Happy Hump Day

and what a hump day it's been already.

I woke at about 3:30 this morning having a weird, weird dream. It was about men and women I didn't know, having sex with this ethereal white dildo .. bizarre. So, I woke up from that and ..

had a flashback.

BIG flashback to 1960 or thereabouts. Suddenly, all kinds of things in my life and in my psyche became clear. It was like I had just gotten the center piece to the jigsaw puzzle, and as it clicked into place, all kinds of things I've been working on for years started to make sense. Elements of my personality and self-beliefs all suddenly fit, and their unworkability with who I am really had them all fall away.

Or start to.

Success, money, opportunity, accomplishment, men, dating, relationships, betrayal, my body image, sexuality, sexual behaviors, everything ..

So, I lay there processing away for about two hours. At 5:30, I decided I'd get up when Philip got up (6:00) and take the dogs out, make coffee (which he doesn't get on the way to work) and get started on all of the work that I have backlogged here. I laid out my whole morning, and was feeling very good about all of it.

And, at 5:50, N8 called. I haven't heard from N8 in a while - haven't seen him since New Year's Day when he came over all drunk. He says "I sent you some provocative gay emails this morning."

Given that another student had recently gone off on me about homosexuality being the root of all evil, I wasn't sure if this meant that he was interested or on the attack. So, I asked.

He's interested. He wants me to drive down to south of NASA and pick him up. He's drunk. Drunk, drunk, drunk.

And, he's a messy handful when he's drunk.

So, I saw Philip off. I made the bed. Did some secretary of state filing stuff for the church online. Wrote up the church minutes. Answered emails. Did my online banking. Took a shower. Made another cup of coffee. And thought .. well, he's hot, and he's smart, and he's nice to be around, but .. drunk?

I'd rather feel accomplished.