Well, it's Friday night. I finally got all of this client's records boxed up (he called, asked if I could stop by, I had two hours to get it done, ergo, it's done.) This weekend is ALL about cleaning the apartment. Sanitizing it. Cobwebs. Mirrors. Furniture all moved about. Everything out of shelves. Everything out of the drawers. That sort of cleaning.

Plus, I need to do the same kind of cleaning for the car. It's just not up to my standards.

Travis came over tonight, we had a very nice time for a few hours. He said something about something I had said at dinner MONTHS ago, which apparently had him thinking I wasn't interested in "that" way. At some point in the evening, SOMETHING happened in his brain, and he shut down like pouring cold water all over him.

I've invited him to the big Divo party, but I don't know if he's going to show up..

So, here I was, just checking email (you know I'm an email hooker, so I'm not fooling anyone, I just was sitting here) and an IM comes in from some guy that I've never heard of. He says this:

Thank you sooo much for your inspiring letter. I am a 64 year old gay male. I was married for 39 years, and raised four children. No one knew I was gay but myself, and I hid it for almost 40 years. My wife died of cancer in 1999, and immediately after her death, I told my children about my sexuality. I am a happy individual now, with a wonderful man. I am out and no longer hide who I am. I wish you only good in your life, and God will take care of the little people who do not or care not to understand. Thank you again.

This is the letter that he was talking about:


Letter from Mom

I'm sort of floored.

Okay, finally printing the church newsletters. I never got the schedule on what we're doing on three of the five Sundays in October, so I can't print anything but "TBA." Oh, well. After I print 33 of these puppies (in color, will I have enough ink?) I have to flip them over and try to manipulate stamps.com on the other side. Of course, this stupid thing is NOT printing in color. Bastard. I hate this fucking printer.

We'll see how this works.

Nicole has a little disruption going on in her work life, but it seems like it's going to work out just fine. Guy wants her resume BADLY, as he thinks he can place her in two shakes of a rabbit's tail.

Okay, enough with the printing issues. Back to creating some future.

A nice evening. Guy came over, we hung out, had dinner, watched a movie "The Butterfly Effect," which was .. twisted, but good. Now, I'm doing the laundry (finally) and about to take the mutts outside for one last pee.

My birthday dinner is almost filled up .. now, I have more invitees than I have places to sit. Only eight attendees (plus me) since I only have eight party hats, whistles and gift bags. Still have to hit the dollar stores for fun things to fill up the gift bags.

How do I now UNinvite the couple of people who haven't yet responded? And, do I invite Jarred? I want to .. pleh.

Perhaps I'll do that, and see if he responds.

Sunday morning. Skipped out on church, 'cause I wasn't awake enough. I have crap all over this bed in here that needs to be in a box before Guy comes over around 5:00.

Just stopped by Hollywood Video - they lured me in with a coupon promising a previously owned DVD for $9.99. Interestingly enough, they were offering three used DVDs for $25, which is LESS. Anyway. They had dozens of copies of .. crap. I haven't rented from them in three years? I think.

I have housework to do, too. And I just want to do some sleeping. I think.

At least on the surface of it.

I haven't paid rent yet this month. I asked UHCL if they would please put my check request at the head of the list so I could get paid this week. I have a client that I'm doing some accounting work for, from whom I expect to be paid on Saturday. I was actually expecting to get paid from him on Monday or Tuesday, and it seems that he took a trip out of town until Friday.

And, Scott in Austin owes me $525.00.

So.

Scott has decided that I have not helped him, and that I completed none of the projects that he asked for help with. Of course, that's simply not true. I completed everything for him. He's upset because he owes taxes to the IRS plus penalties for late filing. Of course, none of that had anything to do with me. He says he has no idea where he stands with anything .. etc. So, he's not going to pay me.

UHCL promised me that they had put my invoice in, but I just called accounting, and they have nothing in the system. Strangely, there is nothing in the system for the check that they just cut me a few weeks back, either. So, I don't know whether I am being lied to, as before, or whether ..

I can't get clarity on my current issue at hand (the tendency to put off doing work until it's just about due .. Mr. Procrastinate) I don't do anything that I don't HAVE to do, such as filing, marketing or whatever, unless something just snaps inside and I get it all done. Task lists and calendaring just don't matter a whit.

I have to have a breakthrough here. And I have to have it damned fast.

Okay, a nice sunny morning. I have confirmed (I think) that my UHCL check is being cut tomorrow .. of course, she was just nasty about that. The last time, I just took her word at it from an email, and it took them five more weeks. So, sorry, honey, that I irritated you, but you LIED to me last time, and then your boss lied to me and ..

So, deal.

Now, I have to get someone else to fly right. He's all cranky with me because he's having some issues with his own behavior, and he's trying to blame me, just because I've helped him with the paperwork.

No more accepting blame on the part of people who don't handle their own business.

I fell in a parking lot today, and although I didn't hurt myself, I got coated in mud. YUCK.

I found some uncashed checks in my client's paperwork .. and in checking them out, learned that WaMu no longer does merchant check verification. Weird.

Okay, I'm going to shower and then get back to creating file folders.

It just started raining, which explains my blistering headache. Well, that, and the self-induced stress load.

I hope to have some clarity tonight. I think I've sufficiently focused on this (really big) issue that confronts me. Confronts, boxes in, limits, defines ..

Got my Animated Animations Duck Dodgers thing back today. It seems that it, alone among all of the Warner Brothers art, is not sold out.

I need to sleep now. I was up, as you know, until very late, entertaining self-focused straight men who are flexible enough to get their attention where they can find it.

Well, here we are. It's Tuesday, and I'm clear what the personal issue is, I just don't have the clarity that I need yet.

And I need it, badly.

I have the LSAT student coming over today .. in an hour.

time shifts

Okay, now. He's due here now. I have a bed full of paperwork to data enter today, and .. not much else. Board meeting tonight. I don't know why.

Had the masseur Michael over last night. He was .. oh, two hours late in getting here. Then, he flopped around on the sofa for three hours, drinking wine, and talking about things. He did the usual grabbing on his crotch (for three hours? I'm surprised it's not chafed) and playing with his flat stomach, and talking about how his girlfriend isn't sexually satisfying.

UGH.

So, I think he's like Vlad from "Camp." Seeking validation, but nothing more that involves a commitment. Wants to soak up as much validation as possible. Oh, and as he was trotting out the door, he tells me (again) that he doesn't have much going on today, and I should call him .. 'cause he loves being here with me.

So, I haven't had enough sleep. I'm cranky. E ripped me a new one for entertaining a sexually confused creature last night from 2:30 to 3:00. And, I have gotten NO CLARITY on my issue at hand.

Bleh.

Got a lot of fabulairing done yesterday, now I just need to manifest the money to buy all the samples and initial inventory. And pay E to get the website deployed. And, and, and.

Issues again.

So, I'll spend the afternoon going through all of this paperwork, and trying to figure out how to enter closed transactions into QuickBooks without screwing up the balances. Fun, huh?

Sign the petition

If it angers you that the GOP let the assault weapon ban expire, do something about it.

Afternoon ..

Well, interesting. I've been putting off doing this accounting job for a few days, now the client is out of the office until Friday. Uh, hello? Perhaps if I'd kept my service promise, I'd be paid and wouldn't have to worry about .. well, everything.

And, my Austin client is ducking me. Of course, he owes me money..

I skipped class tonight. I have to run by Nicole's and pick up some paperwork, and then Michael the Masseur may stop by around 9:00. I have tomorrow to clear through work and then .. what? I don't know. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

It's like .. I need someone to come in tomorrow with a business plan that needs writing, and ready to pay the retainer.

I probably should have gone to class tonight. I'd have probably gotten something great out of it. I just didn't feel like it. Bleh.

I have to make the bed (laundered the sheets) and such.

Ahhhhh .. Angel: Season Four. I only have disc one, so I cannot do what I wish to, and watch the WHOLE THING tonight. I have to save two episodes for TOMORROW night. I am functioning on approximately three hours of sleep today, and I've been mostly on the go all day. So, the little man in my brain is shutting down the lights, and I don't quite know how profound I can be tonight.

Church tomorrow morning, and then I have to crank on the work all afternoon. A client's financial records to organize, put in file folders, enter into QuickBooks and then have them ready for him to pick up.

Had a little electronic discussion with a gay lad in Atlanta tonight. He started things off by telling me he thought that Hillary Clinton was a communist. Ugh. Of course, that required dissection. While he did not give much ground, he was required to admit that none of Mrs. Clinton's positions or advocations were inherently Communist.

THEN, he started in on Ralph Nader. Hello? Irrelevant? Can you SPELL "who cares?" Ralph Nader is a Communist.

No, he's not.

Yes, he is. He endorses the Green Party platform, which is Communist.

No, he doesn't. He sought their nomination as their candidate, as they were on the ballot in all 50 states. He was not selected.

Yes, he did.

No, he didn't.

So, you're saying that Ralph Nader changed his politics?

No, I am not.

Well, you just said that he was no longer supporting the Green party platform.

No, I said he was never an endorser of the 2004 Green party platform.

Whence, much cutting and pasting of elements of the 2004 Green party platform ensued.

Yes, I admit that the platform of the Green party is Communistic. However, Ralph Nader never adopted those positions. Here, please look at the Nader website (hyperlink supplied.)

Apparently, that was too challenging. Back we go to the Green party website.

So, I said "Nader was the Green Party candidate in 2000. He was not in 2004. Are you speaking about the platform of the Green Party in 2000, or are you attributing the platform of the Green party in 2004 to Nader's campaign in 2000? The Green party has taken a significant shift to the left since 2000."

Much time passed.

Then, "Okay, so you're right, the 2000 Green party platform did not endorse the positions that I was speaking of."

Then, he started back at it.

So, I said "Trying to discuss facts with someone who takes their information from Fox News is like trying to discuss religion with a Mormon. It's best to smile, nod and move on."

Oh, my. Talk about gas on the fire.

Tirade, tirade, tirade.

I just kept answering "smile and nod."

Then, I took him off my "buddy" list. I mean, come ON. A gay person taking his information from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh? Why not just be Jewish, and write press releases for Joseph Goebbels?

Anyway. I don't think that Kerry is going to win this, anyway. He's allowed the Bush campaign to define him, and he isn't creating a vision for undecided voters to look into as they make up their minds. He isn't motivating. The new, happy, all pablum Democratic party (Republican lite) just isn't anything different than what the Republicans offer. Regardless of what Hannity says.

And, I think that Geo. II will completely pander to the radical right .. to get elected. Once he's re-elected, he's going to go back to status quo ante and the right is going to be REALLY pissed. Not that it will count for anything, but they're going to be really tweaked when they find out that they were used and abused.

Ah, well.

I need to take these mutts outside, and get to bed. More foundational meditation is on tonight's schedule. God, I hope I get through all this crap soon.

Ugh. Michael woke me up when he came in last night, and then I couldn't go back to sleep to save my life.

I guess it was all for a purpose; I'm trying to uncover the deeply held belief structures that are relevant in my life right now, and last night I was meditating to work on money issues. I got a lot of revelation on it, and that's all well and good, but now what?

Yikes.

I've pretty much decided that I'm done with having Michael stay here when he's in town. I just don't find that it brings anything of value to me, and it's just more work.

Have I mentioned that the kitchen is REALLY clean? It's making me very happy.

I've already started knocking out work this morning, which is helpful. The financial pressure this month is very serious, and I'm working to get everything under control by Monday.

I just see on my Netflix account that Angel Season 4 is shipping today! YAY! That makes me SO happy. I watched "Red Dirt" last night - it started off slowly, and built up into this incredible, non-sexual love story. As the movie was winding down, the two characters that are in love just SPLIT - without even saying good bye. It was heart breaking! Then, the one guy comes BACK several weeks later - and they finally confess to one another that they're helplessly in love. And, the one guy gets in his truck and LEAVES! Yeek! The one left behind resolves himself to stay in his tiny Mississippi town and take care of his mother, who's insane! GREAT movie.

I have to jump into the shower pretty soon, I have the LSAT student over at 10:30, and then lunch with Jeffrey. I'm cruising through this quality control manual. This is good!

So, the kitchen is CLEAN. I finally moved some cabinet stuff around that has bugged me for, oh, years. Of course, in the process, I broke a Pyrex cake pan, and the Pyrex lid to a casserole dish. PLEH. But, I have enough Pyrex to open a bakery, so what's the difference? Everything is all clean and sparkly up above the cabinets, which is such a great feeling. I may be dreaming, but I think it smells better in here.

Of course, Mikey would point out that the dogs still need grooming, but ..

Michael showed up today; a day early. He looks GREAT! Wow. He's working in Galveston this weekend. He got here, flopped down on the bed in the guest room here (I was, of course, tethered to my computer.) I told him about his co-worker the Colt model having stayed here .. he asks if I've been cheating on him..

No, really.

So, we're talking about this and that. And, I mentioned that I had hung out with my friend Jeff the other night. And, he asks me again if I've been cheating on him..

No, REALLY.

Okay, so now, he flops down on the sofa, and I'm cleaning the kitchen some more. So, I asked if his wife was still moving to Conroe with their kids, and he says, yes, at the end of March. And I asked whether he was moving in with them there.

He says, no, he's going to try not to. So, I asked where he was going to move.

He said he didn't know .. he'd just move in here.

With me.

No, REALLY!

I told him that there was no room in here for all of his stuff.

He laughed.

I guess today should be called "What a difference a day makes." Spent some time meditating this morning, and accomplished a huge breakthrough in anxiety levels. It's just such a relief.

Got a bunch of projects cranked out today, and then, took a wild hair and started cleaning up the top of the kitchen cabinets. Took everything down, cleaned everything, the dishwasher is running on all the stuff that I couldn't get clean enough, and hopefully, the whole kitchen will SMELL better soon. Ugh. It's amazing how much DIRT gets all over everything in a short time in this place.

It's the dogs. Got to be. Uh-huh.

This evening, more projects, have to finish watching a movie I started several days ago .. tomorrow is packed with different appointments, which will make it difficult to accomplish anything specific.

Tonight should have been a Travis night. However ..

Found a tranny for a 1973 Imperial today online. YAY! It's pretty cheap, too.

Ugh .. this review of issues that I had fooled myself into thinking were "handled" is quite the mental and emotional load. Yikes.

Dinner with a client/friend tonight. He's been giving me guilt for months that I don't just "stop in" when I'm down teaching or at church. I cannot seem to get him to understand that I never "stop in" anywhere. I think it's rude.

A conversation between an anonymous friend and me today .. brought about by viewing this

-----Original Message-----
From: Douglas
Sent: Tuesday, September 14, 2004 11:31 AM
To: L
Subject: RE: I think you should watch this video .. watch the WHOLE thing, and then think about it.

Your last two questions are those that are the most disturbing ..

From: L
Sent: Tuesday, September 14, 2004 9:56 AM
To: Douglas
Subject: RE: I think you should watch this video .. watch the WHOLE thing, and then think about it.

You know, I’m not an engineer but I agree with everything you’ve said. And I recall thinking at the time that there was ABSOLUTELY no damage OUTSIDE the Pentagon. And even with all the damage, it didn’t seem to be large enough for a plane that big to have made. It’s just mind-boggling that someone planned this whole event – but who?

And, yes, what DID happen to the 757? Remember, soon-to-be-ex Solicitor General Ted Olsen’s wife, Barbara – the right-wing ex-prosecutor – was on that plane and made a call to him – at least allegedly she did – saying they had been hijacked. Not to mention, Doug, that Dulles is so close to the Pentagon that unless it flew considerably AWAY from Washington it couldn’t have gained much height or speed. And yet it went off the radar 45 minutes earlier? How can that be? All the reports said the plane simply got in the air and immediately turned toward, presumably, the White House and the Capitol.

As much as I despise George W. Bush and all he stands for, I can’t fathom – intelligently or reasonably – that as vile as he and his minions are they could have come up with something as horrible as this. So then I ask WHO and WHY?



-----Original Message-----
From: Douglas
Sent: Tuesday, September 14, 2004 9:48 AM
To: L
Subject: RE: I think you should watch this video .. watch the WHOLE thing, and then think about it.

I think that a 757 did NOT hit the Pentagon. I have always thought that it did not. Being a complete airliner junkie, I have thought since 9/11/01 that something was WRONG.

1. a 757 could not hit the building that low to the ground without first having had some of its low-hanging pieces (engines, for instance) drag into the ground. The dynamics of the "hit" don't make sense.

2. a 757 can't FLY 530 miles an hour that close to the ground. It would start coming apart in mid-air from structural damage

3. There were no "bones" of a dead 757 outside the Pentagon - the engines, for instance, would have been too dense to punch through the outside wall, OR the hole would have been much larger

4. The hole was too round, and extends too far into the building to have been made by a 757 - only something very dense, moving very fast, with a lot of explosive energy could have created that hole

5. They never found the "black boxes" from the 757 (the found them for the 767s that hit the WTC buildings)

Now, this leads to disturbing questions:

· What did happen to the AA 757 and the people on it?

· Why are we being told something other than the truth?

· Did the terrorists get their hands on something like a cruise missile?

Or the biggest question - was the whole thing a scam?

We have already talked about that the WTC buildings' collapse doesn't make common sense

· The WTC towers clearly did not have heat-related structural damage sufficient to cause a collapse of the central cores just minutes before the collapse, as evidenced by the firefighters' radio communications as they were going UP the stairwells in the central cores above the 30th floors right before the collapse

· WTC 7 (the hotel) was neither hit, on fire nor damaged other than superficially, and it spontaneously collapsed into its foundations

· The WTC towers' solid steel "ribs" that were driven deep into the granite by pile drivers were destroyed .. how was that possible?

· In 1991, the WTC survived an underground explosion of tons of TNT, calculated to damage the "ribs" and bring the buildings down. The structures survived with minimal damage. How can we assert that airplanes hitting above the 40th floor caused the buildings to totally collapse structurally?

· WTC 2 - the first building to collapse - burned less than an hour, and the airplane clearly hit the building at an angle to the corner - most of the destructive force AND the fuel blew out through the other side of the building. How, then, did the building collapse first with less damage and less time for the building to be damaged than WTC 1?

Given that the physical structure damage and the lack of airplane parts outside the Pentagon, we can only conclude that we're not being told the truth. Since we're not being told the truth about two different events in two different parts of the country, it seems only logical that we are being lied to in an organized and pre-arranged fashion.

It's a scam.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: L
Sent: Tuesday, September 14, 2004 8:45 AM
To: douglas
Subject: RE: I think you should watch this video .. watch the WHOLE thing, and then think about it.

Hmmm. That was very thought provoking. I need to watch it again because a telephone call interrupted me. What do you think about this?

-----Original Message-----
From: Douglas
Sent: Friday, September 10, 2004 10:59 PM
To: drdivo
Subject: I think you should watch this video .. watch the WHOLE thing, and then think about it.



I've been saying this for nearly three years. If you want to tell me I'm nuts afterward, go for it. But only after you've watched the WHOLE thing and taken in the information. (Some of you won't need to be so open minded)

Another picture of Brian 

Here's a picture of Brian.