New Rule: There's just something about a crew cut that says, "You can trust me." This is Montana's new senator, John Tester. I don't know much about him. And I don't need to. His hair says it all. "I'm friendly, I'm dependable, I'm literally level-headed." If hair could smile, it would look like this. And most importantly, it's hair that says, "You will never ever, ever, ever find me snorting meth with a gay hooker."
---Bill Maher
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"Donald Rumsfeld has resigned and the new Secretary of Defense is a guy named Robert Gates. He's a close friend of the Bush family...yeah, that always works out pretty well. Rumsfeld took it pretty well. He said he's eager now to move on to try and legalize torture in the private sector."
---David Letterman
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"It has not been a good week for the Republicans. Actually, this election was like a divorce: they got rejected, insulted and lost the House."
---Jay Leno
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"On Tuesday night, in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the U.S."
---Amy Poehler
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"Today is Veteran's Day, so that won't affect anyone in the White House."
---Seth Meyers
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"As a result of this week's election, the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is now the most powerful woman in the country. After hearing this, Oprah Winfrey said, 'Yeah, right'."
---Conan O'Brien
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