I'm starting today with a delightful piece of sarcasm and humor that I found last night; I know you won't
click through to share in my amusement, so I'm going to show you here:
Care And Feeding Instructions
by Hunter
Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 05:15:38 PM PDT
Congratulations on your purchase of your new 110th Congress! These care and feeding instructions will help ensure many years of future enjoyment of your Congress: please read them carefully.
CONTENTS
As packaged, your new Congress contains:
* 1 Capitol (white)
* 435 live Representatives (also mostly white)
* 100 live Senators (mostly blazingly, translucently white)
* Congress Chow, in the form of hundreds of billions of dollars in cash
* A variety of checks and balances. You may set these aside: they don't actually do anything.
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Soon after installing your new Congress, a green, cash-rich buildup may occur. This buildup is a normal part of the ecological balance in your Congress; the murky green colors will fade slightly as the ratio of legislators to beneficial lobbyists finds a natural balance.
2. Do not expose your Congress to direct sunlight, as this may cause excessive "loss" of Senators and Representatives. In order to best ensure the health of your Congress, keep it in a dimly lit place, preferably near a variety of restaurants.
3. If your Congress begins looking drab, place an American flag behind the tank. This will stimulate your Congressmen into a variety of unusual displays. When the effect fades, add more flags.
4. Do not taunt your Congress. Their feelings are easily hurt, and may result in uncontrollable, deafening wailing. If this happens, add additional flags.
5. A certain amount of sexual perversion is normal. If your household includes children, place your Congress in a location where children will not have direct access to it. Positioning your Congress away from telephone and other communications equipment will help prevent a buildup of prostitutes.
6. As normal behavior, your Senators and Representatives will travel in schools. You may notice portions of your Congress from time to time erupt in panic over an unseen enemy, usually hippies or communists. This is normal, and will usually resolve itself through a series of sternly worded but ineffectual bills.
7. Your Congress is a carefully organized hierarchical society. Watch them work together to build highways, bridges, and overfunded vanity projects. Do not, however, expect them to show interest in you or acknowledge your presence in any way. If that's what you wanted, you should have bought a dog.
8. Under optimal conditions, your Congress may develop one or two Presidential Candidates. The bright colors and dramatic displays of these creatures can provide hours of entertainment. While Presidential Candidates may add excitement to your Congress, note that they are territorial and prone to fighting: keep Candidates separate as much as possible. Also, be aware that Presidential Candidates require ten times the amount of nutrition of other legislators, so feed regularly.
9. Clean your Congress every two years to remove buildup and prevent disease. Wipe your Congress with a disinfecting solution made up of cursory debate, weakly contested primaries, and embarrassingly shallow campaign coverage. It won't make the slightest bit of difference, but what the hell -- it will give you something to do.
All sales final. No refunds. May exchange for identically dysfunctional Congress only.
What a writer!! I laughed each time that I read that last night.
Went plant shopping this weekend - Houston Garden Center had 70% off of flowering shrubs, and I got four hibiscus for $24. WOW. We planted the courtyard yesterday; Jeremy did the re-potting and I put up more basket hangers, attached the three planter boxes I had purchased for the big house to the garage wall where we're going to grow herbs, and cleaned up. It looks a lot better. Not as good as it WILL look eventually, but good.
We also went to install the new garbage disposer that I got at Sears to replace the one that was leaking from every joint and connection. Got the old one out; can't get the new one in. I'm at home waiting for the plumber I called from Craigslist to come install it for me.
He's late.
Picked up the used TV that I bought a few months ago (which broke after five weeks.) $239 for the repair plus the money I paid for it - not the best decision I've ever made, but it works again. With it, I can listen to cable programs in digital stereo; without it, my receiver isn't sophisticated enough to do that.
Hard to believe that I've had that receiver nearly ten years. Well, nine, maybe. I'd have to look.
Still Phaeton-izing, and have been reading online about Phaeton owners who are (gasp) having trouble with the complexity of the car, the expense of repairs and the unwillingness of VW to have its extended warranty cover such repairs.
As in - sensors that go bad easily, but require replacement of the larger component to fix properly. Like, the torque converter. And, on the W12 model (which is the one I like so much) to replace the torque converter, you have to pull the entire engine/transmission, can't use pneumatic or hydraulic wrenches, have to replace transmission fluid (which you can't do while the engine's in the car) and other nonsense. In other words, the repair shop (by not following the instructions) could seriously screw up your car. AND, how many boys do you know that read the instructions?
I mean, I downloaded the sunroof adjustment instructions from the internet for my car. Clearly, David Taylor didn't use them.
AND, the Phaeton W12 (2004 model) has different computerized, adjustable shocks than does the 2005 and 2006, AND if one goes bad, you have to replace all four since the newer model isn't compatible with the old model and the car's myriad on board computers can't communicate successfully with a mixed set. And, "shocks" are considered a wear item, not covered by the VW warranty. And, the new shocks are One Thousand Seven Hundred Fifty dollars.
Each.
In OTHER other words, a Phaeton could produce some serious financial headaches for the un-heeled owner. Plus, many opportunities for dealer indifference, and you KNOW how well I (don't) respond to that.
Thusly, I'm thinking that the Phaeton should be relegated to the realm of "saved by the Grace of God," and it's time to move on.
The plumber has called; he should be here shortly.
OJ and Bram are both yet asleep. Bram's been sick, and who knows how late OJ stayed up last night. He's supposed to be up to supervise the plumber. Ah, well.
A ton of work to accomplish this week. Bleh. Have to order the mailers to let people know I'm not doing tax work next year, and referring them to the two people I've picked to send them to (geographically vetted, of course.)
