Monday, Monday ..

Advance New Year's Resolution posting:

1. From this day forward, anyone who sends me an email that contains some dire warning of future disaster or misfortune in the event I don't immediately forward on the email to within minutes shall have ALL of their suspicious emails deleted without being read or considered. Period. Even if the email is telling me of winning lottery numbers, my winning the Nobel Peace Prize, or their impending death. Sorry, but that's the way it's going to be.
2. From this day forward, if I take my automobile in for service to any dealer, garage, car wash or other establishment and the people providing service take it upon themselves to adjust the mirrors, seats, radio or climate control settings, I will immediately take myself back to the service person and invite them to restore the original settings forthwith. Should they not know the settings, they can guess. And, I'll leave my car there blocking their service drive until they fix it.
3. From this day forward, I will refrain from answering personal telephone calls of any character during business hours. Mixed relationship callers who wish to engage in personal calls will be told that the call must be rescheduled for a non-work time.
4. From this day forward, I will not be logged into instant messenger services during work hours.
5. From this day forward, I will refrain from answering any business related inquiries by instant message. Those attempting to engage in business communications by instant message will be invited to submit their inquiry by email or telephone.
6. From this day forward, I will refrain from answering business questions of any character after business hours. Mixed relationship callers who wish to engage in business calls during non-business hours will be told that the call must be rescheduled for a business time.
7. From this day forward, I will refrain from responding to personal email during business hours.
8. By the end of this year, I will have completed my application to Ministerial College.

Okay, that's enough for now.

Sunday OFF!!!

From the 2003 Pontiac press kit about the 2004 Bonneville GXP (which is what Scarlett is, save that she's an '05):

"Perhaps the best way to define the Bonneville is to describe a typical buyer. (My opinion, not GM's.) "Mid-level male exec in his late 30's or early 40's; lives in the burbs; spends hours on expressways; fascinated by technology and wants his car to be loaded with electronics; has a sentimental yearning for old-fashioned Detroit values; likes to drive hard." If that's you, you'll love this car."

Yowsa. That smarts.

After my slag job on the el crapo show at the Great Caruso .. the place burns out to the foundation. How 'bout them apples?

I spent hours today researching the murder of Judy Saragusa. More will be revealed, but tonight when I was telling the story of her murder and such, I had a little intution that she's going to come visit me again soon. Maybe tonight, even.

Was reflecting this evening on a huge pattern that goes all the way back to being five years old, and how it shows up in housing, career, money, cars, relationships ... it's everywhere. More reflection and meditation is required.

It's about time to put the phone in the charging cradle and hit the sack. John II is gone for the night with his friend Chad from Michigan; he'll be back after lunch tomorrow, I guess. Bram and I have been yakking for hours, and now it's time to see if the pool has enough water in it, and visit the land of dream clues, visiting ghosts of murdered women and other fun stuff.

Saturday after Friday after Thursday after Wednesday after Foreclosure Day

Cloudy and overcast. Tyson's in the backyard having a great time running around. John II and his friend from high school are hanging out in the living room, and they're a hoot. Not the kind of hoot that I would want to join into, but a hoot to listen to.

Went with Bram to his company Christmas party last night. It was held at the Great Caruso, and they put on their "Christmas" show, which was just slightly south of dreadful. I don't want to impugne their musical skills, but the Salvation Army band's intermission performance was far superior, musically, to that of the ensemble. Their performance seemed less than enthusiastic, and two of them had noticeable pitch issues. The food there, as is customary, is average, and the facility is gorgeous.

Overall, I found myself wondering why Bram was smiling and enjoying himself. Was I that jaded and judgmental? The whole thing just grated on me; worse than a junior high school pageant. We got home around 9:15 and I put in the CD for the CPH Christmas show I organized - it wasn't me, Bram was then just astonished at how bad the performance we'd just seen had been.

The mutts are racing around the backyard, curious about Tyson's presence, and wondering where he is. Barney's peed about six quarts, trying to cover over Tyson's tracks.

I set up the Christmas train that, technically speaking, my father gave me for Christmas. I love eBay. It's just great - except that there's no Christmas tree for it to run around.

Next year, I'm closely following the new rule - don't buy it until you're sure it's indespensible. As in, life cannot continue without it. And, I'm having a post-Christmas clearance sale that's going to be based on the same principle.

The train, though, is lots of fun.

I have three different parties to go to tonight, all over different parts of town. I need to clean up Scarlet (or should she be Scarlett with two "t"s?) Her wheels are dirty.

It looks like rain today.

Working the laundry angle, and the cleaning things up angle, and .. all that sort of thing. I think I'll see if the Christmas train fits in front of the dining windows, running around the little aluminum tree in front of the window.

Thoughts on waking up WAY too early

So, what is it that you can accomplish when you get up at 4:30 in the morning? You can fold the laundry, scrub the three months of tree sap and hunk off of the windshield, clean the inside of the car windows, wash the car, read all the email, the newspaper, the political blogs, watch your room mate come in from a late night sex date, get ready for work, leave for work early enough to arrive at 8:30 and start without having a back log of morning stuff to accomplish.

I love the new cube. The bright paint is fabulous, the layout is so much better, and it’s already attracting people – they come in and hang out with me again – it’s like the old days. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to bring in more stuff, more stuff, some stuff and some more stuff. Pretty soon, it’ll be just like home.

I got out ALL the rest of my announcements; tomorrow, I start working on Christmas cards and tax season announcements. People will be inundated with mail from me this season, I’m guessing.

I drove in to work this morning on the Katy Freeway. Let me repeat that, I DROVE on the Katy Freeway. I didn’t SIT on the Katy Freeway. It was quite the experience.

I also had fun today configuring my OnStar for the new automobile. More about the NAME for the new automobile in a minute. I re-set the oil monitor, figured out which version of the OnStar hardware I had, went to the website and downloaded a user’s manual, configured my most regular trip routes (to work, to New Vision, to the airport) for traffic reports, and set up my favorite ten airline stocks for stock quotes. What a HOOT. I’m loving the idea of using the OnStar for my hands-free telephone, which will require that I switch to Verizon service. My Sprink contract is up for expiration in a week or so, and I’ll have to pre-pay a year’s OnStar and sign up with Verizon for a year. I’ll drop my Sprint bill down to just a data card at that point, and see if I can keep my new Verizon account near what my current Sprint bill would be.

As Guy says, OnStar makes me horny.

I still have to add in all of my telephone numbers that I call regularly from the car into the system. If I get the Verizon service, I wouldn’t need to mount the Treo on the dashboard as I had it in the Buick. I’m also using the Treo while driving MUCH less. Like almost not at all, which is better.

Thank GOD tonight is Tom Time. I already warned him that he may need to use the jackhammer and chisel. Tomorrow, I also have a head rotation appointment with Dr. Rick.

Class tonight went great. Now, we’ve got our church board meeting going on. We’ll see how long this goes on, probably not past 8:30.

Not going to Dallas this weekend; Larry needs some recovery time, so can’t host me for recovery time. I guess it’s important that I be at home all weekend; Bram is doing training on the other end of the county this weekend; John has his friend Chad coming in from Michigan for the weekend. So, it’s either going to be pandemonium or it’s going to be solitary. I have enough accounting work to catch up on this weekend to keep me quite busy.

I’m wondering whether my feeling so crappy is a sinus thing. I’m thinking that could be the dizzy, headache, queasy, fuzzy feeling that I’ve been suffering from.

The weather bouncing up and down isn’t helping.

Bought a ticket to fly to Fort Myers for Christmas. I’ll be staying with my Aunt Liz; that will be great. She’s so much fun – by then, I’ll have my Sprint data card working, and can connect all around the country. Since I’ve dropped twenty pounds since my Dad’s birthday, that will give me a little breathing room.

After this week, I’ll have everything caught up with the old clients and will only have the mortgage work in front of me.

I’m really thinking about all the stuff I have. If I have to move, I think it’s REALLY time for a deep clearance sale – antiques, glassware that is never used, music, videos, DVDs, books.. I’ve already disposed of all of the clothing that didn’t fit (and was so old that it would look funny if I wore it.) I’m thinking of scanning in financial records as they come in and disposing of all of the paper; then storing it all on a DVD year by year. That would be a good end of year project, I guess – scan in the financial records that are left and then dispose of the paper files, which would reduce stored paper by one whole closet.

I’m liking the getting to work before everyone else again. Some of it feels sanctimonious; getting up and out before the youth in the house allows me to make them wrong for being so focused on partying and not working – Bram, of course, works about nine hundred hours a week, but I still get to revel in the feeling every morning.

It seems that this board meeting is quickly drawing to a close. Very cool.

Now, on to the naming of the new car. The ideas:

1. Bess (as in “Bess, you is my woman now.”)
2. Scarlett (as in “Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.” Plus, the car is candy apple red)
3. Candie (it’s candy apple red, after all)
4. Bonnie (too simple – it’s a Bonneville)
5. Ruby II (harmonious with Ruby Tuesday – the alternative is Ruby Ruby)

So – vote! If you have other suggestions, make ‘em. Just click on that comment link right there (points.)

Humpy hump day

Okay, I'm going to say this for the cheap seats - I AM SICK TO FRACKING DEATH OF IRAQ DOMINATING OUR NEWS. Yes, I am. I've stopped reading even my favorite news blogs and summaries because ALL that anyone talks about is Iraq.

How about homelessness in this country? Or healthcare? Or the enormous deficits that have been racked up? Or the destruction of civil liberties?

Yes, we went in there (illegally, immorally and without any justification at all, even the MOST conservative individual has to now admit that the Iraqis had no weapons, no connection to terrorists, and definately no connection to 9/11.) So, let's just pack up what's left of our military hardware, write them a BIG check by way of apology, and if they decide to route the money into the pockets of those in power, it's no different from all the money we gave to Panama, and Iran, and Vietnam, and all of the other failed regimes that we've plunked into place trying to promote American colonialism and "our way of life."

Couldn't we have just cut the price on Starbucks, Coca-Cola and Madonna and taken over the planet THAT way? Leave the guns at home?

It's the only thing that's worked anyway.

I went to bed early, which necessitates waking up early, it seems. More wrestling with the housing issue in the 4:00 a.m. finance committee meeting. We settled that down, and worked on what it is I'd rather feel than the adreneline rush of a 5 year old wondering what comes next.

I'm sitting in the living room of this fabulous house, reflecting on what it was before I moved in - possibility only. Nothing worked. It was horribly dirty. The pool was green slime. The yard was a wreck. I've made it into something. I have such ideas for what more it could be; but, it's become something worthy in just these few months.

Foreclosure Tuesday

It happens every month in Texas - the first Tuesday of every month in every county in the state. Property which has been seized by local sheriffs for debt repayment, county tax authorities, judgment liens and, largely, all of the lenders who have declared their real estate loans in default, have tried to work with the borrowers for months to get caught up, and have finally decided to take action against the property itself to secure repayment of some portion of the debt.

Between 10 and 4 today, at the Harris County Family Law Center, a swarm of trustees and lawyers will be quietly reading the foreclosure notices, with buyers milling about, wanting to buy properties that they have seen on the public posting notices at least three weeks earlier. These buyers are looking for bargains, and in Harris County, the reputation for being able to find a cheap purchase at auction has now been replaced with a reality that the foreclosure auctions are a much better deal for the lender than for the buyer.

And, sometime today before noon, Mitchell will cease to own the house I've been living in.

Last night, I had to give this some thought. I went to bed, after achieving some sort of peace (and having to turn off the oven, because Bram went outside and stayed outside for 40 minutes rather than putting his pizza in the oven.) That got me about 20 minutes of sleep before John II's group came back in from the bar, thundering around upstairs like a stadium evacuation. With guitars. The was about the time that I awoke with some SERIOUS anxiety (remember last Wednesday?) I was processing how I was feeling, associating it with when I was five, and came home from Kindergarten and found that the moving van and my parents were gone. I was standing out in front of the house - and everyone was gone. What was I going to do now?

THAT'S how I was feeling. "What am I going to do now?" As in "I'm totally screwed, there's nothing left."

Repeating pattern. Good lord.

Looking at some other places tomorrow as a backup.

John II came and helped me move fully into my new cube. It's three times the size, has a window, has me facing people coming IN, and has much nicer colors on the walls.

Tomorrow, I have a whole lot to get done. This means early to bed tonight, so that I can leave for work early enough to get in a day's work before I have to go to Clear Lake for class and the board meeting.

I'm waffling on whether I should go to Dallas this weekend.

N8 is in town this week. He is talking about wanting to get together Thursday night. It sounds like another opportunity for him to get REALLY drunk and then accuse me of hitting on him again.

Again tonight I feel like crap. Watching this REALLY cute movie with the actor who was "Vlad" in "CAMP." He's so cute.

I'm loving the new car. LOVING the new car. LOVING. Oh my GOD.

Monday, Monday ... ver. "heck, I don't know."

Interesting day.

Drove in with the intention of being at the office by 8:00; well, you have to leave in plenty of time to make it there. However, leaving by 7:30 does provide one with a smoother traffic experience than does 8:30. It took me only 30 minutes to get to the office, even though I took the Katy.

Got to the office, set up my computer in the cube I half-occupy, then had to run to the doctor's office (doctor #1) for labwork. They actually a.) had the appointment booked correctly, b.) didn't ask me to pay again. They had a new, contract phlebotomist, who nabbed my blood sample without physical detection (how awesome was that?) and I was back at the office at 9:45.

Had a loan client at 10:15, which barely gave me enough time to drink a jug o'joe and have some oatmeal. I barely finished up with him and Chuck was ready for lunch.

I asked if we could drop off the new car at NTB to have the wheels balanced; Chuck agreed to follow me up there. Which we did. Except that Chuck's car also needed some work. So, we went across the street to Nit Noy for lunch. It took NTB two hours and twenty minutes to perform the four wheel balance/rotation that they said would take thirty minutes. Of course, when you pull the wheel off, set the tire/wheel on the ground and then make a call on your cell phone, then go talk to another employeee, then come back and make another phone call, then go pick up the unmounted wheel/tire and walk it over to the balancing machine, then make ANOTHER cell phone call, then attach the wheel/tire to the balancing machine, then make ANOTHER cell phone call, then have to re-run the machine to get the reading, then make ANOTHER cell phone call, then put a weight on the inside of the wheel, then set the machine to run and make ANOTHER cell phone call, then have to run the machine again, then make ANOTHER cell phone call, then unmount the wheel and set it on the ground, then vanish for ten minutes, then ..

I can understand why it takes so long. Of course, at $12/wheel, they're not burning up the profit center. I must say that she rides infinitely better, but this is the same shop that replaced Ruby's Dexcool II with plain radiator fluid and then looked at me with a blank stare.

Not that Ruby's radiator had huge warning stickers advising that adding plain radiator fluid would cause the planets to revolve backwards in their orbits and all life over eight pounds on earth to die or anything. Or that every GM car since 1938 has used Dexcool, as do all VW and Audi cars. And Ford cars, although they call theirs something different.

So, at 3:15, we trundled back to the office, me with my jug o' sugar free coffee creamer. We had a meeting with John about our web marketing, and I just did NOT want to be involved in the money conversation. It's not MY money, after all, and anything that I suggested wouldn't bind John, so why should I sit there making deals he can change after the fact? I've learned these things. I went to my half-cube, which isn't my cube cube because I can't get the desk moved from home nor get the cube itself re-arranged by myself, and I worked on the loan application from earlier.

Then, things got weirder. The client I was to meet for dinner went AWOL, the calls started rolling in, and I just wanted to go home and be quiet. That was clearly not happening. So, I made an arrangement to meet at the Dot Cafe at 6:00, and headed out by way of the UPS store. I'm loving this car. It's so fabulous.

Dinner at the Dot, and then I started heading home. John II had moved the Imperial out of the garage for me, and when I pulled into the driveway, I tried to program my homelink transmitter, but ran into the same problem that we had trying to program Bram's homelink. Bleh. At least it's in the garage tonight.

John II and his friend were hanging out and waiting for female companionship, and I was just wanting PEACE AND QUIET. They left quickly, though, and that was achieved for a short time.

Today's resolutions: Starting Jan 1, I'm charging a fee for practitioner counseling. And, I'm not taking counseling telephone calls during work hours.

So, now it's 10:30, and I feel like crap. I'm going to go to bed now, with the intention of spending foreclosure day at the office being productive. John II swears he's going to the office with me in the morning, and ten bucks says he doesn't get in from his outing tonight until well after the time that he'll be able to be up and functional in the morning.

Who can I find to help me move this stuff around? Maybe it will be revealed for me tomorrow.

Sunday evening lockout

Church today was great (again.) Chuck made his reappearance, and everyone was VERY happy to see him. The talk was great (yay me) and the interaction was equally outstanding.

The sun was shining, I was in a new car, it was all great.

Yep. New car. Ruby's driver seat was giving out again, the suspension needed rebuilding, and it needed brakes. She had 101,000 miles, and I had to do something about it all. I saw this car on CarMax, and Friday night decided to just go up there and check it out. I never drove Ruby again after going out onto their lot.

CarMax was great; the financing blew right through, they gave me a lot more money for Ruby than I would ever expect, and I just traded it in, and put no money into it.

The new car needs a name.

After church, lunch at Barnaby's, then home for a HUGE nap. Now, I'm baking more chicken, John and I are watching the third Matrix movie, and I'm feeling like I should .. I don't know, re-arrange the universe or something.

My dad has seemingly enrolled the aid of his sister to get me to come out to Fort Myers for Christmas. I was thinking about it this morning. The logistics aren't difficult (thank you, Continental Airlines) but, is it what I want to do?

I have to think about that.

Tomorrow is the last day Mitchell will own this house.

What happens next? That's the question.

The energy of a puppy. All the destruction, too

New driveway rules at the Castle:

1. One must always observe the men with lighted batons
2. One must drive between the yellow rotating beacons.
3. Maximum speed in the driveway - 2 mph
4. No cell phone use while operating the car in the driveway without hands free headset
5. Repeat violators will have their vehicles fitted with bumper car surround bumpers.

thoughts don't trump feelings

The more I think about it, the more I think that my "health" issue yesterday was anxiety, not blood glucose.

I've been noticing that, even though I have my thoughts reigned in, my body is still reacting to stressful input from my environment just as if I were plagued with the negative thought and worry.

It seems that our bodies react automatically BEFORE conscious thought kicks in. In the movies "What the bleep do we know?" and "Down the Rabbit Hole," it infers that our biochemical response is based on interpretation perception and that our perceptions are largely non-visual and non-verbal; I've been seeing over the last few days that the extra-perceptual response happens before the conscious thought can kick in and be altered based on new perceptions and understanding.

Yesterday, my conscious thoughts were settled and balanced, and my body was running the full on anxiety response.

Tonight, in our class, we did the module on forgiveness. Of course, having to lead the module on forgiveness, I had to focus on my own issues of forgiveness, starting with the clangorous irritants that were so present in my life. What is it in myself that I'm not happy with? What is it that I don't like and haven't forgiven in myself that has it be so upsetting?

Very interesting stuff.

Happy Hump Day dynamics

So, last night my BG was 119. I looked at the meter and wondered "what the heck happened?" Considering that it was 340 when I came home, and I'd eaten dinner (again with the zero glycemic load) and had two glasses of wine, what's the deal?

This morning, it was 157. It went UP? It's whacked. Still that's a more confidence building number than is 280, like yesterday morning. My vision is better today too - I feel less like I'm in a haze.

John II is struggling with uncertainty. He's just feeling like the world's against him. I don't really know just how to help him.

later

Okay, so that was interesting. I went to a client's office to meet him and to pick up paperwork, and he didn't answer his phone. The receiptionist wouldn't let me by, and after calling, emailing again and sitting there for 20 minutes, I went back to my office.

By the time I got back to the office, I felt terrible. I couldn't think, I was dizzy, and I was having a hard time breathing. I thought about going home and emailed John (across the office) that I was going to leave. John popped into my cubicle, and he was quite concerned at how bad I looked. He insisted that I not drive and he called John II to come to the office from the gym to pick me up and take me home.

He showed up about 15 minutes later; out of breath. He'd run every light on Smith St. on the way. We left the office, stopped at Costco to pick up my prescription refills, and came home. He's going with me to my doctor's appointment today, at which I'm going to request that they put me on Byetta.

I think it's time to stop chasing the clients who can't manage their money and focus on something that the structure of my new job will promote.

We must restrict free speech online to stop terrorists from destroying an American city

From americablog

Go to Russia or Tehran if you hate freedom this much. I have had it with Republicans who hate America, who hate our freedoms, who hate what this country stands for, and who think that the only way to save our freedoms from the terrorists is for us to destroy those freedoms first. Honestly, how do these scaredy-cat, quaking-in-their-boots, America-haters even dare call themselves patriotic Americans? They are terrified of their own shadow, these Republicans.

Interestingly, and incredibly stupidly, Gingrich made this announcement at a freedom of speech dinner in New Hampshire. That's a bit like declaring that we all need to eat more veal at a PETA rally in San Francisco.

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich yesterday said the country will be forced to reexamine freedom of speech to meet the threat of terrorism.

Gingrich, speaking at a Manchester awards banquet, said a "different set of rules" may be needed to reduce terrorists' ability to use the Internet and free speech to recruit and get out their message.

"We need to get ahead of the curve before we actually lose a city, which I think could happen in the next decade," said Gingrich, a Republican who helped engineer the GOP's takeover of Congress in 1994.

We already lost a city, Newt. It's called New Orleans. And it was your party, the Republicans, who lost it. You were more concerned about furthering some neo-con agenda abroad than actually protecting Americans at home.

I've concluded that people who sell Phaetons are out of their minds

My reply to a VW salesman in Seattle:

I've concluded that the market for a W12 Phaeton 4-seat is without logic
or reason. I've found an 06 CPO for $79,999. Yours at sticker.
Another at $89,000. An 04 with 700 (for real) miles on it for $69,000.
And 04 CPO with 7500 for $56,000. Two are advertised as Papillon Silver
Helichrome, but are really Silver Mirror. No one knows what it is that
they really have, and those that do charge
30% more.

And my auction/market research shows that all of these prices are an
invitation for me to pay from $16,000 to $45,000 for the first year of
driving.

My decision for today is to have a big martini and think about this
further later.

I AM NOT SHOUTING

Now, I'm a wannabe Agile-muda-scrum-meister, seventh veil, third sudoku, sixth psi. I know how things are. I have literally wrecked more than two different organisations and my theoretical knowledge is going to be used to wreck yours, if you'll let me. I have done all the research I need to do, reading 5 books, and watching seven movies, including Back to the Future, a story of refactoring reality. With the tricks I have learned, I know how to behave to be the most effective. Here are my tricks.

Distortion
Everything I hear will be processed by my brain in such a way as fits in with my world view. I will tell you back something I've heard about you and you only get to confirm or deny it. I will relay your thoughts up and relay management's thoughts down in such a way as to impose my beliefs on how everything should run. This method is called the sushi method as it leaves everything redolent of fish.

Anger
Generally people like to keep peace. If I show fits of anger when faced with even minor disagreement, it will discourage debate on larger issues.

Urgency
I will speak animatedly on matters which concern me and I will confer a sense of urgency about everything. Coupled with my apparent temper, this will make people want to do things to either appease or avoid me. Either way, they're playing things my way.

Confusion
As all stories are already distorted by me, there will be some confusion anyway. However, I will try to create more confusion with huge multi-partite explanations of anything I'm trying to stop you doing your way. These explanations will be too big to understand, will involve over-use of the whiteboard, with diagrams that you don't understand, and will, ultimately leave you more confused and unafraid to ask any more questions lest the explanation goes on longer. Alternatively, you'll think you understand but this illusion will fall away once you've left the room, or once you ask for a minor point of clarification which I'll explain in a way to make you feel you understood nothing. I will secretly change everything I've told you immediately after telling you, so that even if you understood it, you'll still not be doing what I now want.

(Un)reasonableness
I will act as though I'm a calm, rational and friendly person. I will believe that I am all of these. I will even understand your point of view. However, deep down, everything has to be done my way and I will not admit that, nor make it possible for anyone ever to do that. If possible, I will bring more people into the organisation who naturally do things in a way which sounds like my way. I will create an inner circle with them in, but we'll still not have a consensus on how it's done.

Interception
By creating a barrier between the worker and the management/strategy team, I will further a sense of mistrust between groups. I will also know of everything that is going on. This will prevent me ever getting bored as there is no pie which doesn't have my finger in it. I will extend the finger/pie metaphor further by going for a poke in the fridge in the morning. The purpose of interception is to impose myself on everything and avoid there being a critical mass of things I've not had a go at threatening to knock me off my self-created pedestal.

Possessiveness - to keep control, I must ensure that I have the opportunity to do anything and everything that comes up. If I'm stuck with colleagues in the management team I will try to spread myself very thinly across all events so that I can lay a claim to any idea that is good, or any area for which ideas are needed. If possible, I will have a piece of paper, email, or a whiteboard or flipchart drawing to back up any discussion that comes up. As a fallback I will claim to have started thinking about any new areas as soon as they're mentioned. In order to increase my possession of management issues, I will angle to get any colleagues tied up with less-managerial tasks, which I will pass off as temporary help to the team they're working with.

Acidity
Acting unpleasant or angry whenever provoked will ensure that people learn to leave me alone. Another good trick to increase my harm is to virtually hold my temper in front of the people who are a threat and then have private venting sessions against those people with my cronies and upper management. This level of acidity will enable me to grow, though it may reduce the viability of others.

I AM NOT SHOUTING
Where possible, I will deny any of these practices, even while doing them. I will not allow self-awareness or respect for others to hold me back. If faced with complaints that I cannot deny, I will act contrite, but only temporarily.

Daily diary of Sisyphus

So, not only is the uncertainty of the housing situation on my shoulders, I get to bear the anxiety of Bram, John and anyone else surrounding the situation. The input runs the gamut from the subtle "Do they evict people in December?" to full-blown emotional melt downs. In the middle of it, I maintain the peace that I possibly can.

Tonight, I have to re-visit my "to-do" list and see where I am. I think I've made some progress.

Baptists who aren't anti-gay? Are they anti-Baptists?

What if Christian leaders are wrong about homosexuality? I suppose, much as a newspaper maintains its credibility by setting the record straight, church leaders would need to do the same: Correction: Despite what you might have read, heard or been taught throughout your churchgoing life, homosexuality is, in fact, determined at birth and is not to be condemned by God's followers. Based on a few recent headlines, we won't be seeing that admission anytime soon. Last week, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops took the position that homosexual attractions are "disordered" and that gays should live closeted lives of chastity. At the same time, North Carolina's Baptist State Convention was preparing to investigate churches that are too gay-friendly. Even the more liberal Presbyterian Church (USA) had been planning to put a minister on trial for conducting a marriage ceremony for two women before the charges were dismissed on a technicality. All this brings me back to the question: What if we're wrong? Religion's only real commodity, after all, is its moral authority. Lose that, and we lose our credibility. Lose credibility, and we might as well close up shop. It's happened to Christianity before, most famously when we dug in our heels over Galileo's challenge to the biblical view that the Earth, rather than the sun, was at the center of our solar system. You know the story. Galileo was persecuted for what turned out to be incontrovertibly true. For many, especially in the scientific community, Christianity never recovered. This time, Christianity is in danger of squandering its moral authority by continuing its pattern of discrimination against gays and lesbians in the face of mounting scientific evidence that sexual orientation has little or nothing to do with choice. To the contrary, whether sexual orientation arises as a result of the mother's hormones or the child's brain structure or DNA, it is almost certainly an accident of birth. The point is this: Without choice, there can be no moral culpability. Answer in Scriptures So, why are so many church leaders (not to mention Orthodox Jewish and Muslim leaders) persisting in their view that homosexuality is wrong despite a growing stream of scientific evidence that is likely to become a torrent in the coming years? The answer is found in Leviticus 18. "You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination." As a former "the Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it" kind of guy, I am sympathetic with any Christian who accepts the Bible at face value. But here's the catch. Leviticus is filled with laws imposing the death penalty for everything from eating catfish to sassing your parents. If you accept one as the absolute, unequivocal word of God, you must accept them all. For many of gay America's loudest critics, the results are unthinkable. First, no more football. At least not without gloves. Handling a pig skin is an abomination. Second, no more Saturday games even if you can get a new ball. Violating the Sabbath is a capital offense according to Leviticus. For the over-40 crowd, approaching the altar of God with a defect in your sight is taboo, but you'll have plenty of company because those menstruating or with disabilities are also barred. The truth is that mainstream religion has moved beyond animal sacrifice, slavery and the host of primitive rituals described in Leviticus centuries ago. Selectively hanging onto these ancient proscriptions for gays and lesbians exclusively is unfair according to anybody's standard of ethics. We lawyers call it "selective enforcement," and in civil affairs it's illegal. A better reading of Scripture starts with the book of Genesis and the grand pronouncement about the world God created and all those who dwelled in it. "And, the Lord saw that it was good." If God created us and if everything he created is good, how can a gay person be guilty of being anything more than what God created him or her to be? Turning to the New Testament, the writings of the Apostle Paul at first lend credence to the notion that homosexuality is a sin, until you consider that Paul most likely is referring to the Roman practice of pederasty, a form of pedophilia common in the ancient world. Successful older men often took boys into their homes as concubines, lovers or sexual slaves. Today, such sexual exploitation of minors is no longer tolerated. The point is that the sort of long-term, committed, same-sex relationships that are being debated today are not addressed in the New Testament. It distorts the biblical witness to apply verses written in one historical context (i.e. sexual exploitation of children) to contemporary situations between two monogamous partners of the same sex. Sexual promiscuity is condemned by the Bible whether it's between gays or straights. Sexual fidelity is not. What would Jesus do? For those who have lingering doubts, dust off your Bibles and take a few hours to reacquaint yourself with the teachings of Jesus. You won't find a single reference to homosexuality. There are teachings on money, lust, revenge, divorce, fasting and a thousand other subjects, but there is nothing on homosexuality. Strange, don't you think, if being gay were such a moral threat? On the other hand, Jesus spent a lot of time talking about how we should treat others. First, he made clear it is not our role to judge. It is God's. ("Judge not lest you be judged." Matthew 7:1) And, second, he commanded us to love other people as we love ourselves. So, I ask you. Would you want to be discriminated against? Would you want to lose your job, housing or benefits because of something over which you had no control? Better yet, would you like it if society told you that you couldn't visit your lifelong partner in the hospital or file a claim on his behalf if he were murdered? The suffering that gay and lesbian people have endured at the hands of religion is incalculable, but they can look expectantly to the future for vindication. Scientific facts, after all, are a stubborn thing. Even our religious beliefs must finally yield to them as the church in its battle with Galileo ultimately realized. But for religion, the future might be ominous. Watching the growing conflict between medical science and religion over homosexuality is like watching a train wreck from a distance. You can see it coming for miles and sense the inevitable conclusion, but you're powerless to stop it. The more church leaders dig in their heels, the worse it's likely to be. Oliver "Buzz" Thomas is a Baptist minister and author of an upcoming book, 10 Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't Because He Needs the Job).

Sunday evening

So, I actually did it - I got the laundry room closet completely cleaned out and organized. I put ALL of the nails, screws, fasteners, clips and nonsense into the little drawer unit that I bought - put all of the tools away, threw away nearly a trash can of empty bags, containers and boxes. Now, the breakfast room is empty again. And, I have to get some work done that needs to be mailed out tomorrow morning.

I've been avoiding Twitch's calls today.

Had a dream last night about tromping through a frosty field next to a car dealer, to look at a Phaeton. It was quite vivid - I could feel the hard, uneven ground under my feet, the briskness of the air, I could see the sun coming up, the first rays of dawn coming through the trees. The car looked funky. It was what I wanted, though. Interesting stuff.

My BG has been sky high for days, and this weekend, it's been outrageous.

I came home from church today, measured around 300, then took a nap. It's been around 210 since. Bleh. I'm really working to avoid food that will kick it up, but what I really need is more exercise, less stress, less weight and different meds.

Have to pick Bram up at IAH in the morning. Then, I guess I'm working from home.

Bram's on his way to St. Louis, and John's been gone since two hanging out with friends. He's not answering his messages, so he's likely got his pants on the floor somewhere.

I'm fixing to go to bed, I think. I'm not really tired now, but the kitchen is cleaned and I don't want to start on work related projects at this point in the evening.

Just wrote a note to SAM, who's been hiding out again.

Been just worn out listening to people call and carry on about their "stuff." Not that I mind, but .. I need some SPACE. Today, when the phone was ringing, I was feeling like heaving it into the pool. I'm feeling very angry lately, I guess. I wonder what that's about. Maybe I'll work on that tomorrow.

Not that I haven't been doing good, helping people out listening to them. I have. But, aside from John's looking over my shoulder at my food consumption, I hardly feel like I'm involved in all of this - just putting out..

Blah, blah.

I'm starting to get used to the Imperial.

After church today, I was thinking. Thinking, thinking. I was talking about the difference between how one WANTS to feel and how we perceive something will make us feel. I was thinking about the Phaeton thing, and thinking about how much MORE secure I'd feel if Ruby were all trimmed up and running well, and I could drive it for another three years for FREE.

Better. Much better.

It's almost tax season, and you know? I'm just not into it.

I have a bunch of accounting/book keeping to get caught up on this week.

(sigh) I'm tired.

Okay, enough whining. I can assert that the new gas dryer is a miracle. It dries the clothes in no time flat, without overheating them. This should be saving me about $70 in electricity by itself a month.

Sunday - pre-church linkarama

This article on Daily Kos points out that the democrats were savaged by union voters in previous elections after supporting NAFTA and other programs that seem clearly anti-labor in the US.

This next one discusses the ridiculous nature of tort reform arguments. A short and good read.

This one is a discussion of how honest the administration is in its pursuit of known or suspected terrorists. Feel safe, everyone! They only care about spin, not interdiction.

And here is a partial answer to my friend Jimmy's question of yesterday - what's up with the US Dollar? Not much, it's all DOWN. Requires basic understanding of economic theory, and some ability to process and connect the dots. A new paper bank to step in just in case JPMorgan Chase and/or the Bank of New York cannot settle transactions? Okay, why doesn't that strike one as a warning that a giant economic meteor is headed toward our country?

That last just gave me a headache. I have to run to church now.

To tree or not to tree, that is the question

Black Friday… sitting in the living room, enjoying the new stereo rack, the sunlight, the peacefulness, and watching Will & Grace. In a moment, I plan to pull EVERYTHING out of the mud room closet (laundry room, for your Texicans and southerners) and then reorganize everything.

Then, have to run by Costco to pick up meds, and go visit Chuck. Then, come back here and more relaxing.

Who am I kidding? I have a grant proposal to review and grade/respond to, letters to write, more office stuff to pack up and get ready for taking to the office.

And Ruby needs to be cleaned. Deep cleaned. Dry cleaned, actually.

Went for a walk this morning – which I’m two weeks late on executing. Went around the neighborhood, and as I was walking, I noticed the SAME HOUSE just a few blocks away. It was reversed, but the same floor plan. Beautifully groomed. Painted, clean, smashing. That’s only a hint of how gorgeous this house could be.

Only ten days to go before the foreclosure on this house. Will they accept my offer before, or am I going into the high-intensity uncertainty of post-foreclosure negotiating? Mitch has pulled his headboard out of here, which was the next to last bit of his stuff that he had here. His motorcycle is now outside under a tarp, so it’s no longer annoying me.

However, I wake up every morning at 4:00 or so, and have to quiet the finance committee meeting in my head.

18:40 – same day

Home alone. Alone. ALONE! John’s off visiting some girl, and Bram’s in Illinois. I’m watching Star Trek Insurrection. I visited Chuck this afternoon at P&J’s. I left 90 minutes ago; they’ve already taken him back to TMH.

Holy shrikes, Batman.

The pool guy cleaned today, the pool looks good again. Cleaned out the under-stair closet today; pulled EVERYTHING out of the mud room closet. Pitched out a bunch of stuff, have to organize and sort the rest. Pulled the books out of the under-stair cabinet that never got unpacked, pulled out the Christmas lights.

So, the question is – do I put up outdoor Christmas lights? Do I just forget it? I have a bunch of white mini-lights for the backyard that we recovered from the attic, and my parents’ old big colored lights for the front. I guess tomorrow that I’ll pack up the Marvin the Martian stuff, and put out Christmas in the morning.

I’ll wait on the tree thing until NEXT weekend. I guess.

Tuesday before Turkey

Holy schmoly, Batman!

Where to start? What to leave out (in the interest of future reviews by people who's current shenanigans could embarass them?)

How about how fabulous my new stereo rack is? It's kind of like this, but it's nicer, and the color is perfect. Black glass tempered shelves, and nearly 5' 5" tall. I got everything placed, and then Matticia hooked everything up for me last night. It's FABULOUS. I keep looking at how glam it looks, and how much better it is than the perenially str8, crappy stand that Mitch had loaned me.

John's extra refrigerator is already serving well in the mud room, taking the overflow of Bram's exuberent food purchases. His gas dryer is saving me money on a day to day basis. YAY!

Bram leaves for the weekend tomorrow evening. John's in town all weekend. I have a list of "honey do-s" that's as long as my leg. Plus, I have a ton of accounting work, computer cabling and such to do. And, the Imperial to clean.

The garage is such a huge improvement EXCEPT for Mitch's gigantic California King sized headboard, that is always in the way.

Greg the incredible yard stud is doing the backyard tomorrow, and he's coming to weed/feed next week, as the clover is overwhelming the backyard. Matt the pool cleaner is coming tomorrow to sanitize the pool after the big winds and Barney's pool deposits from a week ago.

Tomorrow afternoon, I have to re-organize the mud room closet to take out some things that are no longer needed and to make things easier to find. And clean up the kitchen to make way for the Thanksgiving day feastifying.

Ruby needs cleaning in the WORST way.

I'm moving cubes on Monday. I have to plan my assault on the new cube tomorrow. I want to see how I can get my metal desk in there along with the existing cube furniture. I think that there's room. I know that I also want to bring up my rolly-cart file cabinet.

And hang up all of my myriad diplomae, and wall art.

Maybe a measuring tape.

By Monday, I have a bunch of documents, reports, spreadsheets, accounting and tax amendments that need to be done, cooked and ready to mail out.

A working weekend. Again.

It's nearly time for me to skedaddle, so I can jet home, take stock of what's happened since I left this morning, and make a grocery list. Maybe something good is waiting for me at the UPS store.

Chuck's almost cooked, and should be sprung loose from the medical penetentiary tomorrow.

Been thinking about the law of attraction, the law of cause and affect, and things that have always felt they didn't work for me. Hm. Pondering, pondering.

Okay, off to plan my next moves.