the detritus this morning - as I said, I need to have a manic day today.
Later, after an hours long fit of mania
Okay, I've cleared through a LOT today; have one loan done and in closing. About to work on the next one. Handed off some accounting work, worked on Fabulair some, about to do some more.
The next project is to put away all the sheet music that was sorted, and then tonight I get to INPUT the index information.
Got my Phaeton brochure in the mail today. Urk, did I overpay. At least I have one. The pdf file that I already had was far more informative.
Where's Chuck? I'm starving!
More and more stuff to do. Back to the grindstone. More tonight as I re-watch "Big Fish."
Later, after an hours long fit of mania
Okay, I've cleared through a LOT today; have one loan done and in closing. About to work on the next one. Handed off some accounting work, worked on Fabulair some, about to do some more.
The next project is to put away all the sheet music that was sorted, and then tonight I get to INPUT the index information.
Got my Phaeton brochure in the mail today. Urk, did I overpay. At least I have one. The pdf file that I already had was far more informative.
Where's Chuck? I'm starving!
More and more stuff to do. Back to the grindstone. More tonight as I re-watch "Big Fish."
Monday, January 02, 2006
Well - the Rules need to be applied
Who knows if Barbara is giving me good information? She herself may have something for Wolf, and be trying to steer me in a different direction.
But, I digress.
Barbara suggests that Wolf's assertion is that I made moves on him. Okay, I can NOT make moves faster than I can make them, and I certainly don't need drama with some guy who has baggage.
Found another house - an interesting part of town, east of downtown off of I-10. It's VERY pretty, the bedrooms are rather small, and I haven't seen a floorplan yet. It's pretty inexpensive, but the neighborhood could be less than desireable. I'm going to talk to my lender's rep and have a look at it, I think.
I love this apartment, and I love this neighborhood, but .. interesting possibilities.
Okay, time to get the lead out and crawl into bed.
But, I digress.
Barbara suggests that Wolf's assertion is that I made moves on him. Okay, I can NOT make moves faster than I can make them, and I certainly don't need drama with some guy who has baggage.
Found another house - an interesting part of town, east of downtown off of I-10. It's VERY pretty, the bedrooms are rather small, and I haven't seen a floorplan yet. It's pretty inexpensive, but the neighborhood could be less than desireable. I'm going to talk to my lender's rep and have a look at it, I think.
I love this apartment, and I love this neighborhood, but .. interesting possibilities.
Okay, time to get the lead out and crawl into bed.
Happy New-ish Year
Ah, another distraction. At the New Year's Eve party, I met this very nice and engaging young man (well, thirty) who seemed quite interested in continuing our new association. I met him out last night (with Barbara, who was the guilty party for introducing us,) and we had quite a lot of fun - frisky conversation was had, followed by some public macking, and then - he pulled completely away in his conversation and body language.
Men are so frustrating. Now, he's back to being frisky and interested in talking and getting together.
I've been trying to burn a DVD all day, and it's not working - the program keeps shutting down. Frustrating.
Walked to Barnaby's for lunch, and spotted a townhouse that's a HUD foreclosure. I inquired about it, and got a five word reply from the realtor "that property is under contract."
Biotch.
I have to call my lender friend tomorrow and ask about FHA lending standards. I had forgotten that HUD had pushed up the loan limit to something workable in the Midtown area. There is a metal townhouse on Gray that is about that same price. Still and all, I love having the meeting room here at the apartment to meet clients, without having to have them in my apartment. So, that's a benefit that saves me from having to have office space.
Urgh.
Meeting Janice tonight at Adobe - the last time we did that, I had Nick in tow. Tonight, it will be just she and I. Then, home to watch "Big Fish," which I need to send back tomorrow.
I also have to get ready for the Wednesday board meeting, urg. This lack of motivation is wiping me out. I need a manic day tomorrow. And, I need NOT to have the distraction of a new man's antics. Even though he's all corn fed and frisky.
Barney is starting to ping-pong around in the kitchen, signaling that he's detected it's time for their walk.
I've accomplished some small things, that make things more pleasant - hanging the wireless router up on the wall to generate more signal strength, moving the DSL modem away from the computer desk to improve fidelity and reduce line noise, filing, shredding, address updates, organization. Tomorrow, I have no appointments or commitments; hopefully, that will create the space to knock out a ton of work.
Men are so frustrating. Now, he's back to being frisky and interested in talking and getting together.
I've been trying to burn a DVD all day, and it's not working - the program keeps shutting down. Frustrating.
Walked to Barnaby's for lunch, and spotted a townhouse that's a HUD foreclosure. I inquired about it, and got a five word reply from the realtor "that property is under contract."
Biotch.
I have to call my lender friend tomorrow and ask about FHA lending standards. I had forgotten that HUD had pushed up the loan limit to something workable in the Midtown area. There is a metal townhouse on Gray that is about that same price. Still and all, I love having the meeting room here at the apartment to meet clients, without having to have them in my apartment. So, that's a benefit that saves me from having to have office space.
Urgh.
Meeting Janice tonight at Adobe - the last time we did that, I had Nick in tow. Tonight, it will be just she and I. Then, home to watch "Big Fish," which I need to send back tomorrow.
I also have to get ready for the Wednesday board meeting, urg. This lack of motivation is wiping me out. I need a manic day tomorrow. And, I need NOT to have the distraction of a new man's antics. Even though he's all corn fed and frisky.
Barney is starting to ping-pong around in the kitchen, signaling that he's detected it's time for their walk.
I've accomplished some small things, that make things more pleasant - hanging the wireless router up on the wall to generate more signal strength, moving the DSL modem away from the computer desk to improve fidelity and reduce line noise, filing, shredding, address updates, organization. Tomorrow, I have no appointments or commitments; hopefully, that will create the space to knock out a ton of work.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Three hundred sixty-five
The last day.
Spent part of today hanging out, part of today updating the church's website, part of the day screwing around, and part of the day reflecting.
Did some laundry, shipped out a package, did a little organizing. All in all, not the work day that I was expecting to have, but it is okay.
Things I've noticed about myself in the last few days..
First, I am sick to death of people who are utterly disengaged with the rest of the world; people who call and aren't even aware that someone else is on the call unless you utterly cease talking. People who aren't engaged in a conversation, but a monologue. Taking into account that people are mirrors for elements in our own personalities, I have to ask myself - am I someone who is utterly unaware and disinterested in the feelings and goings-on of other people? Or, am I so working to attune myself to other people that I wish to purge all of that from my psyche?
Secondly, taking my two dogs are mirrors, Barney has many of the qualities that I describe in the above paragraph. He's utterly unconcerned about anyone else than himself - everything is about him. Today, he had a banner day - he ate his food, he ate Jackie's food, he was crying and screaming by 7:30 this morning, and he peed on the kitchen floor. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Pay attention to ME dammit. He is also one who creates a mess just to get attention. That part of myself, I can see. I'm leaving it behind, though.
So, he's anxious about everything, and always getting into the way and creating a mess for someone else to clean up in order to gain attention. He feels he's been ignored or pushed away, so he uses these techniques to get attention.
I know that I've been pushing these elements of my personality out, and perhaps that's why he''s more irritating than ever.
Last night, I had another WTF dream - the third one in a week where I was doing complex, intellectual work for someone (this time, for my former uncle by marriage the insurance multi-millionaire) who decided after I did the work to not pay me and offer excuses. I woke up just ANGRY. I decided that it's time for that expectation of self to leave. In 2006, I am only going to get PAID in full, and I'm going to charge what the market will bear for my substantial skill and knowledge base.
My entire work history since law school has been filled with these events; people who need my help and then can't or won't pay; people who need help with a mortgage, and then can't get the deal done, or leave for a few dollars offered somewhere else.
Let's not even get into a conversation about the men I've found appealing.
I have been reflecting on some of the things in my life that I have been so passionate about - Continental Airlines, Jarred the bartender .. they TAKE CARE OF ME. They pay attention to me, and anticipate how to treat me well. And, I am quick to anger with companies or persons who deliver poor service or ignore me. I won't deal with them any further.
Taking again that life is a mirror, am I a person who ignored or delivers poor service? Sometimes, perhaps. I hate that in myself. I'm trying to create a business to deliver exceptional service. I'm creating a church that delivers just what people need and is attentive and free of drama and machinations that usually create division and strip away a sense of safety.
Next year - in fewer than six hours - things will go much differently. More consciousness. More effectiveness. More productivity. More of a mark on the world.
Spent part of today hanging out, part of today updating the church's website, part of the day screwing around, and part of the day reflecting.
Did some laundry, shipped out a package, did a little organizing. All in all, not the work day that I was expecting to have, but it is okay.
Things I've noticed about myself in the last few days..
First, I am sick to death of people who are utterly disengaged with the rest of the world; people who call and aren't even aware that someone else is on the call unless you utterly cease talking. People who aren't engaged in a conversation, but a monologue. Taking into account that people are mirrors for elements in our own personalities, I have to ask myself - am I someone who is utterly unaware and disinterested in the feelings and goings-on of other people? Or, am I so working to attune myself to other people that I wish to purge all of that from my psyche?
Secondly, taking my two dogs are mirrors, Barney has many of the qualities that I describe in the above paragraph. He's utterly unconcerned about anyone else than himself - everything is about him. Today, he had a banner day - he ate his food, he ate Jackie's food, he was crying and screaming by 7:30 this morning, and he peed on the kitchen floor. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Pay attention to ME dammit. He is also one who creates a mess just to get attention. That part of myself, I can see. I'm leaving it behind, though.
So, he's anxious about everything, and always getting into the way and creating a mess for someone else to clean up in order to gain attention. He feels he's been ignored or pushed away, so he uses these techniques to get attention.
I know that I've been pushing these elements of my personality out, and perhaps that's why he''s more irritating than ever.
Last night, I had another WTF dream - the third one in a week where I was doing complex, intellectual work for someone (this time, for my former uncle by marriage the insurance multi-millionaire) who decided after I did the work to not pay me and offer excuses. I woke up just ANGRY. I decided that it's time for that expectation of self to leave. In 2006, I am only going to get PAID in full, and I'm going to charge what the market will bear for my substantial skill and knowledge base.
My entire work history since law school has been filled with these events; people who need my help and then can't or won't pay; people who need help with a mortgage, and then can't get the deal done, or leave for a few dollars offered somewhere else.
Let's not even get into a conversation about the men I've found appealing.
I have been reflecting on some of the things in my life that I have been so passionate about - Continental Airlines, Jarred the bartender .. they TAKE CARE OF ME. They pay attention to me, and anticipate how to treat me well. And, I am quick to anger with companies or persons who deliver poor service or ignore me. I won't deal with them any further.
Taking again that life is a mirror, am I a person who ignored or delivers poor service? Sometimes, perhaps. I hate that in myself. I'm trying to create a business to deliver exceptional service. I'm creating a church that delivers just what people need and is attentive and free of drama and machinations that usually create division and strip away a sense of safety.
Next year - in fewer than six hours - things will go much differently. More consciousness. More effectiveness. More productivity. More of a mark on the world.
Friday, December 30, 2005
What I meant was
I had another coke addled, self inflated, non-working man working me over like the last piece of beef jerky before two hundred miles of desert, and YOU were at risk of being replaced.
It was a joke.
Of course, you thought it was about YOU. Far from it, it was intended to convey that you were the antithesis of unique; there's a parade of young men who live to enlist the aid of others to support themselves continuing their thirteen year old focus. Bus loads. Many who are much cuter, and whom are less mercinary. They're very clear - they just want cash and are willing to exchange a modicum of attention for it.
You have priced yourself out of the marketplace, as you offer nothing, deliver nothing and expect everything.
The joke is, therefore, on you.
It was a joke.
Of course, you thought it was about YOU. Far from it, it was intended to convey that you were the antithesis of unique; there's a parade of young men who live to enlist the aid of others to support themselves continuing their thirteen year old focus. Bus loads. Many who are much cuter, and whom are less mercinary. They're very clear - they just want cash and are willing to exchange a modicum of attention for it.
You have priced yourself out of the marketplace, as you offer nothing, deliver nothing and expect everything.
The joke is, therefore, on you.
The last Friday for 2005
Waiting for Mikey to come by - he's coming to meet me for a Whores of Baghdad meeting at EJ's.
Lunch with Lance today seemed strained. Don't know what's going on there.
While I was at lunch, I happened to run into John, the neighborbood mechanic - I asked him to check out my tie rod ends, since I had been told that they were in need of replacement. Uh, seems not so much. Tie rod ends are in great shape. Control arm bushings are a bit weak, but it's not a matter of them needing replacement. They're just getting old. Seems that the lack of grease fittings on modern suspension components leads to the creaking noises. It doesn't mean the parts are bad, but the noise leads car owners to think that there is a problem, which allows the repair shops to sell repairs that aren't needed.
Another piece to the puzzle.
Watching "Punch Drunk Love." Interesting movie. Very interesting.
Tomorrow will be all about getting ready for Sunday. And catching up on some personal work that needs doing.
I've been having some seriously strange dreams lately. Several that I can't write about here without offending sensibilities. But, suffice it to say that they have been WEIRD.
Heard from PJ today. He says he's coming to Houston. Whether that means he wants me to pay for the trip or not has not yet been revealed. However, as I was hanging up my dry cleaning today, I was thinking "I am SO glad that I have my apartment to myself again." Somehow, I have to keep that feeling alive going forward. Reading his blog, I wonder what that's all about. Self-promotion? Where's the profundity? Where's the content? I thought he was changing the world.
Maybe it's just one drink at a time.
This movie is REALLY weird. Unusual, though. Adam Sandler is very interesting.
Almost time to go see Jarred the non-responsive South African bartender. And to see if the boi is going to talk to me again tonight. What to wear?
Lunch with Lance today seemed strained. Don't know what's going on there.
While I was at lunch, I happened to run into John, the neighborbood mechanic - I asked him to check out my tie rod ends, since I had been told that they were in need of replacement. Uh, seems not so much. Tie rod ends are in great shape. Control arm bushings are a bit weak, but it's not a matter of them needing replacement. They're just getting old. Seems that the lack of grease fittings on modern suspension components leads to the creaking noises. It doesn't mean the parts are bad, but the noise leads car owners to think that there is a problem, which allows the repair shops to sell repairs that aren't needed.
Another piece to the puzzle.
Watching "Punch Drunk Love." Interesting movie. Very interesting.
Tomorrow will be all about getting ready for Sunday. And catching up on some personal work that needs doing.
I've been having some seriously strange dreams lately. Several that I can't write about here without offending sensibilities. But, suffice it to say that they have been WEIRD.
Heard from PJ today. He says he's coming to Houston. Whether that means he wants me to pay for the trip or not has not yet been revealed. However, as I was hanging up my dry cleaning today, I was thinking "I am SO glad that I have my apartment to myself again." Somehow, I have to keep that feeling alive going forward. Reading his blog, I wonder what that's all about. Self-promotion? Where's the profundity? Where's the content? I thought he was changing the world.
Maybe it's just one drink at a time.
This movie is REALLY weird. Unusual, though. Adam Sandler is very interesting.
Almost time to go see Jarred the non-responsive South African bartender. And to see if the boi is going to talk to me again tonight. What to wear?
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Final Thursday
Ah, a morning of car drama, followed by an afternoon of cleaning up. Ruby had a flat tire yesterday. This morning, I picked up my check, went to Sam's, bought a tire, blah, blah. Got back here, and still had hours worth of clean up and such to get done. Work? Oh, that?
Waiting for Travis the Chiropractor - I need my head rotated in the WORST way. He's called in range.
After he's done aligning the chassis, I am going to finish my movie from last night.
Only one weekend to go before it's 2006. I have a bunch of work to do this weekend. I want to start 2006 with NOTHING dragging over my shoulder. Except unpaid bills (due me) and vice-versa.
Waiting for Travis the Chiropractor - I need my head rotated in the WORST way. He's called in range.
After he's done aligning the chassis, I am going to finish my movie from last night.
Only one weekend to go before it's 2006. I have a bunch of work to do this weekend. I want to start 2006 with NOTHING dragging over my shoulder. Except unpaid bills (due me) and vice-versa.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Last Humping Day before 2006
I've had an interesting thought today - we have these behavioral and belief patterns in us that are fundamental - they define who we know ourselves to be. We (those of us who seek improvement and change) are out to root out the causes of these patterns and interrupt them, so as to produce a possibility of choice.
I've been working very hard at deep-seated and fundamental patterns about myself. In so doing, I've been bringing up deep anger and fear that I never would have guessed was there - such as the fear of someone coming into my apartment when I'm sleeping without the alarm set.
Over the last few days, my motivation - which ebbs and flows more strongly than the tides - has been utterly absent. My imagination, about business concepts, about planning, to-do lists and so on, is more productive than ever. But, in execution, I have fallen apart.
Today, I was thinking - what if this is a manner by which my fundamental self-definition can distract me from trying to further root it out? If I lay about doing little or nothing, financial crisis predictably follows in a matter of days or weeks. Success never comes. It DISTRACTS me from looking at anything deeper or as yet undiscovered.
Could this fundamental self-definition be that crafty? I think it could. To preserve itself by throwing out distractions just as the Bush administration points to terrorist boogeymen and then slams through another action to benefit their cronies suggests that it is truly threatened, this fundamental self-definition.
So, what powerful attack my self belief must be feeling to raise such a defense.
Met with Ben and his boyfriend tonight; Ben is going to help me with a visual rendering of the Fabulair flightie costume. Then, Robyn can make one for me. And then, I can have someone (William? Marc?) photographed in it. Or, I could have her make me two, and photograph both of them in it.
I have to speak the next four Sundays on the Science of Mind, and how it works. I've started to put my talk together for this Sunday.
I'm watching "Judgment at Nurenburg." FABULOUS movie.
I've been working very hard at deep-seated and fundamental patterns about myself. In so doing, I've been bringing up deep anger and fear that I never would have guessed was there - such as the fear of someone coming into my apartment when I'm sleeping without the alarm set.
Over the last few days, my motivation - which ebbs and flows more strongly than the tides - has been utterly absent. My imagination, about business concepts, about planning, to-do lists and so on, is more productive than ever. But, in execution, I have fallen apart.
Today, I was thinking - what if this is a manner by which my fundamental self-definition can distract me from trying to further root it out? If I lay about doing little or nothing, financial crisis predictably follows in a matter of days or weeks. Success never comes. It DISTRACTS me from looking at anything deeper or as yet undiscovered.
Could this fundamental self-definition be that crafty? I think it could. To preserve itself by throwing out distractions just as the Bush administration points to terrorist boogeymen and then slams through another action to benefit their cronies suggests that it is truly threatened, this fundamental self-definition.
So, what powerful attack my self belief must be feeling to raise such a defense.
Met with Ben and his boyfriend tonight; Ben is going to help me with a visual rendering of the Fabulair flightie costume. Then, Robyn can make one for me. And then, I can have someone (William? Marc?) photographed in it. Or, I could have her make me two, and photograph both of them in it.
I have to speak the next four Sundays on the Science of Mind, and how it works. I've started to put my talk together for this Sunday.
I'm watching "Judgment at Nurenburg." FABULOUS movie.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
It's finally pushed out!
After years of accumulation and nearly a year of effort, the drdivo.com website is FINALLY pushed out to the server. It's rough, to be sure, and there are lots of editing issues, but it's about 80% there!!! I'm so HAPPY!
Check it out!
If you want some REALLY fun stuff, check out the Grand Opera of the Clinton Years (written by an anonymous staffer at HGO, not by me) at this link. The complete residential history of the Casita de divo can be found there.
A great deal more content needs be written and pushed out, and a weekend of scanning pictures is coming soon, but WHOOP!
This makes me happy.
Check it out!
If you want some REALLY fun stuff, check out the Grand Opera of the Clinton Years (written by an anonymous staffer at HGO, not by me) at this link. The complete residential history of the Casita de divo can be found there.
A great deal more content needs be written and pushed out, and a weekend of scanning pictures is coming soon, but WHOOP!
This makes me happy.
A Tuesday that feels like Monday in June
It's HOT! Today, we're supposed to reach 79F; a cool front comes in tomorrow.
I'm wearing a shirt and tie today (who would have guessed?) I have more work to do this morning, and a closing that should occupy the entire afternoon.
I used the alarm this morning for the first morning since before Nick's visit over Hallowe'en.
Speaking of alarms, since Nick left (and more since Michael went to North Carolina,) I don't sleep well at night unless I arm the alarm system in the house. If I don't set it, I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing people come into the apartment. Weird.
Called the auto repair place about tie rod ends for Ruby and the missing trim piece that broke off when T and Matticia were in heat back in October. The service advisor at the auto place isn't the best about follow-up. Okay, that was polite. HE SUCKS at follow up.
Time to check on RAM for the computer here while I wait for a fax from the title company about my closing, which takes place in TWO hours. They're just trying to make me crazy, aren't they?
I'm wearing a shirt and tie today (who would have guessed?) I have more work to do this morning, and a closing that should occupy the entire afternoon.
I used the alarm this morning for the first morning since before Nick's visit over Hallowe'en.
Speaking of alarms, since Nick left (and more since Michael went to North Carolina,) I don't sleep well at night unless I arm the alarm system in the house. If I don't set it, I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing people come into the apartment. Weird.
Called the auto repair place about tie rod ends for Ruby and the missing trim piece that broke off when T and Matticia were in heat back in October. The service advisor at the auto place isn't the best about follow-up. Okay, that was polite. HE SUCKS at follow up.
Time to check on RAM for the computer here while I wait for a fax from the title company about my closing, which takes place in TWO hours. They're just trying to make me crazy, aren't they?
Monday, December 26, 2005
Monday, Monday ver .. I don't remember
So, I did get the drdivo.com website content finished! Oh my! Mikey will put it together, and later this week, we'll push it out - sucking up all of the content on the internet. WOW. It's been a long time coming.
Watched two more episodes of Angel Season One tonight - I do really love that show. I am taking a break from heavy reading; I have started reading a collection of gay male erotic fiction that's REALLY good. It has that certain quality of disconnect and disassociation that comes with some unexpected sexual interactions. I had forgotten that I had this book.
Mikey is overwhelmed with the volume of material for the website. HAH! Just wait until he learned about the complete re-write of the business website! He'll panic. I have to have that deployed by about January 20, though.
Today was rather lazier than I had originally planned. But, it was relaxing.
Talked to two different guys about self-destructive issues today - and I can't find where I put my baseball bat. They both need a knock to the head.
Tomorrow, have a BUSY morning starting with a doctor's appointment at 9:00. Then, have to close a client's loan at 1:00 p.m., and I have to make sure that his closing documents are sent out by the second lender in time for 1:00. Urk. This holiday bullshit is irritating.
My friend Elaine called me tonight and invited me to her place for New Year's Eve! How fun! That will be pleasant and low-impact. I wonder who all is coming.
Time to consider what comes next tonight ..
Watched two more episodes of Angel Season One tonight - I do really love that show. I am taking a break from heavy reading; I have started reading a collection of gay male erotic fiction that's REALLY good. It has that certain quality of disconnect and disassociation that comes with some unexpected sexual interactions. I had forgotten that I had this book.
Mikey is overwhelmed with the volume of material for the website. HAH! Just wait until he learned about the complete re-write of the business website! He'll panic. I have to have that deployed by about January 20, though.
Today was rather lazier than I had originally planned. But, it was relaxing.
Talked to two different guys about self-destructive issues today - and I can't find where I put my baseball bat. They both need a knock to the head.
Tomorrow, have a BUSY morning starting with a doctor's appointment at 9:00. Then, have to close a client's loan at 1:00 p.m., and I have to make sure that his closing documents are sent out by the second lender in time for 1:00. Urk. This holiday bullshit is irritating.
My friend Elaine called me tonight and invited me to her place for New Year's Eve! How fun! That will be pleasant and low-impact. I wonder who all is coming.
Time to consider what comes next tonight ..
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmanukkwanza (MCMKWz)
Nearly the end of the day - dinner at Nicole's was lovely last night. She sent me home with leftovers, which I had tonight. YUMMY! She made "decaf" last night, which seems NOT to have been decaf, as I was up until about 3:30 this morning.
We had five people come to church this morning; we didn't do church, we just made coffee, ate kolaches and gossiped about Victoria Osteen. At noon, we quickly moved the television and stereo equipment around, and it's MUCH better.
Came home around 1:30, and took a big nap. Hung out this afternoon with Fabio for a while; he's a neat guy. I've never really talked with someone from Italy before.
Watching "kindertransport" about the exodus of Jewish children from Nazi Germany during 1938 and 1989.
Nick seems to be coming back in a few days. He's been on my mind today - and yesterday. He's very happy; he seems to have had a great day today. The thing that I can't get out of my mind is him using my garden tub and wanting to talk to me while he showered.
Started writing content for the drdivo website today. I'm going to finish that project tomorrow, and see if I can get Mikey to upload the project tomorrow. I also have to write a term paper, something for a mortgage course book, and my 2006 vision poster tomorrow. Busy day.
Talked to most everyone today; except for Dad. His phone was busy every time I called. Of course, he is consumed with Mary's brood occupying their home.
It was a great weekend. Peaceful, quiet, full of "me" time. The house is relatively clean, the laundry is done, only a few more things to put away here.
Dreamt about Philip this afternoon; well, dreamt of instant messaging with him. And, my sister. Dreamt about Richard and Rick two days ago - such a strange dream. I was to attend a party with them. I showed up, but they had made other plans (without informating me.) Somehow, they had taken advantage of me financially in this process, and then John (whom I used to work for) entered the dream. And more money dishonesty or dissemblement. Strange. I woke up thinking "what the HECK was that about?"
I watch this movie, about how the Germans turned on the Jews nearly IMMEDIATELY after Hitler came to power; the Jewish children were ostracized within days of his March 1933 election as chancellor. I watch this, and I think "that could happen here in the US so easily."
I have so many projects to complete - marks to make. This week I intend to timeline those projects out, and create the component breakdowns so I can get started in an organized manner. Some of it will require assistance. Some of it will just require a great deal of organized effort.
Me and my to do list are going to be even more close than we were before.
We had five people come to church this morning; we didn't do church, we just made coffee, ate kolaches and gossiped about Victoria Osteen. At noon, we quickly moved the television and stereo equipment around, and it's MUCH better.
Came home around 1:30, and took a big nap. Hung out this afternoon with Fabio for a while; he's a neat guy. I've never really talked with someone from Italy before.
Watching "kindertransport" about the exodus of Jewish children from Nazi Germany during 1938 and 1989.
Nick seems to be coming back in a few days. He's been on my mind today - and yesterday. He's very happy; he seems to have had a great day today. The thing that I can't get out of my mind is him using my garden tub and wanting to talk to me while he showered.
Started writing content for the drdivo website today. I'm going to finish that project tomorrow, and see if I can get Mikey to upload the project tomorrow. I also have to write a term paper, something for a mortgage course book, and my 2006 vision poster tomorrow. Busy day.
Talked to most everyone today; except for Dad. His phone was busy every time I called. Of course, he is consumed with Mary's brood occupying their home.
It was a great weekend. Peaceful, quiet, full of "me" time. The house is relatively clean, the laundry is done, only a few more things to put away here.
Dreamt about Philip this afternoon; well, dreamt of instant messaging with him. And, my sister. Dreamt about Richard and Rick two days ago - such a strange dream. I was to attend a party with them. I showed up, but they had made other plans (without informating me.) Somehow, they had taken advantage of me financially in this process, and then John (whom I used to work for) entered the dream. And more money dishonesty or dissemblement. Strange. I woke up thinking "what the HECK was that about?"
I watch this movie, about how the Germans turned on the Jews nearly IMMEDIATELY after Hitler came to power; the Jewish children were ostracized within days of his March 1933 election as chancellor. I watch this, and I think "that could happen here in the US so easily."
I have so many projects to complete - marks to make. This week I intend to timeline those projects out, and create the component breakdowns so I can get started in an organized manner. Some of it will require assistance. Some of it will just require a great deal of organized effort.
Me and my to do list are going to be even more close than we were before.
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