So, you think that I broke my promise to you, that I'd never treat you like Carlos did. You can't believe I'm the kind of guy who would just want rid of you that fast, and not give you a chance to heal and get yourself pulled together. You're angry, because I was so unreasonable.
And, you think that I'm in love with you.
Let's just handle these with bullet points; in Indiana, this is called "how the cow ate the cabbage:"
1. You promised me you would help me with client consulting work, and with eBaying. You never lifted a hand at either, except to list ONE item on eBay. In a month of effort. I paid you, in advance, for a week of work, gave you another 1/2 work week's worth of cash to drive down here, plus gave you another nearly 1/2 work week's worth of cash once you came back. This isn't to mention food, cigarettes, gasoline, haircuts, bar tabs and airfare. You've been paid for work you won't perform and have lied about for weeks.
2. You went out looking for a job once. For two hours.
3. You don't pick up after yourself, you don't cook, you don't clean the kitchen when I cook, and you occasionally help around the house without being asked.
4. You don't seek any professional assistance for any of your drama. You only want to indulge your drama, and enroll the people around you in how badly you're being treated by the people you trusted in your life.
5. None of the friends you have in Houston are willing to let you stay with them. Even on a temporary basis. Doesn't that tell you volumes? They know you better than I did.
6. Every morning for the last week, you'd wake up, pee, and log into gay.com. Do you think I can't hear the distinctive log in sound that website makes?
7. Every day, you'd say you intended to help me by fulfilling your promises, but all you could do is make arrangements for another hook up, or to go have cocktails.
8. Every day, new and different people were calling your cell phone that I provided you - not with job offers, not with offers of a room to rent ..
9. In the last week, you spent zero nights at home. Zero. Every night was an excuse .. "I got sick," or whatever. When you leave your cock ring on the coffee table after coming in at 4:30, no manner of protestations are going to change the indelible impression of just what your life is all about.
10. Whenever I'd get frustrated with you about your behavior, your immediate response is to say that you're leaving and that you never should have come down here. So, not only should I have been more flexible in my willingness to support you while you tried to sleep your way through gay.com's three Houston rooms, I should have been HAPPY about it too.
11. You used 3619 minutes in a month on MY phone talking to people who were NOT me, and then you were upset with me that I cut your phone off without giving you transition time.
12. You're nearly 28 years old and you have done nothing in your life but bounce from free living place to free living place. You shouldn't at all be surprised that the time at each place is cycling shorter and shorter. Behavior patterns that keep repeating bear looking at, and you can only assign blame rather than look at your own participation. I suggested to you that you go to college (and that I'd let you stay here for free while you did that) or open an eBay consignment store (which I offered to support while you got it going and set you up with your initial five customers) or buy and sell cars .. none of these things interested you. You were only interested in high drama with Carlos, going out and partying with Shelly (I wonder if Shelly knows how often she partied with you) and hooking up. And watching meaningless cable television shows. And sleeping.
13. Now, you're living in your car (so you say) and you're angry with me that you have no money, and you have no place to stay. Because I wasn't tolerant enough of your need to recover from Carlos and expected too much out of you. I will admit that, given your level of production (zero) any expectations of you was too high. I spent nearly all of November in a part-time job dealing with your Carlos drama, and it's time for me to focus on something other than supporting and caring for you.
14. Especially since you don't even want my company, my friendship or my words, I have no more interest in supporting and caring for you. There is no upside for me at all - you don't want to even talk about having dinner, preferring to hold out for a better offer (which required the use of a cock ring) you don't want to talk to me about what my life is about, or what I'm doing or thinking or feeling. You are 100% focused on yourself, and you're not willing to do anything but look cute to support yourself. So, don't be surprised when people shut off the flow of support when they find out what your intentions really are.
15. Carlos told me that I was much quicker on the uptake and in taking action to cut it off than he was. He COMPLIMENTED me on my strength in this regard. He told me not to let you question myself, and pointed out that you OBVIOUSLY have money coming from somewhere.
So, indulge yourself further. Now, you can feel like I turned on you because I couldn't handle it that you didn't return my affections.
If I was so in love with you, why is it so easy for me to turn my back on you now?
Best wishes, Nick. I don't think the universe has yet beaten on you hard enough for you to pay attention to your own behavior and role in your dramatic world.
No comments:
Post a Comment