Ah, a Thursday - the day before Friday, and the day before the weekend. I am to hear from Richard in a short while about whether I can expect to get paid this week - and how much, and I was just told by Rick that the hours here are 8 to 5. Uh-huh.

And, I still am scrambling to figure out how to pay rent and utilities - and then, there's the car payment due in just over a week. AND ..

So, this is starting to irritate me. Why did I think I could work for/with this guy?

Ugh.

Nicole called last night - a number of people at CPH are lining up to create an insurgent backlash against the "powers that be" there - she asked if I wanted to play. YOU BET! How fun is THAT?

I had a dream last night (which reminds me, I should write to Chris about it) that somehow, an unpubished script/score from a very famous author (actually, it was a 400 year old British author, I think, but who cares?) that we put on at CPH as a world premiere. We had spruced up the theater, replaced the carpeting and the seats, everything that Nicole, Nancy and I ever talked about. We had a full house, and ran it for MONTHS. It was cool, this dream.

I walked out on stage for a curtain speech, and it was like "I'm baack!"

Rick is meeting with the guy that we're hiring to replace the other Nicole.

Lunch with Jeffrey today.

Mikey wants to meet earlier tonight to work out, which could be good for me, since I have to work on the tax returns that are waiting for me. I have to extend my friend Scooter, and go up to Austin to pick up his tax work, and get started on THAT. (sighs)

After the weekend, Guy is going to work with Mikey and me to develop a work-out plan and an eating plan for the next two months. He used to be heavier than I ever have been, and he's down to about 210, but very beefy, with big arms and chest - I'm excited about that!

Okay, back to working on the business plan.

Another day with rain in the forecast.

Lance and I are about to run out for Thai buffet - hopefully, they'll have tapioca today - then, back to work on the business plan, then home to work out with Mikey, Guy is coming over for Bad Movie Night, and I have to work on this loan application for MJV's tax scofflaw client. MJV is already trying to think of how he can keep ALL of the money on the deal - I know how he thinks after all these years.

Well, my next talk in church is "The Inevitability of NOW" - focusing on the impossibility of actually being in the past or the future; from a physics standpoint, we can only be where we are right now. So, I'm back in the swirl, but this time, probably for different reasons.

Lovely. I find out last night that my new employer association can't pay me the promised monthly sum, and also, the one I work with every day is sulking in my general direction because I wasn't here this morning at 8:30. You see, HE was late (nearly the identical amount of time I was) and so he was expecting me to be here to "cover" things.

I had asked for a partial check for this morning, and Richard said he'd send it with Rick, who is now (I assume) withholding it as a sign of his displeasure.

I have a new tax client to meet at the apartment at 12:30, hopefully he'll show up.

We're supposed to have some word on whether we have our sales presentation tomorrow (the first one - the one we've been waiting on for weeks) but, that information has not yet come through. Frankly, if I have to make a living on the side from home, I don't know why I should bother coming in here and giving my time away.

Rick has previously told me that he feels I should have "something at risk" for my participation in this business; of course, he lives rent-free, expense-free, grocery-free, medical-free and everything else free on Richard's back - he has NOTHING at risk - I have to generate everything for myself each month "on God's good humor" as I put it.

(insert comment about self-righteous, priviledged Republicans here)

Well!

Independence Day - and I was BRILLIANT in church this morning! I had my epiphany about 11:00 last night while walking the dogs - everything I was experiencing was about my "sentence" (the Landmark description for the self-definition that one lives ones truth out of.) I was experiencing a lot of swirl, but I just wasn't getting it until Friday and Saturday, when I had all that STUFF going on with getting paid, and people showing up, etc.

I didn't do but the roughest of outlines on what I had to say, pulled about six quotes together from A Course in Miracles, the bible, the Science of Mind and Troward's essays.

Got to church about 9:30 - the Lutherans across the street had taken over the ENTIRE parking lot. Parked around the corner, was the first and only one there until about 10:00, by which time I had set everything up. We only had six today; but, I was BRILLIANT. I had EVERYONE talking, asking questions, posing situations, giving examples. It was GREAT. Afterward, Rosita (one of the other board members) said that she was so enjoying the little environment that we have created that she hated missing a Sunday! She loves the conversation, and what we're working on!

After church, drove home, changed, walked the mutts, and drove out to Mikey's to have lunch (yum!) and see Spiderman 2. That was fun. Then, a quick visit to Jarred (who was swamped - the only bartender working) and then to R&R's for dinner and QAF, which was very very good. After that, I scrubbed Ruby down at a coin-op car wash, drove home, wiped down the car, walked the dogs and now .. hopefully, I can get some sleep!

Tomorrow, I've decided to focus on getting some of the integrity back - waxing the car, grooming the dogs, working on some document projects .. that will feel just great.

I think I'm losing it. I know I'm having an anxiety attack - wow. A long time since I've had to deal with one of those. We interviewed two people today to replace Nicole, who just quit to take a job with a much higher base and health insurance. The afternoon was totally absorbed with that. We went to lunch at Miyako (which I hate) for Nicole's going away meal, and sometime around then, I started feeling like I was coming un-done. By the time we got to the second interview, I started having white spots, and feeling very light headed. My vision started to narrow, and I thought I was having a stroke or something.

After we over-interviewed the woman who doesn't fit into our team or need for an hour, we went back and talked to Lance about compensating him for July - he was fine with that.

And I didn't get paid today. Okay, I'm all about trusting in the Universe, and that things will work out for me without drama - but what the fuck is going on?

Was talking to Guy today, and learned through him that Jaecub (who earlier today told me that he was too busy this weekend to even think about meeting up with me) had asked him if they could get together this weekend. Okay, I can handle that.

But, why did I get stood up tonight by not one, but TWO guys?

So, I'm sure that everything has something to do with my Sunday sermon - "Declare your Independence" but .. uh, could we have a little revelation here? In a big fat hurry?

The Mormon (whom guy has taken to calling "the moron") has backed off about a country mile. Which is fine, when that boy busts out of the closet, it's going to be MESSY. However, I'm done supporting his LSAT effort.

I have to really focus on preparing some tax returns and getting all of my side job integrity into place tomorrow. For one thing, I'm going to have to figure out SOME way to cover my obligations for the 1st, and for another thing, I have to make sure I don't have ANY integrity issues outstanding in order that I can try to move through this.

So, tomorrow is going to be a VERY busy day for me.

Friday before the 4th of July. Nearly three full days of R&R - which include cleaning house, catching up on side work, grooming the dogs (oh, my - I MUST do that) and being profound in church on Sunday. It's going to be great.

"Fuzzy" (the man from Oklahoma who wanted to move in) has again dropped off the map after my telling him that I was not interested in hosting/supporting someone again. He backed WAY off and said that he only wanted to meet and get to know each other. But, he hasn't been calling since.

The Mormon is continuing to withdraw; which is fine. I'm no longer throwing baggage for other people. The 72 hours of peacefulness starts in just a few hours. I'm quite excited about it.

"Hot Pants" (as my friend Yvette used to call him) is dating someone - I hear through the grapevine. Ah, well. He was something when we were together, but .. I'm not throwing baggage for other people.

On Sunday, I'm speaking about "Declaring Your Independence." I'm about 30% through designing my presentation - I have some readings from Troward and from Emerson and Holmes to dig out - and I'm probably going to find something out of "The Course in Miracles." Basically, I'm going to talk about releasing the past - from a quantuum physics and mental standpoint -

I wonder if I clean up the dogs and the apartment, if my allergies will stop plauging me?

Going on Safari Saturday night - just for a quick "Jarred" hit .. nothing expected, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I could say a lot more about how crappy men are in general, but I'm sort of in mid-swirl with "declaring my independence," and I'm not clear how it's all going to shake out. Just a lot of emotional noise to be sifted through.

Ah, Tuesday. I may actually have a night OFF tonight. Our business meeting for tonight appears to have been rescheduled for Thursday night, and I could do something radical. Like trying to get caught up on my side work.

I'm the only one here in the office this morning so far - I just made some coffee, and I have to crack open our business plan and start working on it.

Class last night - again, I was left with the feeling that I've moved past the people who are around me - that they're at a level I was more than a year ago. It's kind of cool, but weird at the same time.

Everything that we were discussing about Troward last night made perfect sense to me; I was making connections on how the material inter-related, and the other people in the class were making connections about the material itself, and asking questions about how it related to basic concepts. It's hard to explain.

Fuzzy [the David from Oklahoma who wanted to come be my "house boy" more than a month back] called and IMd yesterday; seems he has another housing crisis. He called again last night after class, blah, blah, blah. I just know if I let him through the door, he's going to be "sticky."

Another day of scheduled rain .. my poor car. I need to make a run to Wally World at lunch to pick up more dog food and a few other things.

Well, I must off to my business plan..

Another rainy day - thundershowers all day. I don't remember this many consecutive days of rain and clouds since I've lived here.

I've got a slow start on today, for sure.

Missed a phone call from T last night - I can't imagine what he was calling about so late.

Had an email from the mormon last night asking me if I thought he was gay. As in "are you hitting on me?" I think I gave him both barrels. I didn't read his response this morning, I'm not sure I care to. I never did answer the question, either.

Saw "The Stepford Wives" last night with Nicole. That was fun.

Okay, I'm late, and I should already be in the car driving to work, so I'm off. Someone build me an ark with leather seats, a great stereo and a supercharger?

Another rainy day - have we woken up in Seattle somehow? Strange. It rained like crazy last night, and then overnight, and then this morning again ..

Worked out with Mikey last night for a while - did about five minutes on the stair master, and about DIED. I was so wiped out last night after he left that I sat down and fell asleep. For two hours.

Hm. Youngsters, don't let yourselves get out of shape. It's too hard to get it back.

Seeing a movie with Nicole tonight - "The Stepford Wives." "Farenheit 9/11" comes out this weekend, and I really want to see that. Michael the Peeler comes in tomorrow, and will be here until Sunday.

Got my hair cut today - YAY! I've spent my day reading articles to support our marketing effort, and now I'm about to pick up a book and start plowing through it to the same end. I have to start doing my reading for class on Monday, and I promised the Mormon that I would go through the Emerson quote I sent him and explain what the heck it was I was trying to say .. more work!

And, I have to run by the child care place, pick up their taxes and work on them this weekend. T is changing my spark plugs for me Saturday, and the parade is Saturday night. I've invited R&R to join us for the parade, and there's a chance they may actually do that.

I have two netflix movies that I haven't tried to watch, and another that should be there today. Yikes! And tomorrow night, a board meeting - so no movie watching then.

Somehow, this will all come together ..

Jejune. Wow. Class tonight was awesome. I hadn't read a THING (which I will touch on in a moment,) but still got a LOT out of the class using my tried-and-true approach of scanning ahead to the next passage, quickly reading the material we're about to cover, and then synthesizing with the ongoing conversation to say something brilliant.

Which I'm not committed to, in this pursuit, but it worked for tonight. Jesse (the minister) came up after the class was over, gave me a hug and said he was REALLY glad that I was in the class. That was cool.

And, tonight, three minutes before the class ended, I was able to find my reply to David (the Mormon's) relation of his spiritual beliefs (which are .. well. Yikes.)

I tried to track Jarred down today to encourage him to call Maureen the immigration attorney; without success. I left him a VM on the placebo number; perhaps he'll actually retrieve it.

Came home from my second effort at finding Jarred to find a whiny email from David (the Mormon) about my complaint yesterday at his statement that we could no longer hang out, only study. I was feeling all supercharged from my class, so I wrote QUITE the reply back. We'll see what that generates.

I've committed to starting walking with Lisa in the morning at 7:00 - yeek. And, tomorrow after work, I'm walking again with Mikey.

About that whole "declare your independence" thing for the 4th of July "talk," I'm cooking up some great ideas. Tonight's class was so LIBERATING. We distinguished that it's okay to have random disaster/illness/whatever fantasies - it's just like watching a scary movie. You can enjoy it, and then just shrug it off - it doesn't mean you've created that as reality.

And, we talked about being in the moment with things - like new relationships and new experiences - not mapping out the possible scenarios and pre-judging how things are going. About a world view that is either hostile (my heritage) or friendly (my developing trend.) It was just .. wow. Validating. I felt like I was again on the right path.

Earlier today, I started feeling like this new gig might run out of money before we hit some success, but after class tonight, I was able to put that all away.

More tomorrow .. hasta

Monday, Monday -

Had an interesting email from the Mormon (David) last night - he's no longer able to "hang out" with me, as his schedule is too busy. Probably for the best; he's going to be one tortured puppy.

And David (fuzzy) called several times Friday, looking to be rescued. No return phone number, and he stopped calling after about 15 minutes. Not persistent.

Got the kitchen swamped out, which was good, got all the ceramic ducks that Jenny gave me five years ago off the patio this morning, and went food shopping with Mikey on Saturday - blew the entire contents of my wallet at the Wal-Mart. So, my refrigerator is FULL of food, which is a wild rarity. Tomorrow morning, I'm scrubbing the bathroom, and then my apartment will be mostly clean. For a few days.

Michael the peeler comes in this week to work for Pride weekend. I've invited Larry down from Dallas, but we'll see where that goes.

I'm mentally preparing for my talk in two weeks about declaring one's independance. What should I declare my independance from? Hm.

Had a young man from Brazil send me an email a few weeks ago - he says he likes me; works for .. well, the big, nasty construction contractor that's in the news so much lately. Wants to come for a visit. Seems needy, but nice. Asked me if I'd help pay for the ticket over the weekend.

Uh, no.

I'm feeling blase this morning for no apparent reason. Just not my usual, skippy self. I'll survive.

Another rainy day in the sub-tropics. Not that I mind. I love it. Actually, we get more rain here (I've heard) than they do in Seattle, we just get sunshine in between.

I'm tired today so far. I have a few things to do, but nothing earth-shattering. Lance is cranking on our presentations, Rick is in a seminar until lunch, and it's very quiet here today. I have seminars tomorrow and Friday all day for my loan officer renewal. Oh boy.

I made David his own sub-folder in my Outlook yesterday. He's one of the few who gets to have all of his email archived. What does this mean? Nothing, of course. He writes me usually twice a day, and is very playful. Right now, he's engaged in an ongoing discussion with me about religious views, trying to draw out my thoughts.

At least he's interested enough to ask questions.

Walked on the treadmill last night with Mikey again. Had a few minutes at home, and then had to dash down to a board meeting in Clear Lake for the church. So, my house is a wreck, and I'm pooped. =) At least I have this Saturday "off."

Meeting with an attorney to help her craft a petition against the attorney general for mis-reporting of child support information on the credit bureaus. Interesting concept.

I could go home and lay down. Business meeting at 6:30 tonight .. maybe I'll try to sneak out of here a little early.

Another rainy Houston morning - it looks like it's going to storm again. The weather predicts that we'll have weather like this all week.

Rick is out this morning, and Lance and I have to create some metrics for our marketing. I have to terminate a guy this morning, and I don't know him very well, so I don't know how he's going to react. This makes me a little edgy.

Had my first "Roots of Science of Mind" class last night - okay, who knew there were so many people pursuing the Science of Mind teaching? 17 people in this class, which is an ADVANCED class. Last night, we were reading and evaluating Ralph Waldo Emerson, which is enough to make one's brain sit up and say "wait! huh?"

So, I have a load of reading to do to get caught up, I have a sermon to prepare for next Sunday, and board meetings tonight and tomorrow night. Thursday night, Guy is coming over to watch DVDs, and David is coming over Saturday evening.

Now that David has a computer, I'm hearing from him two or more times a day. This is a good thing.

I have to get some contracts written for Scott today, and I have to get some lawsuits written for Mitch soon. Of course, he hasn't quite gotten me all the details yet, but he's pressing for me to finish the writing. Okay, sure.

Bleh at the nasty office coffee this morning.

Nicole invited me to a movie last night - boy, it was tempting to skip driving ALL the way to the north part of Spring. Now that gas is so expensive, I'm driving more than ever. Bizarre.

I feel another poem coming on; this one based on the writings of Emerson (be yourself, be true to yourself, and don't try to conform) and romance in general. I'll let you see it when I get it done.

Another busy day - I have to work tonight on documents for side clients - I'm way behind. The weekend promises to be busy, too.

Had a great night with David last night - he's such a wonderful guy. Made spaghetii for him and for Mikey, hung out and chatted for hours, worked on some problems for the LSAT with him. I think he's coming back tomorrow evening and Saturday evening.

Walked with Mikey on the treadmill yesterday - okay, so that is something I need to get back to. I wasn't wiped out, but I was certainly not as fit as I was before Lisa had to stop walking with me. Lisa has suggested that we start walking in the mornings at 6:00, so that I can still make it to work on time. I think that's probably the direction I'm going to go.

Had an email from Jesse Jennings that said I could still join the Roots class that I skipped this past Monday. YAY! I have to take a two-day loan officer recertification class next week as well. Bleh.

Had a loan referral from Nicole today. (MWUAH to the beautiful Nicole) I have to hook up the fax machine at home tonight somehow.

Had lunch today with Mitch - he's just a nut. He wants to sue anyone who's crossed his path. What a character. He says he's coming over tonight to work with me, but I have a suspicion that he'll bail at the last minute, as is his pattern. What I really REALLY want to do tonight is to have a quiet night at home with the DVD player. I don't know if that will work out, though.

I love LOVE LOVE my new messenger bag that I bought on eBay. I've been eyeballing it for MONTHS, and when my old green cloth briefcase started falling apart, I found one that had no bids going into the last few hours, and nabbed it. It makes me SO happy.

We have a big proposal to work on for a local hospital; I'm wondering if we have the competency to actually bid the work. It's due in a week - bleh.

Another hour to go, and then home for the day. I'm feeling another poem coming on.

Rain, rain, go away - come again some other day.

And I'm not talking about the rain outside. That's fine. The rain inside my head is NOT helping me.

Had a decent evening with David last night. Of course, he and I get along like peas and carrots, so that was only to be expected. He loved all OVER my apartment - loved the colors, the furniture, the fabrics, the wall art, everything. He was very relaxed and casual - we chatted for most of the evening, and worked on LSAT materials for about 45 minutes. He never said boo about anything gay related.

Today, I'm working [again] on our business plan. I just feel stymied, but I'm slogging through. I skipped class last night, which was probably not the best idea, as I would likely have gotten some clarity on whatever this is that's kicking my butt. However, I did get the apartment cleaned up, which was good, and I can see my way through to finishing up the midtown tax office integration, maybe as early as tonight, in which my serenity will be regained at home.

Now, if I could just be equally motivated about grooming the dogs...

Mikey is coming over tonight to start our workout program. That would be a good thing, I guess, but I'm not all "shot in the ass" about it.

David (the other one, the fuzzy one from Oklahoma) has totally changed his communication patterns, now that he's in Houston. Perhaps he's no longer so motivated because he doesn't need a place to stay or transportation to get here.

Bleh @ men in general.

I think I'm in love with the new Mercedes-Benz E320CDI. It would be about the same amount of money monthly as having a boyfriend, it gets 27 MPG in the city, goes 0-60 in 6.6 seconds, and has a six year, 100,000 mile warranty. And, since it has a GPS tracker built in, I know it would never cheat on me.

Why is it that late today, I feel that my elevated mood over the last few weeks as been the sole product of a single emotional input source? And why is that seemingly so stupid and ridiculous?

I dashed home to clean up the apartment on account of David [the student] coming over. I should be headed to class at Creative Life church in Spring right now, but I just feel so not into it. I got everything picked up, even though what happened to most of the stuff was that it got tossed onto the guest room bed, which is overflowing with stuff from the midtown office, dusted, cleaned the bathroom, picked up the kitchen, put away the obvious gay publications, put all the files in the bedroom filing cabinet away, and generally prepared to repel boarders.

Why do I have it that David is going to react badly when he gets here and figures out that I'm gay? Why does it matter?

Tomorrow night, Mitch is coming over to work on his divorce suit, and some other issues, David is supposed to be back Wednesday night for more LSAT tutoring, and Thursday, I think David the fuzzy man from Oklahoma will be arriving.

I have to finish consolidating all this midtown stuff into my apartment, and clearing off this guest room bed so that I don't look like I'm living in a trailer. Most of it will easily be disposed of in drawers and the like, it's just about 30 minutes of work. Maybe if I get out of bed early enough in the morning. I also have to scrub out the shower/tub.

I need to re-center. I guess that I need to re-visit what I said I was moving away from - graduating from - in my last church sermon. I'm sure that has something to do with the general state of "yuck" that I'm feeling.

I guess that's it for this post.

Happy Monday morning to you all!

I am beginning my first full week at R&Rs office - gradually bringing things in from the car, which has a full-ish trunk of office related stuff. I have to spend my week working on business plans, and proposals for bid opportunities.

The weekend was fun, but different. I taught all day Saturday, then had Mikey over to reconfigure my new computer. The apartment is a wreck. But, we got the new computer totally up and running, which is great. I have Mitch coming over tomorrow evening, so I have to clean up my place pretty darned fast, and I have David (from Oklahoma) coming sometime soon, and David (the student) coming over for tutoring Wednesday night.

The pressure is on. And I start my new Science of Mind class tonight.

No safari this week. Maybe no safari next week either. Interesting.

Got moved out of the old office, and MJV moved EVERYTHING (including the carpeting) out yesterday.

Nothing grand to write today - more will follow!

Black diamond eyes
A smile that lights
the dark corners of your soul
Tall, lean, long, graceful

Universal obsession

Old men, young men, pool hustlers
lawyers, blue collar, blue blood

All line up out of hope

A nod brings warmth
A smile, relief
A wink lifts the spirits

Every night a seething throng
waits their turn
for any attention that may
come their way

Everyone made to feel special

But only one
Really is.

Copyright 2004, Douglas J. Hord

Friday evening, and the first time I've skipped the gay.com-a coffee event in weeks. I didn't leave the office until 6:00, and by the time I got home, got the dogs out and so on, it was time to go over there and I just flat didn't feel like it.

The weekend is upon me, and my weekends have been so much more fun than in years. Friday nights have become social, albiet with the gay.com girls, and then Saturday mornings with Mikey and the Ben Breakfast at Barnaby's. Tomorrow at 11:45, I'm picking up Judy at the airport, and we're going to knock around until it's time for Safari. I have to transcribe some poetry tomorrow morning, and I have to work on my "lesson" for church on Sunday. I've already planned it out, so I just have to make some outline notes and be prepared. And dig up some quotes.

This weekend's challenging question is - do I give Jarred a gift? Two gifts? I have started writing a poem for him .. which I referred to two nights ago. I picked up this really cool little foilo to transcribe some poetry into (it's all in the archived blog, folks) and I've decided to call my nascent collection of poems about men "Deep Smit." Which amuses me. Jarred's poem is going to be titled "Universal Obsession."

Worked with Rick today for six hours. Got some things done. We set up a merge document for the full service recruiting side that we'll start sending out every two weeks. That's a cool thing. Did a bunch of projections on our a la carte side, and that's starting to look even more promising than before.

My house is no where near my normal standards of "clean." With Judy coming in, I was torn between cleaning it up for her, or waiting until her whirlwind leaves and cleaning then.

I have to get my car cleaned up tomorrow. Yeek! It's just disgusting. I'm going to see about the state inspection and an oil change, too.

Well, that's the update. I'll write more about how my sermon on graduation goes.

Howdy! Time for a big ol' blog blob. It's nearly been a month, and there's a lot going on. How about we start with headlines?

THE DIVO GETS THE CALL!

R&R CONVINCE THE DIVO TO CHANGE CAREERS!

THE DIVO ONCE AGAIN WRITES POETRY BECAUSE OF SOME MAN HE CAN'T HAVE!

How was that for a teaser?

Okay, so I haven't looked at Jarred's picture (except for the one that I made the wallpaper on my Sprint phone, which I can't really avoid all that much) in two days. Who's Jarred, you ask? Why .. he's the bartender at this nasty, trashy, sleazy dump of a bar that I've been going to for more than a year because he flirts mercilessly with me. And because my friend Mikey can try to pick up street hustler boys, which makes him happy. I'm happy, Mikey's happy, everyone's happy! Last Saturday, Mikey took his digicam to the bar and snapped a picture of Jarred - which he emailed me. Now, it's EVERYWHERE. We're going back "on Safari" this Saturday. I know it's just pointless, meaningless flirtation, but there's a LINE at the bar of men jockeying for Jarred's attention, and he pays most of what he doles out to me. Several other people have noticed this, so it's not just a random fantasy of MINE. Although, I'm quite skilled at that, it seems. Jarred's birthday was a week ago this past Monday, and I'm waffling as to whether to acknowledge how much gladness he brings me with some sort of gift. Well, heck, there's a gift that's already in a box, but I'm having second thoughts. I'm thinking of hand writing out all of my poetry (about boys) in a nice sort of a folio thing, and writing one for/about him and giving him THAT.

Now, what was our next topic? Yes, I'm leaving the loan shark business and moving back into HR Recruiting. I've already started splitting my days between the one and the other. The afternoons - they're great! There are people to work with, people to work with things on, and things to be created and done and thought up and things. I love it! It's so much better than pushing paper. I'm not really a salesman anyway, so my abilities to bring in lending business were more because I'm a great networker and problem solver that people trust and rely on than going out and hauling in new leads. I should be fully transitioned in June. Which means, no more walking to work. No more sleeping until 9:00. No more part-time work. Hm. I'm enjoying the change, though.

And, yes, I have received the call. Which call, you ask? Why, the one that tells me what the heck it is I'm supposed to be doing on this silly rock, of course. I've been wandering around for the last nearly 30 years wondering just where I fit in. Most of the places I've tried to fit in were places that I was told I should pursue, or thought I wanted to pursue. I never really LOVED anything passionately, and I'm just not ever going to put myself deeply into something that I don't really love to do. Professional singer? Tried it, no. Lawyer? Tried it, no. Mortgage broker? Nope. BORING and way too stressful. I produced musicals and variety shows. Nice, but didn't keep me up at night, excited and thinking about what I should do with it. I've taught college for 17 years, and that's been okay. I'm tired of teaching the same material over and over, though. However, our minister at church (which I have attended sporadically over the last few years, but which classes I have soaked up as fast as they could offer them) has taken a six month leave, starting the day that I accepted a term on the board of directors. Sneaky, wasn't that? So, the other [two] board members and I agreed to take on the running of the church while she was gone. And, the first Sunday that she was gone, I was on deck. I had already agreed to "give the talk," before she revealed her plans, but I found that I was responsible for the WHOLE shooting match. And, I wasn't in a class (that she taught) that I could regurgitate back to those assembled.

WOW. I was awake most of the night, mentally preparing. Nervous? No. When you've roller skated into a restaurant dressed in a bright red fairy costume, tutu and wings, getting in front of people doesn't exactly ring your chime. However, I was so turned on by trying to create a linear POINT to everything I had in mind, and making it vibrant and real and interesting ..

Got up Sunday morning (way before my normal 9:00 roll out) and was at church (25 miles away) at 9:30. It was BRILLIANT. Then, just last Sunday, I did Ver. 2.01. Spoke about "Victim Consciousness." Again, up all night (well, after two and a half hours of Jarred flirting with me, and then mentally structuring my "talk," I got about three hours of sleep) and when I got back home around 1:00, I was too jazzed to nap. This Sunday, I'm speaking about "Graduating to the Next Phase of Your Life," and I already have everything planned out. I just have to look up some quotes that go along with what I have in mind. My long time friends have been astonished at how turned on I am after I leave the church, and my overall mood as skyrocketed.

So, I'm going to be a minister. It's going to take five years, and $25,000.00. I'll have another degree (this one a Master's of Divinity) and right about that time, our minister will be ready to retire ..

I'm jazzed. I finally feel like I know what I'm here for. It combines everything that I love doing - performing, organizing, writing, thinking/creating, and teaching. It's an amorphous task - cooking up something new to say EACH WEEK that's relevant, interesting, linear and a contribution to people's lives.

The response of the members of our [very little] church has been very positive. VERY positive. They LOVE me and what I say. I'm so happy about it!

Well, that's the Divo update. Thanks for having a look.