He should be on his mettle ..

So. The Supremes have had oral argument (in itself a double entendre) over whether same sex activity should be regulated by the State of Texas, or (on the other hand) whether it violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution to only apply such laws to same sex couples and not mixed sex couples.

The arguments, if you haven't reviewed them, were bizarre, if not hypocritical.

The District Attorney for Harris County (where I live) inherited this mess, and found himself arguing against something that, in my mind, he clearly didn't think was any of the state's business.

Gotta love Renquist and Scalia - they'll distort and twist any logic path to reach their ideologic goals.

So, as of today, I'm still a criminal. Well, not TODAY.

Two days until E's arrival from YVR - and he's been silent today.

I figured out just how little I'm making doing these tax returns, and .. she's CRABBY about making a bad business deal.

Only 16 more days of tax stuff, and I can bag it.

I think I found the marketing direction that I want to take for the new line of business - once we get our FHA approval, anyway. I have to work on THAT with everything else that's going on.

Sandra Gunn has some stunning lofts available - three in the Renoir that I would love to live in. Come on, bring in those winning lotto numbers!

I don't think I've spoken much about my friend Tom (Owen) in Poznan, Poland. He's been out of touch lately - he caught his boyfriend cheating on him, went through a terrible depression for about two weeks, and then met some OTHER guy on the net, whom he claims he's marrying come May, and moving to Kobenhaven with.

Uh - hello? Rebound? Issues?

Anyway, I need to get off to bed - so I can get up and do more tax returns. Tomorrow, I have at least four to complete. All of my loans are in waiting for underwriting response or appraisals, and Michael's loans are dead in the water. Unresponsive clients.

No big surprise.

Well, good night all .. I'm still birthing that new poem.

When a man's an empty kettle ..

Nearly 16:30 and I have just a half hour left to go. I have a tax return that I'm taking a break from. Suddenly, I'm up to my nipples in tax returns. I have mortgages to work on, and this impedes my ability to work on both. However, I'll get more caught up tomorrow, and we'll just see where things go. Our $15 off campaign seems to be bringing people in out of the woodwork.

Time Warner cable now thinks that there is something wrong with my cable signal, and they're coming out tomorrow afternoon to check it out.

Last night, Matthew was perfectly willing to be picked up and fed, but he "just wants to be friends." I think he was angling for a personal reference. Over that, I was playing a computer game on my new 19" monitor about 11:00 last night, when Curtis called. Yes, the same Curtis whom I gave up on yesterday. He was drunk, had just had a fight with his girlfriend, and said he was headed over. He never made it.

Tonight, if he calls, I'm not answering the phone.

We have a big possibility of thunderstorms tonight. Fun!

Only three days to the arrival of E from Vancouver (YVR).

Finally heard from San Jacinto College today; lunch on Monday includes payday and the return of my passport.

I was beginning to wonder.

Tonight, I'm baking more bread, and have to do some more cleaning around the house. Damn, there is just so much that needs doing all the time! I shouldn't have played with Matthew last night.

I feel a poem coming on. It hasn't made it to the fore yet.

More later, if I have my cable connection.

Day five - in either direction

I need some coffee. It's about 10:30 in the morning, and I'm just sifting through the detritus on my desk, getting ready to start doing actual work. It's day five of the "war," and five days to the arrival of Eric from Vancouver.

Well, five days by the calendar. In number of hours, it's four days and some change.

Dallas was fun. It was nice to get away. I have new tires on Ruby - a Wal-Mart/Sams house brand of Goodyears that look great, seem a little nervous, and ride very quietly and smoothly. In fact, the car now rides like dream whip.

Made it home in 3 1/2 hours on the nose with no stops. Jackie had expressed her displeasure at being left behind with a big dump in my bedroom, which was mercifully dry.

I have a gazillion things to do before E arrives on Friday evening; bought a computer monitor from Larry in Dallas, which I need to install, need to get all of my record-keeping up to date and put away, clean, empty out a few drawers for E and his visit here, and figure out what the heck to do with my bicycle.

Aside from riding it, I mean.

I'm giving up on Curtis. Both on getting my money repaid (like that's ever going to happen - I knew better and had no expectations) and on him ever being more than just an occasional lay when it fits his schedule. And, I'm not going to make myself available for him as I have been doing.

No more favors.

Matthew called today; he was very excited about a job interview in the leasing office where I live. I guess we're going to hang out tonight for a while.

Okay, time for a break from income tax and to go home to empty the mutts! More later.

Another glorious day in Baghdad on the Bayou!

It's just gorgeous; sunny, clear, 70s. I've been working on loans today, which I've let slide while I worked on my friend's tax returns these last couple of weeks. I have three reluctant clients; I don't quite understand WHY they're so reoluctant, but they are.

I'm so looking forward to the trip to Dallas tomorrow.

Put Curtis' clothes in a couple of drawers - just had enough of having them in the laundry basket on the guest room bed. It was time. I think I have a substantial portion of his clothing - how does he get along?

Just chatted [briefly] with a boy from Dallas - he wants $1000 to meet for a night! Uh - I just was saying 'hello?'

Normal? Is this normal?

So, after a day of cleaning my apartment, catching up on my contact lists, and doing laundry, I went to R&R's for dinner and to pick up their tax stuff this afternoon around 4:00. The plan for the day was 1.) help get their QuickBooks up and ready for tax preparation, 2.) pick up tax information for all three tax returns, 3.) have pork roast (there's a bunch in the 'fridge for lunch .. yummy!) and 4.) watch the HBO Sunday night line-up.

Normal Sunday for the Divo.

I really wasn't expecting to hear from Curtis for a while - he was off to the rodeo with his girlfriend, et al. Richard (the R in R&R) is my best friend, and very easy to spend time with .. we noshed, drank red wine and generally hung out. Rick (the R in R&R) came home around 8:15, and jumped into the middle of "Six Feet Under" with us.

During the presentation of "Six Feet Under" [note to producers - make it interesting - hurry] the daughter's new "boyfriend," who's really not a boyfriend because he sees other people, and won't commit to the daughter has a brief conversation with Ruth, the mother. I'm thinking Ruthie is about to explore the sapphic side of her personality, but I digress. During this conversation, the boyfriend (who just has the most amazing body, and this goofy, boyish face .. ) is talking about how soon you can call after a date.

Now, Ruth hasn't had a date, she's had an outing with Kathy Bates, but things look frisky.

The answer was "at least a few days. You can't look like you're chasing them." Or something along that line.

So, I'm watching this, and I'm thinking "I'll just let Curtis cool off for a while and let him call me next."

Be careful what you wish for; you may get it.

About halfway through the [very well done] HBO movie "Normal," my cell phone rings. It's Curtis. He's drunk. He's outside the rodeo, and he's waiting for a ride home from his mother; his truck is in Humble, and he rode with some friends who had a fight and now, he needs a way back. He's very chatty, and again makes the assumption that all gay guys are fucking each other. I corrected him on that score, and asked him what he was doing after work tomorrow [Monday,] inasmuch as I wanted to see him before I left for Dallas on Friday afternoon.

Which lead to an examination [on his part] of my going to Dallas, what's in Dallas, why I was going to Dallas, where I was staying, &c. THREE (can you hear me roll my "r?") times he said "Erin won't let me go to Dallas." However, he started to ask her what was IN Dallas to see, and she wandered off.

At least she wasn't screaming at him.

Now, him being the behind-hand communicator that he is, and me having 44.4895 years of experience in dealing with such communication patterns, I'm thinking he's planning on going with me, and I'll find out Thursday night or Friday morning.

Should I warn Larry?

I'm just amazed and amused. Normal? What's normal, anyway?

Whirling dirvish ..

Curtis called last night about 8:30. He was in the neighborhood. Not that it wasn't an effort on his part to GET into the neighborhood - he lives nearly 30 miles away. He had worked from 8:30 to nearly 7:30, and was exhausted. His girlfriend was .. yes, you guessed it, screaming at him. He just wanted to be quiet, I guess, which fit into my evening plan just fine. He got here around 9:15, and flopped on the sofa, watching the movie I put in. I made him some scrambled eggs, and when the movie was over, he rolled over and fell asleep. I threw the afghan over him and went to bed.

This morning, he wasn't very talkative - got himself pulled together to go to the rodeo today; took his razor thing, but left all the clothes, as per the norm. I've had a basket of his laundry here for weeks. I am thinking of doing something radical like putting it into drawers.

Today, I had planned to work on my Quicken data entry and filing all of the receipts and documents that have taken over the guest room bed. HAH! I cleaned instead. Spent the whole day listening to "classic disco" on my TWC "Music Choice." I'm nuts if I think that I need XM radio; this is already paid for in my cable bill.

Have just a few more things that I have to get done before going to R&R's for dinner/HBO Sunday tonight. So, I need to jump on it.

And, sorry, Mikey for expecting you to be unhappy with me about leaving your birthday celebration early. =)

Just one day earlier, and it could have been Friday the 13th!

Today is my friend Mikey's birthday (observed.) So, he wants me to go out with him tonight, even though I have to get up and be out of the house by 8:00 in the morning to teach. So, he's going to be unhappy with me when I leave at around 10:00 to go home.

Another busy weekend; I have to get caught up on my financial record-keeping, and I have to start taking my bike out and riding it.

My friend Marty Wright is back in wholesale lending; and she is my account rep with Matrix - so, I talked to her today for a while - I just love her - and she is helping me get set up to do FHA lending and VA lending. WHOO HOO!

The whole plan is moving forward.

Not a word from San Jacinto - we were supposed to be getting together to discuss my further participation with them .. and nada.

Tonight may be a Curtis evening, but there are no reliable indicators of what will happen.

I haven't been a productive doo-bee today; I have moved a few things forward, but for the most part, it was spent getting concepts moved forward as distinct from actual work. I guess that's all the same thing - it all has to be done to get things moving. I just have to work on these tax returns, and I'm kind of .. over it? For the moment.

I'm so looking forward to going to see Larry in Dallas next weekend. I didn't get to see him in Dallas ALL of last year. So, this is going to be terrific. I get to write off the whole trip, since I'm going to go amend his tax returns, do his will and work on financing an investment property for him. It's a business trip!

I'm thinking that it's time for me to go on the Sugar Busters diet - I need to get the book and make it part of my living.

Finally had lunch with Karl the realtor - he's a neat guy; I like him. I hope he and I can start doing more business together.

More as the weekend develops!

What's wrong with this picture?

So, last night - was the closest to a "date" that Curtis and I have had. We went to the rodeo, had margaritas. When he came over, he got dressed out of the laundry basket that contains all of his clean clothes at my apartment. As per the norm, his girlfriend was demanding his attention over the phone - twice before we made it to the shuttle bus. I could hear her screaming at him as he told her that he had simply forgotten to take his phone with him. She accused him of intentionally leaving the phone behind so that he could avoid her and try to pick up women at the rodeo.

The new stadium is awesome - the tickets that my friend Kimberly gave me were terrific. Still, I sat there wondering WHAT I was doing there with Curtis, who couldn't leave well enough alone, and kept calling his girlfriend for more abuse. He's fun to be with, different from my norm, so it's all interesting. He looked like a working cowboy last night (as distinct from a city cowboy.)

That, and the rodeo is the rodeo - it's just NOT ever anything really different. Jerry Jeff Walker gave an inspired and lively performance, and Clint Black was terrific. Country music, however, just isn't my thing.

Also, I have to say that the loud beating of the drums of war put a damper on my mood. Clint Black performed a jingoistic song about attacking Iraq (free for download from his website! http://www.clintblack.com ) and Curtis was telling me on the way over that he thought the USA needed to attack Iraq to show the world we wouldn't take it [the 9/11/01 attacks on the USA] lying down.

Oh, and there was a three minute multi-media presentation at the beginning of the rodeo "show" hosted by Reliant Energy. It started off innocuously enough - images of the space shuttle with the entirely predictable "Proud to be an American" playing in the background. However, this morphed into images of USA weaponry flying and driving by, and fully half of the presentation was in the glorification of American military power.

Why do I feel so like it's the waning days of peace before the US attacked Spain in 1898? Or, worse, that this was what Germany was like in August, 1939 - right before they invaded Poland?

Anyway, after watching the whole show (we were among the fewer than 1000 people left watching the end of Black's performance) we walked outside to check out the midway (which was HUGE) and so on. Curtis wanted to ride the mechanical bull, but I wanted to go home.

He asked me several times why I wasn't more enthusiastic ...

Uh, it's because I'm at the rodeo with a young man that has no upside potential, and partly on this "date" with his girlfriend by phone, and bombarded with jingoistic sentiment?

However the evening did make me want to get Texans season tickets.

Tonight, Jeffrey and Steven have invited me over to dinner. Very nice. I'm going to try to see if I can help them with some financial advice.

Oh, and after Curtis having her scream at him the entire bus ride home from the rodeo .. he spent the night with me again.

Truth is stranger than fiction -

What a weekend.

Friday night, was quiet, and got ready to teach on Saturday morning. Saturday was a pillar to post kind of a day; up and out to teach at 8:45, then home, then immediately to lunch with Nicole, then to Richard's to help him with QuickBooks, then home to empty mutts and out to have dinner with Dr. John. Then, Curtis called and asked if I wanted to go bowling with him. In Conroe.

For those who don't know, I live downtown in Houston, and Conroe is .. 40 miles north of me.

So, I trekked to Humble (not on the way to Conroe except that it's north of me) to pick up Curtis, his girlfriend, and her brother - then cut over on 1960 to I-45 north and drove to the bowling alley in Conroe.

At 11:00 at night.

Of course, no one [but me] had any money, so I ended up paying for all four of us.

Curtis' girlfriend threw a fit because she wasn't bowling very well, and the rest of us bowled until about 1:45. As we were packing up, I asked Curtis if he was spending the night at his girlfriend's house.

Turns out, he had in mind to come spend the night with me, leaving his truck at his girlfriend's house, then me driving him back on Sunday.

In the car Saturday night, he was talking about how he and she would be married now if not for somethingorother, and blah, blah, blah. When she put our names into the bowling computer, I noticed that she was already starting to use his last name.

Then, yesterday, he asked me to introduce him to some nice downtown women - I said "I thought you were getting married!"

"No, he says, just because she's pregnant doesn't mean I have to make the mistake bigger by marrying her."

Good lord.

Okay, back to preparing tax returns. More later. Curtis is going to the rodeo with me tonight.

perhaps the third time's the charm

Okay, so this will be the third time I try to post this.

It's another rainy afternoon in Baghdad on the Bayou. My friend Larry calls Houston by that name, and I don't know if it's for the politics or the climate, but I like it.

So, it stays.

Saw Curtis last night. He came over about midnight, which woke me up, and spent the night. Seems he's gotten his 19 year old girlfriend pregnant, and he's very happy about it.

I think it's akin to putting a shotgun to your head and pulling the trigger. But that's just me.

My poem "Bumper Cars" has been selected for publication in a book by poetry.com "because of its unique perspective and vision." Plus, they want to sell me a book for fifty bucks.

Yep. Fifty bucks. Oh, if I want a personal profile about myself, I have to pay $25.00 for that.

Sounds like a scam. However, I can now add "published poet" to my list of accomplishments.

Curtis needed to borrow some money - he's been spending his time either sick or driving his girlfriend around for a family health emergency and hasn't been working. He paid me back once; I guess I'm pushing the envelope.

Speaking of bois and their needs, I heard from PJ last week. He sent a nice email; but after only an exchange of ONE set of messages, the truth came out - he wants something. This time - for me to create a fake tax document for him so that he can pretend he had a job and income and can get an apartment.

Yeah, right.

About to crack open some files and get more work done, then tonight, R&R are bribing me with dinner to continue helping them with their QuickBooks. Tomorrow night, Brian is coming over for divo-ghetti, which will be fun.

Did another tax return for a "displaced person" today. In other words, someone who had a job, lost the job, couldn't find other work and is now living at friends' homes or under a bridge. There but for the grace of God ..

Eric from Vancouver is coming down in the next few weeks to work on some websites for me and to generally raise the energy level. He operates at a pre-school/nuclear power plant level, and should make things quite lively. I'm looking forward to him coming down. He's just "right between the eyes" direct. Calls a spade a spade.

Other than that, things are same-ol', same-ol'. I complete five full years of living in my apartment at the end of this month - I think that this is the longest that I've lived anywhere since I moved from my mom's house.

Now, if I could just put down a nice, taupe ceramic or stone tile on the floor ...

And that's the way it is .. for hump day, March 5.

Safe travels...

Apres Valentine's Day

Mikey came over today, and worked on my PC. It's MUCH improved; things that haven't worked right since we updated the Windows are now working, although the printer/scanner thing is still not functional. We also went and had pictures developed, shopped for birthday cards, gay stuff, used DVDs and groceries. It was a nice afternoon; he left around 5:00 and then I goofed around, did more laundry and watched HBO Sunday.

Back to San Jacinto tomorrow for another meeting to help secure my future employment. I have to go to Memorial Park tomorrow after work, and start trading evening lay about time for evening walk six miles time.

Also got caught up on sending emails tonight, and some other communication issues. Still haven't balanced my checkbook, or paid bills. Something about needing to have income first.

Realized that I did create a marketing plan more than a year ago; Michael just never read or commented on it. John (Michael's brother-in-law) seems to like what I've written.

Have a bunch of little things to do tomorrow morning at work; I may even get some work done.

Nothing profound to write tonight - just realized that playing with bisexual guys is a waste of time; they are just not after the same thing, ultimately. Curtis is a nice lad, but it's time for him to move along. Him and the rest of his ilk.

Best wishes for the new week to you, gentle reader.

D -

To XM or not to XM

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking about subscribing to XM radio; I love the "toy" aspect of the service. However, the question remained - am I someone who would pay $10 a month for radio service?

Last night, I went to Richard & Rick's for dinner, and was trying to listen to the new 80's station in the car. They advertise that they have the FEWEST commercials.

The entire 14 minute trip over there - commercials.

So, yes, I am someone who would pay for satellite radio.

Things are slow as molasses in February here at the office. No, or few tax returns each day, loan referrals have nearly stopped, and I believe I ran off the only realtor who was giving me business, because I wouldn't put up with his abusive nonsense anymore.

We haven't been doing marketing, and things just seem to have stopped.

This was rather what I was afraid of when things started to go well with San Jacinto college - that the business that was supporting me and my life would fall apart as soon as the new thing manifested.

Scary.

This business just so sucks - the grocery store hasn't closed and funded; it's been put off another two days, which puts the funding into next week, which means .. I'm still anxious and feeling broke.

Curtis is actually paying me back, which is a world first - I gave a boi some money, and he's driving over tonight, the night he promised originally, to pay me back.

I don't know if I will know how to act.

Did I mention [here] that UH-CL has reniged on expanding my teaching schedule? I think I have.

I guess it's time to start thinking about what's next for me ..

More later.

the importance of chicken soup

Also, the importance of not overloading your computer with too many active windows ...

Yesterday, I was sick. The kind of sick that makes where you are TOO out of it to hope that death takes you before the next wave of stomach distress comes over you. I slept 22 hours yesterday, was in bed so long that my body hurt from just being reclined.

Have you ever been so sore that you couldn't find a comfortable position? I can't imagine what it must be like to be incapacitated in bed for weeks or months.

After getting up to call in sick, I slept until 4:50 yesterday afternoon. I called my friend James and left him a voice mail asking him to please pick me up some chicken soup, since I needed to eat SOMETHING.

An hour later, he was at my door, Progresso soup and comfort in hand.

James is just the kind of friend that everyone must have to have a successful life. He's what they were talking about when they said "Chicken Soup for the Soul."

Just was on the Airliners.net website looking at their aviation forums - they had one series that was a hoot - best airliner nicknames. My favorite was for the Tupelov Tu-154 (a Russian copy of the Boeing 727) - called "727 diesel."

I have to make cinnamon rolls tonight for class tomorrow (in church.)

Working this weekend, working on personal financial record keeping, working here at work, working (on Sunday) on Richard and Rick's financial record keeping (why are they setting up QuickBooks? Rick won't use it.)

Oh boy. Another weekend with no prospect for down time.

Curtis is going to see WWF tonight with his girlfriend. I'm sure I'll see him sometime this weekend, since he needs to pick up his laundry.

Bill has packed up his fish tank, and has moved on/up. I need to have my own conversation with Michael about commission structures and the like here.

Well, I asked for a sign

Be careful what you wish for.

Bill, from all appearances, is about to pack up his shovel and pail and head for another sandbox. I like him, but it's probably for the best all around.

According to the IRS, Michael's making his employees pay the employer portion of FUTA and Medicare tax is illegal, and so I'm thinking of spending part of my weekend calculating how much he's shorted me over the last year, and telling him about it.

That, and a raise.

Tonight, I promised Jeffrey yet again that I would go to the car club monthly meeting, and lo - Dr. John called and was having an emotional crisis of sorts, and he kept me until 8:15 talking about it. So, I missed it yet again.

I love Jeffrey and Steven to DEATH, but that car club paradigm is like trying to socialize with the two newest debutantes - their dance card is PACKED, and I just stand around looking at the same old cars and the same old queens while they try to keep up, socially.

Tomorrow night, I'm going to be working until about 9:00 - retail hours to accomodate two girls who need their taxes done and can't get there before 8:00. The check cashing store down the street is sending, on average, three new tax customers a day down to me, and that's awesome.

Heard from a recruiter today - a woman I haven't heard from in two years. Suddenly, this morning, she calls. Amazing. I'll see what they have to offer.

Another night that I just can't sleep to save my life.

Curtis came over last night around midnight; which of course, woke me up. I guess I got back to bed around 1:00 or so. I don't know when he came to bed; but he clearly tried to watch some television before he did.

No one (who doesn't resemble me and live here) can figure out how to just watch the cable TV at my place. They always try to tune with the TV, and not with the cable box. That, and they can't figure out that everything is routed through the stereo receiver.

It's always amusing.

I've been thinking about putting new wheels on Ruby - she needs tires, but wheels are excelsior. Then, as I was walking the mutts for the fourth time today, I got to thinking that I could probably get a decent 32 - 36" TV for the price of four wheels ($650) and do that instead of the new wheels.

So, I'm thinking.

Wrote to Chris Ayres tonight for the first time in a while. Only three and a half months until auditions for "Forum," and I have GOT to be the best that auditions.

Well, that's all I can think of for tonight. No profundity. Later!

So, sometimes I have good taste

Of late, I've been focusing on trying to maintain my sanity and trying to help Curtis through some rough times.

Tonight, Scott asked me to come work with him (which I'm seriously thinking about) and Curtis dropped in at the restaurant where we were having a glass of wine. Curtis dropped in to pick up a few dollars that I was loaning him to cover his picking up his dog and cat from the animal shelter (long story) until he gets his paycheck.

Scott about popped out an ovum or two upon seeing Curtis. He about fainted after Curtis got up and left - he had the vapours.

So - to work with Scott or not? Is the grass greener?

University of Houston - Clear Lake, in a totally predictable move, reniged on their promise of increasing my teaching schedule by 100% and so I'm back to the old eight Saturdays a year.

You are as flexible as you can possibly be, helpful, prompt, a rave with the students -

And they still fuck you.

San Jac called today - hopefully, that will go better.

God, please tell me which way to jump. And none of that "it's your choice" shit.

It's been a while since I've posted -

I've had Stevan (the dog groomer) AND Curtis staying with me this week. So, this means WAY sleep deprived. Curtis comes over around 11:00 or so and wants to play on the computer until 2:00; Stevan comes home around midnight or so and the dogs go absolutely haywire with both of them coming in. So, sleep doesn't occur until later, and, of course, when Curtis crawls into bed, that wakes me up as well.

All this and I'm not getting laid.

Tomorrow to San Antonio to help Richard's father sort out his trust and probate matters before he re-marries.

Beantown. At least this time we're staying in a hotel. Back on Saturday, so that weekend won't be a total loss.

Have to find out of Curtis is staying with me over the weekend or not. His new place isn't ready yet, so I offered to let him stay with me.

I'll think of something profound to write soon. Until then ..

Love, D -

Sunny Thursdays

Something's wrong with Ruby; while I know that she needs new tires, but driving her causes the whole front end to wobble, which seems odd. She has always had this little rumble and jolt thing in the left front brake, and I wonder if it has cut loose somehow.

Anyway.

I just likened the business that I'm in to trying to harrow a field using some teeth strung on a necklace.

Brrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Another rude north wind has stepped into town today. Today was hectic, with lots of loan inquiries, things to be worked on, and a two hour meeting with Michael about the trend of things.

I'm so looking forward to the mental background improvement of having everything organized at home, that I can hardly wait for the end of the day!

Earlier today, I peeked into gay.com, and saw this guy -
Gay.com Personals

This is someone who could get me forgetting about Curtis.

The refreshment of garbage, the comfort of vinyl

Greg contacted me tonight. Ah, Greg. There was torture in the past, but what wonderful inspiration for a performance in a musical two years ago.

I spent part of tonight going through my two big, plastic file boxes and tossing old paperwork. Just for good measure, I went through my filing cabinet (now, just admit it, you immediately thought of a big, grey thing with four drawers and steel handles, rusting on the bottom, and jammed with old papers. Fie! A pox on you for imagining such a thing in MY casita!) and pulled out more old and useless paperwork. Now, I'm only one casual evening away from having all lof my papers filed in neat order. TWO big kitchen garbage bags of stuff to the trash tonight. I feel lighter already!

I may have the bed cleared off before Friday. In the guest room. My bed is cleared every night.

Sigh.

I've been listening to vinyl tonight. First were two lovely jazz albums, Cleo Lane, and then a montage of jazz singers - second was the 1977 smash album "Main Course" by the BeeGees, and now I'm listening to the sound track to "Electric Dreams," that crappy, sappy 1980s movie about a computer that takes over a guy's life. The title cut is AWESOME.

The rest of the album is crappy, though - just like the movie that spawned it.

It's so comforting to listen to vinyl. It's just so .. warm.

Yes, I know everyone and their dog has used that term to compare vinyl to CDs or other digital music, but .. it fits.

Get over it.

I'm going to be SO happy to have all this crap gone through and organized.

When Johnny died, I had quite an awakening about all this 'crap' that is so important in life. I realized that all that "stuff" he was so obsessed about was suddenly meaningless to anyone. It was just waste paper.

So, I've been going through all this stuff tonight, and tossing anything that I'm truly not going to use again, or won't be amused or happy to have saved a few years from now.

And enjoying the freedom of knowing that all this crap I've tossed out will NEVER again plague the back of my mind.

Once I'm done here, I'll be able to quickly and easily locate anything that I have kept in this apartment. Possibly for the first time since I started keeping records around 1981.

Now, I have more stuff to decide on before Friday - the big package of UPS shipper stuff, for instance. Am I really going to make a go of an eBay part time career? No, probably not. Should I keep all this stuff? No, probably not.

I have another big eBay garage sale coming up, though, so maybe I should hang on to it for a short while. My goal is to have all these dresser drawers emptied out - by the end of February.

And everything framed and up on the walls that's going.

I wish now that I had the speakers in this bedroom wired up. It would make listening to the stereo so much better in here.

Okay, time to empty the dogs and contemplate going to bed. Prayers to people in Mexico City and the surrounding areas -

And love to you, gentle readers..

Divo

Last night, I got up from bed (buzzing of the brain) and came in to write (what I thought was) a brilliant blog. Dashing, it was. I clicked "post and publish," and ..

the universe came to an end. My blog was lost. So, now I must try to re-create it. Can one ever re-create such a thing?

There were meanderings about my ongoing airport dream, about flying to Kuala Lumpur, about ....

Paradise lost.

Took some pictures of the apartment last night. I have eight more pictures on this roll to take, then I'll have the film developed.

Heard from Matthew yesterday; he's been fired, and has all the other concommitant 22 year old drama going on in his life. He still was open to having me take him someplace nice for dinner, and get him drunk on expensive booze.

Uh, no.

Trying to track down old friends today - and work on credit reports...

Hope you have a great day!

Oh, and James - thanks for bringing Vietnamese for lunch yesterday. Life has rather sucked lately, and that was a bright spot.