Taught today for the real estate school - it was a good class; I was scheduled to teach tomorrow and Sunday as well, and should have picked up a check today - however.
They're not well organized over there.
The flurry over my copyrighting my ideas and presentations for new classes is not yet over; it's more like a lull in the storm. Or perhaps the eye thereof. However, I proceed undaunted.
Having the weekend suddenly freed up is a good thing; I can focus on getting all caught up. I have the book ready to go into the binder for tomorrow, and will get up, make coffee, put on NPR and start three-hole punching. Once Philip gets up, it will be time to go graze at the complimentary buffet at the leasing office.
Anyway. I kept forgetting to take my medication today, which is weird, considering that I was rushing from sugar intake last night until .. oh, 6:00 this morning.
Okay, it's almost time for me to go horizontal. More later.
DJHJD
Friday, July 22, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Back from Dallas
Back from Dallas and picking up my desk. I spent nearly $75 on gas to pick up a desk that I bought for $51.00. Ah, well. It was fun. The drive up (with Chuck) was fun, hanging out with Susan was fun, looking at Jaguars was fun, hanging out with Larry was fun, driving back this morning with Chuck was fun. Now, I'm here - have to unpack, have dinner with Donna in an hour at Ninfa's, and teaching tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.
My cell phone blew up on the drive to Dallas - I mean, totally deadified itself. The Sprint guys were baffled. One idiot suggested that the tiny magnet on the back of the battery case had somehow blown up the memory in the phone.
I just love people who don't have a clue.
Anyway, my phone and I are very close and, again, I can't find anything on the Sprint system that I like well enough to spend money on that isn't under $500, so I'm buying another one. On eBay, just like the rest. I'll have it next week, but in the meantime, I'm off the voice matrix.
Here are some pictures of some boys I'm chatting with on the internet lately.
My cell phone blew up on the drive to Dallas - I mean, totally deadified itself. The Sprint guys were baffled. One idiot suggested that the tiny magnet on the back of the battery case had somehow blown up the memory in the phone.
I just love people who don't have a clue.
Anyway, my phone and I are very close and, again, I can't find anything on the Sprint system that I like well enough to spend money on that isn't under $500, so I'm buying another one. On eBay, just like the rest. I'll have it next week, but in the meantime, I'm off the voice matrix.
Here are some pictures of some boys I'm chatting with on the internet lately.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
What the Divo IS
Googlism for: divo
divo is the digital video option for onyx 2 & origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is the digital video option for sgi onyx 2 & sgi origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is a patented software application suite that provides secure television quality video on top of static web pages instantly
divo is the quality of our products
divo is glad to offer you the followings services
divo is a server
divo is developed especially for control over mobile phones in hands free systems;
divo is uit’s complete software suite to enable video stored on cd
divo is echter meer dan een damesploeg in 2de provinciale
divo is not to sell any inventory free of paisiello's security interest without paisiello's express permission
divo is able to control bottom dead center in microns at each station
divo is fully voice controlled
divo is a brisbane based solo artist who is currently in studio recording the very first album to be released through funk factory records
divo is working properly on my onyx2 re
divo is committed to providing the best products to our customers
divo is currently engaged in many research projects as an associate researcher for the university of central florida
divo is lagging
divo is now situated
divo is dunedin’s community
divo is a digital video input/output board for the onyx2
divo is specialized in making shirts
divo is generally referred to as a dikro
divo is due for review
divo is another thing altogether
divo is at the end of the long distance line
divo is not ruled by multinationals
divo is 26
divo is a 5 year old "long
divo is to pray for forgiveness of past misdeeds and for spiritual strength and wisdom for the coming
divo is a belter who can sing songs by sisqo
divo is using their interpersonal skills to get things that the other teams could not
divo is a totally non
divo is ook vertegenwoordigd in de vlor
divo is member of codis
divo is
divo is the needlepoint pillow of lister and made by petie that i won in the raffle
divo is back
divo is it a contracted or otc fight? how long did it take?
divo is the place for a fine €40 meal
divo is often heard
divo is currently being prodded and poked as his health requirements are being looked over
divo is on this same ship
divo is one thing
divo is tasked with that responsibility
divo is on the same block as the holster
divo is out
divo is born” and noted people were demanding “bread and
divo is responsible for maintaining ccol’s and will sign
divo is can't brazen
divo is planning to launch soon new production lines for bottling soft drinks and beer
divo is not entered in the current competition
divo is a video option for onyx2 graphics
divo is the last element in the sync chain
divo is edited and published by mr
divo is and what
divo is kronk
divo is the digital video option for onyx 2 & origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is the digital video option for sgi onyx 2 & sgi origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is a patented software application suite that provides secure television quality video on top of static web pages instantly
divo is the quality of our products
divo is glad to offer you the followings services
divo is a server
divo is developed especially for control over mobile phones in hands free systems;
divo is uit’s complete software suite to enable video stored on cd
divo is echter meer dan een damesploeg in 2de provinciale
divo is not to sell any inventory free of paisiello's security interest without paisiello's express permission
divo is able to control bottom dead center in microns at each station
divo is fully voice controlled
divo is a brisbane based solo artist who is currently in studio recording the very first album to be released through funk factory records
divo is working properly on my onyx2 re
divo is committed to providing the best products to our customers
divo is currently engaged in many research projects as an associate researcher for the university of central florida
divo is lagging
divo is now situated
divo is dunedin’s community
divo is a digital video input/output board for the onyx2
divo is specialized in making shirts
divo is generally referred to as a dikro
divo is due for review
divo is another thing altogether
divo is at the end of the long distance line
divo is not ruled by multinationals
divo is 26
divo is a 5 year old "long
divo is to pray for forgiveness of past misdeeds and for spiritual strength and wisdom for the coming
divo is a belter who can sing songs by sisqo
divo is using their interpersonal skills to get things that the other teams could not
divo is a totally non
divo is ook vertegenwoordigd in de vlor
divo is member of codis
divo is
divo is the needlepoint pillow of lister and made by petie that i won in the raffle
divo is back
divo is it a contracted or otc fight? how long did it take?
divo is the place for a fine €40 meal
divo is often heard
divo is currently being prodded and poked as his health requirements are being looked over
divo is on this same ship
divo is one thing
divo is tasked with that responsibility
divo is on the same block as the holster
divo is out
divo is born” and noted people were demanding “bread and
divo is responsible for maintaining ccol’s and will sign
divo is can't brazen
divo is planning to launch soon new production lines for bottling soft drinks and beer
divo is not entered in the current competition
divo is a video option for onyx2 graphics
divo is the last element in the sync chain
divo is edited and published by mr
divo is and what
divo is kronk
Monday, July 18, 2005
Why do they want me to put titles when they don't display?
So, I just hate being taken advantage of. REALLY hate it.
I had my meeting with the real estate school today, and she wants me to revise her course books, create a new course and the book to go with it, write a proposal to the state for her .. for free. She says that the money is to be made teaching the classes.
At $20 an hour. I don't think so.
Been trying to get an appointment with the clinic over this blood sugar stuff for HOURS. It's not working. I'm now on hold with someone who says she's going to make me the appointment (the furthest that I've gotten so far.)
Okay, now it's time to dig into tax return amendments. Lucky!
I had my meeting with the real estate school today, and she wants me to revise her course books, create a new course and the book to go with it, write a proposal to the state for her .. for free. She says that the money is to be made teaching the classes.
At $20 an hour. I don't think so.
Been trying to get an appointment with the clinic over this blood sugar stuff for HOURS. It's not working. I'm now on hold with someone who says she's going to make me the appointment (the furthest that I've gotten so far.)
Okay, now it's time to dig into tax return amendments. Lucky!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Sunday evening cable
Nothing like being middle aged, overweight and having to crawl around on the floor to run cable. I had to put the satellite receiver into the stereo rack, and needed to put another power strip in for the computers. Both in limited space, both on the floor, and both behind a big stack of crap. But, I got it done.
The upstairs neighbor has been pounding something on the floor for two hours. I'm about to fax in my second noise complaint of the evening.
This morning was three hundred forty. Church was great, then back to a meeting to place advertising for the new mortgage business. Then, home to work on the jillion emails that needed sending, the other stuff, and .. cabling.
Trying to teach myself runes - since I have a bag of them. I need to look at the I Ching, also - I've had that kit for years.
The upstairs neighbor has been pounding something on the floor for two hours. I'm about to fax in my second noise complaint of the evening.
This morning was three hundred forty. Church was great, then back to a meeting to place advertising for the new mortgage business. Then, home to work on the jillion emails that needed sending, the other stuff, and .. cabling.
Trying to teach myself runes - since I have a bag of them. I need to look at the I Ching, also - I've had that kit for years.
Saturday night hissies
Mikey had a dream about me this afternoon (while reclined and slumbering.) In this dream, I was thin and trim, and I was in a relationship with the actor who plays Angel. Woof! More fun details; this actor was working in a 99cents only store (apparently as some manager) and the employees in the store only got paid if there were customers in the store buying things. One went through the back door of the store and it was a secret passageway into some hoity-toity hot spot cocktail bar, that Mikey found quite appealing in his dream.
Today, my class was a train wreck. Here's what I wrote to the administrator of the college:
As you were there, it is redundant to re-visit that no student was on-time; that the bulk of the students were 28 minutes late and arrived in a group, and that a further student arrived at 10:35. I re-started the class at approximately 10:30, and, as you experienced, only one student was paying attention to my presentation; the bulk of the students, including the entire late arriving group, were engaged in personal conversations.
Just as you were leaving, I made the sharp remark to the group that it seemed they were not aware that I was in front of the room. This remark, as you saw, did not penetrate the shield of indifference that they had put up.
After you left, the final student arrived. The class had finished the in-class exercise that I had given out, and they were continuing to engage in the indifferent behavior that you saw me experiencing. At that point, however, an air of derisiveness had entered into the room.
In that moment, I was certain that no further action on my part would attain their participation in today's class. I went through the four in-class quizzes that were scheduled for today, providing very little explanation of the material. I covered the essay portion in a similar, truncated fashion. One student, the ringleader of the indifferent behavior, asked me if I was going to explain the material to them, and I declined, pointing them to the book or a dictionary if they had questions.
I dismissed the class extremely early.
None but one of the earliest arriving students apologized for their behavior, expressed regret or an interest in re-starting the class to gain something of it. They filed out, silent, picking up the hand-outs that were scheduled, and didn't begin speaking until they were out the door.
I did not at any time engage in emotional or inappropriate behavior, but I did end the class telling them that they had been given the time and attention they had shown me.
After two weeks of this studied and intentional indifference, lack of preparedness (most of the students did not bring their course books) and complete lack of attention to the material being presented, I chose this course of action.
My good friend with whom I've taught about fifteen years wrote me back tonight telling me she didn't think she would have lasted a half hour in that environment. That makes me feel better, as a number of my friends have counseled that I should have stuck it out or chosen some other course.
But, I digress.
This morning's blood sugar number was four hundred ten. I can tell it's still very high, as I'm having trouble breathing, and my chest is very tight. Last night's dinner, the weirdness of the former student coming to my apartment at about 8:00 running from a police chase (he had another hit and run) and such, followed by ice cream with Philip at about midnight did me no favors, I'm quite sure.
Anyway, I must to bed that I can rise and go to church in the morning. I'll post a nifty new picture of the actor that Mikey has dreamed I had hooked up with.
Today, my class was a train wreck. Here's what I wrote to the administrator of the college:
As you were there, it is redundant to re-visit that no student was on-time; that the bulk of the students were 28 minutes late and arrived in a group, and that a further student arrived at 10:35. I re-started the class at approximately 10:30, and, as you experienced, only one student was paying attention to my presentation; the bulk of the students, including the entire late arriving group, were engaged in personal conversations.
Just as you were leaving, I made the sharp remark to the group that it seemed they were not aware that I was in front of the room. This remark, as you saw, did not penetrate the shield of indifference that they had put up.
After you left, the final student arrived. The class had finished the in-class exercise that I had given out, and they were continuing to engage in the indifferent behavior that you saw me experiencing. At that point, however, an air of derisiveness had entered into the room.
In that moment, I was certain that no further action on my part would attain their participation in today's class. I went through the four in-class quizzes that were scheduled for today, providing very little explanation of the material. I covered the essay portion in a similar, truncated fashion. One student, the ringleader of the indifferent behavior, asked me if I was going to explain the material to them, and I declined, pointing them to the book or a dictionary if they had questions.
I dismissed the class extremely early.
None but one of the earliest arriving students apologized for their behavior, expressed regret or an interest in re-starting the class to gain something of it. They filed out, silent, picking up the hand-outs that were scheduled, and didn't begin speaking until they were out the door.
I did not at any time engage in emotional or inappropriate behavior, but I did end the class telling them that they had been given the time and attention they had shown me.
After two weeks of this studied and intentional indifference, lack of preparedness (most of the students did not bring their course books) and complete lack of attention to the material being presented, I chose this course of action.
My good friend with whom I've taught about fifteen years wrote me back tonight telling me she didn't think she would have lasted a half hour in that environment. That makes me feel better, as a number of my friends have counseled that I should have stuck it out or chosen some other course.
But, I digress.
This morning's blood sugar number was four hundred ten. I can tell it's still very high, as I'm having trouble breathing, and my chest is very tight. Last night's dinner, the weirdness of the former student coming to my apartment at about 8:00 running from a police chase (he had another hit and run) and such, followed by ice cream with Philip at about midnight did me no favors, I'm quite sure.
Anyway, I must to bed that I can rise and go to church in the morning. I'll post a nifty new picture of the actor that Mikey has dreamed I had hooked up with.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Today = 343. This seems to be a plateau. I can definately tell I'm losing body size, though.
Have two meetings today - or three. I need to re-open outlook and see. Have a ton of work to do as well; tax extensions are running down, and I'm beating people to get their materials in to me so I can do the work.
Watched a movie on Netflix last night - boy, that didn't work out. The main character is a gay, closeted construction worker who is in love with his best friend. Blah, blah, he comes out to the best friend on a television program, his parents throw him out, the best friend accuses him (rightly) of trying to sabotage his girlfriend relationship, and then beats him with a pipe. And leaves with the girlfriend, who intervenes just as the best friend was about to kill our central figure with the pipe.
Yikes!
Have two meetings today - or three. I need to re-open outlook and see. Have a ton of work to do as well; tax extensions are running down, and I'm beating people to get their materials in to me so I can do the work.
Watched a movie on Netflix last night - boy, that didn't work out. The main character is a gay, closeted construction worker who is in love with his best friend. Blah, blah, he comes out to the best friend on a television program, his parents throw him out, the best friend accuses him (rightly) of trying to sabotage his girlfriend relationship, and then beats him with a pipe. And leaves with the girlfriend, who intervenes just as the best friend was about to kill our central figure with the pipe.
Yikes!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Hump Day Contemplations
Philip is still engaged in this "seminar," which seems not to involve his employment ID and staying out overnight. Good on him!
I'm just wiped out today. Why? My number this morning was 355. Urgh. I have a ton of things to catch up on today.
Won my desk (which is in Dallas) today for $51.00. Now, I have to go up there and get it and figure out some place to KEEP it until Philip moves on.
My class last night went so great - one of the students found the data file that's in the book, so I was finally able to give them something to DO.
I think I need to just work on some simple things and see if I start feeling better here in a little bit.
I'm just wiped out today. Why? My number this morning was 355. Urgh. I have a ton of things to catch up on today.
Won my desk (which is in Dallas) today for $51.00. Now, I have to go up there and get it and figure out some place to KEEP it until Philip moves on.
My class last night went so great - one of the students found the data file that's in the book, so I was finally able to give them something to DO.
I think I need to just work on some simple things and see if I start feeling better here in a little bit.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Tuesday - work and meetings consume my brain
Meeting with CP to work on our mortgages in an hour; organizing things around the office until then.
Had an email note from Philip yesterday morning telling me that he'd be in a seminar downtown, and likely away from the apartment in the evening. Then, he didn't come home last night. Personally, I think he's getting his groove on with the girl he went to see on Saturday.
An interesting note from N8 yesterday; he resurfaced after having been totally in hiding since telling me that he wanted to explore his sexuality. Seems his parents' home has been foreclosed and all of his stuff is gone. While I sympathize with his situation, it does suggest that he REALLY went underground after busting loose with a revelation about his sexual fantasies. I mean, how could you miss being evicted?
Buying a desk today - it's in Dallas, and it won't come in for another couple of weeks when I go up there with a friend and a truck and pick it up. I'm trying to conceptualize how to arrange the furniture here in the den for the best arrangement.
I really need to get all of the office stuff into this one room, and have it readily accessible. I don't have time to work on that today, but this week.
Had an email note from Philip yesterday morning telling me that he'd be in a seminar downtown, and likely away from the apartment in the evening. Then, he didn't come home last night. Personally, I think he's getting his groove on with the girl he went to see on Saturday.
An interesting note from N8 yesterday; he resurfaced after having been totally in hiding since telling me that he wanted to explore his sexuality. Seems his parents' home has been foreclosed and all of his stuff is gone. While I sympathize with his situation, it does suggest that he REALLY went underground after busting loose with a revelation about his sexual fantasies. I mean, how could you miss being evicted?
Buying a desk today - it's in Dallas, and it won't come in for another couple of weeks when I go up there with a friend and a truck and pick it up. I'm trying to conceptualize how to arrange the furniture here in the den for the best arrangement.
I really need to get all of the office stuff into this one room, and have it readily accessible. I don't have time to work on that today, but this week.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Gay panic defensiveness
An interesting Sunday. Got up and my blood sugar was 343. Good lord, when will this abate!? Drove down to the church, got set up, finished outlining my presentation, did that whole thing. It was good.
On the way home, I resolved to have Ruby cleaned up. While there, there's a public internet terminal, so I checked my email. My client from Friday night had written to me .. let's just copy his message here, shall we?
"Hey man I need to ask you a question, But I do not intend to offend you at all.
When you hugged me goodbye yesterday you added that little extra grab at the end and it threw me off. I just want to know if you are gay. If you are not then I do not mean to make you mad it just seemed a little strange. It made me a little uncomfortable and I did not know what to think. If you are gay then that is cool too. I just want you to know that I am not and we can still be friends, visit, hang out, whatever.
Please do not get mad at me for this email. In my opinion friends say what it on their mind. Talk to you soon.
John"
Okay, so on the way out the door, I put my arm around his SHOULDERS and gave him a squeeze. Around the shoulders. Said "nice to see ya!"
That's it.
How do we get "I was rattled by that?"
Gay panic.
So, was it my behavior, or his interpretation that created this gay panic? Is it his own internalized homophobia? (yes, I'm saying he's a fag. He's so far back in the closet that he's hiding in a trap door behind the cedar.)
So, this afternoon, I'm working on getting some things done around the house. A quiet day. Have a packed up week lined up, so I need the time to get caught up and have some peace.
Ruby is driving like a champ. Mikey (after all of the people who said they'd help me do it) re-assembled the 1998 Buick website (which I purloined three years ago) and I intend to deploy it on the drdivo.com website (which is under major reconstruction.) I need to have the little niggly dings taken out of her, and have her thoroughly detailed and waxed (maybe next weekend, hmm?) And I have to have the stereo fixed.
I am four weeks from Philip's return to MSU and having my apartment empty again. He's been a nice man to have around - polite, very interesting, has lots of things to talk about that are engaging. He's so incredibly beautiful that it's unsettling.
When he leaves, I'm making some major revisions to the Casita here. First, I'm converting this den into a home OFFICE - taking down the bed. I'm going to then take my platform bed that I've been sleeping on 15 years (I bought it just before I met Jimmy) and I'm going to use the full sized mattress and box spring from this four poster bed, and buy a new (inexpensive) bed frame to use in the purple Divo bedroom. I'm then buying an old Steelcase type desk (from the 1950s, go figure) and re-arranging this den into a functional office.
On the way home, I resolved to have Ruby cleaned up. While there, there's a public internet terminal, so I checked my email. My client from Friday night had written to me .. let's just copy his message here, shall we?
"Hey man I need to ask you a question, But I do not intend to offend you at all.
When you hugged me goodbye yesterday you added that little extra grab at the end and it threw me off. I just want to know if you are gay. If you are not then I do not mean to make you mad it just seemed a little strange. It made me a little uncomfortable and I did not know what to think. If you are gay then that is cool too. I just want you to know that I am not and we can still be friends, visit, hang out, whatever.
Please do not get mad at me for this email. In my opinion friends say what it on their mind. Talk to you soon.
John"
Okay, so on the way out the door, I put my arm around his SHOULDERS and gave him a squeeze. Around the shoulders. Said "nice to see ya!"
That's it.
How do we get "I was rattled by that?"
Gay panic.
So, was it my behavior, or his interpretation that created this gay panic? Is it his own internalized homophobia? (yes, I'm saying he's a fag. He's so far back in the closet that he's hiding in a trap door behind the cedar.)
So, this afternoon, I'm working on getting some things done around the house. A quiet day. Have a packed up week lined up, so I need the time to get caught up and have some peace.
Ruby is driving like a champ. Mikey (after all of the people who said they'd help me do it) re-assembled the 1998 Buick website (which I purloined three years ago) and I intend to deploy it on the drdivo.com website (which is under major reconstruction.) I need to have the little niggly dings taken out of her, and have her thoroughly detailed and waxed (maybe next weekend, hmm?) And I have to have the stereo fixed.
I am four weeks from Philip's return to MSU and having my apartment empty again. He's been a nice man to have around - polite, very interesting, has lots of things to talk about that are engaging. He's so incredibly beautiful that it's unsettling.
When he leaves, I'm making some major revisions to the Casita here. First, I'm converting this den into a home OFFICE - taking down the bed. I'm going to then take my platform bed that I've been sleeping on 15 years (I bought it just before I met Jimmy) and I'm going to use the full sized mattress and box spring from this four poster bed, and buy a new (inexpensive) bed frame to use in the purple Divo bedroom. I'm then buying an old Steelcase type desk (from the 1950s, go figure) and re-arranging this den into a functional office.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Saturday night with Philip
Been talking to Philip tonight about different things; it seems that there is no likelihood of him returning to Houston after college; he hates the idea of working for a company where he has no self-expression. So, he's uncertain where he can find that, but he's pretty sure he's not going to find it in corporate America.
I'm sorry that he won't be coming back - I've really enjoyed his company. Interestingly enough, though, he's starting to act like a "boi" in that he's picking up after himself less and less, buying fewer groceries, etc.
It's probably in response to the full life support program offered here at the Casita de Divo, as opposed to anything else.
Got my diabetic "anti-medicine" book in the mail today - it's very, very interesting. I have to read it ASAP.
I'm sorry that he won't be coming back - I've really enjoyed his company. Interestingly enough, though, he's starting to act like a "boi" in that he's picking up after himself less and less, buying fewer groceries, etc.
It's probably in response to the full life support program offered here at the Casita de Divo, as opposed to anything else.
Got my diabetic "anti-medicine" book in the mail today - it's very, very interesting. I have to read it ASAP.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Deputy Doogie Dog
In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.
Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.
The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.
The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.
Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.
The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.
The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Tuesday that feels like Monday - ver. 2.01
This morning's blood sugar - 310. Still 200 points too high, but it's much better than the last few weeks, and it's 22 points lower than yesterday morning's reading.
In response to my New York Times article about there being no bisexual men, my dear friend Alma wrote me:
"Interesting. I’d always just assumed that there were some men who would just as soon stick it in a tree.
However, just to make thing a little more complex, read this: Dreg?er, Alice Domurat. (1999). Intersex in the Age of Ethics. University Publishing Group. One of the people interviewed doesn’t even identify him/herself clearly as either a man or a woman.
And if you really want to be infuriated about societal attitudes toward gender (assuming you can bump up your medication and avoid a stroke): try: Colapinto, John. (2000) As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl. Harper Collins
On the other hand, I’m fully prepared to believe that there are guys out there faking it to get their laundry and cooking done
Yours in utter cynicism,
Alma"
I just adore her.
So, I'm almost done logging, reading, returning, calling, setting appointments and the like. Time to clean up, and get ready for this afternoon's round of meetings.
In response to my New York Times article about there being no bisexual men, my dear friend Alma wrote me:
"Interesting. I’d always just assumed that there were some men who would just as soon stick it in a tree.
However, just to make thing a little more complex, read this: Dreg?er, Alice Domurat. (1999). Intersex in the Age of Ethics. University Publishing Group. One of the people interviewed doesn’t even identify him/herself clearly as either a man or a woman.
And if you really want to be infuriated about societal attitudes toward gender (assuming you can bump up your medication and avoid a stroke): try: Colapinto, John. (2000) As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl. Harper Collins
On the other hand, I’m fully prepared to believe that there are guys out there faking it to get their laundry and cooking done
Yours in utter cynicism,
Alma"
I just adore her.
So, I'm almost done logging, reading, returning, calling, setting appointments and the like. Time to clean up, and get ready for this afternoon's round of meetings.
We've known this all along ..
July 5, 2005
Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited
By BENEDICT CAREY
Some people are attracted to women; some are attracted to men. And some, if Sigmund Freud, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and millions of self-described bisexuals are to be believed, are drawn to both sexes.
But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.
The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation.
People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.
In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men.
The study is the largest of several small reports suggesting that the estimated 1.7 percent of men who identify themselves as bisexual show physical attraction patterns that differ substantially from their professed desires.
"Research on sexual orientation has been based almost entirely on self-reports, and this is one of the few good studies using physiological measures," said Dr. Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender identity at the University of Utah, who was not involved in the study.
The discrepancy between what is happening in people's minds and what is going on in their bodies, she said, presents a puzzle "that the field now has to crack, and it raises this question about what we mean when we talk about desire."
"We have assumed that everyone means the same thing," she added, "but here we have evidence that that is not the case."
Several other researchers who have seen the study, scheduled to be published in the journal Psychological Science, said it would need to be repeated with larger numbers of bisexual men before clear conclusions could be drawn.
Bisexual desires are sometimes transient and they are still poorly understood. Men and women also appear to differ in the frequency of bisexual attractions. "The last thing you want," said Dr. Randall Sell, an assistant professor of clinical socio-medical sciences at Columbia University, "is for some therapists to see this study and start telling bisexual people that they're wrong, that they're really on their way to homosexuality."
He added, "We don't know nearly enough about sexual orientation and identity" to jump to these conclusions.
In the experiment, psychologists at Northwestern University and the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto used advertisements in gay and alternative newspapers to recruit 101 young adult men. Thirty-three of the men identified themselves as bisexual, 30 as straight and 38 as homosexual.
The researchers asked the men about their sexual desires and rated them on a scale from 0 to 6 on sexual orientation, with 0 to 1 indicating heterosexuality, and 5 to 6 indicating homosexuality. Bisexuality was measured by scores in the middle range.
Seated alone in a laboratory room, the men then watched a series of erotic movies, some involving only women, others involving only men.
Using a sensor to monitor sexual arousal, the researchers found what they expected: gay men showed arousal to images of men and little arousal to images of women, and heterosexual men showed arousal to women but not to men.
But the men in the study who described themselves as bisexual did not have patterns of arousal that were consistent with their stated attraction to men and to women. Instead, about three-quarters of the group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.
"Regardless of whether the men were gay, straight or bisexual, they showed about four times more arousal" to one sex or the other, said Gerulf Rieger, a graduate psychology student at Northwestern and the study's lead author.
Although about a third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal watching the movies, their lack of response did not change the overall findings, Mr. Rieger said.
Since at least the middle of the 19th century, behavioral scientists have noted bisexual attraction in men and women and debated its place in the development of sexual identity. Some experts, like Freud, concluded that humans are naturally bisexual. In his landmark sex surveys of the 1940's, Dr. Alfred Kinsey found many married, publicly heterosexual men who reported having had sex with other men.
"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual," Dr. Kinsey wrote. "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats."
By the 1990's, Newsweek had featured bisexuality on its cover, bisexuals had formed advocacy groups and television series like "Sex and the City" had begun exploring bisexual themes.
Yet researchers were unable to produce direct evidence of bisexual arousal patterns in men, said Dr. J. Michael Bailey, a professor of psychology at Northwestern and the new study's senior author.
A 1979 study of 30 men found that those who identified themselves as bisexuals were indistinguishable from homosexuals on measures of arousal. Studies of gay and bisexual men in the 1990's showed that the two groups reported similar numbers of male sexual partners and risky sexual encounters. And a 1994 survey by The Advocate, the gay-oriented newsmagazine, found that, before identifying themselves as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as bisexual.
"I'm not denying that bisexual behavior exists," said Dr. Bailey, "but I am saying that in men there's no hint that true bisexual arousal exists, and that for men arousal is orientation."
But other researchers - and some self-identified bisexuals - say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness - erotic sensations, affection, admiration - that constitutes sexual attraction.
Social and emotional attraction are very important elements in bisexual attraction, said Dr. Fritz Klein, a sex researcher and the author of "The Bisexual Option."
"To claim on the basis of this study that there's no such thing as male bisexuality is overstepping, it seems to me," said Dr. Gilbert Herdt, director of the National Sexuality Resource Center in San Francisco. "It may be that there is a lot less true male bisexuality than we think, but if that's true then why in the world are there so many movies, novels and TV shows that have this as a theme - is it collective fantasy, merely a projection? I don't think so."
John Campbell, 36, a Web designer in Orange County, Calif., who describes himself as bisexual, also said he was skeptical of the findings.
Mr. Campbell said he had been strongly attracted to both sexes since he was sexually aware, although all his long-term relationships had been with women. "In my case I have been accused of being heterosexual, but I also feel a need for sex with men," he said.
Mr. Campbell rated his erotic attraction to men and women as about 50-50, but his emotional attraction, he said, was 90 to 10 in favor of women. "With men I can get aroused, I just don't feel the fireworks like I do with women," he said.
About 1.5 percent of American women identify themselves bisexual. And bisexuality appears easier to demonstrate in the female sex. A study published last November by the same team of Canadian and American researchers, for example, found that most women who said they were bisexual showed arousal to men and to women.
Although only a small number of women identify themselves as bisexual, Dr. Bailey said, bisexual arousal may for them in fact be the norm.
Researchers have little sense yet of how these differences may affect behavior, or sexual identity. In the mid-1990's, Dr. Diamond recruited a group of 90 women at gay pride parades, academic conferences on gender issues and other venues. About half of the women called themselves lesbians, a third identified as bisexual and the rest claimed no sexual orientation. In follow-up interviews over the last 10 years, Dr. Diamond has found that most of these women have had relationships both with men and women.
"Most of them seem to lean one way or the other, but that doesn't preclude them from having a relationship with the nonpreferred sex," she said. "You may be mostly interested in women but, hey, the guy who delivers the pizza is really hot, and what are you going to do?"
"There's a whole lot of movement and flexibility," Dr. Diamond added. "The fact is, we have very little research in this area, and a lot to learn."
Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited
By BENEDICT CAREY
Some people are attracted to women; some are attracted to men. And some, if Sigmund Freud, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and millions of self-described bisexuals are to be believed, are drawn to both sexes.
But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.
The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation.
People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.
In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men.
The study is the largest of several small reports suggesting that the estimated 1.7 percent of men who identify themselves as bisexual show physical attraction patterns that differ substantially from their professed desires.
"Research on sexual orientation has been based almost entirely on self-reports, and this is one of the few good studies using physiological measures," said Dr. Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender identity at the University of Utah, who was not involved in the study.
The discrepancy between what is happening in people's minds and what is going on in their bodies, she said, presents a puzzle "that the field now has to crack, and it raises this question about what we mean when we talk about desire."
"We have assumed that everyone means the same thing," she added, "but here we have evidence that that is not the case."
Several other researchers who have seen the study, scheduled to be published in the journal Psychological Science, said it would need to be repeated with larger numbers of bisexual men before clear conclusions could be drawn.
Bisexual desires are sometimes transient and they are still poorly understood. Men and women also appear to differ in the frequency of bisexual attractions. "The last thing you want," said Dr. Randall Sell, an assistant professor of clinical socio-medical sciences at Columbia University, "is for some therapists to see this study and start telling bisexual people that they're wrong, that they're really on their way to homosexuality."
He added, "We don't know nearly enough about sexual orientation and identity" to jump to these conclusions.
In the experiment, psychologists at Northwestern University and the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto used advertisements in gay and alternative newspapers to recruit 101 young adult men. Thirty-three of the men identified themselves as bisexual, 30 as straight and 38 as homosexual.
The researchers asked the men about their sexual desires and rated them on a scale from 0 to 6 on sexual orientation, with 0 to 1 indicating heterosexuality, and 5 to 6 indicating homosexuality. Bisexuality was measured by scores in the middle range.
Seated alone in a laboratory room, the men then watched a series of erotic movies, some involving only women, others involving only men.
Using a sensor to monitor sexual arousal, the researchers found what they expected: gay men showed arousal to images of men and little arousal to images of women, and heterosexual men showed arousal to women but not to men.
But the men in the study who described themselves as bisexual did not have patterns of arousal that were consistent with their stated attraction to men and to women. Instead, about three-quarters of the group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.
"Regardless of whether the men were gay, straight or bisexual, they showed about four times more arousal" to one sex or the other, said Gerulf Rieger, a graduate psychology student at Northwestern and the study's lead author.
Although about a third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal watching the movies, their lack of response did not change the overall findings, Mr. Rieger said.
Since at least the middle of the 19th century, behavioral scientists have noted bisexual attraction in men and women and debated its place in the development of sexual identity. Some experts, like Freud, concluded that humans are naturally bisexual. In his landmark sex surveys of the 1940's, Dr. Alfred Kinsey found many married, publicly heterosexual men who reported having had sex with other men.
"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual," Dr. Kinsey wrote. "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats."
By the 1990's, Newsweek had featured bisexuality on its cover, bisexuals had formed advocacy groups and television series like "Sex and the City" had begun exploring bisexual themes.
Yet researchers were unable to produce direct evidence of bisexual arousal patterns in men, said Dr. J. Michael Bailey, a professor of psychology at Northwestern and the new study's senior author.
A 1979 study of 30 men found that those who identified themselves as bisexuals were indistinguishable from homosexuals on measures of arousal. Studies of gay and bisexual men in the 1990's showed that the two groups reported similar numbers of male sexual partners and risky sexual encounters. And a 1994 survey by The Advocate, the gay-oriented newsmagazine, found that, before identifying themselves as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as bisexual.
"I'm not denying that bisexual behavior exists," said Dr. Bailey, "but I am saying that in men there's no hint that true bisexual arousal exists, and that for men arousal is orientation."
But other researchers - and some self-identified bisexuals - say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness - erotic sensations, affection, admiration - that constitutes sexual attraction.
Social and emotional attraction are very important elements in bisexual attraction, said Dr. Fritz Klein, a sex researcher and the author of "The Bisexual Option."
"To claim on the basis of this study that there's no such thing as male bisexuality is overstepping, it seems to me," said Dr. Gilbert Herdt, director of the National Sexuality Resource Center in San Francisco. "It may be that there is a lot less true male bisexuality than we think, but if that's true then why in the world are there so many movies, novels and TV shows that have this as a theme - is it collective fantasy, merely a projection? I don't think so."
John Campbell, 36, a Web designer in Orange County, Calif., who describes himself as bisexual, also said he was skeptical of the findings.
Mr. Campbell said he had been strongly attracted to both sexes since he was sexually aware, although all his long-term relationships had been with women. "In my case I have been accused of being heterosexual, but I also feel a need for sex with men," he said.
Mr. Campbell rated his erotic attraction to men and women as about 50-50, but his emotional attraction, he said, was 90 to 10 in favor of women. "With men I can get aroused, I just don't feel the fireworks like I do with women," he said.
About 1.5 percent of American women identify themselves bisexual. And bisexuality appears easier to demonstrate in the female sex. A study published last November by the same team of Canadian and American researchers, for example, found that most women who said they were bisexual showed arousal to men and to women.
Although only a small number of women identify themselves as bisexual, Dr. Bailey said, bisexual arousal may for them in fact be the norm.
Researchers have little sense yet of how these differences may affect behavior, or sexual identity. In the mid-1990's, Dr. Diamond recruited a group of 90 women at gay pride parades, academic conferences on gender issues and other venues. About half of the women called themselves lesbians, a third identified as bisexual and the rest claimed no sexual orientation. In follow-up interviews over the last 10 years, Dr. Diamond has found that most of these women have had relationships both with men and women.
"Most of them seem to lean one way or the other, but that doesn't preclude them from having a relationship with the nonpreferred sex," she said. "You may be mostly interested in women but, hey, the guy who delivers the pizza is really hot, and what are you going to do?"
"There's a whole lot of movement and flexibility," Dr. Diamond added. "The fact is, we have very little research in this area, and a lot to learn."
Monday, July 04, 2005
Monday, Monday ver. 633.01
Happy National Delusional Day! With fireworks! You could also call it "Happy Values That We No Longer Observe Day!
Slept in, slept a lot, felt better, got most of my computer work done, baked bread, still way behind the curve as to what I have intended to accomplish, having been sick all day Sunday.
Note to file: If you're going to get sick, go to St. Joseph's emergency room. They're fabulous.
E is back home, Sean is stuck in B'sville with PJ, Mikey's celebrating the departure of TRB (episode 16,) and I have a fully jam packed week lined up. Have calls and documents to make up tomorrow, then three meetings back to back, and class tomorrow night.
Have to scrape up the money to see the doctor; at the ER Saturday night, the doctor asked a bazillion questions about why my blood chemistry was so far off .. was I doing drugs, gaining weight, changed eating/sleeping patterns? Stress? Mikey busted out laughing. Uh, yeah. Stress.
Anyway, we'll see what gets done this week.
Slept in, slept a lot, felt better, got most of my computer work done, baked bread, still way behind the curve as to what I have intended to accomplish, having been sick all day Sunday.
Note to file: If you're going to get sick, go to St. Joseph's emergency room. They're fabulous.
E is back home, Sean is stuck in B'sville with PJ, Mikey's celebrating the departure of TRB (episode 16,) and I have a fully jam packed week lined up. Have calls and documents to make up tomorrow, then three meetings back to back, and class tomorrow night.
Have to scrape up the money to see the doctor; at the ER Saturday night, the doctor asked a bazillion questions about why my blood chemistry was so far off .. was I doing drugs, gaining weight, changed eating/sleeping patterns? Stress? Mikey busted out laughing. Uh, yeah. Stress.
Anyway, we'll see what gets done this week.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Four Hundred Seventy-Nine
Four Hundred Seventy-Nine. If only that signified some achievement, rather than the sword of damacles hanging over my head.
I'm trying to get work done and not think about my situation. Not like I don't have anything ELSE to keep my brain busy with.
I hate fighting wars. They suck. This time, I've had to go thermonuclear. What's been fun, though, is that the PI that I had to hire has found out some MOST amusing and unusual information, which is very helpful for me. Who knew that one could learn so much about asset transfers and Nevada corporations, just by hiring the right PI?
He's a great guy, too. Handsome as all get-out.
I'm trying to get work done and not think about my situation. Not like I don't have anything ELSE to keep my brain busy with.
I hate fighting wars. They suck. This time, I've had to go thermonuclear. What's been fun, though, is that the PI that I had to hire has found out some MOST amusing and unusual information, which is very helpful for me. Who knew that one could learn so much about asset transfers and Nevada corporations, just by hiring the right PI?
He's a great guy, too. Handsome as all get-out.
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