So church today was

So, church today was AWESOME.  We talked about the movie “Crash,” and everyone had outstanding ideas about the movie and observations about pre-judging people and situations, and about bigotry and racism.  It is so great, what we’re putting together down there.

Sending out another blast fax campaign tonight.  I want to sell at least ten books this week; forty would be better.

I have some things to write up for the church, I have homework due, I have a ton of work to do, and I just feel like .. I’m falling further and further behind.  I haven’t been this busy since before 11Sept01.  

Bought a new Treo 650 phone today.  My Palm Pilot has been broken for months, and I’m starting to have problems dealing with being away from the office and not having it.  Mikey wants to know if I’ll upgrade his phone with my cast off, but what I want to do is get him a cool new phone with a camera.

So.  Last night, Mikey and I hit the sleezebar, EJ’s.  What a night.  A 55 year old Hispanic guy invited me to pay him for sex, and was so persistent that first, Mikey tells him that Mikey has the veto authority over anyone I may have sex with, and then calls me from the next bar stool so that my phone will ring and give me a reason to ignore the hustler.  THEN ..

N8 calls, well, his PHONE calls.  A woman (in a slight huff) wants to know who I am, sending text messages to her phone.  Uh, wait a minute.  So, I assure her that the only text message I’ve sent in a few hours was to N8.  “Oh, just a minute.”  Rustle, rustle.  “Hello?”

It’s N8.  “Hey, how’s it going?  You can send messages to my phone?”  Hello, it’s 2005, right?  “I’m in Manhattan with my girlfriend.”  Girlfriend?  “blah, blah, blah, blah.”

THEN .. Michael (the Peeler, whom I just kicked to the curb) shows up.  He’s acting all .. well, peeler-y, and I ignored him.  THEN, this guy who looks like a runway model asks me if I want to pay HIM for some “trouble,” and I decide it’s time to go home.

This afternoon, I come home, natter on the internet and work on my stuff, run to Half Price Books, sell a trunk load of books for $8.00, and buy three used DVDs for $30.00.  Come home, start walking the dogs and feeling like I’m gonna DIE with this heat, and Nicole called about having dinner, which was quite fun.  Come home, start working on some website publications, and phone call after phone call.  I’m talking to Chuck about there being no Southern Decadence (on account of the likelihood of there being no New Orleans) and .. N8 calls.

Let’s talk to N8.

He’s still in NYC.  The “girlfriend” is gone, and he assures me that said girlfriend is only a ruse so that he can get free air travel.  He tells me that she was weirded out by reading my several text messages (going back two and a half weeks) on his phone, which he didn’t know were there.  He’s miffed that I’ve not been in touch.  Assured me in some weird way that the girlfriend is NOT an issue, but then asks me why I should think something between he and I is possible when we’re twenty years apart in age and I don’t help him grow out of his 20s.

At which point, I tell him “what about the emails I’ve sent detailing how we’re getting you into law school, etc.”

He says that he hasn’t received any email from me at all.  Since he left here that Monday, two weeks ago tomorrow.  He doesn’t understand that Hotmail will route people’s emails into their junk mail folder without letting them know.  He hates computers.  He hates Texas; wants to move to San Diego.  The conversation gets lighter.  Then, he has to go.  Calls back.  Has to go.

Whatever.  He’s back on Tuesday.

Anyway, having my teeth cleaned in the morning, then working on the stack of work I planned on completing today and didn’t get to.

Saturday evening update

Well, it’s later.  I’ve raised enough dust to kill a horse.  Sold four books on Amazon already, which is pretty cool since I just listed them this morning.  

The bigger living room cabinet is ORGANIZED for the first time since I’ve lived here.  All the magazine binders are lined up like little soldiers in there, as are the home recorded VHS tapes, and a few other things.  The quarter round book case is re-done, and dusted.  All of the books in the book shelves in the living room are reorganized and dusted.  I moved a pedestal and the vase that was on it into my bedroom (yes, I found a place for it.)

I’m making some dinner, and then I guess I’ll clean the bathroom and get cleaned up myself to go meet my two sisters, the other two Whores of Baghdad.  It should be fun, as Michael the Peeler and Jason will be there.

No show from the guy who was going to work on Ruby.  T says he can’t do it in the foreseeable future.  Ugliness.  I hope he just returns my adapter that he carted off four months ago.

I’m having my teeth cleaned on Monday – that’s a relief.  Learned that there is yet ANOTHER bill from my emergency room drama, this one from the doctor.  That one is $280, so my entire trip cost $1000.00.  Ah, well.

I need to pull everything out of the curio and dust in there.  Ugh.  Maybe next weekend.

It looks like Hurricane Katrina may hit New Orleans.  What will all of these gay homosexual queers do if they can’t have sex in public over Labor Day weekend?  

I bought some Macguire’s car wax products on the web today.  It looks like I’ll be applying them to Ruby next weekend also.

Tomorrow’s heat index is supposed to be up to 112!!  Holy cow!

Okay, time for more work.

Saturday housework

Saturday housework – been going through the stacks of books, opening up cabinets, rummaging through things I haven’t read or looked at in years, trying to decide what should stay in the “permanent collection” and what needs to get sold.

So far, I have a HUGE stack of books that are headed for the universe, and I finally (after six months) got all my spiritual study books into one place.  Now, if I can actually ORGANIZE them into some sort of .. well, organization.  That would be great.

I’ve kicked up a ton of dust in here, of course.  Urk.  That forecasts serious allergy issues in a short while.  

Agreed to hire this .. guy .. to come re-wire my amp rack in Ruby; went and bought the cables for it.  Uh, he’s apparently still with last night’s trick.  Blarg.  I was looking forward to having that re-done and having better sound.

I’m about 40% through re-doing the cabinets in my living room.  Dusting, reorganizing and pulling out the ENTIRE stereo rack and re-doing it is next.  Once I have all of this done, I’ll see what/whether I’m going to unload some VHS tapes.  I’ve gone through them over and over to cull out the ones I don’t watch, I think I’m down to the basics.  I’m going to hang my XM antenna outside, put the receiver up on top of the TV (it generates SO damned much heat!  Plus, I can’t see it way down inside the cabinet.)  I wish Matticia was here.  Or that T wasn’t so damned busy.  He was supposed to drop off a power adapter for Ruby last night (that he has,) but apparently got busy.

I guess I’m going to have to take it to a shop to get it done.

Decided against going to Decadence.  I just can’t justify the expense.  Just gasoline is going to be $150.00.  The room over $600, and for two days.  Urk.  I don’t think so.  I’ll stay here, and get more .. uh, work done?  Probably.

For the first time since I’ve lived here, I’ve pulled out the reference books I have and am putting them neatly near the desk.  As in, I could actually USE them.  Amazing.  Actually, I need to dust all of them off and get them up on the tallboy.  

BOI NEWS

So, I kicked Michael to the curb.  I told him Thursday that I had Nicole here, and couldn’t deal with him.  He started calling yesterday morning about today, and I sent him a text message saying that he’d have to find another place to stay when he was in town, as I was done with him.  He text’d back asking what he’d done wrong, but what’s the point in trying to discuss things with him?  For one thing, he never listens to a damned THING and for another, he’s an idiot.

Then, I went and picked up Jason, who looks like dogshit.  He’s gaunt, his face is gray and haggard, and .. blah.  He talked ALL the way to my place about how .. blah, blah .. his wife is sick, she can’t work, he’s too depressed to work, they’re living in a motel, people are accusing him of doing coke instead of working, blah .. blah ..

Well, you know?  I’ve gotten adept at listening between the lines, and here’s what I detect has happened:

• He married a girl who liked coke as much as he does


• They went hog wild together


• They got evicted


• Her car got repo’d


• They lost all their “stuff”


• They’re staying in a motel, as they can’t get the money together to pay for rent


• Their illnesses are a result of non-stop partying


• They’re out of money because they’re having to actually PAY for their habit


• They’re clueless as to their own behavior being the core of what’s wrong

Of course, at the end of the evening (after dashing off while at Spec’s, while at the movie, while somewhere else, and coming back from the bathroom sniffling and snorting like crazy) he asks me if I’ll loan him some money.  Uh, how about “no way?”

A-mazing.

So, now we are officially boi-less here at the casita.  All of them have been purged, kicked out, passed off and hurled into the abyss.

And, not another word from N8.  That’s probably the universe protecting me.

Okay, time to make some food and then, back to my efforts.

Nicole shared brilliance

Excellent words from my dear friend Nicole this morning:

   If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
  If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
  Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
  Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
 
  Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
  If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
  A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
  Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
  The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
  Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
 He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
 Why would he treat you any differently?
 
  Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
  Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything.
  He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior.
  Change comes from within.
  Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
 
  He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
  Never let a man define who you are.
  Never borrow someone else's man.
  If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
  A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
 
  All men are NOT dogs.
  You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
  You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
  You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
  Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
  Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him -- he takes it for granted.
 
  Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
  (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
  Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
  Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

So Ive been working

So, I’ve been working all day on the ethics course for the mortgage broker CE – and trying to get the doctor’s loan materials into the lender so that we can close it.  Tomorrow, I have all kinds of crap to work on, and two doctor’s appointments flanking the morning and evening.

Talked to the boi today.  Last night, I had dinner with my client John – who, as it turns out, is a running buddy of the boi.  Oh, my was THAT conversation lively!  The boi is thought to be gay by EVERYONE of those people he hangs with, since he’s always been sporting a sugar daddy even though he’s always had beautiful women wanting to be with him.  My client was telling me about all these sugar daddies that he would show up with, and how none of that crowd could figure out what the deal was.  I offered that he was just sexually flexible when money was involved.  If he can avoid having to put out and still make the situation work, he will.  If he has to put out, I bet he does.

I can tell you that he’s very much wanting his big daddy right now.  He’s living in an extended stay hotel, eating crap for food, has no phone, no computer – what happened to his wife’s luxury apartment downtown?  The five bedroom home in Vegas that they were going to buy?  The advertising business?  Is it again that when you snort all your money up your nose, things don’t work very well in life?

I don’t know, I’m just saying.

Tomorrow needs to be a more productive day than today felt.  Today, I felt all sinusy with allergies.  Yuck.

La Minx is really wanting to go to Decadence.  Yesterday, I talked to T for the first time in EONS; he was saying that his boyfriend wants to go to Atlanta with his EX-boyfriend, and T responded with “if you do that, I’m going to Decadence with the Divo.”  Which scotched that whole notion on his nasty, cheating, lying bastard boyfriend’s part.  I talked to Curt tonight about going, and he’s going to call over to the Maison du Puy to see about getting me a room.  Larry’s going to be there (staying somewhere on the other side of a body of water,) and I’m just not sure about the whole “stay up until the crack of dawn” program.  He (la Minx) got hired for another opera, so I’m back to finding someone for the gay prom in November.

The blog still won’t put my entry titles in.  Blarg.

The Peeler was here last night – he was resident for 20 minutes before heading over to EJ’s to “dance.”  During that time, he managed to break the toilet handle.  He came in around 2:30, crawled into MY bed, which is now a full instead of a queen, and started snoring at 5:00.  Driven out to the sofa, I slept fitfully until about 7:30, at which time he was snoring so loudly that it was coming through the closed bedroom door.  I went to my appointment with Lloyd to have my head re-aligned, then bought gas for Ruby (which was FORTY-EIGHT DOLLARS, thank you VERY much.)  Came back home around 11:00, and he was up doing some laundry.  He starts in with I should be excited to go to Decadence since he’ll be there.

I said “after as rude as you were to me at Mardi Gras, you think that I gave a rat’s ass if you’re at Decadence?”  Then, he starts in with “you put me on the spot when we were at dinner with Curt the other day – I never intended to make you pay for my meals that you were complaining about.”

Oh, yeah, that’s why you bolted from the table without talking about the bill, and headed for your car.  I read about that in Miss Manners all the time.

Anyway, there was no sense talking to him about anything.  So, I ignored him.  When he comes back tomorrow, I’m telling him he and his snoring habit can sleep on the sofa.

Then, I’ll tell him he can find another place to stay when he’s in town shaking down old men for money.

Speaking of men with repeating patterns, I heard from Joel the other day – seems he’s been locked out of where he was living AGAIN.  By my best count, that’s the sixth time since I locked him out in November.  This one lasted only two weeks.  He tells me that he and the guy had a fight, and Joel stayed away for four days and nights.  Uh, that would pretty much do it for me if the man I was dating did that.  Anyway, he just doesn’t understand why this keeps happening to him.

It’s now 21:00, and I think it’s time to watch the rest of this Netflix and then hit the sack.  The boi wants me to pick him up so we can hang out, but he’s missed his window.  He’s headed to EJ’s in 90 minutes anyway, and the big red taxi service has closed down tonight.

just for all the str8 bois in my world 

More on the eBay freakazoid

He sells a lot of postcards, but in going through his feedback profile - he doesn't like gay boys at ALL. In fact, he smears them in his feedback.

Lovely.

Anyone have a flashlight to illuminate that man's closet?

Got a number of things done today; still have a huge list for tomorrow.

Jayson was in touch today - he'd LOVE to hang out, especially if I give him money. "Call me tomorrow," he says. PJ says "send me $100 so I can buy a bus ticket and come hang out with you."

It seems to be the glomming of the barnacles. And, where's N8?

Shopping with eBay freakazoids

So, everyone knows I'm an eBay whore for stuff from the 1938 20th Century Limited. Every morning, I have two separate emails detailing all of the 20th Century Limited stuff that hits eBay.

A few days ago, a postcard reproduction of the 1938 Century at LaSalle Street station in Chicago hit eBay. The picture was enough to sell me on the concept, and so I opened my bidding software to buy it.

Since I work, and am not sitting at my computer as the auctions end (and, after more than 400 successful transactions, wanting to be as effective as possible) I used my auction software - called "sniping" software, as it slams in a bid in the last few seconds of an auction.

This morning, while working, the auction software does its thing, and I win the auction for said postcard - $5.95 plus $1.00 shipping. Yeah, it's insane, but it's what I intended.

Without thinking about it, I went right over to Pay Pal and paid for the auction. A few minutes later, I get a hostile email from said seller, as follows:

I do not accept Paypal.
Cash, money order, check or Bidpay please.

Okay, I'm willing to send a money order. So, I go back to Pay Pal to CANCEL the payment I just made. Before I finish, I receive ..

An analysis of your bidding patterns strongly indicates that you are using sniping software. The fact that you attempted to pay using Paypal despite my strong warning - coupled with my warnings about using sniping software reinforce that you didn't read the listing.

I suggest you go back and read it in its entirety - at least the portions related to sniping and payment methods. I will be happy to release you from your bid with no feedback filed (so long as you assist in retrieving my eBay fees).

If you insist on purchasing this item, then I will proceed with the terms of sale clearly stated in my listing.

Okay. So, I go to the auction, and find this HUGE listing. As follows:

USERS of SNIPING SOFTWARE:
*** BEWARE *** there's a message for you near the end of this listing

DESCRIPTION
at the LaSalle Station in Chicago Ilinois, circa 1953.
Type: a reproduction postcard digitally generated from a scanned image
Size: 3 1/2 inches by 5 1/2 inches
Condition: Mint Postally: Unused
"Warhawk Reproductions" only appears on the eBay photo
(this postcard is approved for mailing by the USPS)

SHIPPING
I do not sell or ship to Germany, France or Russia
Bid with confidence!
I guarantee all of my auctions!
(See the refund offer below)
Packaging and Postage is $1.00 for shipments within the USA; Canada is $1.50; all other overseas is $2.00
Insurance (if desired and available only in the US) is $2.00- please let me know if you want it.
I strongly recommend that buyers elect insurance.
BY DECLINING INSURANCE THE BUYER AGREES TO HOLD THE SELLER HARMLESS IN THE EVENT OF LOSS OR DAMAGE DURING SHIPMENT
My items are always shipped with an acid-free plastic sleeve and stiff cardboard protection so the cards are not bent in the mail.
I simply cannot be held responsible for an item after it leaves my possession.
REFUNDS:
If you are not satisfied with your purchase any reason (other than damage by the USPS), you may return it for a full refund of your purchase cost (less sales tax, insurance and twice the actual cost of postage). Buyer must contact me for a return authorization before returning the item and must assist seller in recovery of seller's eBay fees. The original, undamaged item and packaging materials must be returned within 7 days of receipt of the authorization.
This offer is void if you use sniping software or you didn't read the listing and don't want a reproduction.

EXCLUDED BIDDERS:
Because of past problems with bidders with 0 feedback, I no longer accept bids from "just -born", 0 feedback or less than zero feedback UNLESS you contact me via email prior to bidding.
Any person with 0 (or less) feedback that bids on one of my items and has not contacted me via email will have their bid cancelled.
Questions should be directed to cpeters@tampabay.rr.com
We only sell through eBay listings
Seller will contact buyer - please do not use eBay's checkout process.


HOW TO STOP SNIPERS! --
An Important Tip from eBay's Web site:

eBay says: "Whenever you place your bid, bid your ABSOLUTE maximum. If you think you have determined your max, ask yourself if you would have bid $1 more to win in the face of a competing bid. If you are willing to spend another dollar to win, you haven't found your max.
The amount of your bid is far more important than the timing of your bid.
Decide the maximum you're willing to pay and enter this amount. Ebay will now confidentially bid up to your maximum amount.
You don't have to keep an eye on your auction as it unfolds.
A sniper can only win if they bid higher than your maximum bid."
This item may be available in larger sizes - 4 by 6, 5 by 7 or 8 by 10 inches. Check my eBay store by clicking here and if it's not listed, send me an email. If it's available, I'll list it immediately. Please visit my eBay store which contains 4 by 6, 5 by 7, 8 by 10 inch photo prints and postcard reproductions of railroads, Florida history and other US cities, as well as nature scenes and a few books
PAYMENTS
I accept:

* checks (which may be held until they clear depending on buyer's feedback),
* money orders,
* cash (I don't recommend its use and I don't make change if you do use cash), or
* Bidpay (Western Union).
*
I do NOT accept Paypal.

Payment must be made within 10 days of seller's notification of winning bid.
Late payments may be assessed a penalty fee (applied to bid price, insurance, sales tax and shipping costs).

Totals for multiple items wins:
If you request a total, there is a $3.00 service charge UNLESS you provide the item numbers, your address (so we know if sales tax applies) and your preference for insurance

Florida residents must pay sales tax.

USERS of SNIPING SOFTWARE ARE NOT WELCOME TO BID ON MY ITEMS
I DO NOT WANT YOUR BUSINESS
If I determine that a winning bidder has used sniping software, they will be placed on my blocked bidders list and will receive appropriate and unwanted (by them) feedback.
THE FINE PRINT:

* Combined Shipping: - we will ship up to three items for the single item price. We do not combine shipments of photoprints and postcards unless you purchase insurance.
* Payment Totals: There is a $3.00 charge to provide totals UNLESS you provde all item numbers, your address (so we know if sales tax applies) and your preference for insurance
* Insurance is optional, and we never have had to file a claim, but we simply cannot be responsible for an item after it is delivered to the US Post Office. We strongly recommend that you buy insurance. By refusing insurance, bidder agrees to self-insure and to hold seller harmless in the event of damage or loss.
* Notification of successful bidders will normally occur within three days of the end of the auction, and we require that payment be made within 10 days of that notification. Late payments may be assessed a penalty fee (applied to bid price, insurance, salex tax and shipping costs) or may result in cancellation of the bid, filing of negative feedback, and re-listing the item
* Returned checks require payment of a $25.00 fee.
* Feedback is neither expected or given except in rare occasions when negative feedback is appropriate. Feedback is voluntary, and this seller - because of the volume of bids dealt with - prefers to spend his time carefully packaging items and making effective communications with buyers.
* Florida Buyers who do not include required states sales tax with their payment will be issued one notice of required tax. Their shipment will be held until the tax payment is received- regardless of the amount of shortage.
* Late payments of sales tax may result in cancellation of bids

Well, okay Mary Francis.

Now, I haven't yet had a chance to review this whole listing morass, and I receive yet another email:

Have you read the listing? I really don't think you wish to buy this from me. In fact, I won't sell it to you - save yourself the time and expense of mailing me anything.

Well, how about that? Over a five dollar post card!

Okay! He canceled the auction through eBay, and that was that.

And Lance thinks that *I* am testy.

Monday, Monday ver. 636.01

Some bumper sticker quotes from Belief Net:

1. I'm pretty sure God prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts
2. Freedom is the distance between church and state
3. When the Church ruled the world it was called the Dark Ages
4. God protect me from your followers
5. I do listen to your prayers I'm just not interested in the game
6. The Meek are getting ready
7. God favors no group only religions do that
8. Born right the first time
9. High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.

Will I make it through my "to-do" list for today? Will I find the Netflix mailer that I've misplaced? Should I go to Decadence with the Minx?

Sunday after the apocalypse

Interesting day. Today's blood sugar reading was just 127. That was the lowest it's been since May - and a great feeling of relief. Church was great; lunch was .. difficult, if I can choose a feeling. I think I'll just avoid that in the future.

Came home, fiddled. Napped. Shouldn't have. Fiddled a lot more.

The trip to Florida went better than I could have hoped. Even had a thank you note from Roxanne. That was just amazing.

I have to spend some time thinking about some things; I also need to go through more crap here at home and do more throwing away/cleaning out.

I want to go to San Marcos next weekend, and buy some more clothes and shoes. I'm getting very interested in how I dress for the first time in more than fifteen years.

The Minx very much wants me to go with him to Southern Decadence. I want to go to Michigan. And, I'd love to go to Decadence. Hm.

Not a peep out of N8.

Loads of things are rolling through my mind tonight; not sure what I'm going to do about them all.

New bedding

I sleep SO much better on this new bed! Holy cow!

Have to meet CP in a few minutes to deliver the two LO packages to him that I've collected. He has two more that are supposed to be signing up with us this week, which will make six.

Funny how just being treated fairly has me out recruiting and training loan officers. I wonder why they don't teach that sort of concept in MBA programs? Cheating your employees yields poor results.

Monday, Monday ver. 635.01

So, yesterday, I toddled off to church leaving N8 here on the sofa, with the understanding that I'd be back to go to lunch around 1:00. He wasn't here when I got back, but there was a message telling me he'd gone to the restaurant around the corner, and that I should call him so we could "hang out."

His phone had been discontinued (rolls eyes) and I was late, so I ran over to Barnaby's to meet my friends for lunch. I came home from there, walked the dogs around the restaurant I thought he was meaning, didn't see him, came home, left a note on the door and the door unlocked and then took a nap.

At about 6:00, I'm sitting here at the computer (which still makes me very happy) and I see him coming up the sidewalk, headed for the vehicle gate. He comes in, and he's MAD. I explained to him where I had been and that I'd been trying to reach him and .. he's MAD. Drunk, of course.

After a few minutes, it's time for sex (it seems) which went on from 6:30 until NINE O'CLOCK. Good lord, I haven't done that in years. Then, conversation (which is sort of like trying to have a sword fight using a blunt spoon) until nearly 01:00 and then I went to bed. He must have conked out right after, and he's still asleep. He thinks that gay people are straight people who have a lack of attention in their lives, and he insisted a number of times that 'I'm not gay.' Whatever, Mary Francis, you suck like a champion and I just fcuked you twice.

He has a lot of anger issues.

Anyway, he said something about having $15,000 to invest in a business and he's asked about Fabulair a few times. Oh, the little voice inside me says "Danger, Will Robinson," but it does give me something to think about.

I have a TON of work to do today, not the least of which is washing the sheets on the bed.

Oh, that bed - I sleep SO much better on it. I can't even begin to tell you.

This morning, my blood glucose was 280 - TWO EIGHTY, I tell you. I think this new medication is helping. It was 301 yesterday, and 354 the day before that.

I'm still not going back to ice cream, though.

Sunday roominess

Sunday evening, nearly 19:00, and the day's gone without my knowing it.

Of course, there was church today - and it was FABULOUS. It ran over, I dashed home to meet my friend David for lunch at Barnaby's, and then came home for a big nap to compensate for the 3 1/2 hours of sleep that I had last night.

Yesterday, Larry and I moved around EVERYTHING in the two bedrooms; it's just amazing how the space is opened up and more functional. I'm VERY happy with it all.

I also carried a HUGE amount of crap out to the resale and the trash. I have my work materials neatly organzied now, and just in time!

Only a two day work week, and then off to the lion's den - my father's family birthday party. Urk. I have SO much to accomplish before that point. Must start first thing tomorrow, actually.

Blood sugar this morning was down 50 points from yesterday; will I crack 300 tomorrow?

N8 showed up at my door last night at 11:30, drunk, looking like a million dollars in a gorgeous suit and all scraped up from being in a fist fight. He wanted to talk about law school, how college teachers suck, how I had been running a sub-rosa intention to get him into bed all along, and otherwise, just caterwall about whatever he's angry about in life. I did drunk management with him until 03:15, and then finally got some sleep myself.

Okay, time to finish putting together my zen fountain, and I see N8's coming in the gate. Toodles!

Philip's good bye note 

Hump Day Contemplations

Quicken invited me to download an update from them a few days ago - now, of course, my Quicken software doesn't work AT ALL.

Urg.

I've been cleaning the house as if Wm Jefferson Clinton were coming to visit; I'm about to dust the inside of the curio case, and then the books. After that, I'm pretty much through. Philip's mom arrives this evening, and I'll be gone to dinner with a new loan officer (I think we're submitting paperwork on five next week.)

I'm still trying to figure out HOW I'm going to get all of this furniture arranged in this room on Saturday. Or Friday. Or whenever. It's a bunch of stuff to put up.

The workmen are finishing painting the outside of the building; they started this morning before 7:30, and, of course, got paint on my patio furniture. Assholes. Took them three working days between when they started and when they took it up again. I'm supposed to leave my things inside the apartment for eight days from the time they tell me they're starting to the time they get around to finishing? What crap.

Anyway, it's time to get to work again on the cleanliness project.

Monday, Monday ver. 635.01

Ah, more coffee. My 10:00 appointment either couldn't wait for me for ten minutes, or he blew me off. Weird.

About to tackle the last of these mongo-tax returns that I had been avoiding (mostly because they're a mess.) The loan business seems quiet today. We're waiting on underwriting responses from two lenders on one file, I have one response I'm waiting for on another, about to pull credit on a third, waiting for an application on a fourth, and CP is out beating the bushes for more.

Not THOSE Bushes, the shrubbery.

Found this on ebay this morning: CDX c90 the world's best car stereo ever made. I WANT IT FOR RUBY!

Since I can't have my OnStar, I want it. I've been thinking of DRIVING to Michigan for Labor Day weekend, am I nuts? I think I need some solitude. Do I need a full week of solitude? I don't know. Would I be walking away from potential business? I don't know.

Barney is in the kitchen kicking up a fuss because he's behind the gate and I'm not paying a lick of attention to him. He can keep it up. He's lost weight AND most of his hair. Makes me wonder about the future. He's 13, which is OLD for a chow, I hear. Jackie is muy frisky now that I've peeled all of her hair off of her. She's just bouncy, playful and happy. Wait until I get the REST of the hair off of her.

Chuck should be here any time, so I'd best get ready for that.

Sunday evening cable

Well, Philip has packed up most of his stuff, and is prepared, five days early, to pack his things into his car and head northward. YAY! Yay for what I've seen about having kept this bedroom with a bed in it all these years, and yay for Philip moving on to his next adventure.

I'm ready for my next adventure.

L has restored himself to a new T-bird; I haven't seen it yet, but it was exactly the one I visioned for him.

Friday - pulling on that oar!

What a weird night! I was SO tired last night; I blew off the terrorist sex and chose to just vegetate in my living room. I FELL ASLEEP DURING THE DVD! Uh, has that ever happened before? I went to be around 11:00, and didn't hear Philip come in. As in, I DIDN'T HEAR PHILIP COME IN! Uh, that has NEVER happened before.

Today, I have a mostly completely unstructured day, with which I intend to get ALL of the work caught up and put away here in the office (well, not yet, but in a week it will be.) We're giving up on the $400,000 Vietnamese dentist loan (that's quite the dramatic story) and I have one to put in closing today, and that's it, loan wise. I'd love for it to close TODAY, we'll see what we can do. Two bankruptcy petitions for today, credit letters on three clients, three tax returns (that I have been putting off - urk) and then some filing/clean up.

The weekend is mostly unstructured; I am sure that Philip is going to sleep tomorrow until at least noon, so I'm going to ... finally ... groom the dogs. Urk. I may .. deploy the several cleaning and polishing products on Ruby tomorrow morning, also. Then, I'll be ready for sleep!

Jeffrey had some extra bed rails, so I don't have to buy those next week; just a fitted sheet. I'm taking ALL this extra bedding to the resale shop and donating it. Don't know what I'm going to do with this damaged bedspread that was my mother's - it has a couple of indelible ink stains on it, and I'm probably not going to use it again. Maybe I'll ask Carol if she can fix it.

Have to find a truck for next Friday to take my old mattress and platform bed to the resale shop. Then, I have to figure out how I'm going to re-arrange this den to make it as efficient as I can make it. I am so excited about it!

Late Hump Day thinking

Larry HATES the idea of the custom wheels on Ruby and thinks I'm nuts for wanting to have her re-painted. Hey, it's just a trial balloon anyway.

ONE WEEK before Philip's mom arrives and they drive off. I am looking so forward to re-arranging this room.

You know who I haven't heard a peep from? The drunk LSAT student. I'm sure that he's sulking because he found a gorgeous un-drunk young man in residence. Or something like that.

Had a call from the Peeler today. It seems that he's getting a divorce, he's already got another girl on the hook, and he's nosing around for a place to throw his stuff (after his wife throws him out.) I told him that he had no business being in any sort of a relationship, given that he's a complete slut and won't stop cheating on whomever he's with.

Then, I had a call (thank God) for business purposes and lost him in the shuffle. He then sent a text message, asking me to call back.

He also told me that EJ's (my favorite sleezoid bar) is going to ditch the street hooker/dancers and replace them with "professional" hooker/dancers booked through Marcy. I need to find out if this is true! The boi may be out of business!

I'm SO tired, and have to go to the church board meeting. It's almost time to walk these dogs and then hit the trail for Clear Lake. Urk.

Hump Day Contemplations

I have a doctor's appointment for my diabetes in about 90 minutes; it's at the Montrose Clinic, which is only eight blocks away, so no pressure there. It's a fasting appointment, so I should be a raving bitch by the time I get back here.

Last night, according to the bathroom scales, I'd dropped ten pounds in two weeks since my last doctor's appointment there. My blood sugar this morning, though, was 354. What's up with that? The glucophage doesn't seem to be moderating my blood glucose levels. I'm about to order the mineral supplements that help moderate blood sugar, and I need to start exercising (which I should be doing right now instead of screwing with the computer) but you know how it is. I'm down to 262 pounds, more than twenty pounds since June. At this rate, I could meet my goal of having a 42" waist (comfortably) by my birthday party on Oct. 1.

My friend Matt in Orlando, who's Type 1, tells me that the weight loss is a function of the high blood sugar - when the sugar is so high, the body doesn't process the food, and you lose weight. Uh, I think he's NUTS. If that were the case, I would have been a bathing beauty a few years ago. I know that I've been eating a LOT less food, and drinking about 150% more water. I've also been taking Corti-Slim, which moderates adrenaline production in the body.

I have one loan app to pick up today, need title and appraisal work on it and it's ready to go, have another to submit, and another to quote. Still have tax returns to do. Extended the four tax scofflaws that I am nursing along yesterday.

Had lunch with CP yesterday; when I walked into the restaurant, he was reading the Science of Mind! Holy cow! Speaking of, we had some drama with Rev. D Monday and Tuesday. What a creep. We just want her to go away permanently.

Spent some time looking over the preliminary information and pictures for the Cadillac DTS, which will hit showrooms in mid-September. Lovely, but $55,000.00. I walked outside right after, and looked at Ruby, thinking "none of these cars are better than what I have." Well, except for the $175,000 Bentley Continental GT. Saw one of those on Westheimer yesterday. WOOF.

Anyway, last night, Mikey was working on my DrDivo.com website, and he put up the reconstructed 1998 Riviera website from Buick (whoop!) and wanted me to choose some pictures of Ruby-like cars to put on the web as a link to that sub-site. He sent me one he found of a Ruby-clone with custom wheels on it. WOW. It looked great. So, I had to go shopping for wheels - and this is what I found:

Ruby's new slippers 

Tuesday - BD day - by blast fax!

Already had some results from my blast fax marketing last night, which is cool. It's not a transaction yet, but she asked for more information.

Just ten more days before Philip heads back up north.

Today, I had to just now clear all the stuff off the patio as they're about to power wash and paint the exterior of the building. Hauling in those HUGE pots was quite the chore. I'm going to re-pot and do some clean up, to consolidate out there since I have them all inside. Then, I'll just have my three giant terra cotta pots, which will look quite nice.

So, what is up with smokers? I had to clear out (again) a couple of hands-full of wet, soggy, nasty cigarette filters. Is the world their toilet? It's revolting.

Had a lot of help from Mikey getting some web work done; what would I have done without him? Urf. He's a miracle worker, and it comes so easily for him.

Have more paperwork to do for clients today; GOT to get these done. Have to extend for the slackers who are STILL not ready for August 15.

Monday, Monday ver. 634.01

Got so busy, forgot to finish my post!

Helped a friend file a pro se bankruptcy petition today; haven't done that in, oh, ten years. Maybe eleven. Since I no longer have the software, I had to manually calculate it all, and keep all the word documents straight - what a chore! But, I got it all correct and it went right in through the intake clerk.

Had lunch with Chuck at the Daily Grind - fun place! Worked until nearly midnight last night, tweaking a website and working on editing (to eliminate spelling mistakes and broken links.)

Okay, ton of work to do - so I'm OFF!

Friday - more fun stuff

Well, we had four loan applications come in this week. If I close them all in August, I'll make several thousand dollars. One of them has to close next week, and I'll get paid $400 for it on Friday.

I'm scheduled to teach a mortgage class for $150 on Monday and Tuesday, which would prevent me from making the $400, and possibly part of the larger amount.

So .. I wrote them and said "can't do it." They're all freaking out.

However, they cancel classes on me at 5:00 the night before all the time. Thus, shouldn't I be able to cancel the day before as well?

Heh heh heh.

The other class, the QuickBooks class on Tuesdays, did not make enrollment, but they're not going to decide until MONDAY. Uh, hello?

I have a ton of work to complete this weekend, and more to do on Monday.

last night I went at 11 to go meet this massage guy who's SO fucking cute and SO sweet, and hung out with him until 1:00. I get into Ruby to come home, and I think "Philip locked the deadbolt." So, I get home and ...Philip locked the deadbolt.

So, of course, I couldn't get in. I hammered on the door, called him on his cell phone, beat on his window with my hand and with keys, tried to pry open my bedroom window, hammered on the door some more, sent him a text message ..

I thought I'd try to sleep in the car, but it was so hot I started to get sick.

So, I took my man clutch, which everyone makes fun of, and I crawled behind the bushes again, and I used the flat side of the man clutch and BEAT against the side of his bedroom window. He woke up. He sleeps like the dead, it seems.

Had a great Fabulair meeting today with a SQL architect; hoping to have movement there in a few days.

Time to make something to eat and watch a DVD. Later!

Thursday -

Been trying to write this post all day. Had a TON of work to do; including processing a bunch of mail and simple paperwork that just eats up one's brain.

I still have a TON of work to do tomorrow; will I get it all caught up? I just don't know. Part of that depends on how early Philip gets up in the morning.

I did make some good progress today; got three loans submitted for pre-qual. Talked to my Aunt Donna in Michigan about visiting her over the Labor Day weekend, and talked to my Aunt Liz in Florida about my dad's birthday party. Got everything mailed out that needed to go out today. Just have about ten hours of work to do tomorrow. And five hours to do it in.

Things are rocking and rolling at the church - holy cow! We have some explosive speakers lined up for September; we'll do some advertising for it starting this next month.

It's just amazing how smoothly things go when you're not having your brains cheated out. It's just like .. since you're not getting cheated, your energy reflects that you're being taken care of and the person that you're dealing with can sense that you're going to take care of them. It aggregates damned fast, too.

Have an awesome movie to watch tonight - "Fail Safe" from 1964.

This morning, I dropped a jar lid on the kitchen floor and it skittered away. I thought perhaps it had gone underneath the range, so I tried to put my hand under there - nothing. I pulled the range out, and HOLY COW - seven years' worth of dog hair. I about puked. Enough to knit a whole new dog.

So, that's been cleaned up.

I'm SO looking forward to having this office an OFFICE!!! Oh my GOD!

Tuesday - RTF!

Watching the shuttle return to flight this morning got me all choked up. It was so cool.

I decided this morning that I regretted never having had the chance to watch a live Apollo mission go up from Cape Canaveral. Of course, I didn't know then that I'd regret it later, but ..

Have a meeting with a client at 1:00, then it's off to the real estate school to see if they've been kind enough to cut me a check. I hope so, as I've been busting my butt to get all the course content re-written. My friend who's assembling it all for me is not happy about the amount of reformatting to be done. I, of course, am coming up with editorial changes and I haven't yet gotten the whole thing re-written yet.

More work.

This new desk is coming in HANDY! Already, even though it's just living in the dining room, I'm filling it up with stuff that has occupied space on the floor or elsewhere. Once I have a change to get it (the den) re-arranged, life will be much better, but .. there's a chance I'll be moving soon, and then .. what? Just perfect the environment here and have to start tweaking it at the new place, I guess.

Two new loans today already and CP is out hunting for more game to drive into the pen. Once here, I'll skin them and dress them up for use. It's an effective division of labor.

The married guy came over yesterday right after work. Oh my. He's something else again.

Spent the evening with my friend Mary from the Heights church, talking about all kinds of things. We had such a good time; we have about four more evenings of catch up conversation to handle.

Monday, Monday ver. 633.01

Good lord, did slaves row this hard?

I worked like a dog ALL day - how can one's body hurt from just sitting?

I have plans to meet with Mary - I haven't seen her in AGES - in about an hour. I think she has something she wants help with.

The beautiful 747-412 Megatop of Singapore Airlines 

Dreams -

I just had a dream that reminded me that it was the second I've had of this ilk recently.

Last night, I had a dream about a Singapore Airlines Megatop (I'll post a picture here in a minute) which, for the aviation enthusiasts would be a 747-412. The color scheme is dazzling, and very distinctive.

In this dream, I was in some place rather pastoral, like the area around Madisonville (Texas) which has gradually rolling hills. I was (in last night's dream) just there, and watching this airplane (which had just taken off from Houston's Geo. H. R. Bush Intercontinental Airport) trying to climb to altitude. The #2 engine (closest to the airplane on the side I could see as the plane flew from right to left in front of me) was suffering from compressor stalls - which is a condition where the engine's airflow is restricted, and it's backfiring just like a car would. While I was standing there watching, a big hunk of the #2 engine came off and the plane continued on.

I had forgotten all about this when I awoke this morning.

This afternoon, I dreamt that I was invited to MV's "ranch," which was in the same pastoral setting, for New Year's Eve. I had some man with me (who was cute) that I was taking along for reasons not clear, but as we approached the entrance to the place, he grabbed my hand (in a weird but cool way) and we began to say our greetings to everyone. Just as I was introducing him to some of the friends of MV, the same (looking) Singapore 747 was trying to climb across the sky. It also was having compressor stalls in the #2 engine. Then, the #2 engine exploded. The plane was still trying to climb, and big hunks of the fuselage started to come off, and they were landing all around me. After a very big piece landed (with very Hollywood effect) right near me, the entire airplane broke apart, and pieces fell like hail all around us.

Then, I poured bleach all over the people that were there that I cared about.

Now, if you have an idea what this all MEANS .. by all means let me know.

Friday night thoughts

Taught today for the real estate school - it was a good class; I was scheduled to teach tomorrow and Sunday as well, and should have picked up a check today - however.

They're not well organized over there.

The flurry over my copyrighting my ideas and presentations for new classes is not yet over; it's more like a lull in the storm. Or perhaps the eye thereof. However, I proceed undaunted.

Having the weekend suddenly freed up is a good thing; I can focus on getting all caught up. I have the book ready to go into the binder for tomorrow, and will get up, make coffee, put on NPR and start three-hole punching. Once Philip gets up, it will be time to go graze at the complimentary buffet at the leasing office.

Anyway. I kept forgetting to take my medication today, which is weird, considering that I was rushing from sugar intake last night until .. oh, 6:00 this morning.

Okay, it's almost time for me to go horizontal. More later.

Jarod from Oklahoma 

Marc in San Antonio 

Back from Dallas

Back from Dallas and picking up my desk. I spent nearly $75 on gas to pick up a desk that I bought for $51.00. Ah, well. It was fun. The drive up (with Chuck) was fun, hanging out with Susan was fun, looking at Jaguars was fun, hanging out with Larry was fun, driving back this morning with Chuck was fun. Now, I'm here - have to unpack, have dinner with Donna in an hour at Ninfa's, and teaching tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.

My cell phone blew up on the drive to Dallas - I mean, totally deadified itself. The Sprint guys were baffled. One idiot suggested that the tiny magnet on the back of the battery case had somehow blown up the memory in the phone.

I just love people who don't have a clue.

Anyway, my phone and I are very close and, again, I can't find anything on the Sprint system that I like well enough to spend money on that isn't under $500, so I'm buying another one. On eBay, just like the rest. I'll have it next week, but in the meantime, I'm off the voice matrix.

Here are some pictures of some boys I'm chatting with on the internet lately.

What the Divo IS

Googlism for: divo

divo is the digital video option for onyx 2 & origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is the digital video option for sgi onyx 2 & sgi origin 2000 and replaces the sirius board
divo is a patented software application suite that provides secure television quality video on top of static web pages instantly
divo is the quality of our products
divo is glad to offer you the followings services
divo is a server
divo is developed especially for control over mobile phones in hands free systems;
divo is uit’s complete software suite to enable video stored on cd
divo is echter meer dan een damesploeg in 2de provinciale
divo is not to sell any inventory free of paisiello's security interest without paisiello's express permission
divo is able to control bottom dead center in microns at each station
divo is fully voice controlled
divo is a brisbane based solo artist who is currently in studio recording the very first album to be released through funk factory records
divo is working properly on my onyx2 re
divo is committed to providing the best products to our customers
divo is currently engaged in many research projects as an associate researcher for the university of central florida
divo is lagging
divo is now situated
divo is dunedin’s community
divo is a digital video input/output board for the onyx2
divo is specialized in making shirts
divo is generally referred to as a dikro
divo is due for review
divo is another thing altogether
divo is at the end of the long distance line
divo is not ruled by multinationals
divo is 26
divo is a 5 year old "long
divo is to pray for forgiveness of past misdeeds and for spiritual strength and wisdom for the coming
divo is a belter who can sing songs by sisqo
divo is using their interpersonal skills to get things that the other teams could not
divo is a totally non
divo is ook vertegenwoordigd in de vlor
divo is member of codis
divo is
divo is the needlepoint pillow of lister and made by petie that i won in the raffle
divo is back
divo is it a contracted or otc fight? how long did it take?
divo is the place for a fine €40 meal
divo is often heard
divo is currently being prodded and poked as his health requirements are being looked over
divo is on this same ship
divo is one thing
divo is tasked with that responsibility
divo is on the same block as the holster
divo is out
divo is born” and noted people were demanding “bread and
divo is responsible for maintaining ccol’s and will sign
divo is can't brazen
divo is planning to launch soon new production lines for bottling soft drinks and beer
divo is not entered in the current competition
divo is a video option for onyx2 graphics
divo is the last element in the sync chain
divo is edited and published by mr
divo is and what
divo is kronk

Why do they want me to put titles when they don't display?

So, I just hate being taken advantage of. REALLY hate it.

I had my meeting with the real estate school today, and she wants me to revise her course books, create a new course and the book to go with it, write a proposal to the state for her .. for free. She says that the money is to be made teaching the classes.

At $20 an hour. I don't think so.

Been trying to get an appointment with the clinic over this blood sugar stuff for HOURS. It's not working. I'm now on hold with someone who says she's going to make me the appointment (the furthest that I've gotten so far.)

Okay, now it's time to dig into tax return amendments. Lucky!

Sunday evening cable

Nothing like being middle aged, overweight and having to crawl around on the floor to run cable. I had to put the satellite receiver into the stereo rack, and needed to put another power strip in for the computers. Both in limited space, both on the floor, and both behind a big stack of crap. But, I got it done.

The upstairs neighbor has been pounding something on the floor for two hours. I'm about to fax in my second noise complaint of the evening.

This morning was three hundred forty. Church was great, then back to a meeting to place advertising for the new mortgage business. Then, home to work on the jillion emails that needed sending, the other stuff, and .. cabling.

Trying to teach myself runes - since I have a bag of them. I need to look at the I Ching, also - I've had that kit for years.

Dreams in cotton, leather and suede, posed on aqua leather. 

Saturday night hissies

Mikey had a dream about me this afternoon (while reclined and slumbering.) In this dream, I was thin and trim, and I was in a relationship with the actor who plays Angel. Woof! More fun details; this actor was working in a 99cents only store (apparently as some manager) and the employees in the store only got paid if there were customers in the store buying things. One went through the back door of the store and it was a secret passageway into some hoity-toity hot spot cocktail bar, that Mikey found quite appealing in his dream.

Today, my class was a train wreck. Here's what I wrote to the administrator of the college:

As you were there, it is redundant to re-visit that no student was on-time; that the bulk of the students were 28 minutes late and arrived in a group, and that a further student arrived at 10:35. I re-started the class at approximately 10:30, and, as you experienced, only one student was paying attention to my presentation; the bulk of the students, including the entire late arriving group, were engaged in personal conversations.

Just as you were leaving, I made the sharp remark to the group that it seemed they were not aware that I was in front of the room. This remark, as you saw, did not penetrate the shield of indifference that they had put up.

After you left, the final student arrived. The class had finished the in-class exercise that I had given out, and they were continuing to engage in the indifferent behavior that you saw me experiencing. At that point, however, an air of derisiveness had entered into the room.

In that moment, I was certain that no further action on my part would attain their participation in today's class. I went through the four in-class quizzes that were scheduled for today, providing very little explanation of the material. I covered the essay portion in a similar, truncated fashion. One student, the ringleader of the indifferent behavior, asked me if I was going to explain the material to them, and I declined, pointing them to the book or a dictionary if they had questions.

I dismissed the class extremely early.

None but one of the earliest arriving students apologized for their behavior, expressed regret or an interest in re-starting the class to gain something of it. They filed out, silent, picking up the hand-outs that were scheduled, and didn't begin speaking until they were out the door.

I did not at any time engage in emotional or inappropriate behavior, but I did end the class telling them that they had been given the time and attention they had shown me.

After two weeks of this studied and intentional indifference, lack of preparedness (most of the students did not bring their course books) and complete lack of attention to the material being presented, I chose this course of action.

My good friend with whom I've taught about fifteen years wrote me back tonight telling me she didn't think she would have lasted a half hour in that environment. That makes me feel better, as a number of my friends have counseled that I should have stuck it out or chosen some other course.

But, I digress.

This morning's blood sugar number was four hundred ten. I can tell it's still very high, as I'm having trouble breathing, and my chest is very tight. Last night's dinner, the weirdness of the former student coming to my apartment at about 8:00 running from a police chase (he had another hit and run) and such, followed by ice cream with Philip at about midnight did me no favors, I'm quite sure.

Anyway, I must to bed that I can rise and go to church in the morning. I'll post a nifty new picture of the actor that Mikey has dreamed I had hooked up with.

Today = 343. This seems to be a plateau. I can definately tell I'm losing body size, though.

Have two meetings today - or three. I need to re-open outlook and see. Have a ton of work to do as well; tax extensions are running down, and I'm beating people to get their materials in to me so I can do the work.

Watched a movie on Netflix last night - boy, that didn't work out. The main character is a gay, closeted construction worker who is in love with his best friend. Blah, blah, he comes out to the best friend on a television program, his parents throw him out, the best friend accuses him (rightly) of trying to sabotage his girlfriend relationship, and then beats him with a pipe. And leaves with the girlfriend, who intervenes just as the best friend was about to kill our central figure with the pipe.

Yikes!

It seems that N8 may want to get together to do something on Saturday!

Hump Day Contemplations

Philip is still engaged in this "seminar," which seems not to involve his employment ID and staying out overnight. Good on him!

I'm just wiped out today. Why? My number this morning was 355. Urgh. I have a ton of things to catch up on today.

Won my desk (which is in Dallas) today for $51.00. Now, I have to go up there and get it and figure out some place to KEEP it until Philip moves on.

My class last night went so great - one of the students found the data file that's in the book, so I was finally able to give them something to DO.

I think I need to just work on some simple things and see if I start feeling better here in a little bit.

Tuesday - work and meetings consume my brain

Meeting with CP to work on our mortgages in an hour; organizing things around the office until then.

Had an email note from Philip yesterday morning telling me that he'd be in a seminar downtown, and likely away from the apartment in the evening. Then, he didn't come home last night. Personally, I think he's getting his groove on with the girl he went to see on Saturday.

An interesting note from N8 yesterday; he resurfaced after having been totally in hiding since telling me that he wanted to explore his sexuality. Seems his parents' home has been foreclosed and all of his stuff is gone. While I sympathize with his situation, it does suggest that he REALLY went underground after busting loose with a revelation about his sexual fantasies. I mean, how could you miss being evicted?

Buying a desk today - it's in Dallas, and it won't come in for another couple of weeks when I go up there with a friend and a truck and pick it up. I'm trying to conceptualize how to arrange the furniture here in the den for the best arrangement.

I really need to get all of the office stuff into this one room, and have it readily accessible. I don't have time to work on that today, but this week.

Gay panic defensiveness

An interesting Sunday. Got up and my blood sugar was 343. Good lord, when will this abate!? Drove down to the church, got set up, finished outlining my presentation, did that whole thing. It was good.

On the way home, I resolved to have Ruby cleaned up. While there, there's a public internet terminal, so I checked my email. My client from Friday night had written to me .. let's just copy his message here, shall we?

"Hey man I need to ask you a question, But I do not intend to offend you at all.

When you hugged me goodbye yesterday you added that little extra grab at the end and it threw me off. I just want to know if you are gay. If you are not then I do not mean to make you mad it just seemed a little strange. It made me a little uncomfortable and I did not know what to think. If you are gay then that is cool too. I just want you to know that I am not and we can still be friends, visit, hang out, whatever.

Please do not get mad at me for this email. In my opinion friends say what it on their mind. Talk to you soon.

John"

Okay, so on the way out the door, I put my arm around his SHOULDERS and gave him a squeeze. Around the shoulders. Said "nice to see ya!"

That's it.

How do we get "I was rattled by that?"

Gay panic.

So, was it my behavior, or his interpretation that created this gay panic? Is it his own internalized homophobia? (yes, I'm saying he's a fag. He's so far back in the closet that he's hiding in a trap door behind the cedar.)

So, this afternoon, I'm working on getting some things done around the house. A quiet day. Have a packed up week lined up, so I need the time to get caught up and have some peace.

Ruby is driving like a champ. Mikey (after all of the people who said they'd help me do it) re-assembled the 1998 Buick website (which I purloined three years ago) and I intend to deploy it on the drdivo.com website (which is under major reconstruction.) I need to have the little niggly dings taken out of her, and have her thoroughly detailed and waxed (maybe next weekend, hmm?) And I have to have the stereo fixed.

I am four weeks from Philip's return to MSU and having my apartment empty again. He's been a nice man to have around - polite, very interesting, has lots of things to talk about that are engaging. He's so incredibly beautiful that it's unsettling.

When he leaves, I'm making some major revisions to the Casita here. First, I'm converting this den into a home OFFICE - taking down the bed. I'm going to then take my platform bed that I've been sleeping on 15 years (I bought it just before I met Jimmy) and I'm going to use the full sized mattress and box spring from this four poster bed, and buy a new (inexpensive) bed frame to use in the purple Divo bedroom. I'm then buying an old Steelcase type desk (from the 1950s, go figure) and re-arranging this den into a functional office.

Saturday night with Philip

Been talking to Philip tonight about different things; it seems that there is no likelihood of him returning to Houston after college; he hates the idea of working for a company where he has no self-expression. So, he's uncertain where he can find that, but he's pretty sure he's not going to find it in corporate America.

I'm sorry that he won't be coming back - I've really enjoyed his company. Interestingly enough, though, he's starting to act like a "boi" in that he's picking up after himself less and less, buying fewer groceries, etc.

It's probably in response to the full life support program offered here at the Casita de Divo, as opposed to anything else.

Got my diabetic "anti-medicine" book in the mail today - it's very, very interesting. I have to read it ASAP.

Deputy Doogie Dog

In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.

Tuesday that feels like Monday - ver. 2.01

This morning's blood sugar - 310. Still 200 points too high, but it's much better than the last few weeks, and it's 22 points lower than yesterday morning's reading.

In response to my New York Times article about there being no bisexual men, my dear friend Alma wrote me:

"Interesting. I’d always just assumed that there were some men who would just as soon stick it in a tree.

However, just to make thing a little more complex, read this: Dreg?er, Alice Domurat. (1999). Intersex in the Age of Ethics. University Publishing Group. One of the people interviewed doesn’t even identify him/herself clearly as either a man or a woman.

And if you really want to be infuriated about societal attitudes toward gender (assuming you can bump up your medication and avoid a stroke): try: Colapinto, John. (2000) As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl. Harper Collins

On the other hand, I’m fully prepared to believe that there are guys out there faking it to get their laundry and cooking done

Yours in utter cynicism,

Alma"

I just adore her.

So, I'm almost done logging, reading, returning, calling, setting appointments and the like. Time to clean up, and get ready for this afternoon's round of meetings.

We've known this all along ..

July 5, 2005
Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited
By BENEDICT CAREY

Some people are attracted to women; some are attracted to men. And some, if Sigmund Freud, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and millions of self-described bisexuals are to be believed, are drawn to both sexes.

But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.

The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation.

People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.

In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men.

The study is the largest of several small reports suggesting that the estimated 1.7 percent of men who identify themselves as bisexual show physical attraction patterns that differ substantially from their professed desires.

"Research on sexual orientation has been based almost entirely on self-reports, and this is one of the few good studies using physiological measures," said Dr. Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender identity at the University of Utah, who was not involved in the study.

The discrepancy between what is happening in people's minds and what is going on in their bodies, she said, presents a puzzle "that the field now has to crack, and it raises this question about what we mean when we talk about desire."

"We have assumed that everyone means the same thing," she added, "but here we have evidence that that is not the case."

Several other researchers who have seen the study, scheduled to be published in the journal Psychological Science, said it would need to be repeated with larger numbers of bisexual men before clear conclusions could be drawn.

Bisexual desires are sometimes transient and they are still poorly understood. Men and women also appear to differ in the frequency of bisexual attractions. "The last thing you want," said Dr. Randall Sell, an assistant professor of clinical socio-medical sciences at Columbia University, "is for some therapists to see this study and start telling bisexual people that they're wrong, that they're really on their way to homosexuality."

He added, "We don't know nearly enough about sexual orientation and identity" to jump to these conclusions.

In the experiment, psychologists at Northwestern University and the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto used advertisements in gay and alternative newspapers to recruit 101 young adult men. Thirty-three of the men identified themselves as bisexual, 30 as straight and 38 as homosexual.

The researchers asked the men about their sexual desires and rated them on a scale from 0 to 6 on sexual orientation, with 0 to 1 indicating heterosexuality, and 5 to 6 indicating homosexuality. Bisexuality was measured by scores in the middle range.

Seated alone in a laboratory room, the men then watched a series of erotic movies, some involving only women, others involving only men.

Using a sensor to monitor sexual arousal, the researchers found what they expected: gay men showed arousal to images of men and little arousal to images of women, and heterosexual men showed arousal to women but not to men.

But the men in the study who described themselves as bisexual did not have patterns of arousal that were consistent with their stated attraction to men and to women. Instead, about three-quarters of the group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.

"Regardless of whether the men were gay, straight or bisexual, they showed about four times more arousal" to one sex or the other, said Gerulf Rieger, a graduate psychology student at Northwestern and the study's lead author.

Although about a third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal watching the movies, their lack of response did not change the overall findings, Mr. Rieger said.

Since at least the middle of the 19th century, behavioral scientists have noted bisexual attraction in men and women and debated its place in the development of sexual identity. Some experts, like Freud, concluded that humans are naturally bisexual. In his landmark sex surveys of the 1940's, Dr. Alfred Kinsey found many married, publicly heterosexual men who reported having had sex with other men.

"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual," Dr. Kinsey wrote. "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats."

By the 1990's, Newsweek had featured bisexuality on its cover, bisexuals had formed advocacy groups and television series like "Sex and the City" had begun exploring bisexual themes.

Yet researchers were unable to produce direct evidence of bisexual arousal patterns in men, said Dr. J. Michael Bailey, a professor of psychology at Northwestern and the new study's senior author.

A 1979 study of 30 men found that those who identified themselves as bisexuals were indistinguishable from homosexuals on measures of arousal. Studies of gay and bisexual men in the 1990's showed that the two groups reported similar numbers of male sexual partners and risky sexual encounters. And a 1994 survey by The Advocate, the gay-oriented newsmagazine, found that, before identifying themselves as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as bisexual.

"I'm not denying that bisexual behavior exists," said Dr. Bailey, "but I am saying that in men there's no hint that true bisexual arousal exists, and that for men arousal is orientation."

But other researchers - and some self-identified bisexuals - say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness - erotic sensations, affection, admiration - that constitutes sexual attraction.

Social and emotional attraction are very important elements in bisexual attraction, said Dr. Fritz Klein, a sex researcher and the author of "The Bisexual Option."

"To claim on the basis of this study that there's no such thing as male bisexuality is overstepping, it seems to me," said Dr. Gilbert Herdt, director of the National Sexuality Resource Center in San Francisco. "It may be that there is a lot less true male bisexuality than we think, but if that's true then why in the world are there so many movies, novels and TV shows that have this as a theme - is it collective fantasy, merely a projection? I don't think so."

John Campbell, 36, a Web designer in Orange County, Calif., who describes himself as bisexual, also said he was skeptical of the findings.

Mr. Campbell said he had been strongly attracted to both sexes since he was sexually aware, although all his long-term relationships had been with women. "In my case I have been accused of being heterosexual, but I also feel a need for sex with men," he said.

Mr. Campbell rated his erotic attraction to men and women as about 50-50, but his emotional attraction, he said, was 90 to 10 in favor of women. "With men I can get aroused, I just don't feel the fireworks like I do with women," he said.

About 1.5 percent of American women identify themselves bisexual. And bisexuality appears easier to demonstrate in the female sex. A study published last November by the same team of Canadian and American researchers, for example, found that most women who said they were bisexual showed arousal to men and to women.

Although only a small number of women identify themselves as bisexual, Dr. Bailey said, bisexual arousal may for them in fact be the norm.

Researchers have little sense yet of how these differences may affect behavior, or sexual identity. In the mid-1990's, Dr. Diamond recruited a group of 90 women at gay pride parades, academic conferences on gender issues and other venues. About half of the women called themselves lesbians, a third identified as bisexual and the rest claimed no sexual orientation. In follow-up interviews over the last 10 years, Dr. Diamond has found that most of these women have had relationships both with men and women.

"Most of them seem to lean one way or the other, but that doesn't preclude them from having a relationship with the nonpreferred sex," she said. "You may be mostly interested in women but, hey, the guy who delivers the pizza is really hot, and what are you going to do?"

"There's a whole lot of movement and flexibility," Dr. Diamond added. "The fact is, we have very little research in this area, and a lot to learn."

Monday, Monday ver. 633.01

Happy National Delusional Day! With fireworks! You could also call it "Happy Values That We No Longer Observe Day!

Slept in, slept a lot, felt better, got most of my computer work done, baked bread, still way behind the curve as to what I have intended to accomplish, having been sick all day Sunday.

Note to file: If you're going to get sick, go to St. Joseph's emergency room. They're fabulous.

E is back home, Sean is stuck in B'sville with PJ, Mikey's celebrating the departure of TRB (episode 16,) and I have a fully jam packed week lined up. Have calls and documents to make up tomorrow, then three meetings back to back, and class tomorrow night.

Have to scrape up the money to see the doctor; at the ER Saturday night, the doctor asked a bazillion questions about why my blood chemistry was so far off .. was I doing drugs, gaining weight, changed eating/sleeping patterns? Stress? Mikey busted out laughing. Uh, yeah. Stress.

Anyway, we'll see what gets done this week.

Four Hundred Seventy-Nine

Four Hundred Seventy-Nine. If only that signified some achievement, rather than the sword of damacles hanging over my head.

I'm trying to get work done and not think about my situation. Not like I don't have anything ELSE to keep my brain busy with.

I hate fighting wars. They suck. This time, I've had to go thermonuclear. What's been fun, though, is that the PI that I had to hire has found out some MOST amusing and unusual information, which is very helpful for me. Who knew that one could learn so much about asset transfers and Nevada corporations, just by hiring the right PI?

He's a great guy, too. Handsome as all get-out.

Monday, Monday ver. 632.01

Well, things are slowly coming together this morning. This is the first day in a week that I've had to work in the [home] office, so I'm feeling behind, although I've missed no deadlines.

I need to get cleaned up, go pick up a book, refill the water jugs and get out of the house for a bit. I also need to make some phone calls here about the mortgage business. Re-working old forms, trying to make old contacts come back alive, trying to regain my full facility for everything.

Teaching the mortgage classes has really focused my knowledge - the last three years (two hardly working and one not working) in mortgage has slowed my facility down somewhat.

Hoping that UHCL fails to pay me within the statutory time period.

Judy is voting with her passive/aggressive behavior in favor of my being blind and handicapped. Got to love that. She's SUCH a liar.

Okay, more work has to happen here.

Sunday eve - after a draught of unprecedented proportions

Sunday evening, and the living room is populated with the Pistons/Spurs game. Philip and I just watched "The Weather Underground," which was fascinating and compelling, and he made pasta. Sean left for his uncle's place today, and I spent most of my day with the nice folks at New Vision.

Another busy weekend. Watched a bunch of movies on DVD with Philip and the Child, taught a class all day Saturday, cleaned up around the house, cooked a bunch, drove hither and yon.

Thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. Found a house I love. Have a ton of work to do this week, plus have some different things that need taking care of - have to have my shocks installed, for instance.

Hump Day Contemplations

Have a lot on my mind today - a LOT. Spent a lot of time meditating today after my telephone conversation with my Aunt Liz last night. I've been thinking about all of the situations in my life where someone has promised me that they would do something that would benefit me, and then they don't do. All of the employment situations, all of the arrangements with my family (going to college, buying real estate together, etc.) All of the agreements I've made with myself.

I have been looking at my time in Landmark nine years ago (ish) and thinking about how easily I made things happen back then in certain areas of life. Not uniformly, but just where it wasn't going to dramatically improve my own life. That's pretty much gone again.

I've also been looking at my own patterns - like having repeatedly offered to let some young man stay with me here in my apartment. It's not about seeking love, it's about giving myself an excuse to not have to accomplish anything, and to validate my own story about people not supporting me, or something along those lines.

I was trying to explain the basics of double-entry book keeping last night, and it was TOUGH to do. It's hard to understand by myself, having not studied accounting theory.

Michael McLemore called Sunday night - he's coming into town on Saturday and will be staying here. (rolls eyes) Part of me feels like fucking the snot out of him just to be mean. Part of me want to tell him to find another idiot to host him. Well, most of me wants to do that.

Judy's son comes in on Thursday for the weekend - goes to his Uncle's in Baytown on Sunday afternoon next week. So, I have a week before his arrival. God, I have NO idea what is going to develop with that visit.

Been spending a lot of time thinking about this pattern of mine of moving boys in - I think I've concluded that it's more of giving myself an excuse NOT to perform in my own life, and less trying to gain someone's attention and confidence. I've decided that, when Philip goes back to MSU, I'm going to a.) take my platform bed (that I bought for myself and for that Hispanic bastard back when you lived on Stroud) and donate the platform frame etc. to the resale shop, b.) knock down the bed in this "guest" room, and c.) buy a full sized bed frame for the mattress/foundation set in here, and put it into my room. Then, I'm buying a desk. I'm going to convert this room into a damned office. I have a fold out cot, should I really really need it, but, this is a ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. Bleh.

Thunder Humper

Waking up this morning, the sky was green - it reminded me of childhood days in western Michigan, when the sky would become an angry light green, portending tornado weather. We've had enough precipitation to wet the ground and create some standing water, but no torrential downpours. Yet.

Having a great time reconciling bank statements .. yes, it CAN be fun! I've just asked the client for the 2004 statements (I want the register balance to reflect what the bank actually has in it.)

Tuesday that feels like Monday

Went to the real estate school this morning to teach - and the class didn't make enrollment. That's the second time in a month that they've done this to me.

I'm enjoying this class, but I wish it were meatier. And, I'm seeing the need for a consultancy to mortgage brokers - most of them haven't a clue how these regulations are going to affect their business long-term.

Maybe I'll talk to the owner of the school about that.

Memorializing Memorial Day

The pool party is over, and the jell-o shots are gone! Check out the pictures here -

Today, I've been snoozing, relaxing, doing some light housework and such. Made Philip some waffles this morning - that poor boy never had waffles that required having the egg whites whipped first. We watched the 1987 movie "The Lost Boys" - wow, how 80's that was! Next, we're headed to the Angelika to watch "Crash," and then to Lance & Steve's for dinner.

Teaching tomorrow (whoop!) and then, allegedly, a dinner date with Jayce.

Made brunch yesterday for the boys from Dallas, Mikey, Curt and Philip - bloodies, followed by mimosa and cinnamon rolls, then omelettes .. and of course, gallons of coffee. After recovering from that, I then dragged Philip up to Donna and Paul's for lots and LOTS of conversation and dinner. We hung out there until nearly 11 - and had a great time.

Now, the child is on the phone telling me about his week with PJ and his grandparents. What a day!

Exactly what they're trying to write into the Texas Constitution

SECTION 1. Article I, Texas Constitution, is amended by
adding Section 32 to read as follows:
Sec. 32. (a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of
the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may
not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to
marriage.
SECTION 2. This state recognizes that through the
designation of guardians, the appointment of agents, and the use of
private contracts, persons may adequately and properly appoint
guardians and arrange rights relating to hospital visitation,
property, and the entitlement to proceeds of life insurance
policies without the existence of any legal status identical or
similar to marriage.

Thursday evening - red dirt and broken hearts

The dishwasher's going, Philip's at a concert of some monochromatic scale band (they sing songs all on the same note) and I've just finished watching "Red Dirt." Again. And, it made me cry again, but not as much as the first time I watched it.

Got a number of things done today, including making another 60 jell-o shots. Or thereabouts. More jell-o is needed for tomorrow.

Not a peep out of N8 the drunk, would be bisexual.

Tomorrow's going to be busy, well, steady. Weekend should be interesting.

I'm already tired! I guess I'll walk the dogs and hit the sack.

Happy Hump Day

and what a hump day it's been already.

I woke at about 3:30 this morning having a weird, weird dream. It was about men and women I didn't know, having sex with this ethereal white dildo .. bizarre. So, I woke up from that and ..

had a flashback.

BIG flashback to 1960 or thereabouts. Suddenly, all kinds of things in my life and in my psyche became clear. It was like I had just gotten the center piece to the jigsaw puzzle, and as it clicked into place, all kinds of things I've been working on for years started to make sense. Elements of my personality and self-beliefs all suddenly fit, and their unworkability with who I am really had them all fall away.

Or start to.

Success, money, opportunity, accomplishment, men, dating, relationships, betrayal, my body image, sexuality, sexual behaviors, everything ..

So, I lay there processing away for about two hours. At 5:30, I decided I'd get up when Philip got up (6:00) and take the dogs out, make coffee (which he doesn't get on the way to work) and get started on all of the work that I have backlogged here. I laid out my whole morning, and was feeling very good about all of it.

And, at 5:50, N8 called. I haven't heard from N8 in a while - haven't seen him since New Year's Day when he came over all drunk. He says "I sent you some provocative gay emails this morning."

Given that another student had recently gone off on me about homosexuality being the root of all evil, I wasn't sure if this meant that he was interested or on the attack. So, I asked.

He's interested. He wants me to drive down to south of NASA and pick him up. He's drunk. Drunk, drunk, drunk.

And, he's a messy handful when he's drunk.

So, I saw Philip off. I made the bed. Did some secretary of state filing stuff for the church online. Wrote up the church minutes. Answered emails. Did my online banking. Took a shower. Made another cup of coffee. And thought .. well, he's hot, and he's smart, and he's nice to be around, but .. drunk?

I'd rather feel accomplished.

Monday, Monday ver. 632.01

Ah, a day at my computer - the first day in more than a week. I've been busting my butt working away from home for the last week and a half, and dealing with Jason's drama and moving the new sub-tenant in.

Jason came last night and picked up ALL of his stuff. It's all gone, he's gone, and I met his new benefactor. This time, a woman in her late 30s - you can see it written all over her that she has it for him BAD.

I was thinking of engaging him in conversation about it today (her falling for him so hard) but then, I thought .. why? It's for him to figure out, and her to deal with. It's clear to me that he uses charm, sexual potency and flirtation to survive, and that he'll be in his 50s, still pursuing a life of partying and finding the next person to live with.

The bedding is in the washer, all of the drawers and cabinets are pulled open, and the fogger is at work.

I guess the next thing that I should do is figure out WHY my printer is suddenly not working. After that, emails and faxes need go out. More later!

Funky Humpy day

Showed up for class this morning - didn't make enrollment and CXLD. Then, a call from UHCL - same story for my LSAT class.

Of course, they don't PUBLICIZE the LSAT class, so no one knows it's going on. How do they expect there to be enrollment when there's no knowledge on the part of the world that we're doing it?

So, I've told them "no more LSAT classes." I'm just not going to schedule these things to have them repeatedly cancelled 48 hours before the class is to "go up."

I think I need to get away from this "all work, all the time" schedule, where there is no time that's set aside to just hang out. I think it's affecting my overall productivity.

I'm working on PJ's documents she wants. I can't find anything directly on point to plagiarze. Which sucks. She didn't send me my FedEx. She claims she dropped it last night "after seven," which pretty much means she hasn't sent it at ALL.

The boy just called; I haven't heard from him in two days.

Tuesday - BD day

It's all about business development today. Still waiting for my renewal of my mortgage loan officer license to come together - just a few more things to put in place.

Have to work with CP on this idea for a mortgage shop. It's interesting. Everyone's eager for me to re-enter the business AND that I do so in a better environment.

A Jason-ic update

He's a stripper at my bar that I go to all the time. About a month ago (tomorrow, in fact) he came over to "hang out" for a while. He just hasn't left, and all of his stuff has moved in. Mostly.

He works four nights a week stripping; comes home at dawn all .. Whatever .. Sleeps all day. Has tons of hooker drama that he talks about incessantly. He doesn't contribute to food or shelter, only started helping me clean up around here in the last few days, and stopped asking me for money a week ago after I complained VERY sharply about it.

We've not had sex at all. He'll invite me to hold him and touch him by flopping into bed with me some mornings (such as this morning) and he's getting very kissy, but that's it.

He asserts he's straight.

Last night at the bar, I was out with my friends Mikey and Curt, and Jason (the boy) was hanging around me until the minute it was time for him to go out on stage and work. Fully clothed; the other dancers were working the bar patrons mostly naked. He was demanding my attention; usually in the past he's said hello or a few things, then gone back to orbiting the bar undressed to make money.

Last night, he insisted I come watch him strip; we hiked over to the stage (we were outside) and he left the stage to come into the audience just once - to come up to hug on me. He's either claiming his territory or something; he's making it plain that he's with me there in the bar.

But, he's straight. He'll tell anyone that. Especially me.

So, I have someone living in my house that contributes nothing, but is generally very nice to me. He's involved in the bar life and all of its drama, and I'm getting nothing done (I'm self-employed and work from home.) Thus .. Decisions must be reached.

And, I've rented out "his" room - starting this next Friday. I haven't told him yet; I'll broach that subject tomorrow.

Fun, huh?

Tonight, we went to Curt's house for barbecue - Jason was very cranky all the way down there (Mikey woke him up to get in the car) but when my buddy Joseph showed up (very VERY hot Hispanic man, muscle bear, loves me) Jason started to move to protect his territory again. It was so obvious that Mikey was cracking up.