Rain, rain ..

Woke up with a sinus infection today. And in a relatively bad mood. The mood didn't lift until I started teaching this morning, and that went GREAT. As always. I guess that's the answer to why I keep putting up with UHCL - I love the work so much.

Walked out to the car (in the downpour) with the NICEST woman who's been a flight attendant for Southwest for years .. got into the car and had a call from Mikey. He called me yesterday, and said that he wanted to spend some "away" time with me today. We made an arrangement to get together at 4:00 - maybe go "on safari" for the first time in two months - and his call was to inform me that his boyfriend had made other plans.

What is it about gay men that they can only perform two ways in socializing? If they have a boyfriend, their entire lives are subsumed into that relationship. There is nothing outside of it, and all of their old friendships are shut off until their boyfriend .. does whatever and leaves. Then, you (me) are expected to pick up right where you left off, and act like you didn't just get the receiving end of a year or more of being utterly ignored.

The other side is that the only socializing is to go "out." Out to the bars. Watch the boys, watch the dick dancers .. conversation is impossible. What's the point?

Since I don't go "out," and I don't have a boyfriend, I'm basically persona non grata in this world. I won't hear from Richard, aside from telephone calls and emails when he's at work until .. oh, 2015, and Mikey's going to be engaged in this whole Jay thing until it plays out, which could take years. I have ONE single friend, and he's so damned popular ..

Whine, whine, whine.

On a positive note, I found diapers for Jackie on the Petsmart website. Only $18 and $4.99 for 22 liners. I'm buying those ASAP. I can't take much more of her stealth peeing.

Didn't get to see Larry on this trip. I'll go back to Dallas on the 24th and see him then.

I'm reading my fifth "gay fiction" novel in just a few weeks. This one, at least, has something to say, and isn't thinly disguised pornography. There is a quote from this book that I just read that I think is valid ..

"It's all about youth .. flesh .. pretty faces .. gym bodies .. Prada .. big dicks. I mean, when was the last time you heard someone described as "hot" because they were intelligent, polite and considerate?"

I nodded a silent agreement.

"The sad thing is that we worship these .. these .. these fashion-conscious beefcake idols at all costs, and offer up and impossible standard for anyone to meet."

"The fashion-conscious beefcake idols meet the standard," I observed.

"For a few years, if they're lucky. And then what? One day they look in the mirror and realize that they're forty-eight years old, their faces and bodies are sagging, and no one is looking at them anymore. They've been reduced to the status of a mere human, and the so-called "hot" men don't want them anymore. It would be funny if not for the fact that the average guys out there - the ones who were never fashion-conscious beefcake models to begin with - continue to pray at the altar of the new hot boys. Collectively, we just don't seem to get it, do we?"

Amen and amen. Guilty as charged.

After seeing Travis the other night, I've decided not to see him again. It just makes me feel too badly about myself.