Rescue Rangers

I'm writing this as I listen to more of Bryan's head banging music at work. Lovely.

This morning, another piece hit me in the head - standing out in front of my house (at the age of five) with no options, no facilities, no resources - my father pulled up, like a white knight (in a red Plymouth) and I was carried off.

Since then, I think I keep looking outside myself to find rescue. And, I seem to have believed that rescuing someone was a great way to show them my affection and be accepted.

I've had some rescue ranger experiences, and I've had some that were, but didn't feel or look so much like it. Jackie, for instance, was a rescue - literally from the streets. Barney was a rescue from a certain death as a litter runt. Blah, blah.

So, in trying to buy this house, I've been waiting for someone to whisk up in a red Plymouth and handle it. And, at the same time, I've been expected to handle all of it by myself. Today, I resolved to handle what there was in my power to handle and to cast aside the rest.

This has led to some very interesting conversations and realizations.

I must say that I'm not sure exactly how this is going to be resolved. However, I've declared an end to being the Rescue Ranger. People can ask me where to go to get rescued, but they won't be able to count on me to do it for them, outside of the stuff that's normal - flat tires, missed airplanes and that sort of thing.

No more "I'm out in the car - and I want you to look up such and such on the computer." No more "my life sucks - how do I fix it" and then the exact behavior over and over.

Nope. I've started getting very direct with people this week, telling them what doesn't work about their behavior. I'm going totally Lisa with it. For those of you who don't know Lisa, that would go like this .. "Oh, thanks for the offer. However, you never keep your word, so I'm going to make other arrangements." Or, "why would you tell me something like that when we both know that you're just saying it to feel good right now, and when it comes down to the doing of it, you won't come through?" Or "The reason I don't want to spend time with you or talk to you on the phone is because you only require someone to occupy space; you only require some mannequin to be there to talk AT, and it's not about me at all. Just you."

This is pretty difficult. I would like for some people in my life to step up and act in a manner consistent with what they say they want, but at the same time, I can't plan for that happening. And, I am unwilling to just absorb the falsehood of "Oh, I'll come do that with you."

Now, the world is getting back "uh, no .. you won't."

Heuristic? Yes. My choice? Yes. A big change? Definately.

Heurism defined - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heuristics