Ah, a Thursday - the day before Friday, and the day before the weekend. I am to hear from Richard in a short while about whether I can expect to get paid this week - and how much, and I was just told by Rick that the hours here are 8 to 5. Uh-huh.

And, I still am scrambling to figure out how to pay rent and utilities - and then, there's the car payment due in just over a week. AND ..

So, this is starting to irritate me. Why did I think I could work for/with this guy?

Ugh.

Nicole called last night - a number of people at CPH are lining up to create an insurgent backlash against the "powers that be" there - she asked if I wanted to play. YOU BET! How fun is THAT?

I had a dream last night (which reminds me, I should write to Chris about it) that somehow, an unpubished script/score from a very famous author (actually, it was a 400 year old British author, I think, but who cares?) that we put on at CPH as a world premiere. We had spruced up the theater, replaced the carpeting and the seats, everything that Nicole, Nancy and I ever talked about. We had a full house, and ran it for MONTHS. It was cool, this dream.

I walked out on stage for a curtain speech, and it was like "I'm baack!"

Rick is meeting with the guy that we're hiring to replace the other Nicole.

Lunch with Jeffrey today.

Mikey wants to meet earlier tonight to work out, which could be good for me, since I have to work on the tax returns that are waiting for me. I have to extend my friend Scooter, and go up to Austin to pick up his tax work, and get started on THAT. (sighs)

After the weekend, Guy is going to work with Mikey and me to develop a work-out plan and an eating plan for the next two months. He used to be heavier than I ever have been, and he's down to about 210, but very beefy, with big arms and chest - I'm excited about that!

Okay, back to working on the business plan.

Another day with rain in the forecast.

Lance and I are about to run out for Thai buffet - hopefully, they'll have tapioca today - then, back to work on the business plan, then home to work out with Mikey, Guy is coming over for Bad Movie Night, and I have to work on this loan application for MJV's tax scofflaw client. MJV is already trying to think of how he can keep ALL of the money on the deal - I know how he thinks after all these years.

Well, my next talk in church is "The Inevitability of NOW" - focusing on the impossibility of actually being in the past or the future; from a physics standpoint, we can only be where we are right now. So, I'm back in the swirl, but this time, probably for different reasons.

Lovely. I find out last night that my new employer association can't pay me the promised monthly sum, and also, the one I work with every day is sulking in my general direction because I wasn't here this morning at 8:30. You see, HE was late (nearly the identical amount of time I was) and so he was expecting me to be here to "cover" things.

I had asked for a partial check for this morning, and Richard said he'd send it with Rick, who is now (I assume) withholding it as a sign of his displeasure.

I have a new tax client to meet at the apartment at 12:30, hopefully he'll show up.

We're supposed to have some word on whether we have our sales presentation tomorrow (the first one - the one we've been waiting on for weeks) but, that information has not yet come through. Frankly, if I have to make a living on the side from home, I don't know why I should bother coming in here and giving my time away.

Rick has previously told me that he feels I should have "something at risk" for my participation in this business; of course, he lives rent-free, expense-free, grocery-free, medical-free and everything else free on Richard's back - he has NOTHING at risk - I have to generate everything for myself each month "on God's good humor" as I put it.

(insert comment about self-righteous, priviledged Republicans here)

Well!

Independence Day - and I was BRILLIANT in church this morning! I had my epiphany about 11:00 last night while walking the dogs - everything I was experiencing was about my "sentence" (the Landmark description for the self-definition that one lives ones truth out of.) I was experiencing a lot of swirl, but I just wasn't getting it until Friday and Saturday, when I had all that STUFF going on with getting paid, and people showing up, etc.

I didn't do but the roughest of outlines on what I had to say, pulled about six quotes together from A Course in Miracles, the bible, the Science of Mind and Troward's essays.

Got to church about 9:30 - the Lutherans across the street had taken over the ENTIRE parking lot. Parked around the corner, was the first and only one there until about 10:00, by which time I had set everything up. We only had six today; but, I was BRILLIANT. I had EVERYONE talking, asking questions, posing situations, giving examples. It was GREAT. Afterward, Rosita (one of the other board members) said that she was so enjoying the little environment that we have created that she hated missing a Sunday! She loves the conversation, and what we're working on!

After church, drove home, changed, walked the mutts, and drove out to Mikey's to have lunch (yum!) and see Spiderman 2. That was fun. Then, a quick visit to Jarred (who was swamped - the only bartender working) and then to R&R's for dinner and QAF, which was very very good. After that, I scrubbed Ruby down at a coin-op car wash, drove home, wiped down the car, walked the dogs and now .. hopefully, I can get some sleep!

Tomorrow, I've decided to focus on getting some of the integrity back - waxing the car, grooming the dogs, working on some document projects .. that will feel just great.

I think I'm losing it. I know I'm having an anxiety attack - wow. A long time since I've had to deal with one of those. We interviewed two people today to replace Nicole, who just quit to take a job with a much higher base and health insurance. The afternoon was totally absorbed with that. We went to lunch at Miyako (which I hate) for Nicole's going away meal, and sometime around then, I started feeling like I was coming un-done. By the time we got to the second interview, I started having white spots, and feeling very light headed. My vision started to narrow, and I thought I was having a stroke or something.

After we over-interviewed the woman who doesn't fit into our team or need for an hour, we went back and talked to Lance about compensating him for July - he was fine with that.

And I didn't get paid today. Okay, I'm all about trusting in the Universe, and that things will work out for me without drama - but what the fuck is going on?

Was talking to Guy today, and learned through him that Jaecub (who earlier today told me that he was too busy this weekend to even think about meeting up with me) had asked him if they could get together this weekend. Okay, I can handle that.

But, why did I get stood up tonight by not one, but TWO guys?

So, I'm sure that everything has something to do with my Sunday sermon - "Declare your Independence" but .. uh, could we have a little revelation here? In a big fat hurry?

The Mormon (whom guy has taken to calling "the moron") has backed off about a country mile. Which is fine, when that boy busts out of the closet, it's going to be MESSY. However, I'm done supporting his LSAT effort.

I have to really focus on preparing some tax returns and getting all of my side job integrity into place tomorrow. For one thing, I'm going to have to figure out SOME way to cover my obligations for the 1st, and for another thing, I have to make sure I don't have ANY integrity issues outstanding in order that I can try to move through this.

So, tomorrow is going to be a VERY busy day for me.

Friday before the 4th of July. Nearly three full days of R&R - which include cleaning house, catching up on side work, grooming the dogs (oh, my - I MUST do that) and being profound in church on Sunday. It's going to be great.

"Fuzzy" (the man from Oklahoma who wanted to move in) has again dropped off the map after my telling him that I was not interested in hosting/supporting someone again. He backed WAY off and said that he only wanted to meet and get to know each other. But, he hasn't been calling since.

The Mormon is continuing to withdraw; which is fine. I'm no longer throwing baggage for other people. The 72 hours of peacefulness starts in just a few hours. I'm quite excited about it.

"Hot Pants" (as my friend Yvette used to call him) is dating someone - I hear through the grapevine. Ah, well. He was something when we were together, but .. I'm not throwing baggage for other people.

On Sunday, I'm speaking about "Declaring Your Independence." I'm about 30% through designing my presentation - I have some readings from Troward and from Emerson and Holmes to dig out - and I'm probably going to find something out of "The Course in Miracles." Basically, I'm going to talk about releasing the past - from a quantuum physics and mental standpoint -

I wonder if I clean up the dogs and the apartment, if my allergies will stop plauging me?

Going on Safari Saturday night - just for a quick "Jarred" hit .. nothing expected, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I could say a lot more about how crappy men are in general, but I'm sort of in mid-swirl with "declaring my independence," and I'm not clear how it's all going to shake out. Just a lot of emotional noise to be sifted through.

Ah, Tuesday. I may actually have a night OFF tonight. Our business meeting for tonight appears to have been rescheduled for Thursday night, and I could do something radical. Like trying to get caught up on my side work.

I'm the only one here in the office this morning so far - I just made some coffee, and I have to crack open our business plan and start working on it.

Class last night - again, I was left with the feeling that I've moved past the people who are around me - that they're at a level I was more than a year ago. It's kind of cool, but weird at the same time.

Everything that we were discussing about Troward last night made perfect sense to me; I was making connections on how the material inter-related, and the other people in the class were making connections about the material itself, and asking questions about how it related to basic concepts. It's hard to explain.

Fuzzy [the David from Oklahoma who wanted to come be my "house boy" more than a month back] called and IMd yesterday; seems he has another housing crisis. He called again last night after class, blah, blah, blah. I just know if I let him through the door, he's going to be "sticky."

Another day of scheduled rain .. my poor car. I need to make a run to Wally World at lunch to pick up more dog food and a few other things.

Well, I must off to my business plan..

Another rainy day - thundershowers all day. I don't remember this many consecutive days of rain and clouds since I've lived here.

I've got a slow start on today, for sure.

Missed a phone call from T last night - I can't imagine what he was calling about so late.

Had an email from the mormon last night asking me if I thought he was gay. As in "are you hitting on me?" I think I gave him both barrels. I didn't read his response this morning, I'm not sure I care to. I never did answer the question, either.

Saw "The Stepford Wives" last night with Nicole. That was fun.

Okay, I'm late, and I should already be in the car driving to work, so I'm off. Someone build me an ark with leather seats, a great stereo and a supercharger?

Another rainy day - have we woken up in Seattle somehow? Strange. It rained like crazy last night, and then overnight, and then this morning again ..

Worked out with Mikey last night for a while - did about five minutes on the stair master, and about DIED. I was so wiped out last night after he left that I sat down and fell asleep. For two hours.

Hm. Youngsters, don't let yourselves get out of shape. It's too hard to get it back.

Seeing a movie with Nicole tonight - "The Stepford Wives." "Farenheit 9/11" comes out this weekend, and I really want to see that. Michael the Peeler comes in tomorrow, and will be here until Sunday.

Got my hair cut today - YAY! I've spent my day reading articles to support our marketing effort, and now I'm about to pick up a book and start plowing through it to the same end. I have to start doing my reading for class on Monday, and I promised the Mormon that I would go through the Emerson quote I sent him and explain what the heck it was I was trying to say .. more work!

And, I have to run by the child care place, pick up their taxes and work on them this weekend. T is changing my spark plugs for me Saturday, and the parade is Saturday night. I've invited R&R to join us for the parade, and there's a chance they may actually do that.

I have two netflix movies that I haven't tried to watch, and another that should be there today. Yikes! And tomorrow night, a board meeting - so no movie watching then.

Somehow, this will all come together ..

Jejune. Wow. Class tonight was awesome. I hadn't read a THING (which I will touch on in a moment,) but still got a LOT out of the class using my tried-and-true approach of scanning ahead to the next passage, quickly reading the material we're about to cover, and then synthesizing with the ongoing conversation to say something brilliant.

Which I'm not committed to, in this pursuit, but it worked for tonight. Jesse (the minister) came up after the class was over, gave me a hug and said he was REALLY glad that I was in the class. That was cool.

And, tonight, three minutes before the class ended, I was able to find my reply to David (the Mormon's) relation of his spiritual beliefs (which are .. well. Yikes.)

I tried to track Jarred down today to encourage him to call Maureen the immigration attorney; without success. I left him a VM on the placebo number; perhaps he'll actually retrieve it.

Came home from my second effort at finding Jarred to find a whiny email from David (the Mormon) about my complaint yesterday at his statement that we could no longer hang out, only study. I was feeling all supercharged from my class, so I wrote QUITE the reply back. We'll see what that generates.

I've committed to starting walking with Lisa in the morning at 7:00 - yeek. And, tomorrow after work, I'm walking again with Mikey.

About that whole "declare your independence" thing for the 4th of July "talk," I'm cooking up some great ideas. Tonight's class was so LIBERATING. We distinguished that it's okay to have random disaster/illness/whatever fantasies - it's just like watching a scary movie. You can enjoy it, and then just shrug it off - it doesn't mean you've created that as reality.

And, we talked about being in the moment with things - like new relationships and new experiences - not mapping out the possible scenarios and pre-judging how things are going. About a world view that is either hostile (my heritage) or friendly (my developing trend.) It was just .. wow. Validating. I felt like I was again on the right path.

Earlier today, I started feeling like this new gig might run out of money before we hit some success, but after class tonight, I was able to put that all away.

More tomorrow .. hasta

Monday, Monday -

Had an interesting email from the Mormon (David) last night - he's no longer able to "hang out" with me, as his schedule is too busy. Probably for the best; he's going to be one tortured puppy.

And David (fuzzy) called several times Friday, looking to be rescued. No return phone number, and he stopped calling after about 15 minutes. Not persistent.

Got the kitchen swamped out, which was good, got all the ceramic ducks that Jenny gave me five years ago off the patio this morning, and went food shopping with Mikey on Saturday - blew the entire contents of my wallet at the Wal-Mart. So, my refrigerator is FULL of food, which is a wild rarity. Tomorrow morning, I'm scrubbing the bathroom, and then my apartment will be mostly clean. For a few days.

Michael the peeler comes in this week to work for Pride weekend. I've invited Larry down from Dallas, but we'll see where that goes.

I'm mentally preparing for my talk in two weeks about declaring one's independance. What should I declare my independance from? Hm.

Had a young man from Brazil send me an email a few weeks ago - he says he likes me; works for .. well, the big, nasty construction contractor that's in the news so much lately. Wants to come for a visit. Seems needy, but nice. Asked me if I'd help pay for the ticket over the weekend.

Uh, no.

I'm feeling blase this morning for no apparent reason. Just not my usual, skippy self. I'll survive.

Another rainy day in the sub-tropics. Not that I mind. I love it. Actually, we get more rain here (I've heard) than they do in Seattle, we just get sunshine in between.

I'm tired today so far. I have a few things to do, but nothing earth-shattering. Lance is cranking on our presentations, Rick is in a seminar until lunch, and it's very quiet here today. I have seminars tomorrow and Friday all day for my loan officer renewal. Oh boy.

I made David his own sub-folder in my Outlook yesterday. He's one of the few who gets to have all of his email archived. What does this mean? Nothing, of course. He writes me usually twice a day, and is very playful. Right now, he's engaged in an ongoing discussion with me about religious views, trying to draw out my thoughts.

At least he's interested enough to ask questions.

Walked on the treadmill last night with Mikey again. Had a few minutes at home, and then had to dash down to a board meeting in Clear Lake for the church. So, my house is a wreck, and I'm pooped. =) At least I have this Saturday "off."

Meeting with an attorney to help her craft a petition against the attorney general for mis-reporting of child support information on the credit bureaus. Interesting concept.

I could go home and lay down. Business meeting at 6:30 tonight .. maybe I'll try to sneak out of here a little early.

Another rainy Houston morning - it looks like it's going to storm again. The weather predicts that we'll have weather like this all week.

Rick is out this morning, and Lance and I have to create some metrics for our marketing. I have to terminate a guy this morning, and I don't know him very well, so I don't know how he's going to react. This makes me a little edgy.

Had my first "Roots of Science of Mind" class last night - okay, who knew there were so many people pursuing the Science of Mind teaching? 17 people in this class, which is an ADVANCED class. Last night, we were reading and evaluating Ralph Waldo Emerson, which is enough to make one's brain sit up and say "wait! huh?"

So, I have a load of reading to do to get caught up, I have a sermon to prepare for next Sunday, and board meetings tonight and tomorrow night. Thursday night, Guy is coming over to watch DVDs, and David is coming over Saturday evening.

Now that David has a computer, I'm hearing from him two or more times a day. This is a good thing.

I have to get some contracts written for Scott today, and I have to get some lawsuits written for Mitch soon. Of course, he hasn't quite gotten me all the details yet, but he's pressing for me to finish the writing. Okay, sure.

Bleh at the nasty office coffee this morning.

Nicole invited me to a movie last night - boy, it was tempting to skip driving ALL the way to the north part of Spring. Now that gas is so expensive, I'm driving more than ever. Bizarre.

I feel another poem coming on; this one based on the writings of Emerson (be yourself, be true to yourself, and don't try to conform) and romance in general. I'll let you see it when I get it done.

Another busy day - I have to work tonight on documents for side clients - I'm way behind. The weekend promises to be busy, too.

Had a great night with David last night - he's such a wonderful guy. Made spaghetii for him and for Mikey, hung out and chatted for hours, worked on some problems for the LSAT with him. I think he's coming back tomorrow evening and Saturday evening.

Walked with Mikey on the treadmill yesterday - okay, so that is something I need to get back to. I wasn't wiped out, but I was certainly not as fit as I was before Lisa had to stop walking with me. Lisa has suggested that we start walking in the mornings at 6:00, so that I can still make it to work on time. I think that's probably the direction I'm going to go.

Had an email from Jesse Jennings that said I could still join the Roots class that I skipped this past Monday. YAY! I have to take a two-day loan officer recertification class next week as well. Bleh.

Had a loan referral from Nicole today. (MWUAH to the beautiful Nicole) I have to hook up the fax machine at home tonight somehow.

Had lunch today with Mitch - he's just a nut. He wants to sue anyone who's crossed his path. What a character. He says he's coming over tonight to work with me, but I have a suspicion that he'll bail at the last minute, as is his pattern. What I really REALLY want to do tonight is to have a quiet night at home with the DVD player. I don't know if that will work out, though.

I love LOVE LOVE my new messenger bag that I bought on eBay. I've been eyeballing it for MONTHS, and when my old green cloth briefcase started falling apart, I found one that had no bids going into the last few hours, and nabbed it. It makes me SO happy.

We have a big proposal to work on for a local hospital; I'm wondering if we have the competency to actually bid the work. It's due in a week - bleh.

Another hour to go, and then home for the day. I'm feeling another poem coming on.

Rain, rain, go away - come again some other day.

And I'm not talking about the rain outside. That's fine. The rain inside my head is NOT helping me.

Had a decent evening with David last night. Of course, he and I get along like peas and carrots, so that was only to be expected. He loved all OVER my apartment - loved the colors, the furniture, the fabrics, the wall art, everything. He was very relaxed and casual - we chatted for most of the evening, and worked on LSAT materials for about 45 minutes. He never said boo about anything gay related.

Today, I'm working [again] on our business plan. I just feel stymied, but I'm slogging through. I skipped class last night, which was probably not the best idea, as I would likely have gotten some clarity on whatever this is that's kicking my butt. However, I did get the apartment cleaned up, which was good, and I can see my way through to finishing up the midtown tax office integration, maybe as early as tonight, in which my serenity will be regained at home.

Now, if I could just be equally motivated about grooming the dogs...

Mikey is coming over tonight to start our workout program. That would be a good thing, I guess, but I'm not all "shot in the ass" about it.

David (the other one, the fuzzy one from Oklahoma) has totally changed his communication patterns, now that he's in Houston. Perhaps he's no longer so motivated because he doesn't need a place to stay or transportation to get here.

Bleh @ men in general.

I think I'm in love with the new Mercedes-Benz E320CDI. It would be about the same amount of money monthly as having a boyfriend, it gets 27 MPG in the city, goes 0-60 in 6.6 seconds, and has a six year, 100,000 mile warranty. And, since it has a GPS tracker built in, I know it would never cheat on me.

Why is it that late today, I feel that my elevated mood over the last few weeks as been the sole product of a single emotional input source? And why is that seemingly so stupid and ridiculous?

I dashed home to clean up the apartment on account of David [the student] coming over. I should be headed to class at Creative Life church in Spring right now, but I just feel so not into it. I got everything picked up, even though what happened to most of the stuff was that it got tossed onto the guest room bed, which is overflowing with stuff from the midtown office, dusted, cleaned the bathroom, picked up the kitchen, put away the obvious gay publications, put all the files in the bedroom filing cabinet away, and generally prepared to repel boarders.

Why do I have it that David is going to react badly when he gets here and figures out that I'm gay? Why does it matter?

Tomorrow night, Mitch is coming over to work on his divorce suit, and some other issues, David is supposed to be back Wednesday night for more LSAT tutoring, and Thursday, I think David the fuzzy man from Oklahoma will be arriving.

I have to finish consolidating all this midtown stuff into my apartment, and clearing off this guest room bed so that I don't look like I'm living in a trailer. Most of it will easily be disposed of in drawers and the like, it's just about 30 minutes of work. Maybe if I get out of bed early enough in the morning. I also have to scrub out the shower/tub.

I need to re-center. I guess that I need to re-visit what I said I was moving away from - graduating from - in my last church sermon. I'm sure that has something to do with the general state of "yuck" that I'm feeling.

I guess that's it for this post.

Happy Monday morning to you all!

I am beginning my first full week at R&Rs office - gradually bringing things in from the car, which has a full-ish trunk of office related stuff. I have to spend my week working on business plans, and proposals for bid opportunities.

The weekend was fun, but different. I taught all day Saturday, then had Mikey over to reconfigure my new computer. The apartment is a wreck. But, we got the new computer totally up and running, which is great. I have Mitch coming over tomorrow evening, so I have to clean up my place pretty darned fast, and I have David (from Oklahoma) coming sometime soon, and David (the student) coming over for tutoring Wednesday night.

The pressure is on. And I start my new Science of Mind class tonight.

No safari this week. Maybe no safari next week either. Interesting.

Got moved out of the old office, and MJV moved EVERYTHING (including the carpeting) out yesterday.

Nothing grand to write today - more will follow!

Black diamond eyes
A smile that lights
the dark corners of your soul
Tall, lean, long, graceful

Universal obsession

Old men, young men, pool hustlers
lawyers, blue collar, blue blood

All line up out of hope

A nod brings warmth
A smile, relief
A wink lifts the spirits

Every night a seething throng
waits their turn
for any attention that may
come their way

Everyone made to feel special

But only one
Really is.

Copyright 2004, Douglas J. Hord

Friday evening, and the first time I've skipped the gay.com-a coffee event in weeks. I didn't leave the office until 6:00, and by the time I got home, got the dogs out and so on, it was time to go over there and I just flat didn't feel like it.

The weekend is upon me, and my weekends have been so much more fun than in years. Friday nights have become social, albiet with the gay.com girls, and then Saturday mornings with Mikey and the Ben Breakfast at Barnaby's. Tomorrow at 11:45, I'm picking up Judy at the airport, and we're going to knock around until it's time for Safari. I have to transcribe some poetry tomorrow morning, and I have to work on my "lesson" for church on Sunday. I've already planned it out, so I just have to make some outline notes and be prepared. And dig up some quotes.

This weekend's challenging question is - do I give Jarred a gift? Two gifts? I have started writing a poem for him .. which I referred to two nights ago. I picked up this really cool little foilo to transcribe some poetry into (it's all in the archived blog, folks) and I've decided to call my nascent collection of poems about men "Deep Smit." Which amuses me. Jarred's poem is going to be titled "Universal Obsession."

Worked with Rick today for six hours. Got some things done. We set up a merge document for the full service recruiting side that we'll start sending out every two weeks. That's a cool thing. Did a bunch of projections on our a la carte side, and that's starting to look even more promising than before.

My house is no where near my normal standards of "clean." With Judy coming in, I was torn between cleaning it up for her, or waiting until her whirlwind leaves and cleaning then.

I have to get my car cleaned up tomorrow. Yeek! It's just disgusting. I'm going to see about the state inspection and an oil change, too.

Well, that's the update. I'll write more about how my sermon on graduation goes.

Howdy! Time for a big ol' blog blob. It's nearly been a month, and there's a lot going on. How about we start with headlines?

THE DIVO GETS THE CALL!

R&R CONVINCE THE DIVO TO CHANGE CAREERS!

THE DIVO ONCE AGAIN WRITES POETRY BECAUSE OF SOME MAN HE CAN'T HAVE!

How was that for a teaser?

Okay, so I haven't looked at Jarred's picture (except for the one that I made the wallpaper on my Sprint phone, which I can't really avoid all that much) in two days. Who's Jarred, you ask? Why .. he's the bartender at this nasty, trashy, sleazy dump of a bar that I've been going to for more than a year because he flirts mercilessly with me. And because my friend Mikey can try to pick up street hustler boys, which makes him happy. I'm happy, Mikey's happy, everyone's happy! Last Saturday, Mikey took his digicam to the bar and snapped a picture of Jarred - which he emailed me. Now, it's EVERYWHERE. We're going back "on Safari" this Saturday. I know it's just pointless, meaningless flirtation, but there's a LINE at the bar of men jockeying for Jarred's attention, and he pays most of what he doles out to me. Several other people have noticed this, so it's not just a random fantasy of MINE. Although, I'm quite skilled at that, it seems. Jarred's birthday was a week ago this past Monday, and I'm waffling as to whether to acknowledge how much gladness he brings me with some sort of gift. Well, heck, there's a gift that's already in a box, but I'm having second thoughts. I'm thinking of hand writing out all of my poetry (about boys) in a nice sort of a folio thing, and writing one for/about him and giving him THAT.

Now, what was our next topic? Yes, I'm leaving the loan shark business and moving back into HR Recruiting. I've already started splitting my days between the one and the other. The afternoons - they're great! There are people to work with, people to work with things on, and things to be created and done and thought up and things. I love it! It's so much better than pushing paper. I'm not really a salesman anyway, so my abilities to bring in lending business were more because I'm a great networker and problem solver that people trust and rely on than going out and hauling in new leads. I should be fully transitioned in June. Which means, no more walking to work. No more sleeping until 9:00. No more part-time work. Hm. I'm enjoying the change, though.

And, yes, I have received the call. Which call, you ask? Why, the one that tells me what the heck it is I'm supposed to be doing on this silly rock, of course. I've been wandering around for the last nearly 30 years wondering just where I fit in. Most of the places I've tried to fit in were places that I was told I should pursue, or thought I wanted to pursue. I never really LOVED anything passionately, and I'm just not ever going to put myself deeply into something that I don't really love to do. Professional singer? Tried it, no. Lawyer? Tried it, no. Mortgage broker? Nope. BORING and way too stressful. I produced musicals and variety shows. Nice, but didn't keep me up at night, excited and thinking about what I should do with it. I've taught college for 17 years, and that's been okay. I'm tired of teaching the same material over and over, though. However, our minister at church (which I have attended sporadically over the last few years, but which classes I have soaked up as fast as they could offer them) has taken a six month leave, starting the day that I accepted a term on the board of directors. Sneaky, wasn't that? So, the other [two] board members and I agreed to take on the running of the church while she was gone. And, the first Sunday that she was gone, I was on deck. I had already agreed to "give the talk," before she revealed her plans, but I found that I was responsible for the WHOLE shooting match. And, I wasn't in a class (that she taught) that I could regurgitate back to those assembled.

WOW. I was awake most of the night, mentally preparing. Nervous? No. When you've roller skated into a restaurant dressed in a bright red fairy costume, tutu and wings, getting in front of people doesn't exactly ring your chime. However, I was so turned on by trying to create a linear POINT to everything I had in mind, and making it vibrant and real and interesting ..

Got up Sunday morning (way before my normal 9:00 roll out) and was at church (25 miles away) at 9:30. It was BRILLIANT. Then, just last Sunday, I did Ver. 2.01. Spoke about "Victim Consciousness." Again, up all night (well, after two and a half hours of Jarred flirting with me, and then mentally structuring my "talk," I got about three hours of sleep) and when I got back home around 1:00, I was too jazzed to nap. This Sunday, I'm speaking about "Graduating to the Next Phase of Your Life," and I already have everything planned out. I just have to look up some quotes that go along with what I have in mind. My long time friends have been astonished at how turned on I am after I leave the church, and my overall mood as skyrocketed.

So, I'm going to be a minister. It's going to take five years, and $25,000.00. I'll have another degree (this one a Master's of Divinity) and right about that time, our minister will be ready to retire ..

I'm jazzed. I finally feel like I know what I'm here for. It combines everything that I love doing - performing, organizing, writing, thinking/creating, and teaching. It's an amorphous task - cooking up something new to say EACH WEEK that's relevant, interesting, linear and a contribution to people's lives.

The response of the members of our [very little] church has been very positive. VERY positive. They LOVE me and what I say. I'm so happy about it!

Well, that's the Divo update. Thanks for having a look.

Well, it's almost May. I managed to skip March, and not write anything.

Lance just bought a car - after nearly six months without one. I hope this makes him feel much better. It took lots of creative positive energy on my part - he was feeling VERY nervous and negative about the whole experience. It took them about 25 minutes to come back and say that they had accepted his price and down payment, and that the monthly was something he could afford. Very nice.

I just haven't felt at ALL like working. UHCL classes start up again in two weeks - five Saturdays of getting up and schlepping my way to Clear Lake before 8:45 in the morning. Which means I'll not be able to breakfast at Barnaby's and ogle the really cute waiter we've discovered.

Haven't been hunting for Jarred the South African bartender in about three weeks. I think that Mikey has promised me that we'll go this weekend. I have to do some serious apartment cleaning this weekend, too. I'm way behind.

I've "come out of the closet" with my desire to become a minister - I've started the course work, and I have approximately five years to go. It's another Master's Degree, and I'll be about 51 when I'm all done.

The loan business has been DEAD. I've done three loans this YEAR, I normally need to do three a month. Tax season sucked [for me] because I make so little money doing taxes. We haven't been out marketing the loan business for months - we're going to re-start that tomorrow.

So, I've been hiding out. A fugitive. I've had Judy at the apartment, followed by Michael for nearly ten days - pandemonium. The stress has been impressive.

Still no one to write poetry for. Jaecub is sleeping his way through gay.com, and I kep hearing about it. He doesn't speak to me anymore.

Ah, nearly a week gone by. This day started out all sunny and gorgeous, but the clouds have rolled in. It's probably because I must either work on some unsavory tax returns or work data mining some court reviews to do marketing. Why or why do I not have a slave to do this work for me? (grins)

Well, Jaecub stood me up. On Valentine's Day. Which means - bleh. I was quite unhappy. I saw him the other night - had to drive out to get him and bring him back. It was unsatisfactory, seemingly for both of us, since he's no longer responding on instant messenger. I think that one has run its course.

However, the whole experience (along with some others) has me looking at why I've been stood up SO much in my life. Of course, that brings one right back to one's self. So, I'm working on that layer of "the onion" now. Bleh.

Had some interesting conversations yesterday about the toxicity of Aspartame and the addictive qualities of Diet Coke. Yikes!

Well this afternoon must be about creating new business. I'll be focusing on that, which involves actual WORK.

Met a wonderful guy yesterday on gay.com - wow. Our conversation is awesome, and we'll see where things go.

Cold!

I'm spending a quiet day at the office, talking to prospective tax clients. Had a grad student from Buenos Aires come in asking about filing taxes on an F1 student visa. He has eight total friends who need their returns done.

I'm also surfing through old floppy diskettes that I discovered last night when looking for the phone manual for my friend Mikey. I found a few dozen old marketing flyers and documents that I did up when I was working in the mortgage business prior to 2000, and my diskette of internet "favorites" - awesome!

Tonight, I'm having the first real date with Jaecub. He's coming over, spending the night and we'll have quiet time together. I'll be making spaghetti, as I'm broke until payday on Monday. Unless my teaching check comes in today, and I can go cash it somewhere. It really doesn't matter - I'm good for taking care of him until tomorrow.

Have a big loan application tomorrow - and it seems like I may have a home for it. One lender called me back late last night and said that they wouldn't pass it up until they had the loan details.

Other than that, I should be working on a new douglashord.com website, and I haven't done a thing about it. Perhaps I'll spend the next hour doing that.

A sunny day, finally!

I'm sitting here, waiting for the errant tax client to stroll through the door this Saturday afternoon. I have some marketing work that I could do, and I can tidy up the office. That will take fewer than 30 minutes, so .. what to do until then?

I actually told someone that he should do the Forum last night. I don't know what came over me. I had another friend that I have been THINKING of recommending the Forum to, but ..

RC, the man that I like so much, is moving out of his home with his "other half" next weekend, and into his own apartment. He says that the relationship is over, but he and that guy have done the on again, off again thing several times over the last few years, so I'm not holding my breath.

And I had a "date" set tonight with "Eduardo," who is now out of communication. So, I'm not holding my breath on that one.

I spent some time actually talking to JW in Tulsa. He's just lost. Lost, frustrated and defeated. He's the one I told should do the Forum. I like talking to him.

Should have my internet connectivity re-established at home tomorrow. WHOO HOO. Using my Sprint PCS phone - taking a page from my friend James' experience. Cuts my monthly obligations by $140, and hopefully will lead to re-organizing the guest room. I spent hours clearing out the drawers and such last weekend, and now, it's time to move the furniture around. I'm going to get the computer out of the corner where it lives now, and get the dresser out of the closet where it's lived for the last three years. I'll have all the wood furniture lined up against one wall, though, unless I come up with some brilliant new furniture arrangement for the room. Not having to accomodate the computer desk and bicycle will make a difference, though.

Larry is coming to visit next week, which is great - I haven't seen him in a while.

And Matthew from Austin sent me some pictures of himself today. Interesting. I wonder what's on his mind?

Hm. I think I was in a bad mood the last time I blogged. Since it's been two months, I guess that also means I haven't had this on my mind, either. I've taken up the notion of coming back here a time or two, but haven't.

An update:

"Self Mastery" is completed. It was a great course. Yvette and I are looking for more courses to take at the Creative Life church in Spring [TX.] We both are interested in becoming religious science practitioners.

My blood sugar is pissing me off. My friend Lisa's pregnancy got to a point where she isn't allowed to go walking any more, and I've stopped exercising. Ah, well. I'll get back to it.

I have been greatly enjoying working with Lance. He's awesome. We're starting to have success with our marketing.

I'm still engaged in conversation with RC, for whom I wrote the poetry back around Nov. 5. He's "thinking" about moving into his own place. He's a mess. I still like him. I haven't seen him for nearly six weeks, and he's stood me up a time or two during that period. Why would I keep talking to him? I don't know. Just when I have decided to cut him off, he does something that suggests he truly is interested. Still, I'm not making any more offers to him.

I've been talking to this very nice lad from Tulsa - very handsome, very erudite. Not the best at communication, but it's all good.

Boris the waiter just stopped by - his visit was interrupted by business. I did tell him that Lance and I wanted to take him out for a few beers, which he was agreeable to.

Tax season is upon me, and my circle of friends coming to me for tax preparation is increasing. Hopefully, it and my circle of referring realtors will continue to expand.

No new poetry, not since RC stood me up in November.

I'll be better about keeping up these posts.

Okay, so it's been three months. Maybe there's just been nothing worth writing about.

Work is work. Lance [my new working partner] is awesome, but it's all just conceptual still. There's no business. Michael [the owner of the business] would still rather drink beer at Hooter's than talk to me about developing anything there, and until that changes, it's all just mental and emotional masturbation.

I'm taking a class through church again - "Self Mastery" this time. I'm beginning to think that this, like Landmark Education, like everything is more mental masturbation. It gives one a veneer of control, of self-direction, but it's all just bullshit. I don't know [tonight] if it's worth finishing the course.

Stood up again tonight, ver. 3.01 with this guy. Tonight was a work excuse. I don't care if he's the ONE that God has intended for me from the beginning of time, I'll never speak to him again. What a shithead. I wrote TWO poems about that boy, too.

Let's reproduce them here, shall we?

First, was this one - entitled "Jaecub" - my first indulgence in haiku

Sparks fly - new love meets
The thoughts of perfect forever
Fear and hope collide

Will lovers survive
Baggage - new uncertainties
Risk unbearable

Know what is vital
Love does happen at first sight
Strength brings perfection

Then, there was this one - entitled "the empty wine glass"

My apartment sits
just as quietly lit
as any other evening

In a neat row
in the bar's soft glow
stand four red wine glasses

Bejeweled
Confident
Bewitching

The soft whine of machines
A calm background achieves
Yet my home is far too silent

The one I think of most
is on another coast
and my wine glass must stand empty

The frustrating heights
Seven more nights
Before I fill my glass

And learn what fate has for me

I"ll tell you what fate had in store for me - another dry fuck after a promise of happiness.

I'm walking six miles a day, and have radically cut back on my food intake - can't seem to drop weight.

Is reality a fucking joke or what?

All of this on top of health issues with NO health insurance, and no way that it's coming into my life unless I win the lotto soon.

Yeah, it's a joke. It's a joke in which you are repeatedly given the impression that things are going to work out for you, and then the rug is jerked out from under you at the last second.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Fire! Flame! Conflagration!

Quick! Someone pass me the ACME anvil!

Payday, and supporting bois who should still be living with mommy

Mercifully, I had a little paycheck today. My larger commission check will issue on Tuesday, but that's pretty much already committed. I'm still waiting for my paycheck from UH-CL, which isn't yet overdue, but is past the normal time that I would have gotten it.

Spent my tiny paycheck on gas, car insurance and groceries. And Robert. I didn't give him much money, only about ten bucks, but he did demand fealty. He's off on the bus to apply for a job at Katz' [Katz' never closes!] then, later, I think he's going to Mingalone, a place he's waited tables before, to see about a job and an old paycheck there.

Robert being the boy from Arkansas. Who could give my friend E [from Vancouver] a BIG run for his money drinking vodka. Robert went through 1.75 litres of vodka between Saturday afternoon and Monday afternoon [48 hours.] When he wasn't hoovering up the vodka, he was sleeping it off. Very enrolling.

Eric still drifts in and out; I hardly see him [or my computer.] He's supposed to start paying rent a week from tomorrow, although there is a fair chance he'll move in with Walter, another gay.comicon. Walter doesn't have a bed for him, though, so he may stay here a while longer.

Agreed [in principal] with Michael today to work for him two days a week in Seabrook doing legal work. He pays me $25/hour for that, but I'm going to insist on 8 hour days if I'm going to be traveling down there. He has enough legal work to make it happen; he just needs to let me do [all] of it, and review and then sign things.

I feel rather like Wile E. Coyote - I keep getting banged with the big ACME hammer, but I keep going back for more.

Buffy, Ver 4.01

Finished watching Buffy season four last night - boy, it was great! I missed all this entertainment for seven years, deciding in advance that it wasn't worthwhile, and not knowing that it was something awesome.

Along the same vein, today, the boy from Arkansas is supposed to be arriving by Amtrak. Of course, the world's most gullible human gave him the train ticket. I could tell where things were going as I recited the reservation code to him - his friend [who was taking him part-way to Little Rock to get the train] showed up, and he got off the phone without establishing that I'd pick him up, that he'd look for me, etc. My feeling was confirmed as the day wound on, when he didn't call me. Today, he's on the train [right now, the bus connector] to Houston, and I'm wondering - should I go to the train station to pick him up? What is his plan? Is this another youngster who's just scamming what they can?

Been working this afternoon on amended tax returns for a client who walked in. Have a woman who mailed me a new loan application, but I'm not sure about whether I can do anything for her.

My [very young] friend Steve is coming to see the show tonight. I think that Lynette [my friend who directed me in this show the first time] may be coming tonight as well.

Another Monday

Had dinner with Dr. John last night. Very pleasant evening; lots of great conversation. I skipped the theater's annual awards show (which was late six weeks.) The bitter part of my heart won out; the show/event was a flop (as compared to what I had built it into.)

I was just exhausted yesterday - this show takes a lot out of me.

Chris was very complimentary of me Saturday night, but told me that some people at the theater still think I'm there to cause trouble. Very disheartening.

Found a gorgeous 1971 Impy online today -

Also found [after years of searching] a triple black 1973 4-door Imperial. I just wrote and asked for pictures.

Tonight, I'm going to work at de-dogging my apartment - it's just coated in dog dander and hair.

Talked to Dr. John last night at length about how he transformed his body. It sounds interesting. I may have to do something like that. I've decided to spend this week on an apple fast - try to clear out my system some. It's been weeks since I've had any alcohol at all; now I have to see about doing something like he did for myself.

I just wonder if I'm really cut out for sales/marketing. Hmm. That's what is occupying my thoughts today.

28 days after ..

My friend Kurtis took pity on me today and took me out to dinner and to see a movie [which is identified in the title to this blog.] He's just the nicest man; don't confuse him with Curtis, who's got different issues.

What a movie!

Anyway, it's about time to walk the mutts and think about getting some sleep, so I'll just note that I got the insurance crisis fixed, and am on to the next dilemma - the loan investor who doesn't answer the phone.

Cheers!

Some days, it just seems that you'd be better off serving coffee at Starbucks

So, today, I've been running around trying to get insurance solved on this file that should be funding [paying me money] today. The title company tells me one thing, the insurance agent another, and the lender something else entirely. And everyone's telling me that they can't do it that way.

Thus, I'm frustrated and have a headache.

I'm starting to work on getting my law license reinstated, and running into nine year old roadblocks there as well. I'll have to go down to the courthouse, probably on Wednesday, to work on that some more.

In betwixt and between phone calls about this insurance issue, I get a phone call from the Upshur Country [TX] jail. Um .. that's where PJ is.

So, I answered.

Guess what! He wants money. (rolls eyes) He's been in jail for three months, but didn't want to tell me what it was for. He's coming back to Houston sometime soon.

Oh, my.

Okay, so I've been busy with the show and everything ...

The show opened, and it's going very well. I was starting to hear some compliments on my performance; I still feel [to a considerable degree] like a total outsider at the theater that I helped run for five years. No rehearsals this week - so no theater commitment until Friday night for the new performance.

Not starting the new dream job tomorrow morning - if you didn't hear, they [Ameriquest] decided to close the Houston office rather than move into their new suite. Very strange. No word from BofA or Countrywide on their level of interest, if any.

I did buy some new work clothes to go with the dream job, and for interviewing purposes. I feel a whole lot better about myself [and more motivated to work] when I get a little cleaned up and dressed up.

Working on midnight again, and the putative room mate is not yet home. He goes out about four nights a week. I call him "putative" room mate, because he's staying here for free, and I'm having flashbacks of ALL the people I've let hang out in my "extra" bedroom(s) over the years.

Nat came over today, and we hung out watching movies. I need to go grocery shopping in the WORST way.

Two days to payday.

Picked up the cell phone from Curtis, and got him to take nearly all of his clothing a week ago. Waiting to borrow Buffy Season Four from my friend James.

That's about all the news that's news. More in the morning.

Mid-day update ..

Well, my divorce client's loan approval was on the fax this morning when I came in - very nice! I have some legal files to work on, but I'm so DAMNED unmotivated.

I feel like going home and having a nap, then baking some bread. I should stay here on the off chance that someone calls. I sit. I wait.

I wrote a new poem, I'll post it when I get home. I think I'm also going to pull my computer apart and find out why the printer won't work. Oh, yes - and the filing.

My friend Dave just sent me a link to an airliner parody website. Now, I have something to do!

A month? It's been a month?

Well, I guess ..

A fine Friday morning here; I have a new loan to work on when I get into the office, and I have some other work to crank out today. I have to manage my work flow, or I'll run out. If I run out, I don't even like going over to the office.

I have a totally free weekend - amazing! Rehearsal for tonight was cancelled, the Pride parade is tomorrow evening, but other than that, I have totally got nothing scheduled. I do want to go to this new loft complex over by the ballpark called Alexan lofts, and check out an apartment that I may want to move into around Christmas time. But, I so love my apartment now - it's just the right layout and size for me, and its location is primo.

My new job starts in just three weeks. Well, two weeks from Monday. I'm nervous about telling Michael that I'm leaving, and trying to figure out a way to break it to him that he doesn't go ballistic.

I have one and only one project for the weekend - to catch up on my filing here at home. I have everything in orderly piles next to the filing cabinet, and now, it remains for me to create the file folders, type up the labels, and put everything away.

I had a dream this morning about my "friend" Jenny, with whom I have strife from time to time. In my dream, I called her on the phone and she was still sullen and crappy - and I told her how the cow ate the cabbage. It was kind of a fun dream, actually.

Still wondering how I'm going to pay rent next week, since I haven't had any loan closings since early June. I have some money coming in from different sources, but will it all add up? Talking to this guy about rooming with me for a few months while my income gets ramped up - I emailed him last night, but haven't heard from him just yet.

Other than that, there isn't much to tell. I'm wondering why my car payment hasn't been deducted from my checking account just yet. I think I've lost a few pounds. Hm. That's about it.

I'll have more to say in the morning, I hope - thanks for waiting.

Divo ...

Okay, so I haven't had that much to say lately.

Another successful day at trying to move loans into closing. Things are going a little better than they looked on Friday morning, and hopefully two loans will close this week.

Since this is how I make a living, we think this is a very good thing.

Michael was in today - having the same conversation with yet another person who has no interest in being in the mortgage business. He seems to think that if he finds a bunch of people in real estate, insurance, stocks, etc. that he can talk into being loan officers, they'll magically produce business (that I will have to manage for free) and he will get richer.

I think he's not paying attention.

Anyway, my young friend David stopped by today, and I helped him with his resume. While working with him, I was extolling the virtues of employment search on Starbucks' website, and found two fine positions for my own self. One in San Francisco, and one in Seattle. Then, I read an email from the Mortgage Training Institute, with whom I just took a class, and they are recruiting for instructors. Hello, Mary! I'm there. I filled out my third online application for the day.

Other than that, I didn't get a whole lot accomplished. Got a file stacked and out for delivery. Did some quotes for potential new business. That was about it.

Talked to Jeffrey today about the Golden Girls thing in Austin. Boy, did I make the right call in not going. It was trailer park heaven with old cars. I had fun with Larry and his crew in Dallas.

Rehearsal tonight. Came home to find that Jackie had again busted out of the kitchen and peed in the living room. I haven't had the heart to check the bedroom yet.

She's now leashed to the laundry room door, where she will stay except when she's outside. I just had the carpeting shampooed, and she's now made two big wet spots.

Lovely.

I'm thinking about going dogless, frankly.

Other than that, nothing much is new. I got my car inspected today. I still love "Matrix Reloaded" regardless.

Why does nearly everybody miss the primary point of the whole movie?

And why does Rick think it's appropriate to attack me all the time now? He's such a horse's ass most of the time. I'm thinking about refraining from visiting there anymore.

Like starting this Sunday.

Well, keep your fingers crossed for me and the mortgage institute gig. That would be awesome!

Feelin' lazy -

Well, tax season is over, fans, and it's time for me to get back into the groove of doing mortgage lending. I have a voice lesson in a little while, and I haven't felt like working ALL day today. I have gotten a few things done and accomplished, but overall, I've just been seated here, surfing the net today.

Tonight, I'm having dinner with Brian, who's just the sweetest youn-un around. Tomorrow is a busy day, with two closings and a loan application in the evening. Friday is, of course, Good Friday, and the "tax season is over" party put on by my business partner.

It's Easter weekend, and I'm singing in our little "church" on Sunday. Then, I think that a number of us are headed to Galveston for lunch.

More after I have dinner tonight!

Time to relax, time to blog

Ah, I almost don't know what to say. All of the tax returns are done save one. I have people who need to come in and sign, and a number of people who have clamored for attention in these last four days of tax season, but I'm all caught up. Both of my loan closings are put off because of title problems. I have two new loans to work on in the most serious way, but I'm just about taxes today. Michael alleges that he will be here by 4:30, and so I'm going to be ready for him.

Tonight, I'm supposed to be going to Kurtis and David's to talk about our little business project.

Busy days and sleepless nights

I've been up to my nipples in tax returns, and my new marketing piece has the phone ringing every few minutes. I think I sold two new loans today, which is excellent. I have a bunch of loan work to get caught up on, and that's a good thing.

I'm just SORE - I've been typing all day, and talking on the phone. How is it that I feel beaten up?

B cancelled on me for our sort of dinner engagement tonight. So, that's fine. I can use a quiet night after I finish all the tax clients today. Matthew (remember him?) called today; I'm taking him to dinner tomorow night, and Curtis is still expected over last night at 8:00.

Yeah, sure.

I get to see Lloyd tomorrow - thank GOD.

So many things to spend money on. Ugh.

More later on, I'm sure. Just thought I'd post a note.

If there's ice cream, do you really need a man?

(this was from last night, but due to server issues, I couldn't get it posted)

It's a quiet Monday evening here at the casita de Divo, formerly known as the Divo House for Wayward Boys. I've watched an old episode of "Star Trek," mopped the tile floors, pulled the white clothes out of the dryer, washed the throw rugs and vacuumed.

That's enough for one evening. I still have to fold the white clothes, and watch the other episode of "Star Trek."

I'm back to spitting on the floor whenever I speak of men (spits on floor.)

Several developments relating to Curtis:

1.) Thursday last, Curtis dropped in on E and me. Curtis has a hard time understanding that gay men can share the same physical space without getting naked. During his visit, he wanted to get cleaned up so that he could visit some friends down in Sugar Land. While in the shower, E had to pee. Curtis was somewhat frisky while E was in there, and there are two digital photos of Curtis in the shower. On E's website.

2.) After the party, Curtis came back. I went to bed. E and C were up and chatting. Curtis (who, according to E, oozes sex from every pore) gave a sort of back-handed come-on. E went to bed.

3.) Friday night, Curtis said he was coming over. His water pump on his truck was going out; it was nearly 10:00 and auto parts stores were generally closed. He didn't think his truck would make it, so he was going to go to a friend's house. I went to bed.

4.) Saturday morning, Curtis was at my door at 7:15 a.m. I was barely awake. I shuffled about, made coffee, and Curtis got a call from his girlfriend. She and he had a screaming match at 7:45 in the morning that lasted until after 8:15. I'm sure my neighbors now visualize axles under my apartment. Trailer queen.

5.) I took Curtis to Auto Zone. Bought him a new water pump ($20) radiator hose and two gallons of Prestone (another $20) Dropped him off at his truck. Went to class, then to work.

6.) At work, around 5:00 on Saturday, Curtis called from a Suzuki dealer. He wanted to know if I would co-sign for him so he could buy an ATV. This from the guy that couldn't buy a rebuilt water pump for $20 that morning. I prevaricated.

7.) Curtis said he was coming over after 11:00 Saturday night to spend the night. I went to bed, sound in the knowledge that I would be undisturbed.

8.) Curtis called a couple of times Sunday. He kept asking about the ATV. Said he had to take his girlfriend to school Monday morning.

9.) Curtis called today, twice. Once in the morning, while I was making a bank deposit, and the other later in the afternoon. Said he was coming over straight away after work. ATV again. It's now 9:16 p.m., and I haven't heard from him. In a short while, I'm going to take the dogs outside and go to bed again.

10.) He just showed up; 11:15 at night - said he just got off work. He's whipped.

I've been promising myself that I wouldn't answer the phone when Curtis calls. I think that I should start doing that.

San Jac asked me to lunch today (resked from last week.) The dean of the continuing ed department showed up. The conversation had very little to do with me (nothing, in fact) and everything to do with free legal and business advice about setting up a consulting firm that they could market outside the college's area. So, I answered questions and gave advice -

Until -

The dean left, the instructor went to the bathroom, and I was able to ask the director of corporate education if there were any classes that I could teach coming up. The short answer = no.

I think I need to write to Auntie Rev.

That's enough for tonight, fans. More later.

D -

Impluse shopping

I have cleared off my desk to a degree; I have my homework from my Self-Mastery class sitting here, waiting to be worked on (I have class on Saturday, and I think I'm four weeks behind in the reading and such.) E leaves for LA tomorrow around 11:00; then it's all afternoon to work on it, I guess.

Last night, had Brian over, and I asked E if he would look at my Animatronics Marvin the Martin thing - Brian figured out that the volume switch also works as an on/off switch, it started right up .. and a gear broke inside. Now, it looks like I'll have to ship it off to have it repaired.

We went shopping at Fry's yesterday, briefly, and they have a hard disc recorder for the home stereo that is SO cool. It's marked down to $199 (from $599) and has a 10 gig hard drive. I could put all of my cassette music on it! I need it like I need another hole in my head, but ..

While there, I bought the 1975 version of "Rollerball." Talk about impulse buying. It was only ten bucks, but .. yeesh. I started playing it last night, and it moves SO slowly. The production values are very "Sonny and Cher" from the mid-1970s.

Going to see "Allegria" tonight -

This trip has been interesting - we're plotting to rebuild my home computer; new motherboard, new processor, new RAM memory, etc. We'd reuse the hard drive, the sound card, monitor, keyboard, etc. It's all going to cost about $400, I think. Eric and Brian will rebuild the D-machine in late April.

Still having major connectivity issues at home with my cable. It's the network card, or something. REALLY irritating.

Well, I've emptied my mind of the random blog-stuff. More later...

Happy April Fool's Day!

Been working today on taxes, and more taxes. Still can't get one balance sheet to balance, have another one that doesn't have enough deductions, etc., etc.

Not a peep out of San Jacinto college on the check issue. And to think I was teaching "customer service" skills. (shakes head)

Eric is being worked to death. We're going to R&Rs house tonight for dinner, and such. More later - have to print more tax returns!

My Karma ran over my Dogma

I'm just sure I have some fucked up karma from some past life, because I just have so much trouble getting paid for work effort - no one else I know goes through this crap.

Today, I was to meet the San Jacinto College women to discuss some scheduling and options; that meeting got cancelled. Still interested in picking up my paycheck, I asked and was told to drive over to their campus (21 miles each way) When I got there, I found out that not only was there no check, but that they had not processed my vendor paperwork that they've had for two months.

So, my career with San Jac is very short. VERY short.

I had this bizarre dream last night about teaching in front of a big room of people, teaching FHA loan procedures. I had half regular college students, and half industry regulars, and needed a microphone to speak in front of so many people.

I'm just wiped out. It's nearly 4:00 and I'm about to leave for home. Brian is coming over later; he's very upset about his boyfriend situation. Eric and I are going grocery shopping after work today.

In other news, Michael said he was going to pay me for the profit sharing, but he hasn't finished the book keeping. I don't know just what's going to come of that, but he says he's paying on the Monday after payday (which falls on a weekend.)

Have I mentioned that I'm ready for a nap now?

He should be on his mettle ..

So. The Supremes have had oral argument (in itself a double entendre) over whether same sex activity should be regulated by the State of Texas, or (on the other hand) whether it violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution to only apply such laws to same sex couples and not mixed sex couples.

The arguments, if you haven't reviewed them, were bizarre, if not hypocritical.

The District Attorney for Harris County (where I live) inherited this mess, and found himself arguing against something that, in my mind, he clearly didn't think was any of the state's business.

Gotta love Renquist and Scalia - they'll distort and twist any logic path to reach their ideologic goals.

So, as of today, I'm still a criminal. Well, not TODAY.

Two days until E's arrival from YVR - and he's been silent today.

I figured out just how little I'm making doing these tax returns, and .. she's CRABBY about making a bad business deal.

Only 16 more days of tax stuff, and I can bag it.

I think I found the marketing direction that I want to take for the new line of business - once we get our FHA approval, anyway. I have to work on THAT with everything else that's going on.

Sandra Gunn has some stunning lofts available - three in the Renoir that I would love to live in. Come on, bring in those winning lotto numbers!

I don't think I've spoken much about my friend Tom (Owen) in Poznan, Poland. He's been out of touch lately - he caught his boyfriend cheating on him, went through a terrible depression for about two weeks, and then met some OTHER guy on the net, whom he claims he's marrying come May, and moving to Kobenhaven with.

Uh - hello? Rebound? Issues?

Anyway, I need to get off to bed - so I can get up and do more tax returns. Tomorrow, I have at least four to complete. All of my loans are in waiting for underwriting response or appraisals, and Michael's loans are dead in the water. Unresponsive clients.

No big surprise.

Well, good night all .. I'm still birthing that new poem.

When a man's an empty kettle ..

Nearly 16:30 and I have just a half hour left to go. I have a tax return that I'm taking a break from. Suddenly, I'm up to my nipples in tax returns. I have mortgages to work on, and this impedes my ability to work on both. However, I'll get more caught up tomorrow, and we'll just see where things go. Our $15 off campaign seems to be bringing people in out of the woodwork.

Time Warner cable now thinks that there is something wrong with my cable signal, and they're coming out tomorrow afternoon to check it out.

Last night, Matthew was perfectly willing to be picked up and fed, but he "just wants to be friends." I think he was angling for a personal reference. Over that, I was playing a computer game on my new 19" monitor about 11:00 last night, when Curtis called. Yes, the same Curtis whom I gave up on yesterday. He was drunk, had just had a fight with his girlfriend, and said he was headed over. He never made it.

Tonight, if he calls, I'm not answering the phone.

We have a big possibility of thunderstorms tonight. Fun!

Only three days to the arrival of E from Vancouver (YVR).

Finally heard from San Jacinto College today; lunch on Monday includes payday and the return of my passport.

I was beginning to wonder.

Tonight, I'm baking more bread, and have to do some more cleaning around the house. Damn, there is just so much that needs doing all the time! I shouldn't have played with Matthew last night.

I feel a poem coming on. It hasn't made it to the fore yet.

More later, if I have my cable connection.

Day five - in either direction

I need some coffee. It's about 10:30 in the morning, and I'm just sifting through the detritus on my desk, getting ready to start doing actual work. It's day five of the "war," and five days to the arrival of Eric from Vancouver.

Well, five days by the calendar. In number of hours, it's four days and some change.

Dallas was fun. It was nice to get away. I have new tires on Ruby - a Wal-Mart/Sams house brand of Goodyears that look great, seem a little nervous, and ride very quietly and smoothly. In fact, the car now rides like dream whip.

Made it home in 3 1/2 hours on the nose with no stops. Jackie had expressed her displeasure at being left behind with a big dump in my bedroom, which was mercifully dry.

I have a gazillion things to do before E arrives on Friday evening; bought a computer monitor from Larry in Dallas, which I need to install, need to get all of my record-keeping up to date and put away, clean, empty out a few drawers for E and his visit here, and figure out what the heck to do with my bicycle.

Aside from riding it, I mean.

I'm giving up on Curtis. Both on getting my money repaid (like that's ever going to happen - I knew better and had no expectations) and on him ever being more than just an occasional lay when it fits his schedule. And, I'm not going to make myself available for him as I have been doing.

No more favors.

Matthew called today; he was very excited about a job interview in the leasing office where I live. I guess we're going to hang out tonight for a while.

Okay, time for a break from income tax and to go home to empty the mutts! More later.

Another glorious day in Baghdad on the Bayou!

It's just gorgeous; sunny, clear, 70s. I've been working on loans today, which I've let slide while I worked on my friend's tax returns these last couple of weeks. I have three reluctant clients; I don't quite understand WHY they're so reoluctant, but they are.

I'm so looking forward to the trip to Dallas tomorrow.

Put Curtis' clothes in a couple of drawers - just had enough of having them in the laundry basket on the guest room bed. It was time. I think I have a substantial portion of his clothing - how does he get along?

Just chatted [briefly] with a boy from Dallas - he wants $1000 to meet for a night! Uh - I just was saying 'hello?'

Normal? Is this normal?

So, after a day of cleaning my apartment, catching up on my contact lists, and doing laundry, I went to R&R's for dinner and to pick up their tax stuff this afternoon around 4:00. The plan for the day was 1.) help get their QuickBooks up and ready for tax preparation, 2.) pick up tax information for all three tax returns, 3.) have pork roast (there's a bunch in the 'fridge for lunch .. yummy!) and 4.) watch the HBO Sunday night line-up.

Normal Sunday for the Divo.

I really wasn't expecting to hear from Curtis for a while - he was off to the rodeo with his girlfriend, et al. Richard (the R in R&R) is my best friend, and very easy to spend time with .. we noshed, drank red wine and generally hung out. Rick (the R in R&R) came home around 8:15, and jumped into the middle of "Six Feet Under" with us.

During the presentation of "Six Feet Under" [note to producers - make it interesting - hurry] the daughter's new "boyfriend," who's really not a boyfriend because he sees other people, and won't commit to the daughter has a brief conversation with Ruth, the mother. I'm thinking Ruthie is about to explore the sapphic side of her personality, but I digress. During this conversation, the boyfriend (who just has the most amazing body, and this goofy, boyish face .. ) is talking about how soon you can call after a date.

Now, Ruth hasn't had a date, she's had an outing with Kathy Bates, but things look frisky.

The answer was "at least a few days. You can't look like you're chasing them." Or something along that line.

So, I'm watching this, and I'm thinking "I'll just let Curtis cool off for a while and let him call me next."

Be careful what you wish for; you may get it.

About halfway through the [very well done] HBO movie "Normal," my cell phone rings. It's Curtis. He's drunk. He's outside the rodeo, and he's waiting for a ride home from his mother; his truck is in Humble, and he rode with some friends who had a fight and now, he needs a way back. He's very chatty, and again makes the assumption that all gay guys are fucking each other. I corrected him on that score, and asked him what he was doing after work tomorrow [Monday,] inasmuch as I wanted to see him before I left for Dallas on Friday afternoon.

Which lead to an examination [on his part] of my going to Dallas, what's in Dallas, why I was going to Dallas, where I was staying, &c. THREE (can you hear me roll my "r?") times he said "Erin won't let me go to Dallas." However, he started to ask her what was IN Dallas to see, and she wandered off.

At least she wasn't screaming at him.

Now, him being the behind-hand communicator that he is, and me having 44.4895 years of experience in dealing with such communication patterns, I'm thinking he's planning on going with me, and I'll find out Thursday night or Friday morning.

Should I warn Larry?

I'm just amazed and amused. Normal? What's normal, anyway?

Whirling dirvish ..

Curtis called last night about 8:30. He was in the neighborhood. Not that it wasn't an effort on his part to GET into the neighborhood - he lives nearly 30 miles away. He had worked from 8:30 to nearly 7:30, and was exhausted. His girlfriend was .. yes, you guessed it, screaming at him. He just wanted to be quiet, I guess, which fit into my evening plan just fine. He got here around 9:15, and flopped on the sofa, watching the movie I put in. I made him some scrambled eggs, and when the movie was over, he rolled over and fell asleep. I threw the afghan over him and went to bed.

This morning, he wasn't very talkative - got himself pulled together to go to the rodeo today; took his razor thing, but left all the clothes, as per the norm. I've had a basket of his laundry here for weeks. I am thinking of doing something radical like putting it into drawers.

Today, I had planned to work on my Quicken data entry and filing all of the receipts and documents that have taken over the guest room bed. HAH! I cleaned instead. Spent the whole day listening to "classic disco" on my TWC "Music Choice." I'm nuts if I think that I need XM radio; this is already paid for in my cable bill.

Have just a few more things that I have to get done before going to R&R's for dinner/HBO Sunday tonight. So, I need to jump on it.

And, sorry, Mikey for expecting you to be unhappy with me about leaving your birthday celebration early. =)

Just one day earlier, and it could have been Friday the 13th!

Today is my friend Mikey's birthday (observed.) So, he wants me to go out with him tonight, even though I have to get up and be out of the house by 8:00 in the morning to teach. So, he's going to be unhappy with me when I leave at around 10:00 to go home.

Another busy weekend; I have to get caught up on my financial record-keeping, and I have to start taking my bike out and riding it.

My friend Marty Wright is back in wholesale lending; and she is my account rep with Matrix - so, I talked to her today for a while - I just love her - and she is helping me get set up to do FHA lending and VA lending. WHOO HOO!

The whole plan is moving forward.

Not a word from San Jacinto - we were supposed to be getting together to discuss my further participation with them .. and nada.

Tonight may be a Curtis evening, but there are no reliable indicators of what will happen.

I haven't been a productive doo-bee today; I have moved a few things forward, but for the most part, it was spent getting concepts moved forward as distinct from actual work. I guess that's all the same thing - it all has to be done to get things moving. I just have to work on these tax returns, and I'm kind of .. over it? For the moment.

I'm so looking forward to going to see Larry in Dallas next weekend. I didn't get to see him in Dallas ALL of last year. So, this is going to be terrific. I get to write off the whole trip, since I'm going to go amend his tax returns, do his will and work on financing an investment property for him. It's a business trip!

I'm thinking that it's time for me to go on the Sugar Busters diet - I need to get the book and make it part of my living.

Finally had lunch with Karl the realtor - he's a neat guy; I like him. I hope he and I can start doing more business together.

More as the weekend develops!

What's wrong with this picture?

So, last night - was the closest to a "date" that Curtis and I have had. We went to the rodeo, had margaritas. When he came over, he got dressed out of the laundry basket that contains all of his clean clothes at my apartment. As per the norm, his girlfriend was demanding his attention over the phone - twice before we made it to the shuttle bus. I could hear her screaming at him as he told her that he had simply forgotten to take his phone with him. She accused him of intentionally leaving the phone behind so that he could avoid her and try to pick up women at the rodeo.

The new stadium is awesome - the tickets that my friend Kimberly gave me were terrific. Still, I sat there wondering WHAT I was doing there with Curtis, who couldn't leave well enough alone, and kept calling his girlfriend for more abuse. He's fun to be with, different from my norm, so it's all interesting. He looked like a working cowboy last night (as distinct from a city cowboy.)

That, and the rodeo is the rodeo - it's just NOT ever anything really different. Jerry Jeff Walker gave an inspired and lively performance, and Clint Black was terrific. Country music, however, just isn't my thing.

Also, I have to say that the loud beating of the drums of war put a damper on my mood. Clint Black performed a jingoistic song about attacking Iraq (free for download from his website! http://www.clintblack.com ) and Curtis was telling me on the way over that he thought the USA needed to attack Iraq to show the world we wouldn't take it [the 9/11/01 attacks on the USA] lying down.

Oh, and there was a three minute multi-media presentation at the beginning of the rodeo "show" hosted by Reliant Energy. It started off innocuously enough - images of the space shuttle with the entirely predictable "Proud to be an American" playing in the background. However, this morphed into images of USA weaponry flying and driving by, and fully half of the presentation was in the glorification of American military power.

Why do I feel so like it's the waning days of peace before the US attacked Spain in 1898? Or, worse, that this was what Germany was like in August, 1939 - right before they invaded Poland?

Anyway, after watching the whole show (we were among the fewer than 1000 people left watching the end of Black's performance) we walked outside to check out the midway (which was HUGE) and so on. Curtis wanted to ride the mechanical bull, but I wanted to go home.

He asked me several times why I wasn't more enthusiastic ...

Uh, it's because I'm at the rodeo with a young man that has no upside potential, and partly on this "date" with his girlfriend by phone, and bombarded with jingoistic sentiment?

However the evening did make me want to get Texans season tickets.

Tonight, Jeffrey and Steven have invited me over to dinner. Very nice. I'm going to try to see if I can help them with some financial advice.

Oh, and after Curtis having her scream at him the entire bus ride home from the rodeo .. he spent the night with me again.

Truth is stranger than fiction -

What a weekend.

Friday night, was quiet, and got ready to teach on Saturday morning. Saturday was a pillar to post kind of a day; up and out to teach at 8:45, then home, then immediately to lunch with Nicole, then to Richard's to help him with QuickBooks, then home to empty mutts and out to have dinner with Dr. John. Then, Curtis called and asked if I wanted to go bowling with him. In Conroe.

For those who don't know, I live downtown in Houston, and Conroe is .. 40 miles north of me.

So, I trekked to Humble (not on the way to Conroe except that it's north of me) to pick up Curtis, his girlfriend, and her brother - then cut over on 1960 to I-45 north and drove to the bowling alley in Conroe.

At 11:00 at night.

Of course, no one [but me] had any money, so I ended up paying for all four of us.

Curtis' girlfriend threw a fit because she wasn't bowling very well, and the rest of us bowled until about 1:45. As we were packing up, I asked Curtis if he was spending the night at his girlfriend's house.

Turns out, he had in mind to come spend the night with me, leaving his truck at his girlfriend's house, then me driving him back on Sunday.

In the car Saturday night, he was talking about how he and she would be married now if not for somethingorother, and blah, blah, blah. When she put our names into the bowling computer, I noticed that she was already starting to use his last name.

Then, yesterday, he asked me to introduce him to some nice downtown women - I said "I thought you were getting married!"

"No, he says, just because she's pregnant doesn't mean I have to make the mistake bigger by marrying her."

Good lord.

Okay, back to preparing tax returns. More later. Curtis is going to the rodeo with me tonight.

perhaps the third time's the charm

Okay, so this will be the third time I try to post this.

It's another rainy afternoon in Baghdad on the Bayou. My friend Larry calls Houston by that name, and I don't know if it's for the politics or the climate, but I like it.

So, it stays.

Saw Curtis last night. He came over about midnight, which woke me up, and spent the night. Seems he's gotten his 19 year old girlfriend pregnant, and he's very happy about it.

I think it's akin to putting a shotgun to your head and pulling the trigger. But that's just me.

My poem "Bumper Cars" has been selected for publication in a book by poetry.com "because of its unique perspective and vision." Plus, they want to sell me a book for fifty bucks.

Yep. Fifty bucks. Oh, if I want a personal profile about myself, I have to pay $25.00 for that.

Sounds like a scam. However, I can now add "published poet" to my list of accomplishments.

Curtis needed to borrow some money - he's been spending his time either sick or driving his girlfriend around for a family health emergency and hasn't been working. He paid me back once; I guess I'm pushing the envelope.

Speaking of bois and their needs, I heard from PJ last week. He sent a nice email; but after only an exchange of ONE set of messages, the truth came out - he wants something. This time - for me to create a fake tax document for him so that he can pretend he had a job and income and can get an apartment.

Yeah, right.

About to crack open some files and get more work done, then tonight, R&R are bribing me with dinner to continue helping them with their QuickBooks. Tomorrow night, Brian is coming over for divo-ghetti, which will be fun.

Did another tax return for a "displaced person" today. In other words, someone who had a job, lost the job, couldn't find other work and is now living at friends' homes or under a bridge. There but for the grace of God ..

Eric from Vancouver is coming down in the next few weeks to work on some websites for me and to generally raise the energy level. He operates at a pre-school/nuclear power plant level, and should make things quite lively. I'm looking forward to him coming down. He's just "right between the eyes" direct. Calls a spade a spade.

Other than that, things are same-ol', same-ol'. I complete five full years of living in my apartment at the end of this month - I think that this is the longest that I've lived anywhere since I moved from my mom's house.

Now, if I could just put down a nice, taupe ceramic or stone tile on the floor ...

And that's the way it is .. for hump day, March 5.

Safe travels...

Apres Valentine's Day

Mikey came over today, and worked on my PC. It's MUCH improved; things that haven't worked right since we updated the Windows are now working, although the printer/scanner thing is still not functional. We also went and had pictures developed, shopped for birthday cards, gay stuff, used DVDs and groceries. It was a nice afternoon; he left around 5:00 and then I goofed around, did more laundry and watched HBO Sunday.

Back to San Jacinto tomorrow for another meeting to help secure my future employment. I have to go to Memorial Park tomorrow after work, and start trading evening lay about time for evening walk six miles time.

Also got caught up on sending emails tonight, and some other communication issues. Still haven't balanced my checkbook, or paid bills. Something about needing to have income first.

Realized that I did create a marketing plan more than a year ago; Michael just never read or commented on it. John (Michael's brother-in-law) seems to like what I've written.

Have a bunch of little things to do tomorrow morning at work; I may even get some work done.

Nothing profound to write tonight - just realized that playing with bisexual guys is a waste of time; they are just not after the same thing, ultimately. Curtis is a nice lad, but it's time for him to move along. Him and the rest of his ilk.

Best wishes for the new week to you, gentle reader.

D -

To XM or not to XM

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking about subscribing to XM radio; I love the "toy" aspect of the service. However, the question remained - am I someone who would pay $10 a month for radio service?

Last night, I went to Richard & Rick's for dinner, and was trying to listen to the new 80's station in the car. They advertise that they have the FEWEST commercials.

The entire 14 minute trip over there - commercials.

So, yes, I am someone who would pay for satellite radio.

Things are slow as molasses in February here at the office. No, or few tax returns each day, loan referrals have nearly stopped, and I believe I ran off the only realtor who was giving me business, because I wouldn't put up with his abusive nonsense anymore.

We haven't been doing marketing, and things just seem to have stopped.

This was rather what I was afraid of when things started to go well with San Jacinto college - that the business that was supporting me and my life would fall apart as soon as the new thing manifested.

Scary.

This business just so sucks - the grocery store hasn't closed and funded; it's been put off another two days, which puts the funding into next week, which means .. I'm still anxious and feeling broke.

Curtis is actually paying me back, which is a world first - I gave a boi some money, and he's driving over tonight, the night he promised originally, to pay me back.

I don't know if I will know how to act.

Did I mention [here] that UH-CL has reniged on expanding my teaching schedule? I think I have.

I guess it's time to start thinking about what's next for me ..

More later.

the importance of chicken soup

Also, the importance of not overloading your computer with too many active windows ...

Yesterday, I was sick. The kind of sick that makes where you are TOO out of it to hope that death takes you before the next wave of stomach distress comes over you. I slept 22 hours yesterday, was in bed so long that my body hurt from just being reclined.

Have you ever been so sore that you couldn't find a comfortable position? I can't imagine what it must be like to be incapacitated in bed for weeks or months.

After getting up to call in sick, I slept until 4:50 yesterday afternoon. I called my friend James and left him a voice mail asking him to please pick me up some chicken soup, since I needed to eat SOMETHING.

An hour later, he was at my door, Progresso soup and comfort in hand.

James is just the kind of friend that everyone must have to have a successful life. He's what they were talking about when they said "Chicken Soup for the Soul."

Just was on the Airliners.net website looking at their aviation forums - they had one series that was a hoot - best airliner nicknames. My favorite was for the Tupelov Tu-154 (a Russian copy of the Boeing 727) - called "727 diesel."

I have to make cinnamon rolls tonight for class tomorrow (in church.)

Working this weekend, working on personal financial record keeping, working here at work, working (on Sunday) on Richard and Rick's financial record keeping (why are they setting up QuickBooks? Rick won't use it.)

Oh boy. Another weekend with no prospect for down time.

Curtis is going to see WWF tonight with his girlfriend. I'm sure I'll see him sometime this weekend, since he needs to pick up his laundry.

Bill has packed up his fish tank, and has moved on/up. I need to have my own conversation with Michael about commission structures and the like here.

Well, I asked for a sign

Be careful what you wish for.

Bill, from all appearances, is about to pack up his shovel and pail and head for another sandbox. I like him, but it's probably for the best all around.

According to the IRS, Michael's making his employees pay the employer portion of FUTA and Medicare tax is illegal, and so I'm thinking of spending part of my weekend calculating how much he's shorted me over the last year, and telling him about it.

That, and a raise.

Tonight, I promised Jeffrey yet again that I would go to the car club monthly meeting, and lo - Dr. John called and was having an emotional crisis of sorts, and he kept me until 8:15 talking about it. So, I missed it yet again.

I love Jeffrey and Steven to DEATH, but that car club paradigm is like trying to socialize with the two newest debutantes - their dance card is PACKED, and I just stand around looking at the same old cars and the same old queens while they try to keep up, socially.

Tomorrow night, I'm going to be working until about 9:00 - retail hours to accomodate two girls who need their taxes done and can't get there before 8:00. The check cashing store down the street is sending, on average, three new tax customers a day down to me, and that's awesome.

Heard from a recruiter today - a woman I haven't heard from in two years. Suddenly, this morning, she calls. Amazing. I'll see what they have to offer.

Another night that I just can't sleep to save my life.

Curtis came over last night around midnight; which of course, woke me up. I guess I got back to bed around 1:00 or so. I don't know when he came to bed; but he clearly tried to watch some television before he did.

No one (who doesn't resemble me and live here) can figure out how to just watch the cable TV at my place. They always try to tune with the TV, and not with the cable box. That, and they can't figure out that everything is routed through the stereo receiver.

It's always amusing.

I've been thinking about putting new wheels on Ruby - she needs tires, but wheels are excelsior. Then, as I was walking the mutts for the fourth time today, I got to thinking that I could probably get a decent 32 - 36" TV for the price of four wheels ($650) and do that instead of the new wheels.

So, I'm thinking.

Wrote to Chris Ayres tonight for the first time in a while. Only three and a half months until auditions for "Forum," and I have GOT to be the best that auditions.

Well, that's all I can think of for tonight. No profundity. Later!

So, sometimes I have good taste

Of late, I've been focusing on trying to maintain my sanity and trying to help Curtis through some rough times.

Tonight, Scott asked me to come work with him (which I'm seriously thinking about) and Curtis dropped in at the restaurant where we were having a glass of wine. Curtis dropped in to pick up a few dollars that I was loaning him to cover his picking up his dog and cat from the animal shelter (long story) until he gets his paycheck.

Scott about popped out an ovum or two upon seeing Curtis. He about fainted after Curtis got up and left - he had the vapours.

So - to work with Scott or not? Is the grass greener?

University of Houston - Clear Lake, in a totally predictable move, reniged on their promise of increasing my teaching schedule by 100% and so I'm back to the old eight Saturdays a year.

You are as flexible as you can possibly be, helpful, prompt, a rave with the students -

And they still fuck you.

San Jac called today - hopefully, that will go better.

God, please tell me which way to jump. And none of that "it's your choice" shit.