Why do that when you have open access wifi!?!?
We have just about an hour before our connecting flight, and we've already evacuated in the men's room, grabbed a beverage, and now we're sitting here with our Dell laptops (which are nearly identical) clamshelled together, digging into our electronic worlds.
So, where to start? My joy at the American Episcopalians' choice of a new leader? Being kept awake nearly all night by E's OCD wheaton terrier? The three LOUD persons sitting behind us on the flight from SEA to LAS, who blathered on about waaaay too personal material? The dreary drive at the butt crack of dawn from Vancouver to Seattle? Or, shall I compare and contrast the treatment we had at the hands of ICE (the new border customs and immigration agency) and the government of Canuckistan?
On the way up Thursday night, we were in a huge line of cars crossing the border. We sat in that line, which suddenly broke free and we zipped up as the cars were processed in no time flat. We pulled up, and a camera took both our car's VIN and license tag. Here's how the conversation went:
Canuckistanian inspector: Where are you from?
Doug (for D&C): Houston, Texas
C.I. Rented car?
D&C: Yes
C.I. Both US citizens?
D&C: Yes
C.I. Purpose of your visit in Canada?
D&C: Visiting friends for the weekend
C.I. Where are you headed?
D&C: Vancouver
C.I. When do you return?
D&C: Monday morning
C.I. Bringing any gifts into Canada?
D&C: No, sir.
C.I. Have a good time in Canada.
Now, here we come back into the United States of Jesusland, as modified by the Republican party over the last twenty-five years:
US ICE Nazi customs inspector: What is your place of residence?
D&C: Houston, Texas
ICE Nazi: Where were you in Canada?
D&C: Vancouver
ICE Nazi: What was the reason for your trip?
D&C: Visiting friends
ICE Nazi: Did you buy anything in Canada?
D&C: Yes, a bottle of aspirin each, and a bottle of cough syrup (C got sick while we were there)
ICE Nazi: Is there codiene in them?
D&C: Yes, sir
ICE Nazi: When are you returning to Houston?
D&C: This morning at 11:20, we're headed straight to SEATAC
ICE Nazi: The drugs you're bringing in are controlled substances. Park your car, and go inside and wait with the drugs.
D&C: Yes, sir.
Inside, US Immigration and Customs Enforcement Nazi #2, wearing BATTLE DRESS gives us further enlightenment.
ICE Nazi #2: Are you C?
C: Yes, sir.
ICE Nazi #2: Where do you live?
C: Houston, Texas
ICE Nazi #2: Both of you?
D&C: Yes sir
ICE Nazi #2: How do you two know each other?
C: We've known each other for years.
ICE Nazi #2: Why were you in Canada?
D: A Friend's 40th birthday party
ICE Nazi #2: How do you know this person?
D: I've known him for eight years - we've worked together in computers
ICE Nazi #2: Where is your prescription for these drugs?
C: We don't have one
ICE Nazi #2: You realize that these drugs you're bringing into the US are controlled substances. Having them in the State of Washington is a felony. I could call the Blaine PD right now and have you charged with possession.
D: uh-huh
ICE Nazi #2: So, what are we going to do about this?
(interruption by loud sirens and everyone scrambling outside to deal with the threatened incursion across the US Border. From Canada. At 7:15 a.m. In the morning. On a Monday.)
ICE Nazi #2: Are these for your personal use? you've opened them.
C: I came down sick while I was there.
ICE Nazi #2: The US doesn't ban the importation of these drugs for personal use, but you're only allowed 50 pills. This is way more than that. You could turn around and drive back to the drugstore and return these, but since you've opened them, I doubt that they will take them back.
D: uh-huh
ICE Nazi #2: So, if you're going to insist on bringing these into the United States, I'm going to have to call Blaine PD and have you arrested.
D: Okay
ICE Nazi #2: However, if you want to bring in this one (handing C the cough syrup) and you want to bring in this one (handing D a bottle of aspirin) then you could dispose of one of these into the trash, and I'll just let it go by.
D: Okay
ICE Nazi #2 thereupon escorts D outside to a trash can. D throws bottle of aspirin, of which two tabs have been consumed, into the trash.
ICE Nazi #2: You can go now.
I feel SO much safer!
No comments:
Post a Comment