Slow starts, beautiful Fridays

I guess I can't be TOO self-critical; I did get all the stuff going to the church rummage sale, the resale shop and the office for the big eBay sell-off loaded into the car.

Why was it again that I didn't buy a truck? Lord.

I'm reading the most amazing book any gay man will ever take up - "Velvet Rage," which seems to be transformational for me, but the transformation is yet to be fully revealed.

If you're a gay man, or worried that you may be, you should read this book at once. Then, read it again.

Also, you MUST see "Revolutionary Road" unless you require your movies to be mindless, flashy distractions. It's an excellent piece, complex, nuanced, beautifully produced and filmed and splendidly acted.

I'm hoping there's a hammer at the office, since there isn't one here and my three are all locked up in my storage unit.

Did I mention that I found my fabulous little video camera yesterday? No? Sorry, it was in a box at the office, just as I suspected.

Tonight is a movie night at the church. Sunday is the big come to meeting day. I'll be away from the house most of the weekend, which is agreeable, I guess.

I guess I'd best get showered and join the stuff in the car for the trip into town.

Re-arranged, now to unpack and unload

What a whiner I was this afternoon. I guess since I was paying for the privilege, it's acceptable. I can't find my Marvin the Martian camera bag that contains my cute little video camera. I wonder where in the heck I have left it.

Probably in a box at the office. Along with three boxes of VHS (which are all for Half-Price books on Friday,) six boxes of books (which have to be vetted through Amazon first,) 20 boxes of client files (which need a home in the unused front room) and ten boxes of miscellaneous file folders, laminating supplies, etc.

Just had a terrific response from the guy who did my Fabulair bag samples a year ago - ooooh, baby! Anyone want to buy a Fabulair bag? I'm getting 25 black and 25 white. Let me know. I can post a picture thereof, if it's something you'd like to see.

WHERE is my camera bag?

I have a 9 am doctor's appointment, and it's a 25 mile drive there. Officially - yuck.

But, it will have me at the office early. I have my work cut out for me.

the failure to shop around

The other day, I took my car back to CarMax for some repairs under the service agreement. Seems they don't just take your car in, you have to make an appointment, and tell them what they're going to be doing, and then bring it BACK. You have to go in because they don't answer the phone in the service department. Ever.

Well, I made an appointment to have these things done, and the service writer tells me that since I've nearly got 60,000 miles on the car, I need to schedule the 60,000 service for $440. What do I know? I remember when cars had to have brakes every 15,000 miles and their chassis fittings lubricated every 3,000 miles, and fell apart completely around 75,000 miles.

The morning of, I had a conflict. The snow fell, Yellowstone blew up, people voted Republican, SOMETHING. I started calling the CarMax folks at about 7:30 a.m. to tell them "I must reschedule."

But, CarMax's service department doesn't answer their phone, remember? I never got through to anyone. Left several messages. No calls returned.

Weeks pass.

I still need the work done, but I've had the oil changed and the cabin filter replaced (which involved a great deal of jerking, prying, wedging and swearing, but was finally done.) The total cost for these two services was less than $80 (plus the skinned cuticles and knuckles.)

Yesterday, I had decided that trying to communicate with CarMax and getting the car TO CarMax to re-make the appointment and then take it back FOR the appointment was too much trouble, and I'd just take the car to reliable Poutous Auto Repair on Kelvin.

I ask the nice lady at the desk what the cost is for the 60,000 mile service. She asks one of the owners. He says "there is no such thing." Uh, what? The CarMax guy was making it sound like it was a crucial thing - successful economic stimulus depended on my having this done RIGHT AWAY. Mike Poutous tells me "you probably need an oil change, a cabin filter replacement and a bunch of stuff checked. We'll check it for you, and then call you and tell you what needs to be dne, but I'm not going to tell you I'm going to charge you four or five hundred dollars to do the 60,000 mile service when it's an oil change and looking around under the hood."

I came back to the office, and looked at my owner's manual. At the 60,000 mile interval, GM tells me to:

* Change the oil
* Change the engine air filter
* Change the cabin air filter
* Rotate the tires

All of which have already been done, except for the "poke around under the hood."

By the by, my "dealer," David Taylor Cadillac, would like to collect $498.25 for this "service," PLUS PARTS and state sales tax. They'll install a PCV valve for me, and a fuel filter. Mind, the PCV valve and fuel filter would be EXTRA (and costs a buck sixty-nine and the fuel filter is seven bucks at AutoZone.) The fuel system "flush" involves putting a can of Wynn's fuel system flush in the gas tank.

Caveat Emptor. Ya better shop around.

The next to the last evening of 2008

I won't miss 2008 a bit, no thank you. Not that good things didn't begin to develop, and better, newer ways of being began to manifest. But, for those things to manifest, a great deal of lurching, gut-wrenching, free-falling uncertainty and drama was required and I didn't favor that very much, thank you.

The homework assignment before me is to write out in detail what I want if there were no considerations or obstacles. A good exercise for anyone, especially facing down the barrels of a new year.

I am seeing clearly for the first time just how much drama and obstacle most people put in front of themselves. They're tripping over it (I've been tripping over it) and not even aware that it's there, just going forward expecting that that is how things are supposed to be.

What if we have an opportunity with this Rick Warren controversy?

First let me preface my diary by stating that I'm a Religious Scientist (not a Scientologist, click here for a wikipedia article.) I believe that everything we experience in life is coming from our own belief of the world.

That is a HARD thing to have to balance with something as initially disturbing as Rick Warren's selection to give the invocation at Obama's inauguration.

Unlike those that support HRC and the Log Cabin Republicans, I believe that everyone in the GLBT community deserves full human rights NOW. Unlike many, I believe that the anti-GLBT dialogue from those like Rick Warren contributes to the huge spike in anti-GLBT violence which was beautifully summarized by PICO over on Daily Kos today. How our leaders speak sets the tone by which people act and react.

When I saw Rick Warren was Obama's choice, I felt betrayed. However, these last few days, I've been wrestling with my own tendency to view myself as a victim of circumstances - even those circumstances that are fully within my control.

Victim/not victim. What is the difference? In the abstract, that's not difficult to understand.

In the moment of seeing what is clearly an abandonment, or a turning away after WE helped him get elected it's not as easy.

I agree with the folks who are complaining that in saying that he is for working together in spite of differences and what's gone in the past, Obama is saying that it we (the GLBT community) that has to give up being right and come across the aisle to shake hands and accept Rick Warren.

What if that's what Obama has in mind for us?

The other night, someone commenting on a GLBT themed diary on Daily Kos made the joke that without us, straight people are destined to have bad clothing, hair and drink cheap wine from a box.

Okay, you grinned, you know you did.

Even when we in the GLBT community are feeling most abused and diminished, we know that deep down we're very special people. What if Obama is, knowingly or unknowingly, calling for us to step forward and BE special?

Again, I've been wrestling with my own thinking and personality in the last week, and at that micro level (which is quite macro for me, thanks, but in the scheme of things..) I've been seeing where being right about being victimized has kept me back. Engaged in whipping up big drama has kept me back.

We are righteously whipping up big drama over Rick Warren's selection.

Is that what will best serve us as a people?

One thought - Rick Warren is giving the invocation. Dr. Joseph Lowery is giving the benediction. Rick Warren starts, but Dr. Lowery finishes.

Is that not a metaphor for what is happening here? We're starting the ceremony with self-righteousness, focusing on those that appear different so as to gain advantage, and selfish greed - and we're ending up with inclusion and acceptance and working together regardless of the apparent differences.

Moving from one to the opposite way of handling things. If we move to inclusion and acceptance and working together, we're going to HAVE to include and accept those that have not and do not accept us.

What if we, the GLBT community have this glorious opportunity to LEAD?

The website DailyOm today posted a spot-on comment about exactly this. They couldn't have known that we'd be wrestling with Rick Warren today. It's serendipity, if you believe in that, or it's the word of Spirit right at the moment it's needed, if you believe in that.

I'm going to give you the opening paragraph, but because of copyright and the site's TOS, you'll have to click through to read it all.

I don't know how exactly we're going to lead from this, but how about we start to look for ways to do so that aren't reaching back to the last 28 years and trying to be the powers that be that dictate terms to the other side? How about if we in the GLBT community follow the words of our newly elected leader, which are so poignant and so needed right now, and we accept, love, and work with everyone?

What if GLBT people were viewed as not only the ones with all the style, wit, flair and vibrance, but we also were the ones that gave the world peace and hope?

If we can create what we have already done, marginalized and closeted, we can do this. If we can create lasting community service organizations to help ourselves when the straight community abandoned us in righteous judgment over AIDS, we can do this.

It's a far more empowering mission than figuring out how to gain revenge for betrayal.

December 19, 2008
The Great Transformer
Loving What You Hate

"Hatred can be irrational, and it has a greater impact on the individual who hates than the person or object being hated. Yet overcoming hatred is difficult because hatred reinforces itself and causes greater enmity to come into being. The most powerful tool one can use to combat hatred is love. Deciding to love what you hate, whether this is a person, situation, or a part of yourself, can create a profound change in your feelings and your experience. There is little room for anger, dislike, bitterness, or resentment when you are busy loving what you hate. The practice of loving what you hate can transform and shift your emotions from hatred to love, because there is no room for hatred in a space occupied by love."

Maybe it's time to take a class

If you're like most people, you probably have a smart phone. Blackberry, Treo, something that accesses the internet, has a full keyboard, does it all.

Have you ever marveled at one of these little hand held devices and remembered what it was like fifteen years ago? How much like Star Trek are these little things?

They're going to get a whole lot more complex, and a whole lot faster than you may think. In another four years, what we'll be buying will seem far more like a Star Trek tricorder than what we're using now. You have seen the billboards for "3G wireless networks" - welcome to 4G.

Now, if you go to that linked article about 4G and can read it and understand it, you're probably a physicist or something. I looked at it a few times and boiled it down to this:

* None of the phones we're using now will work at all in about three years
* What we're just now starting to get used to - streaming video on our handheld, slow and clunky internet, navigation on our handhelds - is merely a baby step compared to the 4G devices that we'll see awfully soon
* The only thing that will hold a 4G device back is the screen size. There will be some 4G handheld devices that will have more computing power than the laptop I'm writing this on - and you can use it to stream movies, work at your desk, or in replacement of the stereo system and navigation system in your car through wireless Bluetooth-like technology and full sized monitors/keyboards.
* South Korea has already re-wired their wireless networks to 4G and is rolling out the products - this is not speculation, it is coming more certainly than the inaguration on January 20
* In another five years or so, your new car will have a video screen, and a power/cable plug for your 4G device, which will be the video/audio/satellite radio/navigation system/trip computer/telephone for your vehicle. If you rent a car, you'll have your normal and familiar functionality with you.
* No more laptop cases, no more lugging your eight pound device around. No more desktop computers. Monitors, keyboards and pointers (commonly called a mouse) with a power port will be the work stations of the very near future. This alone will massively reduce electrical consumption.
* You'll never have to miss your favorite TV program ever again!

Well, Lieutenant Uhura, get me Star Fleet on the comm!

What to do with this information? If you're challenged by your Blackberry NOW, take a class about them at HCC or something! The train is whistling to leave the station, and your competitors (who can handle this massive technology shift) will be aboard!

Hey, Conservatives -

The other day, Eric from Vancouver was touting his local MP (that's what the Canuckistanians call their Congresscritters) web page. He linked me to her website, and there occupying all of the up front real estate, was a story that told of the MP's informing the Border Security guys to watch for Americans coming across the border to protest in Vancouver at a Gay Pride event.

Seems in Canada it's a crime to incent hatred or discrimination toward other groups.

The few people in the US that I spoke to about this (outside the City and County of San Francisco, that is) thought that was "stupid."

Turns out there's a completely valid reason for this. From a diarist at Daily Kos:

The Psychological Harm of Anti-Gay Initiatives
by RfrancisR
Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 08:13:16 AM PST

Been feeling angry, fearful, sad, or depressed, lately? I have. I remember the joy I felt on election night, and how that joy came crashing down when I woke up the next morning to the reality of California's Prop 8 having passed. It blew me away. I had been talking to my sister in the weeks leading up to the vote of possibly moving out there with her so that me and my boyfriend of nearly nineteen years could get married. To straight people out there, imagine being with your boyfriend or girlfriend for nineteen years. Who has a boyfriend that long? Imagine never being able to call, by law, your boyfriend or girlfriend your spouse, and imagine that was the case because people who hated you spend millions to tell your neighbors every lie in the book about you.

Dr Gregory Herek, one of the foremost experts on the issue of sexual minorities, has posted a wonderful blog documenting the very real psychological harm of anti-gay ballot initiatives.

* RfrancisR's diary :: ::
*

Evidence has documented so called minority stress, the additional psychological stress that is caused by being an out-group in society. Now, Herek points us to research that proves that vicious anti-gay campaigns ran to help pass anti-gay measures do severe psychological harm to the GLBT community tantamount to PTSD. It's not merely the loss of a legal recognition of a marriage. It is brutal psychological warfare against gays and lesbians.

I can’t do justice to Dr. Russell’s book-length account here, especially her in-depth descriptions of the stories related by research participants. But one of her important findings was that a substantial segment of the sample reported many symptoms that are commonly associated with depression, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and they perceived that these symptoms were a direct result of having lived through the months of antigay campaigning.

Through Internet surveys, the researchers used standard mental health measures to assess the current well-being of more than 1500 lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults. For example, respondents were asked whether they had recently experienced various symptoms of depression, such as having difficulty sleeping or concentrating, feeling fearful or hopeless, and not being able to “get going.” They were also asked about the extent to which they were experiencing negative emotions, such as fear, irritability, hostility, and nervousness.

587 participants completed two versions of the questionnaires — one in the spring of 2006 and a second one about 6 months later, shortly after the November elections. Nearly one thousand others completed the post-election questionnaire, but not the pre-election survey.

The researchers sorted participants into two groups — those living in a state with an anti-marriage amendment on the 2006 November ballot and those in other states. Not surprisingly, compared to residents of other states, residents of the amendment-campaign states reported encountering a larger number of antigay messages in the mass media and in day-to-day conversations. Moreover, comparison of the November questionnaires with those administered six months earlier revealed that the number of encounters with negative messages had increased significantly in the amendment states but not in the other states.

When the researchers examined the mental health data, they found that residents of the states where an antigay campaign had just been waged reported higher levels of stress, more negative emotions, and more symptoms of depression than did respondents who lived elsewhere. Comparison of the pre-election and post-election questionnaires revealed that levels of psychological distress had increased significantly among residents of states with a marriage amendment on the ballot, but not among residents of other states.

In sum, the findings of Dr. Rostosky’s group support and extend those of Dr. Russell’s research team. By examining the experiences of sexual minority adults residing in different states, and by comparing scores on mental health measures before and after the statewide antigay campaigns, they provide good evidence that marriage amendment campaigns are harmful to the mental health of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals.

BeyondHomophobia.com

I remember my civics class lessons on Brown v Board of Education. It was the top psychological research of the day that helped to make the case that segregation was a moral evil. The research, then, proved the psychological harm caused by segregation. Unequivocally, then separate could never be equal. I hope those challenging anti-gay laws, such as Prop 8 can use this new research effectively to help convince the courts of the harm such laws and initiatives do to good people.

For a really good time this December 1st, read the comments.

four years to look forward to

So, I've mostly tolerated the rantings of the "conservatives" that I know - probably has lead to the depression and anxiety that has ripped my life apart. I have tried to engage in rational discussion, third party fact checking, and so on, but the "conservatives" that I know, even the mostly sane ones, are so caught up in the daily download of conservative pornography from the RNC (as has only recently been documented here and on other non-MSM sites.)

HOW could so many different people take umbrage on the SAME day with the SAME idea using the SAME phrases?

Well, because it's all scripted, that's how.

After becoming de-homed back at the end of September, I drove out to San Francisco and stayed with a friend from college for a month. Living in San Francisco was quite an experience in freedom. People on the peninsula just don't judge each other at ALL. One is taken for how one behaves, not how one looks, where one lives and so on.

The late election eve experience for a homosexual in San Francisco was a staggering change. We, no - I - was singled out by the electorate and told EVERYONE IN THIS STATE MATTERS EXCEPT YOU.

An atmosphere I'd been quietly tolerating back in Texas (from the Indian Tejas - friendly. Fat chance.) for twenty-seven years. I could feel in the "air" that we were singled out from the herd. Not accepted. Not allowed. Wrong.

And, I was ANGRY.

Okay, I've been angry since 1980 when Jimmy Carter lost to Ronald Reagan, but NOW I WAS REALLY ANGRY. I came back to Texas (drive friendly!) to get my life back together and get the FRACK out of here.

That's when I came to realize the depth of the racism and elitism here. It's not elitism like what Obama was accused of, or the elitism that is denegrated in the press. Not a lot of arugula here in Houston.

It's the elitism that allows a 33 year old who doesn't have a pot to piss in and can't hold a job for more than three months, has never paid his child support, doesn't pay his taxes and has no education past high school to lord it over the blacks, the Mexicans, the poor, anyone who isn't WHITE. That's the key thing that I think we kossacks and progressives are not fully understanding. Race is the bottom of all of this.

I stopped tolerating race baiting the day after the election.

A lady friend of mine took me to dinner and was snarling about the black churches improperly proselytizing which brought Obama the election.

This was not new. This was a "friend" who, in front of ALL of my friends at a birthday party told me she was still surprised, given how intelligent I am, that I'd be a liberal.

For the last ten years, I'd have pointed out politely that there aren't enough black people in the country to push an election, and there are only a handful of cities where the black population can carry the day in a vote.

This time, I said "this is utterly inappropriate and racist and I won't tolerate it. If you'd like, I'll take you home right now and we can skip the opera."

She didn't like it, but she shut up.

I read every day how we Kossacks and progressives are expecting the Demos to roll over and play dead for the Republicans shouting in their unified meme. I expect it too.

But, if we accept this - as I accepted my friend's overt racism for YEARS, who's at fault? WE have the majority?

Why should we not prosecute war crimes and offenses against our domestic laws?

Why should we not prosecute the illegal politicization of our civil departments and agencies?

Why should we not bring about the IMMEDIATE dissolution of the unregulated trading structures that provided a place for a handful of thousands of hyper-wealthy to trade up our fuel, food and financial prices?

When the Demos start to roll over, why don't we say to them "I won't tolerate this, it's inappropriate. Would you like me to take you home now, or would you like to go to the opera?"

Final note, one of my best friends from high school reconnected with me on Facebook a few months back. He and I hadn't talked in 30 years. He could, if he chose, sit over there behind his computer and look at pictures, and think whatever thoughts bring him pleasure.

I for my own part don't reach out and smack old friends around on Facebook or elsewhere. I do post articles, notes, and such on MY profile that I find interesting. Hey, it's MY Facebook page! He posts all kinds of nasty crap and I don't go over there to his sandbox to see what cat turds he's burying in the sand.

But, when I post something - I get the nearly immediate little red pop-up "***** **** has posted a comment on your item."

Just guess how many times it's flattering or polite? C'mon, just guess.

Okay, fine.

Tonight, I posted a couple of things. One, a thought about how it is people think they can get their laundry clean with crudded up machines. One, a link to Paul Krugman's article about how to get the economy started again. And, one a quote from Kos today on how a party committed to government being incompetent is incapable of running a competent government.

Over there, in his sandbox (if I were truly snarky I'd use the term litter box here, but..) he decides to post "Office of the President Elect" HaHaHa find that in the Constitution."

A.) I'm tired of the dog whistles.
B.) I'm sick of being part of the progressive roll over and play dead movement
C.) I was friends with him THIRTY TWO YEARS ago. Like I need someone giving me crap.

Here's the progression of what came next:

Me: "Uh, you don't get to talk about anything not being in the Constitution, since Richard and George just made up eight years of shyte that wasn't EVER in the constitution. Sit back and take your medicine."

Him: "Others misdeeds are no excuse for your own"

Me: "I didn't create the title that you now object to. And, truly, after all of the shredding of the Constitution, international law, domestic law and just plain common sense that has been supported by .. um .. well, people I know, I just am not listening to any superficial complaining about someone adopting an "uppity" title for their office. Hey, ... guess what? He IS the president elect. And, he has an OFFICE! It's an office where he's conducting the business of being the president elect! There are even structures in place from prior to his being born to PAY FOR IT.

If you have a complaint, at least make it a good one. Repeating today's RNC talking points that were broadcast by Fox and the AM dial isn't information, nor is it discernment.

Oh, and hey - congrats on spreading today's latest slice on the racial dog whistle. Obama's an uppity nigra."

Now, you know he had some comeback, right?

I saw the little red flag and .. I didn't even want to go look. So, I didn't. I started this diary instead.

But, when I went back to Facebook to collect my quotes above, I saw his reply.

Him: "Whoa slap me down with a vengeance"

That's right, sucker.

Paraphrasing Sean Penn from "Milk"

On the Statue of Liberty, it says "Give me your poor, your hungry, your huddled masses yearning to be free." and in the Declaration of Independence, it says "All Men Are Created Equal." You can't rip that out of the Declaration of Independence and you can't take it off the base of the Statue of Liberty. That's what it is to be an American!

I say, ENOUGH. When they dog whistle, they must be called out. People are people. Everyone deserves a chance. No poor person brought our economy to its knees, and no person of color put us into Iraq, nor gave us a military budget equal to the gross national products of 3/4 of the world's nations. No illegal immigrant destroyed the watershed, or polluted the air, or outsourced all of our foundational employment to other, cheaper countries.

If the elected try to play roll over, I say - Let's take 'em straight home. We can find another date to the opera.

A milestone achieved

I don't post much on Daily Kos. I read it relentlessly - "it" being a collection of individual thoughts and posts, opinions with some facts thrown in. I've been a member for a couple of years, first so that I could post comments. I don't do that very often. I've posted only a few times. Had a few comments.

This morning, I read a recommended article from the LA Times about a guy who used to be a writer for the Wall Street Journal, and has been now homeless for three years. He lives in the back of his Toyota pick up. I wrote a post in response to that, and plunked it down.

Daily Kos gets tens of thousands of posts each day - called "Diaries." They are unedited. If someone violates the site's TOS (that's internetic for "Terms of Service) they get deleted and blocked, but people can say pretty much what they want as long as they're not suggesting violence toward someone.

I don't read all of these diaries.

Editors, who are I believe volunteers, review the tens of thousands of diaries, and advance them for everyone to see on the front page. In addition, a handful of regular diarists post straight to the front page all day. Each night, some ten to fifteen diaries are recommended for everyone to read. This feature is called "Open Thread and Diary Rescue." Some of these diaries are just emotional stories, some are well researched tomes, some are ill researched rants.

My diary today was recommended for everyone to read. I'm both honored and embarrassed.

Warm, Dry, Full

Cross posted from Daily Kos

Homelessness takes many, many shapes - and most homeless are not living under a bridge, but are living on a friend's sofa, or in a den or guest room.

Les Gapay writes of having lived from the back of his pickup in today's Pundit wrapup. Even that homelessness is mostly invisible, because he's not out begging for coins and sleeping in a doorway.

Homelessness means that you cannot any longer provide a home for yourself and your family. Being warm and dry and fed doesn't equate to being "homed." Having a home of your own gives you the ability to say how things will go, how clean it will be kept, how it will be managed, when it will be quiet and who will be coming over.

Homeless means that you're dependent on someone else's expectations, upon someone else's schedule and way of doing things. If you can't adjust ALL of your psyche to meet them all the way on their side of the equation, you are about to be homeless without the warm/dry/fed part.

Homeless also carries with it an internal stigma. That you couldn't keep it up - you couldn't carry the day and manage it. That you may never be able to do it again.

Homelessness also means forcible separation from one's "stuff." Mine, for instance, is in two different places, 40 miles apart. Not only do I not have any place for it to go, elements of it have been planing away for months - things that once meant a great deal to me are too difficult to keep moving or are broken or just taken. My surround sound system now lives elsewhere forever. My furniture is scattering quickly as friends mention they've always liked this piece or that piece and could they have it? Buy it?

Never does it bring a fraction of what it would cost to replace. My future home, if there should be one, could now be contained in a one bedroom apartment, maybe even a studio. Even knowing that, there is no sense of accomplishment, only an effort to battle a sense of loss.

The only relief homelessness provides is freedom from the crushing slavery to paying housing, utilities, cleaning products, everything that you once did to make and keep your place as your own. My very high paying consulting career ended weeks after 9/11, but the hand writing was on the wall when the incoming Bush administration simply canceled all of the social/education/community development funds that our division was working with. Since then, I've been trying to find a place for myself, and maintaining a space for myself has been a pitched battle each month. Finally, when Hurricane Ike made its appearance, my entire weakened self-employment network came to an end. Twelve days later, I was living on the good wishes of good friends, and wondering when, if ever, I would be "homed" again.It's so very easy for one to think of someone like me, talented, enormous skills, and think "well, you're choosing to do this." At some metaphysical level, that's probably true.

However, when your day is consumed with trying to keep your household going, or trying to figure out where you can put everything when you cannot keep it going, and then trying to help out the people with whom you're staying by doing their house cleaning and chores - there is little time left for actual work. Bouncing around from friend's sofa to friend's sofa leaves little time for planning and execution of your recovery - you barely get your shaving tackle situated and it's time to move on to the next friendly place for a few days. Everyone in your life wants to hear from you "how did this happen? What are you going to do next?" Hours each day of concern - hours that eat up whatever time you do have to make something for yourself.

Hours of concern that can only be interpreted by you as an expression of dismay and disappointment that you didn't work hard enough or make better decisions. Concern that you just don't want to hear anymore, because none of it is helpful or new.

There are no resources for homeless people, if you have a little income and a car of your own. If I were HIV + or if I were a battered woman, there would be assistance. Our society sees fit to help no one; those who worship Ann's Rant "Atlas Shrugged" have done their best to eliminate any social net that they can adequately vilify through daily talking points.So, no bridge for me. No back seat of my car - yet. I'm luckier than most. But, I'm as homeless as the guy who just asked you for a little change on the sidewalk. I'm glad and thankful that I have what I do still have, though.

But, don't be surprised or call me unpatriotic when I say I'm not too proud of this Country of ours just now. That opinion has been a long time coming, and there is only a glimmer of hope for the future.

Tuesday thoughts

Happy Veterans' Day!! My favorite vets get a special "WAHOO" for their service.

Several things for today that are fun and interesting.

First, holy crap, Batman - GM may be filing for bankruptcy .. talk about having a lump of coal in your stocking. It seems that there are no more debtor in possession loans available, which means that a Chapter 11 reorganization is beyond unlikely. Bloomberg today has an article that suggests things are dire - while JP Morgan says GM is a likely survivor, and rates their debt as a "buy."

Why should you care? Because, GM is a huge contributor to our nation's economy, and the consequences of a GM shut down would be dire. GM directly and indirectly employs more than 300,000 people - exclusive of the retail distribution and repair channels.

In most states, GM accounts for about 15% of sales tax revenues and about 9% of employment.

Just so you know.

What would happen to your state if 15% of the sales tax just vaporized? Or to your city of 9% of the employed were out of work?

This is not to say that I think GM needs to be preserved in its current form. The consequences of auto industry management decisions can be seen, though, in the collapse of Detroit. Detroit was one of the most glorious cities in the country; check out this picture from the New York Times reflecting downtown Detroit in the 1920s versus today via the website Forgotten Detroit. This picture shows nearly the identical spot on Washington Blvd.

Here is a neat discussion of the three scenarios possible for the US auto industry.

This is all analogous to the experience Houston had during the early 1980s when the price of oil collapsed and huge elements of the population were unemployed. It took the Houston area nearly a decade to return to economic health, but recall what's been happening to the price of oil these last eight years. Lots of economic stimulus for the center of the oil production universe.

There will be no such stimulus for former auto towns.

Detroit is much like New Orleans, post-Katrina. What was a thriving business center has now become an empty core that spreads outward - the lack of jobs causes and exacerbates a lack of housing and services that spiral on in an endless negative loop. You can try to build new jobs, but without housing, there will be no employees. You can try to build new housing, but without gas stations, groceries and schools, there will be no occupants. You can try to attract new occupants, but without them, there will be no jobs, no gas stations, no groceries and no schools.

Only massive government spending will begin to reverse the cycle.

Now, let's move on to more amusing things - there are a fair number of people who suggest that the Holocaust was a fantasy - just a public relations tale to promote Zionism. Seems that those folks were wrong - 28 pages of blueprints have been found in a Berlin apartment that pre-date the construction of the Auschwitz death camp, and include details plans for the crematory, gas chambers and body storage. While it's possible that these plans are a fake (as was Hitler's diary,) they seem to be quite genuine. The German archives are studying the documents, and we'll know more soon enough.

What are you doing on Saturday? Care to join the protest for human rights?

Check out jointheimpact.com and see where the nearest rally is being held. In Houston, it's being held at City Hall at noon. Invite your friends. All of them.

Where I've been hanging out, there is a great affection for "The View." The ladies (and I use that term loosely in a few cases) have been talking a great deal about Prop 8 and its pros and cons.

Elisabeth, whose bio suggests is unafraid to express her candid and conservative views, is one of the most ill-informed liars with a public platform who's not committed to the Fox networks. She's Sarah Palin with a better vocabulary, but a less soothing voice.

Elisabeth, get a few facts straight once in a while. Stop making crap up. Please. Just a suggestion. Or don't, because your "candid and conservative views" are without value when you keep inventing "facts" to support your bigoted theories. Makes it easier to swallow when one is clear that you're a lying idiot.

Whoopi is working to inject a fact or six into the discussion of Prop 8, to the great dismay of Elisabeth and Sherri (Sherri - a suggestion for you - take a bible study course. Actually study it. Then, start using it as a foundation again, AFTER you know what it says).

You know what? It's actually better for the non-bible thumping crowd to watch you parrot bigotry supported with non-specific bible citations than to actually have to expend the intellect to discuss a well sourced bible scholar. So, Sherri, you just keep on, gurl.

So, now when I'm watching the "View," I'll just sit in amused self-righteousness that the homobigots and neocons must resort to lies and making crap up to support their unsupportable venom.

One of the best explanations for why it's a wrong-headed idea to vote against rights for humans was given by Keith Olbermann on his "Special Comment" last night. Go have a read, or go to MSNBC.com and watch it.

Observations from the road

As I was careening through West Texas last night, I kept thinking "these headlights are much like running as fast as possible in a thick forest while carrying a penlight."

Then, the traffic cleared up and I flipped on the brights.

I could see next week they were so bright.

Fired up, ready to go!

Election day, 2008

Seventy-seven days from the Inaugural ball(s). I need a new tuxedo - and a decent tuxedo shirt (or two.) I have the shoes. (big grin) Do I EVER have the shoes!



There's an excitement in the air.

It's not just me. People outside the living room window here are excited. Excited that today is the last day of being ruled by grumpy, old, white men whose lives were defined by the threat of Hitler and Communism. Men who believed that their prejudices should prevail over a woman's body, a person's right to love who they wish, who can own property, who can vote, who can aspire to public service, and which shifting moral code should be imposed on the population.

Today is the last day of this country being the playground bully that no one is able to stand up to.

Today is the last day. That's what we're voting for.

From today's Christian Science Monitor:

My wife made me canvass for Obama; here's what I learned
This election is not about major policies. It's about hope.
By Jonathan Curley

from the November 3, 2008 edition

Charlotte, N.C. - There has been a lot of speculation that Barack Obama might win the election due to his better "ground game" and superior campaign organization.

I had the chance to view that organization up close this month when I canvassed for him. I'm not sure I learned much about his chances, but I learned a lot about myself and about this election.

Let me make it clear: I'm pretty conservative. I grew up in the suburbs. I voted for George H.W. Bush twice, and his son once. I was disappointed when Bill Clinton won, and disappointed he couldn't run again.

I encouraged my son to join the military. I was proud of him in Afghanistan, and happy when he came home, and angry when he was recalled because of the invasion of Iraq. I'm white, 55, I live in the South and I'm definitely going to get a bigger tax bill if Obama wins.

I am the dreaded swing voter.

So you can imagine my surprise when my wife suggested we spend a Saturday morning canvassing for Obama. I have never canvassed for any candidate. But I did, of course, what most middle-aged married men do: what I was told.

At the Obama headquarters, we stood in a group to receive our instructions. I wasn't the oldest, but close, and the youngest was maybe in high school. I watched a campaign organizer match up a young black man who looked to be college age with a white guy about my age to canvas together. It should not have been a big thing, but the beauty of the image did not escape me.

Instead of walking the tree-lined streets near our home, my wife and I were instructed to canvass a housing project. A middle-aged white couple with clipboards could not look more out of place in this predominantly black neighborhood.

We knocked on doors and voices from behind carefully locked doors shouted, "Who is it?"

"We're from the Obama campaign," we'd answer. And just like that doors opened and folks with wide smiles came out on the porch to talk.

Grandmothers kept one hand on their grandchildren and made sure they had all the information they needed for their son or daughter to vote for the first time.

Young people came to the door rubbing sleep from their eyes to find out where they could vote early, to make sure their vote got counted.

We knocked on every door we could find and checked off every name on our list. We did our job, but Obama may not have been the one who got the most out of the day's work.

I learned in just those three hours that this election is not about what we think of as the "big things."

It's not about taxes. I'm pretty sure mine are going to go up no matter who is elected.

It's not about foreign policy. I think we'll figure out a way to get out of Iraq and Afghanistan no matter which party controls the White House, mostly because the people who live there don't want us there anymore.

I don't see either of the candidates as having all the answers.

I've learned that this election is about the heart of America. It's about the young people who are losing hope and the old people who have been forgotten. It's about those who have worked all their lives and never fully realized the promise of America, but see that promise for their grandchildren in Barack Obama. The poor see a chance, when they often have few. I saw hope in the eyes and faces in those doorways.

My wife and I went out last weekend to knock on more doors. But this time, not because it was her idea. I don't know what it's going to do for the Obama campaign, but it's doing a lot for me.

Jonathan Curley is a banker. He voted for George H.W. Bush twice and George W. Bush once.

Grumpiness

And, no, I'm not talking about John McCain. Enough of that.

Several things -

When people are speaking on a wireless phone (cell or at home) and the call quality is poor, they consistently say "you broke up" or "you're breaking up."

Um, are you sure? If I heard you just fine and you couldn't hear me, who was it exactly that was "breaking up?" The way the common statement is phrased is a matter of blame; saying "our call broke up" or "our call quality is poor, and I couldn't hear you" is actually more accurate and without finding fault.

Next thing -

Why is it that people who haven't ever had a pot to piss in, or whose economic lives have been roiled and forever changed to the worse from the last eight years are so convinced that Obama is going to destroy their futures?

Is it perhaps .. race? Bigotry?

I think so.

Either that, or they're people who believe that McDonald's has a "healthy" menu.

Rainy rainy days

The first of November. It's raining steadily, overcast and fragrant here. I slept until nearly eleven this morning.

We "did" Halloween; my friend with whom I'm staying went as Supergirl - he looked great, and his friend was dressed as Marie Antoinette with this ENORMOUS Marge Simpson wig - he was over 7' tall in the 5" heels, the wig and everything. I wore my traditional red fairy costume. When I went to put it on, I didn't have to struggle to get into it - the tights and leotard just wooshed right on, and the costume hung on my like a flour sack. Last few years, I could hardly get the tights up to my hips. Last few years, I couldn't zip the leotard. It was very cool to have that kind of validation that I'd lost weight.

We went first down to the Castro, and wandered around a bit - into the Walgreens to get Marie a new set of press-on nails (they were completely out) - we kept getting stopped every few feet to have our pictures taken by tourists and people who weren't in costume. Several times, there were so many cameras going off that I felt a bit like David Beckham coming into LAX. We went into a bar, but it was so crowded in there that it was uncomfortable (my wings kept getting into people's way, and they'd just shove the wings aside) so we went to a private party in the Castro for a while, then up to Haight Ashbury to the big party of the evening.

Parking was a nightmare in the Haight; we ended up parking blocks and blocks away (and still getting a ticket) but the party was awesome. The costumes very impressive and creative, and the food was glorious! I kept getting chatted up by people who LOVED my fairy costume (which I'll have to have taken in next year, I think - it just was so .. baggy!) The hosts have no back yard to speak of, so the smokers and people who wanted some air spilled out onto the sidewalk, where we got to interact with the folks walking down the hill to the straight bars. Some of their costumes were very cute; the straight girls' favorite this year was Sarah Palin. One girl was dressed quite passably as Glinda the good witch of the North, and did a perfect spin and then sat down with her dress perfectly laid out around her.

By midnight, we were all tired, so we came home. I left my costume in the trunk of the car, so today when the rain dies down a bit, I must go put it all back together.