Revealing the sources of my material

Yesterday, I worked on cleaning up - hanging up the patio baskets, working on the dining room, and then John popped in and helped me hang curio cases, pictures.. what would I have accomplished without him? I can't say. It's all put up and away.

I was so sore last night, I could hardly move. This morning is better, but still. Oof.

Time to get cleaned up and over to the office.

It takes all day??

Okay, so I did start off this morning fiddling around. I was deleting text messages, and my Treo just sort of blew up. It kept rebooting endlessly. I had to go to Wal-Mart anyway, and so I just figured I'd zip out to the Sprint store on Highway 6 and see about getting the phone fixed. Dry cleaning had to be picked up, and I just happened to think about going over to the old house to see what was what.

I pulled up in front, and .. it looks terrible. The front yard has waist high weeds, the back gate is standing open, the pool is dark green, and the back yard is completely overgrown with weeds. I picked up my gas cans, a rake, Barney's leash, and a gallon of windshield washer fluid that I had left behind in my rush to get the heck out.

The trunk now full of clean laundry and dirty garage stuff, I headed out to Sprink. While they worked on the phone, I went to Wal-Mart to trade in the masonry hangars (which were worthless) for a towel hanger and a masonry drill bit. Then, up to OfficeMax to buy some stuff for church and the office, then back to Sprink.

They swapped out my phone, and I headed back by way of Spec's for my FOURTH bottle of vodka this week - I bought one for Secret Agent Man's visit on Monday, then two more yesterday - all of that went into the infusion jar last night, so I figured we needed one for consumption while the vodka infused for three weeks.

Home again at 14:30 - and I started working on my bedroom. I hung the picture box frame on the wall (which was easy) and then tried to re-hang the curtain rods, which was NOT easy. I got them attached, unpacked the box of photographs, distributed those all around, plugged in lamps, timers, cleaned everything, and now it's 20:10. Sheesh!

So, tomorrow's focus is the downstairs powder room and the dining room.

If only I had some helpers, to-wit:



I have the masonry plugs and screws, the gorilla glue, and everything I need to hang the pictures, etc. I just am convinced that I'm going to have a huge batch of stuff that won't have a home - and is, therefore, headed to the garage sale.

Yep. Watching more of "24" season two. They haven't found the bomb yet.

Washing the infusion jar so that I can slice up the fruit into it and pour in the vodka. It has to infuse for three weeks - so I'm going to have to put a "do not touch" sticker on it or something.

Got the estimate for the replacement windows - $6700. More than a thou per window. They're out of their bloody minds.

More shopping.

I have 48 hours of unplanned, unscheduled, unstructured time. Amazing.

Taxes, schmaxes

I woke up tired today. I can't explain WHY I woke up tired today, but I did. I presented myself for my 8:15 dentist appointment, had my new crown installed (ouch) and learned that I have ANOTHER cracked tooth, just above that one. It's cracked in such a way that it's leaking under the inlay, so in eight weeks (and not a second more) I'm going back for an "onlay," in which they cut out the inlay in that one tooth, mold a new one that covers the broken area, and install it.

And another $700.

In October, I'm having the inlay put in on the lower right quadrant of my mouth, which will finish replacement of my almalgam fillings from childhood. Another $2100.

I've today gotten my desk cleared off to a considerable degree. My tax files are getting processed out, and will be mostly gone by the beginning of next week. I have the house to myself again this weekend, and it's going to be all about cleaning up and organizing. And, taking crappy picture hangars back to Wal-Mart.

I am SERIOUSLY thinking about skipping church on Sunday.

Okay, so I'm skipping church on Sunday.

How did I get tomato stains on my shirt sleeve when I didn't have anything with tomatos in it all day?

Fun, Fun, Fun links - all GAY! GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY

Here are three articles my friend Brian showed me today - anti-gay, sort of anti-gay, and anti-anti-gay. Read 'em and weep.

First, we have Garrison Keillor in a lovely anti-gay rant in Salon magazine.

Then, we have Garrison's non-apology apology on NPR.

Finally, we have Larry Kramer's anti-anti-gay rant in the LA Times - I must tell you that I agree with every single word he's written here.

Perhaps I should listen to my voice mail

It's been building up since Saturday.

I'm going in late this morning, as I'm cleaning up the living room. I've just finished separating out the "Airliners" magazines, now they need a home. I have to put up the sheet music, and sling the other box into the hall closet, and this room is, essentially, finished.

The little computer stand I have in here is just right AND the office chair that I was using in the kitchen at the Warwickshire house is the right size FOR the computer/laptop stand, so that's terrific. A few adjustments in here, and things should just be workable. I'll need to tie these cables together so that they're not all catawampus.

I need to get the car cleaned up and yet, it's supposed to rain tomorrow. Bleh.

Actually talked to Leslie last night by email for the first time in years. And, she's buying a new house. YAY!

I've gotten everything done in the living room now, except for hanging up the high school musical posters which I'm going to do in a moment. That requires moving some furniture and getting on a step stool.

later

YAY! It's all done. The living room is, anyway. Now, it's time to hit the shower and go into the office to get some work done there. Then, back here to complete resurrection of the dining room.

So, I unlocked this again

Why? Well, I figured it had been locked down long enough. I'm thinking that it's now time to open it back up - I have lost contact with a couple of people who read it, and this is just easier.

Plus, I think that it's possible nothing in here can be used against me. Now.

Late night collisions with dreams and other musings

Morning

Of course, NOW I'm motivated to take apart the dining room and re-assemble it. BLAH.

If I had the morning to myself, I'd have the dining room fully put together by noon. I know now just where to put everything and in what order to approach the mess.

But, I need to be on the road in thirty minutes or fewer.

So, I repeat - BLAH.

Last night, I was awakened by a terrific auto collision right outside the house. There seemed to be no one moaning in the street, but I lay there thinking about the dream I had two nights ago and thought "well, I had better get up and see about whether I have that text message I dreamt about."

After lunch

Goodness. I started feeling weird, got told how the cow ate the cabbage on the diet/exercise thing, had a fabulous conversation with Nicole about working out for onesself, came home and got to boil a realtor in oil. And a title company! A two-fer!

Then, Secret Agent Man came over, and .. it was like a REAL DATE or something between REAL PEOPLE.

Danger, Will Robinson.

He just left (20:10 hours) and I'm going to eat a sandwich and watch a DVD.

Who wants the exercise equipment?
I'm working to get stuff out of my hair - the exercise equipment, the stuff in my bedroom closet, the 2006 paper receipts, these two loans, etc.

I got a commitment on the exercise equipment, I've got about 2/3 of the 2006 and all of the 2007 paper receipts scanned, and the two loans have been moved forward to the goal line.

Yurg.

Tonight, I'm headed home to work on the living room, then the dining room. I have a DVD of "24" season two to watch; I may be losing interest in its drama.

Jackie was so funny this morning; she didn't want to go anywhere - just stand there in her yellow rain slicker and fret. John about busted laughing when he opened the door and Jackie and I were in our matching yellow rain slickers...

I need to consider packing up and heading out here...

Status report
So, I didn't get as much done as I would have liked. I got the patio cleaned up, and I got some of the dining room put together. I got my room kinda organized a little. Hung a couple more pictures. I need to hang pictures on the brick walls, which is going to take a masonry drill bit and some serious screws. And measurement - I wno't be able to eyeball these.

I think that I'll be making the downstairs powder room into my "Continental Airlines" memorabilia room. There's no other place to really put all of those things. Bleh. I still have all of these prints that need to be framed up and hung up and ...

Had lunch today with Foghorn Leghorn. He's one nosy piece of work. He asks how I'm doing at work. I said "going fine." Then, he asks about specific loans I'm working on, what I have closing, practically what I have in gross commissions coming in. Uh .. none of your beeswax?

He's also someone who can be counted on to divulge and gossip about everything mentioned, whether casual or detailed.

I have to remember to run the clocks forward tonight. Bleh.

Garage first?
I have to get to work here - cleaning the garage, organizing the dining room, getting things into the old clothes hamper to get off to the church garage sale - I would like to get the downstairs all put together, except for hanging the curios, for which I'll need some help. And, I'd like to get the garage put together so that Bram can more easily park in there.

I've got the "Incredibles" on the TV - it sounds awesome, and it looks awesome.

Where to start with this project of cleaning up the house? I think that the dining room, maybe. I have all of these cookbooks, which need to be .. sold. Or something.

So, red in the dining room - should I put the red framed Continental airlines poster in there? I think so.

Or, I could put the curio there. Hmm.

These curio cases are causing me the most difficulty so far. Where to put them? I'm not happy with the unfinished condition of the smaller one. BLEH.

However, it's nearly time to pull the excess stuff out of the dining room and put it somewhere else while I re-glue up the buffet shelves. Then, the dishes can go into the buffet and ... it will look like a dining room again.

And then ...

Okay, I'm off to do some more organizing and cleaning.

all in a jumble

So, I'm trying to move software and data from the old desktop computer to the laptop computer, which will be the only computer I have at home and the computer I use at work.

In other words, the only computer. The old desktop computer will only have tax and financial software on it, and will live here at the office but not be my day to day computer.

TO that end, today, I resynched my new Treo with the old computer, on which all of the data was stored and now I'm resynching the Treo with the new computer.

The fun part of that seems to be that ALL of the versamail is being copied to the laptop from the Treo. It's taking forever. And, I'm trying to get NeatReceipts installed, which is also fighting me tooth and nail; trying to get the data moved over is presenting some challenges.

Chris Price died back on Monday - untreated/undiagnosed diabetes. Wow.

The cube is MOSTLY organized here. I have big stacks of paper that need to be filed, handled and dealt with, but it's MOSTLY organized. All of the office supplies are stacked into the cabinet of there (points) and all of the drawers are full as a tick.

A night at home alone.

I'm teaching myself a lot about my Palm device. Somehow today, I added 1168 email messages to it by synchronizing it with my Outlook. BLEH. I don't even think so. I'm going to discontinue using Sprint's Business Connection, and focus on using Versamail. I also deleted some other software that I just don't use over on the Treo.

Right now, I've deleted the 1168 messages, and I'm emptying the "trash," to clear the memory out. The poor thing had almost no memory left!

Now, I'm re-adding some of the software that I do use, and cleaning things up.

If only other elements of life were as easy to study, learn and use.

Got the newest light bill for the old house today. The last 22 days - $90. Before then, it was always more than $300. The pool seems to have made the difference.

That suggests that my light bill is/has dropped substantially. That's awesome! I need the relief. The $900 light bills last year were killing me.

Okay, so now I've watched all of the "24" season one DVDs. And, eh. Whatever.

It's nearly 10:00, and I'm thinking that going to bed early may be an outstanding idea. Perhaps I'll do just that.

So let me get this straight -- according to conservatives, lying about a blow job was an impeachable offense, but lying about outing a CIA agent focused on the Iranian nuclear program is much ado about nothing? Okay, got it.

Chewing gum

Years ago, my best friend Scott had an unexpected call from our mutual friend Richard.

Richard had been seeing some new guy, and he'd dropped off the face of the earth for a few months. He and Scott worked together on the same floor (as I recall, this was years ago) and yet, Scott hadn't seen hide nor hair of Richard in some time.

Scott finally got on the company phone system and called Richard at his desk, just to make sure that he (Richard) hadn't been fired in one of Frank Lorenzo's frequent temper tantrums.

"Oh, yes - I'm still here .. I've just been seeing this new guy, and he's SO wonderful. I'm really enjoying spending time with him."

Scott's outstanding reply was "Well, I enjoy chewing gum, too, but I take it out of my mouth from time to time to call my friends."

Richard was undaunted in his single minded pursuit of the new relationship. Months later, when the newness wore off, Richard began to again circulate with his friends, and to interject his new boyfriend into those friends.

It's irrelevant, but fun that Richard's boyfriend, with whom he was so smitten, cheated on him after Richard bought him a car, and housed him for two years for free. The boyfriend took off for Phoenix to be with the new boyfriend WITH the car. It was a mess.

Once the relationship was over, I was called upon by Richard to be his social structure, constant companion and back-shaver. Until the new boyfriend came along a few years later.

This morning, a lad who's been half heartedly pursuing me for a week or so mentioned that I was cynical. Ayup (that was with a Maine accent, by the way) I am.

It's nearly impossible to avoid interpreting someone's dropping you like a fresh dog turd for a new love interest as anything else than a judgment on your value to that person. Regardless of what's said, regardless of the intimacy, the companionship, and the interaction, what you're worth to that person is a big fat ZERO when the new relationship comes onboard.

That's Z-E-R-O. A nullity. Non-existent.

Back to the cynical comment from earlier today, yes, I am. And, I don't take friends back anymore when they've defined me as meaning nothing to them at all.

In the not so distant past, one of my very good friends began dating a new man. Never once did he slow or stop the flow of communication, and never once did our normal social interactions diminish. So, it's clear to me that it's not what everyone does, and it seems that my judgment of what is being communicated by being dropped like a dog turd has validity. It's a matter of personal choice on the part of the newly in love, and I don't have to accept it.

Scanning sensors

I've been scanning since 1500 when Bram and I got home. Scanning 2006 receipts now. All the register/POS receipts are scanned, now I'm scanning stuff that was mailed to me. I have a big stack left, but compared to what I started with, I guess it's pretty good.

Took Jackie to Petco for shots today. She was a bit nervous when they tried to draw her blood for the heartworm test - she projectile pooped. The vet pointed out that she has a melanoma on her front leg, which will need to be looked at right away. She was SO happy to be going out in the car, and to be walking around Petco. She's going back for grooming on Tuesday morning. I guess I'll have to find a vet next week for her also.

Went and got my cashier's check today for the closing next week. Paid off my two credit cards today. Now, if I can get all of this stuff scanned, life will be pretty good.

Bram and I rode around a bit today, had lunch, picked up the mail, tried to pick up the clocks. That will be Monday morning, now. Talked to a client about paying for their taxes - the next two weeks should be i-n-s-a-n-e with book keeping and tax work. Oof. I think I'll have to call that woman who says that she can do tax work/book keeping work, and see about getting her started on Monday. I just can't wait any longer.

Now, it's 21:00, and I'm still scanning. The pile is getting smaller, which is good. It's still another three hours' worth of work, though.

So, I'm going to watch the old movie "Chinatown" and then go to bed.

the last day of non-homeownership?

I dunno. it's possible.

My purchase is set to close tomorrow afternoon. I'm waiting with abated breath to see if that's actually going to happen here.

Spent some time today paying bills to get ready for the move. Now, I'm sitting here at work - not working, just waiting for enlightenment on my loan. I am thinking of moving some cables around under my desk to make things better here.

Once the documents are sent to the title company, we can have our closing. Then, comes the challenge of actually getting things moved. The lost boyz want to start moving on Sunday. I want to move on Saturday. A compromise much be reached.

I'm working on a proposal for here at the office. I need to get that done and out today.

So, is sitting here waiting to hear something the same as worrying? I think so. Maybe I should dig up some more work to do. Can't find JII - he's not answering hails.

It's nearly 11:00 a.m., and we're still waiting for word back on my loan approval. My source of the down payment, if it were required, has fallen through, and I have to find another. By today. No pressure.

I'm contemplating calling my father. I'd prefer to not. I'd prefer to not have my family's involvement in anything in the future. "The weather here is great, thanks! No, I didn't see "Desperate Housewives."

I bought the coolest red leather collar for Jackie last night. Also going to get her some new bowls, and already got E2 lined up to come up and groom Jackie to within an inch of her life so she can move back inside.

I guess I am a morning person. I popped awake just as the alarm began to announce that it was Monday. I've been outside, played with Jackie (who's VERY bouncy,) petted Barney (who's still wagging his tail, but can't get up. He'll be gone today.)

Emptied the trash. Took out the recycling. Cleaning up the dishes.

My BG monitor has either quit working, or it's complying with my desire not to deal with it today. It's almost four years old, so I guess it's okay that it's in need of replacement.

My soas muscle is whacked again. It's not as bad as it's been the past few weeks, but it's not good.

Going in to the office for a short while. Then, I'm coming back here to work on financial records and getting more stuff ready to move.

So, Brian (I love Brian) logs in this morning after a weekend long absence, and tells me he had a date. Bastard. Then, he tells me he had "good sex."

Now, what IS this "good sex" thing? I've now had three different friends mention that they long for/have had "good sex." What IS it?

I feel so out of touch. It's like me and modern music. I just don't understand it, nor do I have any association with it.

Barney is almost gone. Bram went out and checked him out (as best as a human paramedic can) and thinks that he may be alive in the morning, but that he has very little life left.

John's agreed to take him to be put down in the morning if he's still alive.

Good lord, I hope the curtain calls come to a close very soon. By that, I mean to say that I hope that this is last of Twitch dropping by at 3:30 in the morning, drunk (or anyone else for that matter,) the last of Psycho Judy calling me endlessly about stupid, repetitive things, the last of emotional manipulation by people who want me to carry their water, the last of people who can't be counted on....

I'm just about to pop with all of this.

I'm thinking about flying Nick down here from Ohio to help me move. There is, at best, a very limited expectation of assistance with this move. I am unable to provide the kind of certainty of exactly when and how this move will occur, and I have to make a hueristic evaluation of the likelihood of assistance actually coming together - and I'm looking for other capitve resources.

My father offered, but I can't see a.) having an 80 year old man help me move, and b.) seeing what I look like in a straight jacket.

I still have some things to get into place to have the move happen. I won't have those things fully in place until Tuesday.

Chuck just sent me pictures of our trip to Vancouver. We've been back for eight months, and .. the pictures are here. Jesus, I was heavier. He looked so great. All Chuck.

I have weighed the options about any new activity with the newly arrived, interesting/interested married man and have concluded that it's a no go. No more unavailable men. Zero tolerance.

Talked to my sister today, as it was her birthday. She started off by cheerfully criticizing me, as she does with every phone call, because I was in the car. I have a one hour drive to church each Sunday morning, and it's an ideal time to knock out social phone calls. However, since I'm driving in the car, it's not enough for her - she thinks I should sit in a chair and talk to her without any other activity at all. So, we get a comment. Every call.

Then, after some pleasantries, she asks me what's going on with this house. I stupidly answer rather than saying "I'll let you know what my new address is, other than that, you don't need to know."

She let me know, with a cheery lilt in her voice that no one in the family was going to help me with the housing situation, and that she had no idea how I could expect to make this house purchase happen.

She seems to love (in my interpretation) telling me that I'm a loser.

And I'm just over it.

Perhaps it would be a great idea to tell them nothing. I've said it before of myself, why can I not do that? I tell my father as little as I can, why can't I just talk about the weather, or mutually agreeable politics?

Watching more of the first season of "24." It's a terrific show.

Almost time to go to bed.

Barney the Dog 1992-2007

Barney the dog has been declining swiftly over the last few days. Bram's noted that his impending demise is neatly coordinating with having to leave this house, and that the whole time, it has been intended that he not go to the new place.

Yesterday, Barney was almost unable to get around. He no longer looked happy, curious and interested - he just looked sad and disconnected. This morning, he was lying next to Jackie's food dish, and couldn't get up. Only his one front leg was reaching, as he was trying to do something - anything. He just looks like he won't be with me when I get back from church in a few hours.

I've had dogs now since 1982; Barney has been the constant through most of that. He's been at loggerheads with me since he was just over a year old; he has shat in every room of every place I've lived, has peed incessantly in every corner, and has peed after having caught my attention to make sure I knew he was doing it. He's been a pig, knocking people out of the way to get attention, and he's cost many thousands of dollars in damaged property.

And, I have not been able to bring myself to end his life for being a bowel and bladder terrorist.

Barney has caused me great wonder and reflection - do dogs use mental law? Do they have an emotional component that brings them what they expect?

I think so. Barney was the runt of his litter, he has always expected to be pushed aside and ignored, and his behavior, while designed to attract attention has had the opposite effect, pushing away those whom he wanted and causing his reality to be that which he conceived.

I know that we tent to map human tendencies and qualities onto animals, especially onto pets. However, if we're all one - made from the same God stuff (or cosmos stuff, or flowing energy stuff, or however you want to look at it) does that not mean that Barney is just as much a part of God as I am? Is it not arrogance to consider that I, a human, have a special relationship with the impersonal God stuff that flows through and makes up everything?

My other dog, Jackie, uses mental law - I've seen her do it. When she gets the results she has put into action, she's so pleased. I think she knows that the time after Barney's death will be very special for her, and she seems not to be disturbed by his frailty, and today, by his imminent passing. She's more bouncy and excited than she's been in many years.

I'm sad for Barney's leaving this world, even at a time when I will be experiencing great freedom from it. He's been a part of who I was - a little doofus who rebelled against a world he pre-judged was out to get him. Perhaps it's a sign of my increasing confidence and maturity that he's leaving.

Thank you Barney, for sharing your time on this reality plane with me. You will be remembered always.