Turd, flushed

While visiting in Tulsa, my friend T-rex christened the HS250 "the Turd", a name which stuck through this afternoon when I surrendered the car to Sterling McCall Lexus.

As I've been criticizing the HS, and as I have been finding little to recommend it on any level, I have been questioning myself. Am I just a cranky nudge who hates everything? I mean, those nice people at Lexus let me drive the car for a week for free and sent me a nice Priority Mail flat rate box haphazardly stuffed full of Lexus swag (most of which were coupons inviting me to spend money with Lexus partners, nearly all of which were in the San Francisco Bay area, where Lexus' marketing firm is located).

What I have kept finding is that the HS250 is a poor choice at $26,000, a joke at $36,000 and utterly absurd at $43,000.

Now, I've seen and examined the 2010 Lincoln MKZ, and it is a much nicer car than is the HS250 - nicer materials, more features, more room - and costs LESS - yet the New York Times pointed out that it is merely a "nice" car and that "nice" doesn't cut at when you're at the $40,000 mark.

More observations:

I cannot see the corners or edges of the HS250 AT ALL, which makes it VERY challenging to park. The steering is completely without feedback - it has all the communication of a trackball, and when one is trying to pilot into a parking space and has no idea where the car is, or what angle the steering is bringing up - one can find oneself parked like a dodo head.

The driveline surges - a LOT. I know that it's a hybrid and doesn't act as my gasoline powered car would, but driving the HS back to back with a friend's two year old Prius, the HS250 surges a LOT and the Prius not at all.

Fuel economy at 35.5 overall is NOT impressive, when a VW Jetta TDI for half the money would have had better performance, equal interior quality, three times the trunk space, equal interior room and gotten over 40MPG.

I have been reading stirrings of new Prius owners reporting that their brakes are failing - I had that experience with the HS at least three times, once this morning. The brakes push to the floor, start to chatter as if the ABS were cycling and n-o-t-h-i-n-g is happening. By releasing the pedal and re-applying braking force, the brakes recovered and stopped the car.

Notes for Nanuck

As in, of the North? I am learning that my metaphor and humor is lost on people I always thought were getting me.

So, I drove this car in snow and ice. Was it a lot of snow and ice? Yes, if you live in Tulsa, it was. For a boy who grew up in Kalamazoo and knows the exact meaning of "Lake Effect Snow", it seemed rather a gay romp. I mean, the Turd wasn't even covered over in snow!

However, if you live north of .. say .. Memphis, and you're considering this car, there are a few things you really need to know about:

The seat heaters don't get warm. Really. Well, a little warm. About as warm as if your butt were perched on the thrones for about an hour, but no warmer than that.

The rear window defroster cannot and will not clear the backlight. The Turd found itself on the 26th with a half dusting of snow and a smidge of ice. After cycling the rear defroster for TWO HOURS, the backlight had STILL not cleared. I am used to cars (and have had cars since the 1970s) that would melt butter off the backlight with the rear defrost selected.

The heater doesn't heat the car. Okay, so this may sound extreme. Allow me to clarify - you'll NEVER get too warm in the cabin of the HS250 during the winter months. EVER. Your feet will never get warm, and your breathing passages will not dry out from dry, hot air blowing in your face.

No, really - I rode home from Sterling McCall Lexus today in a 2008 SLK, and the seats had my buns sizzling within two miles and the defroster had the car uncomfortably warm before that.

You will NOT experience extremes of cold and heat in the HS250 during the winter in the snow belt.

Perhaps related to this, the windshield wipers are fully below the defroster line of the windshield, and - well - there's no easy way to put this - if it's snowing heavily, if there's a bit of freezing rain or anything such as that, you'll have to chip out the blocks of snow or ice from the wipers. The wipers are not powerful enough to lift themselves out of packed snow.

Finally, if it's snowing, or freezing rain, or blowing/gusting/drifting snow, I'd strongly recommend filling up BEFORE the weather moves in, because your fuel filler door will be frozen solid. As in, gingerly prying the lightweight plastic fuel filler door open with a thin blade until you can pry it open. Think about how frustrated you were the last time you tried to open a can of paint when the lid was stuck down from crusty old paint under the edge - and then add that concept to standing outside on 18 degree pavement, with gusting winds next to a gas pump.

Yeah.

Back to the meat of the matter

Driven next to a Prius, the HS250 ceases to be a "nice" car. It is a bit quieter, because the Prius is a hatchback. The HS250 slams into expansion joints and pavement breaks while the Prius slides by. The HS hardly EVER runs on battery, whereas the Prius will run quite a long way on battery alone. Just no justification at all for the $16,000 price difference between the two.

Finally, the HS250 is just flat out .. unattractive. The shape, the grille, the trim - just unattractive. Okay, I'll be straight about it - it's ugly.

Final notes

Is it just a Houston thing, or what?

I took the Turd back to Sterling McCall today at noonish. I parked the car out front, walked in with my friend who got out of his 2008 Mercedes SLK, and entered through the front door.

We could have successfully blown up our underwear, as none of the passengers of Delta flight 253 were present to interact with us.

After a couple of minutes of STANDING in the center of the showroom, I walked back toward the entry door to ask a salesman who was hiding in his (lovely and Rosewood) cubicle if he could help me find the PR gal I was to ask for.

My friend, who drove up in a very nice Mercedes-Benz, was never greeted in any way.

Really? You want me to spend HOW much money? Couple this with the indifferent delivery experience, and the outright refusal regarding a test drive of a newer model LS460, I'm going to give Lexus's showroom experience a big, fat zero.