Let's take a look at the standard Form 1040 and see where you should focus your tax-cutting efforts:
Taxpayer name: Here's a tax-saving opportunity few taxpayers take advantage of: Instead of simply writing your name, write your name plus the word "DECEASED." This can save you big money down the road.
Presidential Election Campaign Fund checkoff box: If you check this box, $3 of your taxes will be earmarked for a special fund to pay for presidential campaigns. Notice that the government does not permit you to earmark the money for poor people, or sick people, or national defense. No, the government permits you to earmark money only for the purpose of enabling politicians to produce TV commercials designed to appeal to voters who have the IQ of a Vienna sausage.
Exemptions: In calculating your dependants, you should bear two things in mind: 1. The more dependants you have, the less tax you owe. 2. Nowhere in the U.S. tax code does it explicitly state, in so many words, that these dependants cannot be imaginary, if you are catching my drift.
Of course, there's always the chance that, even if you cheat in a responsible manner, you'll be called in for a tax audit. This is not the "end of the world." Remember that, as a taxpayer, you have certain rights. For example, the auditor cannot use a cattle-prod setting greater than 5,000 volts.
If you're called in for an audit, the important thing is: Don't panic. Gather up all your financial records, consult with your lawyer and your accountant and then, on the appointed day, flee to Uzbekistan.
---From Dave Barry's Money Secrets (2006, Crown)
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