Two nights ago, I realized that there is something else in my psyche that is unrevealed, it's running the show .. and, what to do about it?

I've been rolling this around, and all I've come up with so far is:

* This precedes my childhood memory of being left in the front yard - moving van gone, etc.
* It's the foundation for my two word sentence about myself "Not wanted"
* My whole world has been created around that core belief, job, relationships, friendships, career track, credit, family - it's extremely powerful
* My activity is to withdraw - to pull myself out of the sandbox when I get confronted with "not wanted" and TO NOT TRY AT ALL
* Just knowing that I'm acting out of it isn't helpful
* I have a dichotomy of having created this huge circle of people who are crazy about me (anti-not-wanted) with things that are not-wanted and threaten my safety (money, romantic relationships, work)
* Just knowing that hasn't helped

I meditated a LONG time about this today. I have no specific memory of "what happened" - just weird things, lots of crib and bassinet imagery. My older half-brother and some cousins. Flies (what's THAT about?) A bassinet that had a bomb bay door (under me.) Nothing else.

I'm going to make dinner and see what else I can cook up.