Mortgage industry morbid humor

IMPORTANT GUIDELINE CHANGES

Very Important- Guideline Changes Effective August 8, 2007

All borrowers must have one blue eye and one brown eye to qualify.

LTV > 65% SIVA requires minimum credit score of 849.

For all LTV > 65%, 360 months of payment reserves now required.

Borrower's must have no previous bankruptcies in their family history going back
three generations.

A minimum of 25 years self-employment history now required for all NIV Programs (at same location).

Minimum Credit Score for Subprime Loans raised to 720.

All non-arm's length transaction borrowers (mortgage, real estate professionals,
family members) will be required to provide full-documentation, subject to
criminal background checks, wire tapping, strip-searches, and a minimum of 12
hours of interrogation by the Department of Homeland Security.

Please note that these changes will go into effect within the next five minutes. So please lock you existing loan immediately. All existing loans in your pipeline must fund by noon tomorrow.

We apologize for the inconvenience. We realize these are tough times in the mortgage
industry for all of us. Be assured that we have a commitment to remaining strong and
weathering out the storm. We ask for your understanding and cooperation.

"TRANSLATIONS"

These poke fun at the "stated/no income" programs that were made available over the last six years at low credit scores, combined with zero down payments.

The maximum credit score possible is 850.

A credit score of 720 or higher is considered statistically unlikely to ever make a late payment.

SIVA means "Stated income, verified assets." That means we tell them what the income is, but provide no proof, but the assets (money in the bank) is verified with third-party documentation (bank statements, etc.)

LTV means loan to value - anything less than 100% gives you the figure for how much the bank is lending and the difference is what the customer has as a down payment.

Non-arm's length transactions refer to deals where people with direct relationships (family members, business partners, etc.) are the buyer and seller, or borrower and mortgage broker. They are considered very risky, as the relationship bears a great deal of weight in determining what price is going to be paid, as opposed to market forces.