Chewing gum

Years ago, my best friend Scott had an unexpected call from our mutual friend Richard.

Richard had been seeing some new guy, and he'd dropped off the face of the earth for a few months. He and Scott worked together on the same floor (as I recall, this was years ago) and yet, Scott hadn't seen hide nor hair of Richard in some time.

Scott finally got on the company phone system and called Richard at his desk, just to make sure that he (Richard) hadn't been fired in one of Frank Lorenzo's frequent temper tantrums.

"Oh, yes - I'm still here .. I've just been seeing this new guy, and he's SO wonderful. I'm really enjoying spending time with him."

Scott's outstanding reply was "Well, I enjoy chewing gum, too, but I take it out of my mouth from time to time to call my friends."

Richard was undaunted in his single minded pursuit of the new relationship. Months later, when the newness wore off, Richard began to again circulate with his friends, and to interject his new boyfriend into those friends.

It's irrelevant, but fun that Richard's boyfriend, with whom he was so smitten, cheated on him after Richard bought him a car, and housed him for two years for free. The boyfriend took off for Phoenix to be with the new boyfriend WITH the car. It was a mess.

Once the relationship was over, I was called upon by Richard to be his social structure, constant companion and back-shaver. Until the new boyfriend came along a few years later.

This morning, a lad who's been half heartedly pursuing me for a week or so mentioned that I was cynical. Ayup (that was with a Maine accent, by the way) I am.

It's nearly impossible to avoid interpreting someone's dropping you like a fresh dog turd for a new love interest as anything else than a judgment on your value to that person. Regardless of what's said, regardless of the intimacy, the companionship, and the interaction, what you're worth to that person is a big fat ZERO when the new relationship comes onboard.

That's Z-E-R-O. A nullity. Non-existent.

Back to the cynical comment from earlier today, yes, I am. And, I don't take friends back anymore when they've defined me as meaning nothing to them at all.

In the not so distant past, one of my very good friends began dating a new man. Never once did he slow or stop the flow of communication, and never once did our normal social interactions diminish. So, it's clear to me that it's not what everyone does, and it seems that my judgment of what is being communicated by being dropped like a dog turd has validity. It's a matter of personal choice on the part of the newly in love, and I don't have to accept it.