Sunday - have I been thinking, or just re-visiting?

So, another mostly sleepless night. Everything started off pretty well, with taking the Hookah over to Mikey's new apartment. Came back home, and he wanted to go check out EJ's. EJ's was .. empty. So, he wanted to come back here. About sixty seconds after coming in the door, he asked if he could use the computer - he fired up the webcam, and started chatting his head off. I read for a while, then went to bed.

About 12:30, he comes in and wakes me up, telling me some guy from Baytown is going to drive in to pick him up and have sex with him for money. At around 1:00, he comes in to tell me he's not leaving. Then, at 1:30, he comes in to ask what the address is so this OTHER guy can come pick him up. He wants a key. I lied and said there were no extras. He wants to move in; I haven't discussed it. I did ask him if he was planning on operating his little show while he's visiting here (until Tuesday,) he says "no," which I don't believe at all.

He's still not home. I'm going to finish this cup of coffee, go outside and clean up the car, then it's shower time and off to church by way of Wal-Mart and Office Depot. I can't get to church TOO early, as Joe Di never returned my key. However, if he's not here in the next 90 minutes, he's going to have to deal with it.

He wants me to take him to dinner, and to LA next weekend. Why would I do such a thing? I'm thinking of telling him he needs to go back to Pasadena today after church. I don't need any support for feeling bad about myself in dating environments.

This morning, after I arose at 05:18, I deleted all of my profiles from any online dating sites of any nature. Whoops - I just realized that I forgot one. I have to get away from putting my hopes out there to further validate my negative beliefs about my desireability. Right now, I'm thinking that it could be better for me, emotionally, to not step into that arena again. WAY better, in fact. To have no one because I'm not participating is a different feeling than to be constantly rejected and derided.

Quoted from a gay.com profile I just saw:

If you are single and life keeps giving you lemons, make lemonade. The key is to find someone whose life keeps giving them Vodka.

Speaking of vodka, I need to buy a bunch of it.

Had a terrific meeting with Ryan yesterday; he's going to source my Fabulair photo shoot for me in New York while he's there this week. So, in a few days' time, he's rescued my Fabulair project from the crapper.

I guess it's time to work on cleaning up the car, then to shower and head out.