A letter to the editor of the Houston Chronicle...

Let's just see if they print it.

I was shocked at the rock-star treatment that the Chronicle gave the recent Republican National Convention. Coverage of the Democratic convention was neither as laudatory, nor as comprehensive.

The Republican party, of late, has become the party of obfuscation and deception - white is black, day is night, right is wrong. Anyone who dare raise a question is "unpatriotic." Anyone who disagrees is an enemy. Their vitriol has enflamed an audience who now makes it physically unsafe to hold opposing ideas.

US citizens who wear an anti-Bush t-shirt or who hold up an anti-Bush sign are now routinely arrested and harassed by the police, and yet the Chronicle, part of the "liberal media," says nothing. In Crawford, protestors are arrested by the busload just for being present in the area, not for violating any statute or ordinance, and the "liberal" Chronicle says nothing.

The 9/11 Commission is funded to the extent of $600,000 to investigate the greatest governmental and defense failure in the history of our Nation, and the "liberal" Chronicle fails to point out that more than fifty times that amount of money was used to investigate President Clinton's White House sexual activities.

Yet, the Chronicle and the "liberal media" continue to paint the Republicans as fiscal conservatives, moving the country toward a more responsible way of living. "Liberals," what few are left, are described as intellectually flawed, radical lunatics who desire to require that people be taxed at ridiculous rates. That the statements the "liberals" are accused of making are demonstrably false is never brought up by the Chronicle and the rest of the "liberal media."

Traditional American values of Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Assembly, Freedom of Association are routinely trampled .. and you say nothing.

What's next? Is the Chronicle readying its participation in the "Ministry of Truth?" Is there no one at the largest newspaper never to win a Pulitzer prize who has any independence and courage?

Perhaps, the Chronicle could write a story about the news media in this Country being owned and controlled by a small group of fabulously wealthy, multi-national corporations, who have no self-serving interest in disturbing the public with the truth about what is happening, only in perpetuating economic benefits for their corporate officers and stockholders? That is what has happened to the "liberal media" in this country since Watergate.

If a Watergate were to occur today, it would barely gain a footnote, unless it were a Democrat who were the actor.

The Chronicle, and the rest of the corporate media, have rendered themselves irrelevant by their partisanship. As more and more people realize the futility of gaining any information from the Chronicle, readership will further decline and these corporate media sources, in their very effort to enhance their profitability, will end this line of business that has nurtured and cultivated society for hundreds of years.

Ah, coffee ... it is the nectar of the Gods.

The peeler wants to come stay with me another week. WEEK. A week of me feeding him, being locked out of my bedroom (you can't imagine me letting him stay in the guest room with the computer, can you??) and cleaning up after him, with no social benefits? Uh, no.

My favorite waiter/architect person in the whole world wrote today from Tokyo (where he's interning) and send a link to a FABULOUS article about the huge shift in politics in America. Check it out here.

Had a great chat with Jean today after church. While she was doing the offering, I pulled an old Course in Miracles card out of my bag, which was unexpected since I haven't played with those in eleven years or so. It said "how you perceive others you are reinforcing in yourself."

Bleh. More work to do.

I have a blistering headache; day two of same. I've been doubling up on the sinus meds, and it hasn't helped.

Time for some nappage and to see if that (plus another couple antihistamines) makes a difference. Then, throw in some laundry, and I'm supposed to go hang out with Nicole.

Rain, rain ..

Woke up with a sinus infection today. And in a relatively bad mood. The mood didn't lift until I started teaching this morning, and that went GREAT. As always. I guess that's the answer to why I keep putting up with UHCL - I love the work so much.

Walked out to the car (in the downpour) with the NICEST woman who's been a flight attendant for Southwest for years .. got into the car and had a call from Mikey. He called me yesterday, and said that he wanted to spend some "away" time with me today. We made an arrangement to get together at 4:00 - maybe go "on safari" for the first time in two months - and his call was to inform me that his boyfriend had made other plans.

What is it about gay men that they can only perform two ways in socializing? If they have a boyfriend, their entire lives are subsumed into that relationship. There is nothing outside of it, and all of their old friendships are shut off until their boyfriend .. does whatever and leaves. Then, you (me) are expected to pick up right where you left off, and act like you didn't just get the receiving end of a year or more of being utterly ignored.

The other side is that the only socializing is to go "out." Out to the bars. Watch the boys, watch the dick dancers .. conversation is impossible. What's the point?

Since I don't go "out," and I don't have a boyfriend, I'm basically persona non grata in this world. I won't hear from Richard, aside from telephone calls and emails when he's at work until .. oh, 2015, and Mikey's going to be engaged in this whole Jay thing until it plays out, which could take years. I have ONE single friend, and he's so damned popular ..

Whine, whine, whine.

On a positive note, I found diapers for Jackie on the Petsmart website. Only $18 and $4.99 for 22 liners. I'm buying those ASAP. I can't take much more of her stealth peeing.

Didn't get to see Larry on this trip. I'll go back to Dallas on the 24th and see him then.

I'm reading my fifth "gay fiction" novel in just a few weeks. This one, at least, has something to say, and isn't thinly disguised pornography. There is a quote from this book that I just read that I think is valid ..

"It's all about youth .. flesh .. pretty faces .. gym bodies .. Prada .. big dicks. I mean, when was the last time you heard someone described as "hot" because they were intelligent, polite and considerate?"

I nodded a silent agreement.

"The sad thing is that we worship these .. these .. these fashion-conscious beefcake idols at all costs, and offer up and impossible standard for anyone to meet."

"The fashion-conscious beefcake idols meet the standard," I observed.

"For a few years, if they're lucky. And then what? One day they look in the mirror and realize that they're forty-eight years old, their faces and bodies are sagging, and no one is looking at them anymore. They've been reduced to the status of a mere human, and the so-called "hot" men don't want them anymore. It would be funny if not for the fact that the average guys out there - the ones who were never fashion-conscious beefcake models to begin with - continue to pray at the altar of the new hot boys. Collectively, we just don't seem to get it, do we?"

Amen and amen. Guilty as charged.

After seeing Travis the other night, I've decided not to see him again. It just makes me feel too badly about myself.

Installing Windows XP SP 2 - it's taking a LONG time. I've been waiting for a title company funding all day - it's NOT happening. Pleh.

If I just keep saying that I love this business, maybe it will work as an affirmation.

Signed up for the H&R Block tax course, which I have to take to get access to the ADVANCED tax courses. It's a month of Mondays and Wednesdays.

WHERE did I put my printer ink cartridges?

Seems that I'll be spending a quiet evening at home, and maybe watching a movie. I need to zip over to google adsense google adsense and add this blog spot to it.

The doctor will see you now ..  

okay .. the peeler is gone. Got a few things done today, but if any of you know where I put my printer cartridges, get in touch with me soon.

Larry and Miss Blair are headed in tomorrow; there is a possibility that we may go out on Safari, although I'm not inclined to do so. I teach at UHCL on Saturday morning; church on Sunday.

It's a Travis kind of evening, I think. At least, that's the plan.

A bit later ..

Well, that's that. The sheets are dry, Travis is onward, and I am morose.

Been taking tests on tickle.com They have like .. dozens of personality tests. Took an inkblot test last night, it was fun! Of course, if you want the "full" test results, you have to pay. If you want to do the whole date/person match thing, you have to pay. But, you can take dozens of these tests, have them auto-post to your profile and it's fun.

Ah, at home and finally computerized again. Blake (the new peeler) is snoozing, soundly on guesses, in my bedroom, as I've been cleaning, reading, baking, waiting for the new computer .. all day!

I've baked chicken breasts, heated up garlic bread and now there are green beans heating. How June Cleever of me! Next, I'm baking oatmeal cookies.



slightly later

The cookies did NOT work out at all. I put some homemade kaluha in them, and .. bleh. They're nasty. The new peeler (!) seems to not mind; he's wolfing them down.

He is VERY .. interesting. Like, making me nervous interesting. He came over around 12:30, hung out for about five minutes, took a shower, went to bed, slept until 7:30, got up, ate the food I made for him, went BACK to sleep, slept until 9:00, got up, was heading off for work .. I gave him a disposable razor (he hadn't shaved in days) and he asked for a t-shirt to wear. I gave him an old Heil t-shirt (another "friend" who owes me THOUSANDS) which he donned, and then he asked for a pair of socks. So, I tossed him a pair of Michael's. I was putting some laundry in the machine, so I offered to do some of his (he had mentioned it earlier.) He opened up his bag .. he has NOTHING. Hardly any clothing, hardly any accoutrements, I think he's without a permanent place to live aside from his car.

Something's up with him, and I don't know what.

But, I feel like hiding the good watches. Which, I think, I will go and do right now.

WAY later

Well, it's been interesting. The peeler finally made it back home around 3:00. He's sleeping in my room (since he won't be up until noon, and I'll have work to do. Besides, I think this is a better bed anyway.)

More later .. I need some sleep!

I wrote out this LONG post last night, which was somewhat profound (considering my fairly innocuous entries of late, it was, anyway.) I had so much to say, and now .. bleh. I just don't feel like reproducing it.

Been spending a lot of time today thinking about elements of my life which feed into my "sentence." If you've been reading, you'll know what that's about. Susan is course supervising the advanced course this weekend, so it's amusing and interesting that I'm in Dallas, where she is, and dwelling on my "sentence," which is one of the primary focuses of the Advanced Course.

Anyway.

I've been going back through different events in my life - back to fourth grade, I think, and looking at where I've just taken what was meted out and haven't ever really stood up for myself. My relationship with Valentine is a very clear example of not even standing up for what's lawful and just, let alone what works for me. It's a new "muscle" for me, but I have a lot of experience in knowing how things work and where to go to get things accomplished to help me through.

I think I found a replacement computer on eBay tonight - knocks off tomorrow. Mikey gave me some specs to find, and this seems to be just the right thing.

Larry and I are fixing to head out and have some hang-out time with his friends again tonight. We have had a relaxing and very fun day today; the same friends came over around noon, and we ate WONDERFUL food, hung out, cut up, told evil stories and watched "Sordid Lives." We laughed until we cried. Then, I did some emailing, tried to nap (and spent the time meditating and planning instead) and then got up, cleaned up and came here.

Guy is unable to join me this weekend, but I think that we'll be back around the 11th for the annual fund raising party in Plano.

I am going to see if I can sneak in a trip to go see Scott next week, and get in on the last day of service from EFD. I think I'll close up and check airfares over there now.

Greetings from Dallas County, where one must display one's Amex Platinum at all times to garner attention from wait staff.

Flying up here was .. weird. It's been nearly two years since I've flown Continental, and it's the last week that they're operating from my beloved Ellington Field. The last I flew from EFD, it was on an Embraer turbo-prop seating 18; yesterday was on an ERJ145 seating 50. Let's not say it was full. Then, got to Terminal B (where I used to spend a considerable part of my life) and dashed across the new food concourse (!) and made it over to my gate to DAL. As is historically the case, Continental's service from Houston is PACKED going everywhere. Our ERJ to Dallas was pretty full, probably four open seats, and I was in the row occupied by the official screaming child. We sat on the [very hot] ramp for a while, and the child shrieked, screamed and whined the whole time. Then, we pushed back and taxied for a long while. Shriek, scream, cry. Fourth in line for take-off. SSC. Off we go. Had there been a mechanical emergency, the sounds of the sirens from the cockpit and the sounds of the plane breaking apart would have been masked by the piercing cries of this happy child. Well, happy, sad, demanding, begging. I wonder if her name was Sybil? Forty-one minutes in the air. SSC. Approach, land, roll-out, taxi - does this kid not need oxygen? Then, I escaped. Her mother had gate checked something, so I was able to head out the door without the .. well, you get the picture.

Larry rolled right up in his new Aztek, which is really a lovely car, especially all tricked out the way he bought this one. We went to DFW to pick up the man who flew in from SFO to buy his other car, then came back to his place to deliver same. Then, off to dinner and out to the bars. All of Larry's friends were out, which was great, and the first bar we went to was loaded with stippers. Larry's ex-boyfriend was there, and hitting on me (physically) as per the norm. So, I backed him off HARD, his mood fell apart and he left. Everyone I was with was SO taken with the dancers - I kept hollering "they don't mean it - they just want your money" at all of them. Larry went up to the one who was REALLY built, and came back telling me that the boy/man lives in Houston. Sort of. And that he had asked to meet me.

Clearly, he needed something. So, I went over there. He wanted to know if he could contact me, as the man (undoubedly older) that he had been staying with in Houston "was getting weird." Probably wanting some action after all that flirtation to save on hotel rooms. So, I gave him my card. He said he was going to email me on Monday. About six times. Apparently, he's coming to town soon. Like Monday.

Anyway, we went then to the next bar over, and the place was .. empty. But, there were three young men gyrating .. I went to the bathroom, and one would have thought it was 1983 all over again. My heavens! I quickly finished and left, and after a while, I was sitting there at the table having consumed sixty-eleven cocktails, watching my friends shovel out the money and attention at these young men, and wondering how I came to be in this spiritual place (of mine, not the bar.)

I mean, if "it shall be done unto you as you believe" (the best paraphrase that I can offer) and I'm sitting there believing that no one is going to be interested in me, and I'm better off not evidencing interest in ANYONE, then I'm surely getting exactly what I believe. It's complex. Where did I develop this notion? I've had it for years .. but, I didn't used to. Kind of. I don't know.

Fortunately, it was midnight, and Larry was ready to go. So, off we went to his place, and I went to bed pretty quickly. I slept HARD all night, and had more bizarre dreams. I had the one about being in the Brad Pitt/Jennifer Anniston movie where they're racing around on a motorcycle and traveling through time to Medievel lands, and Brad Pitt is fighting armored knights. On his motorcycle. While Jennifer's hair blows in the rush of air past the speeding motorcycle.

I told you that they were weird. I also dreamed of the new peeler. Briefly.

It's raining today, and who knows if everyone's coming over at noon as they said they were. I've been fiddling around on the computer a while, so it's time to go join Larry in the living room and be social. Adios!

A morning without computage. I'm spending my day being productive; cleaning EVERYTHING in the apartment. I'm on a mission to attack anything that smells funky in my apartment. MJV's wife is picking up his equipment today; it's all stacked at the door ready to go. I was thinking about waxing the car today, but .. it's just going to get rained on all weekend so ..

I just found all of my email. I tried to check it last night using my sprint phone, and it kept telling me that I had the wrong password in Yahoo mail - which I did - but, it was pulling down ALL of my email out of my mail server and hiding it in Yahoo mail.

Very amusing.

Scooter is helping me get a replacement computer today.

I just hope that when I get home this weekend, my apartment is as clean and fresh-smelling as I'll be leaving it tomorrow.

I still haven't decided whether to go back to UHCL tomorrow or not. Bleh.

Okay, I'm almost done processing email for the morning - back to cleaning the apartment!

The end of the last class before my practitioner training was tonight .. awesome class. I wish I could take others, but .. one must be sensible about the 72 mile round trip and the evening class schedule.

As I was driving home (and trying to manipulate my PCS phone, which kept dropping calls as I was trying to maintain a speed down the dark country road leading away from Creative Life, not driving into oncoming traffic nor into the ditch) I was talking to Guy about .. well, this, that, the other thing and nothing that changed the direction of the planets. You know, just a few short months ago, he was nothing more than a recognized, recurrent set of characters on a computer screen. In this short period of time, he's become an indispensible part of my daily life. Just as with Lance, and Eric, they have come in non-traditionally (Guy and Eric from internet conversations, and Lance from being introduced as a new co-worker,) and we have glommed onto each other with no introductory period of "getting to know you."

It's just amazing how fast life changes, and how the right people for right where you are move into your circle when you need them.

I have to get to bed, since I have a date with Lisa to walk first thing in the morning.

If it weren't for the lawn guys buzzing around outside my window, today would be a nice, quiet day.

I still have a few things to get done for my class tonight.

Got up this morning, and walked with Lisa, whom I hadn't seen since about March, when her pregnancy got to a point that she couldn't walk anymore. We walked three miles, with the dog and the baby in a stroller .. it was fun!

Okay, I need to gather some more information to make these files happen .. back to the salt mines!

Dinner with Lance & Steve - their food is better than what one gets in a good restaurant.

Lance pointed out something that I had not previously considered; that Jarred is glomming onto me because I'm non-threatening. Once he deals wit hhis issues, I'll be his "mommy," and he'll spin off into his world to do what he does.

Ewww. I've done that SO MUCH in my life .. why would I want to do it AGAIN?

Two messages from Jarred - "Sounds like you have your hands full. Very hectic schedule. I am doing okay, thanks for asking though. Happy? Well, to a certain extent. Just taking each day at a time. Work is consistent which is good. Would still like to chat with you when you feel I am reliable enough."

Today, after church was over, one of the congregants came up to me and told me that she felt connected to me, and that I was, in her mind (then she struggled for words) a force for good.

That has caused me to do a lot of contemplating this afternoon.

Saturday's now over - save and except for cleaning up the huge mess in the kitchen. I'm listening to McFadden & Whitehead - "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now." One of my very favorite songs in the world.

XM rules.

Now, are you all ready?
Are y'all ready?
Now we gonna do it with the fever
Yeah, Come on

Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move (yeah-ee-a, yeah-ee-a)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove
Spice Girls, check it out

There've been so many things that have held us down
But now it looks like things are finally comin' around, yeah
I know we've got a long long way to go, yeah
And where we'll end up
I don't know
But we won't let nothing hold us back
We gonna get ourselves together
We gonna polish up our act, yeah
And if you've ever been held down before
I know that you refuse to be held down any more, yeah yeah
Don't you let nothing, nothing
Nothing stand in your way
And all we gonna do
I want you to listen, listen (That's right)
To every word I say
Every word I say about it

Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move
(You said it, we've got the groove)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove (Whoo-hoo-oo-oo Whoo-hoo-oo)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move
(We've got the groove)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove (Yeah)

Look, Lemme tell you this
I know you know someone who's got a negative vibe (Euhh)
And if you only help it will only keep it alive (Sh-yeah)
They really don't have nowhere to go
Ask 'em where they're going
They don't know
But we won't let nothing hold us back
We gonna get ourselves together, come on
We gonna polish up our act, yeah
And if you've ever been held down before
I know that you refuse to be held down any more, Oh oh oh

Don't you let nothing, nothing
(I won't do it) Stand in your way (No no)
And all we gonna do
I want you to listen, listen
To every word I say
Every word I say about it

Ain't no stoppin' us now (That's right)
We're on the move
(Nothing gonna, nothing gonna)
(Stop us now, stop us now)
Ain't no stoppin' us now, Come on
We've got the groove (Whoo-oo-oo yeah yeah)
Ain't no stoppin' us now (No no no)
We're on the move
(On the move, yeah-ee-a, yeah-ee-a)
Ain't no stoppin' us now
We've got the groove (Yeah)

Now, let's see it
Don't wanna stop
Please don't make me stop (I don't wanna)
Don't wanna stop
Please don't make me stop (No-oh No-oh)
Don't wanna stop
Please don't make me stop (I don't want to)
Don't wanna stop
Please don't make me stop
(Uh, y'all spell it out for me)

S-T-O-P-P-I-N
Ain't no (Doo-oo, Yeah-heh-a)
S-T-O-P- (to the) P- (to the) I-N (You got it)
Ain't no (Ain't no, no-no)
S-T-O-P-P-I-N (Go ahead)
Ain't no (Ain't no, no-oh-no, no-oh-no)
S-T-O-P- (to the) P- (to the) I-N (Come on)
Ain't no (No, yeah-ee-a, yeah-ee-a)

Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move
Don't wanna stop, please don't make me stop (Yeah yeah)
Ain't no stoppin' us now (Yeah)
We've got the groove
Don't wanna stop, please don't make me stop
(Whoo-oo, Come around with me)

Ain't no stoppin' us now
We're on the move

Now, they're playing my FAVORITE disco song. "Lover's Holiday"

Song: A Lover’s Holiday ~~ 1980 ~~ 6:24
Artist: Change
LP/CD: The Glow Of Love ~~ Warner Brothers ~~ 1980
Writers: David Romani~Tanyayette Willoughby


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not a cloud showed out in the sky that very night in Pitch Black City
I was so damned scared, it was dark, it was so dim, it was a shame
Just then a man walked up to me and said, “Didn’t I see you here before”
The lights were low and the party was so dull, just not good enough

Holiday (Ey, hey, hey, hey, hey)
Holiday (Holiday, what you say)
Holiday
Celebrate (Ah…yeah)

Holiday
Holiday (Alright, ow)
Holiday
Celebrate (Ooh)

Then we both held hands in each other’s for a chance to start it moving
He reached deep inside of his vest and in his hand he held a ring
Let’s have lunch, picnic or a brunch in the wintertime
Let’s disco down in a roller skating ring in Alaska town (Oh…)

Holiday (Holiday)
Holiday (Come on, come on celebrate)
Holiday (Woo, woo, woo, woo)
Celebrate

Holiday (Got the feeling, come on, keep ahead, reelin’)
Holiday (Holiday, yea, yea)
Holiday (Oh…)
Celebrate

Not a cloud showed out in the sky that very night in Pitch Black City
I was so damned scared, it was dark, it was so dim, it was a shame
Just then a man walked up to me and said, “Didn’t I see you here before”
The lights were low and the party was so dull, just not good enough

Holiday
Holiday
Holiday
Celebrate

Holiday
Holiday
Holiday
Celebrate

This just makes me SO happy, listening to this music.

Okay, time to clean the kitchen, watch tonight's Netflix, and then hit the sack. Adios!

Dreams last night .. dreams.

We had a glorious hard thundershower this morning around 4:00 a.m.

Had one dream about being in New York at some fancy party in a gorgeous shopping mall with my friend Dr. A. There was this stunning man who worked in a department store, who was fawning attention all over me, and I was quite pleased. Someone told me that he, of course, was married. Then, Dr. A. and I were going to cross the Atlantic in some sort of plastic Dodge minivan-amphibian. Following that, much weirdness resulted. We had no water, food, bathroom facilities in the minivan; she (Dr. A.) was saying that it would only take a few hours, and I'm calculating at LEAST four days .. then, I was in some sort of church-related youth academy in northern Michigan, and I could NOT find my pants.

The other dream involved, of course, Jarred.

Time to make some breakfast, make the bed and get ready for a day of Fabulair!

Jarred sent me a text message today. Bizarre.

Ah, a quiet evening. The bread dough is rising out on the patio (in a sealed bowl, don't get silly) and I'm going to pop in the movie "Equus" in a minute. If I hate it, I'll just send it back tomorrow.

Was talking to Ray online a little bit. I remembered that he drinks Crown, and he got all wonky like I was stalking him or something. WHATEVER.

Not a word out of Travis today. Nor, from CBB, who wanted help with an IRS lien today, ostensibly his "reason" for coming over last night. Right.

Scott wants me back in Austin early next week to help him with his regulatory filings .. I'll probably end up going. Then, Friday to Dallas to hang out with Larry .. I need to arrange for a dog sitter for each of those trips.

Having trouble finding someone to operate for me in February 2006. I guess I have to be creative. Am I competing with the Hajj?

Well, time to run down to the church's bank, sign a signature card, make a deposit, stop by Wal-Mart, pick up some groceries, come back and see about knocking some more work out.

Just can't seem to win at Free Cell anymore. Bleh.

Ahhhh. Another Travis sort of an evening. I'm so happy with the speakers up above the doors in here in the den - they sound AMAZING.

The apartment is nicely picked up; a little more house cleaning to do tomorrow, and then the rotation starts over again. Didn't get a lot of substantive work done today, but got a lot done. Have a lot more to do tomorrow, including driving down to the church's bank to sign the signature card.

The toll-free number for Fabulair works! It's great!

a little later

Okay, only in the life of the Divo could this happen ..

So, 8:00 comes and goes, and Travis doesn't show up. Or call. So, I'm sitting in here feeling morose, me, the stand-up king of all time. And, the dogs start barking. So, I go to the door, and there's no one there. I'm walking back toward the computer, and there's someone outside my patio gate shouting at me. I open the patio door, and it's CBB - whom I haven't seen in .. oh, more than a year. He had an appointment with me two weeks ago - that he blew off and never called about - and I'm like "you're dropping IN on me?" Well, it's not like Travis showed up. He asks if I'm going to invite him in, and he says he's meeting a friend of his for a drink in an hour .. okay, come on in. He's a chatty, pleasant fellow, after all.

So. CBB makes himself comfortable and starts talking about .. well, himself. About twenty minutes later, there's a knock at the door. Yep. Travis. Late. So, CBB see Travis and says "oh, I am interfering with your plans!" And rips right into the next big topic about himself.

CBB is one of those people who has a constant supply of oxygen, and doesn't need to breathe to talk on for .. oh, hours. So, Travis sits there amiably, and CBB entertains, and then it's 9:30, and Travis says he has an appointment, and he leaves. And CBB drones on for another FORTY FIVE minutes.

Of course, I had not the guts to just say "uh, you dropped in on me, and .. git!"

Plus, I had already decided that Travis wasn't coming, so .. who knows.

I think I just need to completely cease the idea of having a relationship of ANY kind with a man, PERIOD. It just brings me more grief.

When he was leaving, CBB said "it sure was nice - I always love visiting with you.. "

Uh, hello? I didn't SAY anything? You pontificated for nearly two hours..

Jesus.

I just need to stop these social interactions and only focus on ones that work.

Not much has been accomplished since lunch aside from finding out the UHCL has NOT put my invoice in for processing at all. So, they've sat on my invoice for 28 days, doing nothing and lying to me about it.

I have to get some work done, but while I'm in a mood, I think I'll write a protest letter to UPS telling them what crappy service they provide, and demanding a credit.

Had a nice lunch today with Guy. Have to get myself focused and get some letter writing done for clients, and get stuff off my desk.

I think my association with UHCL is over - I find that, in business, people are never willing to take responsibility for their own errors nor for the havoc that their failings wreak on others. When called on the carpet about it, these business people terminate relationships, rather than take responsibility and fixing the problem.

Okay, time to hide some speaker wire, and fold up the white clothes.

The day seems like it's going right along. Guy is taking me to lunch at Guad. I'm picking up my other cell phone, which is FINALLY fixed after five months of trying. I have some more work to do today. Possibility of another contract coming in over the next two weeks - and, more Fabulairing. Ran speaker wire under the carpeting last night, have to finish that this morning, and shipped off my Duck Dodgers animation to be repaired; it's been broken for more than a year. White clothes in the spin cycle .. things are cooking.

So, by the end of the day today, I'll have the bed cleared off (again) and more work done and out of my space.

YAY!

WHAT a day .. got a number of things done; the bed is covered over and a mess AGAIN.

Got a lot of good Fabulair-ing done today; just don't have much to say tonight. Off to bed, I guess!

I'll just let the exchange speak for itself:

[My reply - reads in reverse chronological order]

So which is more wrong - being homosexual, or taking advantage of older homosexuals by flirting with them, and offering them attention while accepting their generosity and gifts?

-----Original Message-----
From: david [mailto:@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 17, 2004 12:58 AM
To: @.com
Subject: RE: Reading assignment


dont give me your "conditioned response" bull%#$%@#$......as always, YOUR
the one who always seems to ignore the other main points of my letters, so
it is YOU who is blocking my friend.

admit it, homosexuality is wrong. its immoral, its unholy, and it defiles
everything thats beatiful about sex between a man and a woman. those are
the facts.

you can justify homosexuality all you want, doesnt mean your right.

its WRONG....how hard is that to get?


>From: "" <@.com>
>Reply-To: <@.com>
>To: "'david '" <>
>Subject: RE: Reading assignment
>Date: Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:39:25 -0500
>
>He says quite clearly that God never DID send homosexuals down here and
>then tell us not to be homosexuals. It seems you didn't read the text,
>just assumed what it said, and then reacted out of your conditioned
>response.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: david [mailto:]
>Sent: Sunday, August 15, 2004 1:36 AM
>To:
>Subject: RE: Reading assignment
>
>
>that would be something to discuss in person cause it would take me all
>night to type out explantions, thoughts, etc.
>
>i guess my thoughts in a nutshell are...
>
>
>this so called "biblical approach" to advocating homosexuality is just
>another MAN'S interpretation of what he thinks certain biblical verses
>mean.
>
> whos to say his interpretation is right? because hes studied? other
>people who've studied just as much disagree with these interpretations.
>without a prophet and personal prayer for answers to which
>interpretations are correct, you'd be up a creek.....however there is a
>ture and living prophet in these times. listen to him. or if you dont
>want to, get down on
>
>your knees and ask got with an OPEN heart if this manuscript is true.
>see what kind of answers you get.
>
>the bible so clearly teaches that homosexuality is wrong the topic isnt
>really worth the time to debate. i think because alot of gay people
>out there know homosexuality is wrong, they seek to justify their
>actions, even stooping to twist the word of god this way and that in a
>desperate effort to prove their actions credible to god, cause they know that if in fact they are doing something wrong, it wont be "pleasing" to god to say the
>least.
>
>i especially hate how this guy says that homosexuality isnt a
>lifestyle, its unchangeable. bull#$%@%
>why would god send you down here, tell you not to do something, then
>make it so you pretty much have to do what you were asked not to. doesnt make
>sense. read your bible, the 1st commandment god gave was to multiply
>and replenish the earth. god created adam and eve, not adam and steve.
>how in the world are you gonna fulfill that commandment with a
>boyfriend??? not gonna happen. that commandment was directed toward
>all of us my friend, not
>
>just some of us. why would god create you in a way that would be
>contradictory to his 1st commandment.. doesnt make sense.
>
>this letter is one big long justification attempt. i guess this joker
>who wrote this can justify his way to hell as far as im concerned.
>(one of my fav. sayings.) you can attempt to justify anything. as for
>the going to hell part, thats not for me to decide, thats up to god.
>anyways, well have to sit down one night and go through all this stuff.
>it'd get interesting

Okay, so ALL I ate yesterday was oatmeal cookies. ALL. About six gazillion of them. And this morning, my blood sugar was 116. Still within the normal "non-diabetic" range of things.

Had more strange dreams last night. After the Roots class was cancelled, I took a nap (required after two straight nights of being kept awake by drunken revelers) and had a dream that I was in Germany, traveling around and speaking German (a talent that I have nearly completely lost.) Then, this morning, I had a dream that I was aboard the King George V chasing the Bismarck. We were shooting the huge guns at them, but we kept pulling out of the chase to dock next to the Bismarck, and have these big love-fest meals with their crew. Affection, in the classical sense, not sexual. And, I was again speaking in German, and liasing with the captain of the Bismarck. Then, we'd all leave port in a genial fashion and start shooting at each other again.

Is that a parable for dating?

I had another dream in which I was arguing with myself last night about dating, with Guy appearing as the other side of the argument. It was ugly.

Still no movement in the career/business front. PJ is calling to "ask questions," but I won't conduct business with her over her cell phone anymore. I want a written record.

I have to see about getting some things done here today. Adios.

Roots class for tonight was resked for next week because of a congregant's death yesterday. I'm not telling anyone that it's been cancelled; I'm just going to hide out, Howard Hughes like, and watch movies.

Cancelled my profiles on about ten internet sites today. Aside from my own site (drdivo.com) and this, my internet presence is now zero.

Just found a cool website through the Houston Chronicle this morning - it's a calculator for your life expectency.

My calculated health span is 83.0 years. So far.

The fire alarm went off here this morning at 2:25 a.m., I heard the [drunk] person who pulled it yank the alarm right outside my apartment, and then slap the fire extinguisher box that sits next to it. I didn't even get out of bed this time. Then, this morning, it's gone off two more times. The fire department probably barely had time to get off the truck after the first call this morning before it went off again, and they had to come back. The only thing that makes this remotely bearable is that the complex gets socked with a hefty fine for all of these false alarms.

I have to bake some oatmeal cookies for tonight. I think I should call Susan, and see if she can help me with what I'm processing on. And, I have a few little things here in the office/den to clean up, but, except for Scott's quality plan, I have no projects to work on.

Almost time for the shower ...

Felt like I had almost no sleep last night (as you may have noticed from the post at 3:30 this morning) but, I guess most of that was perceptual. Mikey just called; he and Jay are getting ready to come down to hear me in church - WAY COOL! Yvette said she was coming this morning. HOORAY! Then, we're having lunch, and then meeting Travis to see Alien vs. Predator. YAY!

Just finished writing out a treatment and printing it off to give to everyone this morning. I have to finish organizing my thoughts, but I'm mostly there.

I was thinking this morning of creating a mirror blog site just for my poetry; since most of them are buried in the archives of this blog, it would probably be good to do that. I have to create another poem by tomorrow afternoon for the conclusion of the Roots class.

My sister wrote me an email reply this morning; I'll wait to read it until after I get back from church just in case it's .. less than pleasant.

Yeah, I know that it's 2:45 a.m.

I was awakened by: 1.) the ongoing stream of people blowing their horns in the parking garage, 2.) others in the parking garage yelling at each other, 3.) someone setting off a car's theft alarm that sounded enough like Ruby's that I had to get up and check it out, and 4.) even more of all of the above.

So, awakened, dressed and such, I had to come back to the computer to check things out.

The mormon wrote me back about 2:00 this morning; I had sent him a copy of this incredible letter that a minister wrote about homosexuality; he wrote back that the guy was clearly biased (he's not) and that he is going against the bible (he's not) and that homosexuals (like me) were just trying to justify their actions, blah, blah, blah. I doubt he read past the opening paragraphs. Anyway, I dragged his file envelope into the spam folder, and that's the end of that one.

You, however, can read this amazing letter at letter

It's close enough now to 3:00 that hopefully, all the straight people who have been partying at the Red Door have left (our parking garage here at AMLI Midtown is the de facto parking facility for this very busy club)

I'm thinking of doing something subversive. Like, next Saturday night, around 12:30 a.m., calling for a wrecker service to come tow away EVERY SINGLE CAR THAT'S PARKED IN THE PARKING GARAGE WITHOUT A RESIDENT STICKER.

I wonder if I can get away with that.

Lost my temper with my sister this morning. I just think I'll not call her for .. oh .. six months. See if she likes it better me not speaking to her on the phone than bitching because I don't call AT A TIME THAT SHE'S AVAILABLE when I'm neither driving in the car, sitting in front of the computer or whatever isn't doing absolutely nothing and focusing on talking to her.

I just got pen ink on my white bed cover in here. BLEH.

I need to get a shredder.

Where is Sven?

Travis just left .. he is SUCH a great guy. I'm so glad to be getting to know him.

Time to watch one of these silly movies that I have sitting here.

Oh, have I mentioned that I just LOVE XM?!


XM Radio

So strange. Anyone who's perused my blog for any length of time can tell that the ONLY people I say anything vaguely negative about are those who:

1.) Are taking advantage of me
2.) People who expect me to do their work for them without compensation
3.) Men who stand me up
4.) People who do the business equivalent; change the deal after we've agreed
5.) People who lie to me
6.) That's pretty much it

Big surprise, I am not the world's best at direct communication when someone is being hypocritical, self-serving, lying or cruel to me. I guess part of that is that I am so stunned when someone openly lies, changes the deal, or otherwise acts in such a way that has absolutely no integrity that I don't get aggressive and in their faces. I do speak quietly and directly, albeit not IMMEDIATELY. I point out that what they are saying is not what they have said or what has happened.

So, I've gotten myself in "hot water" twice in the last week by having this blog read by people of whom I have spoken less then completely positively over the past two years. One was my own fault and oversight, but the other was someone who went out of his way to DIG THROUGH THE INTERNET TO SEE IF I'D SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM.

Guilty conscience? Wait, I forgot, people like you have no conscience.

Interestingly enough, both of the people who got so very upset with my journal (the concept of which is stream-of-consciousness writing for someone who needs to express themselves in writing) can't argue that I've been unjust, inaccurate or cruel in my statements. THERE ARE WITNESSES TO THESE EVENTS, AND THEY READ THIS TOO.

Pleh. Get over yourselves. You treat someone badly, don't be surprised to find out that the world knows.

Travis is supposed to be coming over in about an hour. It will be great to see him.

Got a TON done today; credit protests mostly. Have more work to do this weekend.

DROP everything NOW. GO, now to my personal website, www.drdivo.com

Check out what E did for me!! I'm SO happy!

Thanks to Larry in Dallas for the source material.

It's almost 1:30 am, and I'm wide awake. Had a WONDERFUL dinner with Guy tonight; then had a 3 mile walk around Memorial Park. Came home, researched for Fabulair, for some marketing trips for Fabulair, some fun stuff .. and I've been XMing here in the den for hours. It's just SO awesome. I could listen to it until the sun comes up .. which would be counterproductive.

Travis cancelled - he's coming tomorrow at .. 8? I think. More as it develops with him.

Guy was saying at dinner that my dreams lately of Jarred are probably partly true inasmuch as he (Jarred) would likely pop back up when our venture "takes off." Anyway, I wanted to post his other picture for your edification ..



Let's see if that works, or if I need to ask E for help.

Interesting. Travis just called. He's coming over at 6:00. Very interesting.

Time to wire up the speakers, then start (again) working on this quality plan.

MAKE THE SCARY SOUTH AFRICAN GO AWAY!!

Yes, another dream last night about Jarred. This one was VIVID. He was still working in the bar, although it was different in detail from the one he REALLY works in. He approached me, and asked ME out, and made mention of the fact that it had been two years he had been wanting to see me, and took responsibility that it was really his fault that we didn't previously get together. So, we made a date to go out for breakfast on a Saturday.

I went to his apartment to pick him up, knocked on the door, his room mate answered, he was zipping around getting ready. He came out, we went to breakfast ..

Of course, this being a dream, all kinds of crazy stuff was going on. However, the gist of it is .. we had a GREAT time, he was very playful and affectionate. We came to the end of the breakfast time, and I went to take him back so he could go to work - and he said "no I switched shifts with Brad so I could spend the whole day with you .. I don't work until tomorrow at 2."

So, we hung out, went here and there - he was getting very frisky with me if I had a phone call, playing about who was on the phone, and how were they more important than he was .. somehow, we ended up back at his bar and they were playing a movie in the back room, which I got engrossed in, and I went back out front to check on him and he was running a cash register (in a grocery store) but then immediately jumped off the register to spend time with me ..

JUST MAKE IT STOP.

I dusted my bedroom this morning - I'm keeping my apartment at a much higher level than before .. it's pretty cool! Today, I'm going to hang my speakers (not bad after PLANNING to do it for six years.)

E has found an online, interactive Free Cell tournament site .. we may have lost him forever now.

Anyway, that's enough for now. The muse did NOT return last night with the missing poetry.

Well. The day is essentially over. I should watch one of the movies that I have here, so I'm not wasting my Netflix membership.

I just did a little Fabulair-ing, and some blogging on the fabulair blog.

Anyway, out of boredom, I hopped onto gay.com .. started talking to this guy .. it turned out to be RAY. Not Ray #1, but Ray #2. From about nine years ago.

Wow. What a story that was. I don't think that anyone who knows me knows about Ray. He truly broke my heart. Wow.

Part of me wants to see him again, really badly - but my sanity says "Danger, Will Robinson!"

Of course, he's playing totally cagey - "oh, maybe .. we'll just play it by ear."

I ripped the Brazilian today - told him that I was not interested in a relationship with a Latin who felt he owned me, but could do as he pleased. I've already HAD that relationship.

For some reason, I'm REALLY feeling like I won't be hearing from Travis anymore.

Let's see, who else did I nuke today? I told Mickey that I was not going to play with him anymore. Last night, late, I was short with Michael (from Phoenix, who was complaining about not making any appearances herein, although I've been asked by him to NOT mention him.) So, he got testy with me, and told me off. Pleh.

Oh, I forgot to mention - I had TWO dreams about Jarred last night. BIG bleh. The first one, Guy was sitting with me on the patio in front of Baba Yega, and we were talking about Fabulair. I had a text message on my phone from Jarred asking "is that you?" Then, Guy starts telling me I should give Jarred another chance .. blah, blah.

Long story short, I found out he had been talking to Jarred behind my back (in the dream; Guy would rather not see me ever speak to Jarred again) and I stormed out of there, hopped in my new BMW 745i and lit out for places north. For three weeks. Without my laptop.

In the last few nights, I've had repeating dreams about a triptich poem - one poem, three voices, it was awesome .. and of course I can't REMEMBER it. I also had another dream about a poem that was SO wonderful .. and it's gone.

BLEH

I am just LOVING this XM .. it's far better than I even dreamed. I found (a few minutes ago) the hangers for the speakers that I've intended to hang in this room for the last .. oh .. six years. Now, I'll be able to listen to my XM while I slave away over my keyboard.

The room has, by the way, managed to creep back to a condition of wreckage that belies the efforts I took only a week ago.

Well, I really should hit the sack here, get up and apply myself to the few projects that are left. E says that we should land our sub-contract by tomorrow.

I sure hope so.

Okay, this is turning into a better day than yesterday was. I've done a tax return for a returning client (who cracks me up) and I'm about to start working on Scott's quality plan for his mortgage company. I have to do some more housework, but I did get the bathroom cleaned up after Judy turned it into a nuclear waste dump in just two quick days. I'll be working again late into the night today.

Supposed to see Travis tomorrow night; thinking about not. I'm down on men in general, as they're mostly either liars or self-serving. Or both.

Have to tape up some letter sized faxes, make them into legal sized, and then fax the whole bloody mess off. Bleh.

I'm almost out of cell minutes for the month, and I have a week left to go. YEEP!

Judy had a GREAT idea!! I should put together this FABULOUS art show for the wife of one of her supporters in Brownsville here in Houston, and maybe I could get a PERCENTAGE plus I'd be able to make GREAT INROADS with the husband, who used to be the BIGGEST DEVELOPER in Brownsville. Then, I could maybe start doing his mortgages and such .. wouldn't that be GREAT??

I told her "no thanks."

BLEH

That's my official statement about today. Starting with wasting my time with that worthless interview. I just .. don't know quite what to think about my thoughts for the day. They've been a mess, even though, empirically, there was very little that was bad.

The church board meeting tonight was awesome, uplifting, and ..

I got home tonight, and slipped right back into a state of moroseness.

I should just go to bed .. and hope that tomorrow isn't more of the same.

If you want a really fun time, follow this link -

Today (Wednesday) is the second anniversary of LTJ's death in my living room. Maybe that's got me down.

What a USELESS day. I got up (after staying up past 1:00 working on budgets and forecasts) expecting to have a.) a conference call with Crystal Ball about the sub-contract, and b.) a decent interview for a branch manager position with a major national lender.

Well, no call (and still nothing) and the interview was a total waste of two hours and a perfectly good starched shirt. I was driving home, and Nicole called wanting to have lunch .. hm. Perhaps a little Nicole time would be a good thing. So, I fiddled for about a half hour, and then met her at the Hyatt. Okay, hello, Matty? The service SUCKS!? $37.00 for lunch, $6.00 to park, decent food and not as much table service as one gets from Luby's?

So, home I came .. no conference call. No mail. Another crappy note from UPS telling me that they're insisting on charging me $10 per shipment because THEY printed the wrong account number on my pre-printed labels. Hello, USPS?

So, after about a half hour of feeling like crap (which is really irritating, considering how wonderful I felt last night during class and after) I decided to take a nap. BIG waste of time. That accomplished nothing except making me crankier.

Now, I'm looking at the clock, realizing that I have about 40 minutes before I have to meet Mikey and Jay at Cabo, and wishing I could just Howard Hughes the rest of my day, and sit behind drawn blinds.

When I get home tonight, I'm going to have to stay up late, forcing work on some files that I allowed to go untouched today and yesterday.

I should read some more Emma Curtis Hopkins. See if that brings me out of this mood.

Waiting for CBB to show up - he has had some tax issue for, oh, four years, that he keeps talking to me about. So, I'm waiting to hear [again] what it's all about, and he says he's ready to deal with it. I'm not exactly holding my breath.

Class tonight - one more of this series, and then I have a month off until the BIG class starts in late September. I'm wholly unprepared for tonight. Bleh.

Got my Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker today in the mail. It's not attractive. Gore's stickers were much more attractive, and look what it got him. Bush has awesome looking stickers.

Have an interview in the morning with a recruiter about being a branch manager for a mortgage company somewhere in town. We'll see how that goes. I had to re-do Scott's quality plan tomorrow, too. Joy. That should be a hoot.

I'm just waiting on Kimberly to fax me some stuff that she has to get to me for this file to close. I've only been waiting a week on it. Bleh. She's out of the office tomorrow, so if I don't get it today from her, it will be WEDNESDAY which would suck.

E was up this morning at 9:05! I about fainted! Of course, he hadn't been to sleep [much] at that point.

After working all day yesterday, and all weekend long, I can see now why people need a full day off in their week. I was just wiped out all day today. I still have a blistering headache. Spent about two hours this morning trying to straighten out phone installation, UPS invoices that are wrong, bank stuff .. how do people get any work done?

I sent Judy a PDF last night showing that their corporation was not-for-profit and in good standing (I love having my own SOS account) and, of course, she can't open it. "Can you fax it to me?" No. Figure it out.

She needs a good month long training on how to use a computer.

I wish tonight was Thursday. I need some Travis time.

She's GONE! I got up this morning, and she told me that she had to leave TODAY with her business plan, shaving nearly 24 hours of the originally agreed upon time to perform. So, I cancelled going to church, sat down and started cranking. I was done at 4:00, finished her revisions and "whoopsies" by 6:00 and she LEFT.

So, my apartment is mine again, and I have a neat little task list to accomplish in the morning. All do-able. I have the towels in the laundry (for the second time) to get rid of the make-up, and I'm trying to figure out how to purge the shower curtain of the talcum powder. The bathtub is totally caked up with oily footprints and .. well, oil. Looks like someone sank the "Condoleeza Rice" in there. So, that will be tomorrow morning.

She managed to fill THREE garbage bags in two days .. it normally takes me a week to fill one up. Weird.

I'm totally loving my XM radio; and am about to hook up the speakers here in the den.

Tomorrow is all MINE now! YAY!

ARGH!

PJ strikes this morning right out of the box. I get up to get ready for church, and she tells me that she has had a call from her boss, and needs to be back in a board meeting in Brownsville TOMORROW, and she needs to leave TODAY with the business plan in hand.

Uh ..

So, she's cutting more than 1/3 of the time out of the schedule, and starts whining at me that "she's been here for two days and I haven't started any of it." Of course, she laid FIFTY pages of text crap, 77% of which was irrelevant, on me yesterday afternoon in between all of her calls for technical assistance with printing, saving to disc and other issues she was having with her computer working on what she was working on.

God, bring me solid, paying clients that aren't fruitcakes?

I think that the next time her Royal Judiness has a project for me to work on, I'm going to insist that she NOT BE HERE to be in my face 24/7 so that I don't have this issue in the future.

Okay, time to shower and crank out a business plan in four hours or less.

What a day, what a day. Started off waiting for my LSAT student to show up, tried calling him, got his mother .. no word from him yet. Judy and I headed out to breakfast by way of this errand, that errand and the other errand .. and we accomplished quite a bit.

Mostly of me spending money on things I needed.

I worked on balancing the checking account, was off by $52.02, which drove me NUTS until I figured out that it was a date range error in Quicken. Now, it balances to the penny, as per the norm.

Looked through Judy's business plan .. my hair is still standing on end. But, I've only been hired to do the goals and the budgets, so that's what I'm going to focus on. Did CP's tax return (price = two cocktails) and got that handled.

Had two text messages from Jarred last night - he got the poem that I had written him; I mailed it to him last week after things went wonky. He was very appreciative and apologetic.

Still doesn't mean I have any interest in seeing him at all.

Haven't listened to my XM ALL DAY.

Judy and I watched American History X last night - I had rented it before, and turned it off halfway through because I so put off. I didn't see the "good" part. We also got a Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD with a Papa John's pizza .. that was a RIOT. We hooted big-time.

No strange dreams .. well, one was bizarre .. Judy and I were students in a school/college; food was involved in a messy way, and I kept trying to study for and take an exam or write a paper and couldn't get it done. Very unsettling.

I decided it was random.

Have to read through all of these publications that her Judiness has printed, faxed and pulled out relating to the business plan.

Guy's bringing over hamburgers in a while.

FINALLY!!!!! I FINALLY got my XM radio hooked up today! I got my home kit in the mail today (I stole it on eBay for $20 off) and hooked it up in less than an hour. It's FABULOUS!!!



I am about to hook up the speakers here in the den/work room/guest room so that I can listen in here.

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

I can't wait to get it hooked up in Ruby and in the Impy!! WOW!

Got my watch fixed today - $12.50 - they had to put one of the chronometer hands back on it, and then re-set the hour hand. Also bought laundry soap and dishwasher soap at Kroger (on sale! woof!) worked on a BUNCH of stuff, got my BRAKES REPLACED! Whoo!! Bought my ticket to Dallas for the last weekend in August.

Scheduled my trips for the rest of the year to make Silver Elite by Christmas .. WHOO!

Happy happy happy happy happy.

I have to load some software, check out another station on my XM and hang with the Judy.

This morning's early blood sugar = 99. In week three of no medication.

Have to take Ruby over to get her brake pads fixed in a little while .. like about 20 minutes. After the coffee and oatmeal are consumed.

My lovely watch from Dusseldorf has broken, after just six weeks. The second hand fell off after hanging up the hour hand and knocking it out of alignment. I'm sure it's an easy fix. There's a lovely watch that the same guy on eBay is selling - Scott wants it REAL badly, and it's pretty cheap.

I'm just feeling evil enough to buy it to deny it him.

I'm writing Richard a note about the truly weird dream that I had about him last night. I wonder if it carries any meaning ..

And whether he'll GET IT.

Here's the dream ..

Richard and Rick were joining some leather club at a bar that was sort of an amalgam of the Ripcord and Lobo, and there were all of these semi-rough looking guys who were having the "meeting." Richard was all dressed in preppy attire - I went to try to "rescue" him from the whole thing, and they ended up "rushing" me. I answered their questions in a smart-assed way, as I thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Then, the new inductees had to select or be assigned club "names" by which they would be known. I think Richard's name was "poodle." They asked me what I wanted my name to be, and I said "divo" - which they loved. So, divo it was.

THEN, things turned ugly. The leather group was some sort of anarchist group, and they were all armed to the teeth. I was trying to break Richard out of there, and they were all smoking (I assume) dope and greasing their weapons. At that point, Lance was with me, and we were shooting our way out. I was a gay super-hero (my preferred profession) and I was blasting the greasy leather girls like it was a hyper version of the video game "Doom."

I never did figure out what happened to Richard in the melee.

It's very interesting to me that Lance keeps cropping up in my dreams as a co-worker/battle-r of evil and evil-doers.

Okay, time to run Ruby down the street and walk back. She needs new brakes.

I made it home, I thought, with my sanity. The trip home went swimmingly, with a quick stop at the Wal-Mart in Bastrop. Traffic was gentle, and I made it home in three hours on the nose, at 4:10 p.m

Dashed into the apartment having had to pee for the last half hour. Lance was here working on my computer, and the dogs were all jumping for joy. I came out of the bathroom, to have Lance tell me that CP was demanding my immediate presence at JR's.

I thought I had just gotten AWAY from that sort of thing.


just a little bit later...

Okay, Travis has come and gone. What a great time! He's a masseur/chiropractor .. and he's about the best chiro I've EVER met. And such a sweet guy. Dinner was pleasant, and I got him to talk about himself some. I guess I'll see him next week Thursday.

My apartment was a WRECK. The kitchen had food and crusty dishes everywhere .. the place smelled badly .. I spent two hours cleaning up.

PLEH.

About to hop into the shower, go with Scooter to the office, work up some investor packages for him, and then hit Texas 71 on the way home. I'll be home around 6:00.

Been reading the biography of Howard Hughes that Guy loaned me .. hoo boy! I had no idea just how twisted his life was. Wow. I'm only up to 1960 and have 16 more years to read about.

No unusual or bizarre dreams last night - there's a first in a while.

Spent some time last night downloading ring tones to my Sprink phone. I discovered (after 18 months of having this phone) how to attach a picture image to a phone book entry, so I can now add in EVERYONE that I have images for, and have their picture show on my screen when they call in.

And, I assigned ring tones to certainn people. Psycho Judy is "The Flight of the Valkyries," Guy is "Copacobana," Lance is "True," Mikey is .. something I don't recall right now, and E is something disco-y.

Seeing Travis tonight after I get home. I sure like him.

MIKEY IS UPSET THAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM ENOUGH IN MY BLOG. NOW, HE'S ALSO UPSET THAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND JAY.

I told him that I only talk about people who tweak me, irritate me, make me think about my life, or otherwise .. that did not assuage him.

So, now, I've talked about him.

Mid-day update...

It's nearly 4:00 - I've re-worked the marketing flyer for these boys. Simplified it, took out a bunch of redundant information, added the logo. Now, I'm working on their HUD approval application. This is SUCH simple work - Scott was insistent that I needed to be here for three days. I'll be done in just a few minutes, and there is no real reason for me to stay much past lunch tomorrow, especially when I'm coming back in another ten days.

Finally at the office. Scott, it seems, doesn't eat breakfast. I, on the other hand, start to get wonky without food early in the day. I wish I had Lance with me.

Scott does have quite the set-up here for interest rates and so on. Clearly, I need to be working through him for any loans that I generate on my own, as he'll pay me a much larger portion than MJV will, and I won't have to wait to get paid as I will with MJV. So, more money and less time waiting, and lower rates/fees.

Works for me.

I have to figure out a way to get some food going here, even if it's just me walking off down the street to the Marriott.

Ah Wednesday in Austin. Scott gets up late and I had a chance to sleep in for once.

He has this dazzling little computer with a tiny keyboard that looks all fashionable, but it hard to work with since it is about the size of a laptop keyboard.

He has a gorgeous apartment and it's impossible to argue that Austin is a huge order of magnitude more lovely than workaday Houston is. However, I'm fully invested in Houston, and this will remain a place to travel to. Scott keeps telling me he wants me to move here, but there is no income foundation for me here.

Last night, I got to thinking about my consulting work, and the effort that I produce for people. I have been billing $75/hour of late, but .... if boy hustlers are worth at least $150 an hour for questionable value, I think that I am undercharging for things that make such a huge difference in people's lives or businesses.

So, last night while at Charlie's where Scott was trying to find us some boy hustlers, I gave myself a raise.

Judy is coming on Friday for three days to "polish" her business plan. I have decided that she's getting eight hours of work, period. She had originally proposed $1000, and now it's $800, half in advance and half on completion. Okay, well, I'm not putting in three weeks' of work like I did for R&R for $800. Their business plan actually took six weeks of working on it about three hours a day of steady work. The amount of time that I spent gestating on it and so on was much greater than that.

If I were using my regular keyboard, I'd have this already knocked out.

Austin is populated with a seeming throng of young men under 24. They are all 'cute' and 'stylish' and utterly uninteresting. Scott revels in their presence, and frankly, I couldn't be less concerned.

I am so glad to be going home tomorrow to a work space that is totally caught up with everything. I will have Scott's tax returns to synthesize, and a few other projects, but, that's NEW work, not something that has been hanging out around for weeks.

Anyway, that's the story. It was HOT yesterday, and Ruby ran flawlessly, as always. I'm so glad that she's getting new brakes on Friday, as hers are down to the nub. I have obviously adjusted my braking behavior to reduce stress on her, and yesterday when in traffic or following Scott home from the office (he seems to think he's Speed Racer) I could tell that she was laboring with the brakes in their current condition. I just hope that her rotors are still in good shape.

Okay, well, about 30 more hours and then I'm headed home to my world.

Ah, coffee. The nectar of the gods. I was up until 2:00 working on tax returns, and this morning, I'm doing the final clean up work on them and they go out in the UPS today. Waiting on a credit card payment, a wire transfer, and then I'm out the door to get gas, the car washed, and my hair cut and off to Austin for three days.

PJ just called, not only is she "on her way" to wire me the money she promised for Sunday, but she's expecting approval to get me paid to write a business plan for them, and she'll be IN MY FACE from Friday until Tuesday.

Yeep. I need the work, though.

Okay, now it's 9:15, I'm still working my butt off, and I have gotten a call from Judy that a.) she sent me my money, and b.) she thinks that she's got approval to hire me to do the business plan.

Hooray and YELP!

I think I sold another loan this morning, that's awesome - it should also close in August.

Ordering insurance certificates, sending clients information, and then I have to package up these two tax files and put them in UPS. The time is slipping by.

What a day, what a day. Got a lot DONE but not what I intended/needed to. I am staying home from class AGAIN to meet with a tax client and work on tax returns. I have apologized to Jarred THREE times (by text message) and delivered some tax returns to a very happy woman who just moved here from California.

I have the corporate tax returns done except for balancing the cash balances. Pleh. Then, I have to finish the personal return, call them in the morning, arrange for the delivery, and head out to Austin.

I've been doing this, that and the other, mostly because I have no idea how to go about balancing these stupid books. Pleh.

I have to get these dogs outside, now that the thundershower has ceased, make up the bed, then see about getting these statements to balance. Then, in the morning, I can do the personal tax return, call about delivering same, and get out of town.

This morning's pre-breakfast blood sugar = 105. Just fine.

Waiting to call CP about meeting him with the car and for brekkie. Then, I have to crank out the tax returns before lunch, and deliver them this afternoon. Then .. would I actually be CAUGHT UP?

Don't say such things.

I think Lance is coming over later this morning. That will be good.

Travis was here on Thursday - my God, he's the nicest man. He's coming over Friday night, and hopefully, post-massage, he'll be up for going out to dinner.

More bizarre BIZARRE dreams last night. I was in some little hotel suite/thing that was more like a lavishly decorated dorm room than anything else. There was this guy that I was .. pursuing .. who was .. indifferent, but very appealing (sound at ALL familiar?) Anyway, I was locking up the door to my room, and this cute-ish husband/wife couple were reaching for my door handle. She told me that they wanted to use my phone. I made some snappy reply about it wasn't a public phone, and then went down the hall. The whole building was like an amalgam of a very exclusive shopping mall, a convention center, and a stunning hotel - weird. Anyway, they were following me while I was trying to find my "boyfriend" (the one who was indifferent, sometimes, but not always) who seems to have recently been released from prison for drug charges, and was running around trying to sell .. something.

So, the husband/wife and I settle in this upholstered love seat in the hotel lobby watching a TV. The wife stretches out on the love seat, I'm sitting on the floor and the husband is standing RIGHT in front of me watching the TV. The husband starts making those hints .. and wants to go back to my room (which was about six blocks away, but all still in this huge convention building thing) and suddenly, I'm wearing nothing but my undershorts, and my khaki shorts and polo are on the floor. He sees that his wife is asleep, and so he's all hot to trot, and we walk off - and I said 'but my keys are in my shorts, I have to go back and get them.' He says that he'll rent a hotel room.

Mercifully, I woke up right about then.

SUSAN! WHERE ARE YOU????

Well, holy SHIT!

Back from dinner ..

I just read a very pretty and thoroughly CRAPPY business plan. It was .. to be as discrete as possible, half-assed, ill conceived, and unsupported. I am writing a .. gentle .. email that says the thing is a piece of shit.

Hopefully, he'll want to hire me at a steep fee to re-write the whole thing. 'Cause I ain't doing ANYTHING risk based anymore, unless I'm the owner of it.

One hour, sixteen minutes.

Just where in the world IS Floweree, Montana? Perhaps I should ask Mapquest.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. The bed in the guest room is starting to look more like a bed, and less like someone upended a filing cabinet on it. There are file folders, neat stacks, and most everything has actually been put away.

Two hours until dinner with Nancy and Nicole. They chose the Stables, which I have a negative impression of because of R&R.

I'm cruising through the antihistamines today like Sherman went through Atlanta.

Some recent fortunes garnered through various chinese food visits:

"You understand how to have fun with others and to enjoy your solitude."
"An Admirer is concealing his affection for you."
"Your professional experience is worth a huge fortune."

I have the mail processed and ready to go out tomorrow, I have my work for tomorrow all organized and lined out, I have things really coming along in here. Lance is going to cover me while I'm in Austin.

And an hour to go!!! Should I actually start doing some work?

Well, at long last, a text message from Jarred. He says that clearly text messaging isn't the best for us, and that he thought I wanted to reschedule, since I had written to him that time was against me.

Of course, I did call, and never heard from him. So, I sent him a quick reply to that effect, and, as far as I am concerned, it's just concluded.

Ah, well. I only went to that stupid bar to see him, and I sure have more than enough to keep myself busy.

This morning's blood sugar was 118 - still normal, near the high side of the scale, but I drank a lot of wine last night AND had bananas foster for dessert. So, that's all well and good, I guess.

I'm thinking that my friendship with Richard is clearly going into cold storage. It will remain there until things break down with Rick, and Richard is either in desperate financial straights or Rick leaves him, or both. Then, I'll get to be the "on deck best friend" again.

Should I accept that, is the question?

Going to church this morning; not responsible for anything, just have to sit and enjoy. That's so cool. Had a note from Chuck this morning; he's a great guy.

When I get home from church today, I MUST tackle this home office/guest room. I think I can get everything cleaned up in less than 30 minutes, it just needs DOING. After that, I can work on the tax returns that I have to deliver tomorrow, and then go to Nancy's birthday party around 7:00.

Tomorrow, meeting CP at his mechanic at 9:00 so that I can have Ruby's spark plugs, wires and filters changed out (which have been riding around in the trunk now for THREE months, waiting for Trevor to change them.) Then, I am working on loans and getting the decks cleared to leave for Austin first thing Tuesday morning. Work with Scotticia all week, and back Thursday afternoon late.

So far, the auction on the '73 Impy isn't bringing many bids, and I'm the current high bidder. The auction doesn't close until tonight, and will do so while I'm at dinner with Nancy and Nicole. Right now, the bid is at $1525.00. No bids yesterday at all.

Next weekend, I have to complete my loan officer re-certification and get my LO reinstatement application in to Austin. Bleh.

Just had some guy on Manhunt send me a message .. "nice pic, you want to get together?" I replied with "are you partnered?" He said yes, so I replied "I don't get together with partnered men, whether 'straight' or gay. Too messy. Also, very little room for respect for me/my needs/my schedule."

He replied with a quick "understand." End of story.

My new strategem for dealing with these guys.

Mitch is supposed to come over today to work on his "legal stuff." He has a strong tendency to not actually show up, so .. it's likely that I won't hear from him.

I won't be able to do hardly ANY Fabulairing this week. I'm going to be Mr. Mortgage man, I guess. Have to move that ball forward by sending some detailed emails and requests out to the Fabulair 'team' later today that they can work on while I'm gone.

Okay, it's almost time to hop into the shower and head off to church. Adios!

Okay, so I'm rotated and balanced.

My tires, that is.

While I watched them find the ONE tire that was out of balance (I could tell from driving Ruby that it was only one tire, so that was fun) I talked to Susan for a while. She was trying to help me distinguish my energy around being stood up ongoingly, and we didn't really get anywhere as far as root causes, but we did put in place a few structures for the future:

1.) Someone stands me up or cancels on me ONE TIME, they don't get a second chance, period.
2.) In business, if someone doesn't follow through on their word .. it's OVER. No second chances.
3.) I am never again going to ask someone out - I am only going to respond to men asking ME out. That way, I can't create possibility in my head and go forward with it; they have to generate it.

Had dinner at Lance and Steve's place tonight - Steve is going to design our in-flight food "Vice-President of Culinary Fabulousness."

It was yummy.

Still not a word out of Jarred.

I'm almost ready for bed. I really need some time to just unwind - two days. I may be able to get those next weekend, if I can get all my tax returns done on Friday.

Okay, so "Bitter, Party of One"

I wrote last night's blog, and then felt really ugly about it. So, I went to bed. That didn't help. Then, I had dreams about my mother (not good ones, either) and some more insight into this whole thing with men, I think. At least some clues, if not insight.

So, then I woke up feeling .. not good about the thing, and embarassed that I had written to ALL of my friends (well, not all, only the ones who might remotely think about sending Jarred a message) last night that displayed such childishness and bitterness.

BLEH

I spent the hours after being stood up (again, not just by Jarred, but .. the fifth time in two weeks?) being all rational and intellectual about it - as in "I wouldn't want to be around someone who would treat someone that way anyway, etc."

As is common for me with emotionally stressful situations, I process first, then indulge the emotion, then process the emotion.

Now, most people will not read this entire thing until this morning, or later .. say Monday. A few have read it .. and whoo-EEE, am I embarassed.

Let me begin to cover my tracks by saying that this morning's early blood glucose reading was 96. Coolness.

I think I need to (1) call Susan today, (2) focus on Fabulair, my contracts and my friends, and (3) refrain from contact with men until I get something straightened out in my head. Well, not STRAIGHT ...

Well. Now, nearly 10.5 hours since I was to have met Jarred at lunch. No message, no return call, no nothing.

Jarred ver. 5.01

Stood up again! Text messaged him twice about maybe changing restaurants, and called, straight to voice mail. Went to the original restaurant, and he never showed. It's now 75 minutes after our lunch appointment, and he hasn't called or replied.

It's raining outside .. like crazy. Kind of peaceful.

WOW. How unexpected!

Mikey and Jay were over last night, and I thought they were staying for dinner. They left before I started cooking, and I had been emailing with Chuck all day, and I just shot him an email asking if he'd like to come over for dinner. He called back about 8:30, and said that he had just come in. We chatted briefly, and I said "well, eat something, and get bored and come over." So, he said he would.

He came over about 10:00, and had a movie with him - "Girls Will be Girls." We watched it, had a nice time hanging out. It was about midnight, and he got up to leave. I tohught I was going to get a chaste kiss goodnight, and he ended up staying until 2:45. We had a GREAT time, lots of talking and snuggling. We are supposed to talk again today.

I'm waiting on a tax client who called yesterday; I've talked to her three times today, and she should be here by now. After that, Travis is coming over, and then I have to run to Sam's to pick up a prescription for Jay. The LSAT student didn't show up, nor call, nor email. Bleh.

Just had an automated email from eBay telling me "congratulations on your first purchase from eBay motors." Scared me silly. I haven't mentally committed to buying that Impy, and I did put a bid on it, one that I feel confident will be outbid in the nearly four days left on the auction.

Had to go and check.

Well, where IS this tax client?

Oh!  I forgot!  I have a lunch date with Jarred, the bartender from EJ's on Friday!

.

WOW.  What a day.

I started off at 7:30 this morning; after having been up to 2:00 working on a tax return.  Got out of the rack, and started off by clearing email and so on.  Sent a clarifying email to my Fabulair "team" - telling them just where things were, and what to expect.  I'm starting a Fabulair blog tomorrow to keep people abreast of that - it's going to be private for just those who are participating, and those who are important, like Susan and Nicole.

SO, no more fabulair news here.

I cleaned ALL the ceiling fans today, cleaned the track lights, the tops of the doors, the laundry room, the kitchen floor.  Bought groceries.  Did tax work.  Did financial work.  Helped Mikey's boyfriend Jay out.  Set up a toll-free number for Fabulair.  Set up my Outlook Express to manage Fabulair email.  Filled up water jugs.  Paid for my new brake pads.  I'm exhausted!

Now, I'm too tired to work more.  I have a 10:30 doctor's appointment, a 11:30 tax appointment, the LSAT student coming for tutoring, and more work to do in the afternoon and evening.

At least the apartment is pretty clean.  Tomorrow, I still have dusting to do, and the bathroom floor to clean.  Whew!

Okay, I'm pretty tired now, and I have to reboot.  Hopefully, I'll have more in the morning.

seraflame00's Yahoo! Profile

The first morning of "Freedom." 

Haven't started WORKING just yet, but have clipped out a number of emails, and done some online work.  I'm waiting to hear from Lance; he said he's coming over this morning.  Taxes have to be done today, loans worked on.  Plus, I have to go through all this CRAP I brought home from the office, and figure out where to PUT it all.  Bleh. 

Okay, so Lance is coming at noon.  I can spend my morning doing cleaning and organizing, so that I have something set up here that makes this place look a little less disorganized.  Since he's not coming for breakfast, I'll have to whip up some oatmeal now.

I got the original window sticker for the '73 Impy that I found on eBay yesterday.  It ROCKS!  I think it's the PERFECT car for me (timing, condition, equipment, color, etc.)   You can check it out for a few weeks at:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2485571883&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMEWA%3AIT

Brent just IMd.  Today is his birthday. 

I'm thinking of buying a new Palm.  They're making it nearly impossible to resist.  If I sign up for a 12 month subscription with some audio book company (annual price of $160) they'll give me $100 off, plus they'll ship it for free, and give me a $50 gift certificate for more Palm stuff if I ship them my old one back (which gives me something to do with it - it's been a good machine these last five years, but there is no support for it anymore.)  If I buy it by Friday, they'll include 32MB memory card for free.  So, the net out of pocket price is $99, I can have a year's worth of audio books to teach myself Spanish and re-fresh my German, and they'll essentially FINANCE the other $100 of the purchase price.

Okay, Lance is here and we're going to get to work.  More later.  Brent's coming over to celebrate his birthday later.

 

 

Well, it is truly over.  I could tell this morning that it wasn't going to go well when I walked into the office and Rick was behind the office door with the door locked and the lights off - like he was going to catch me doing something.

Short story - he brought Lance and me into the conference room, asked us to air our concerns, we said we already had, he said that they were going to have us work on the consulting business making sales calls.  For commission.  Only.  That we'd have to split.

So, I pointed out that it was a 180 degree turn from what I had been promised to induce me to come aboard.  He nodded.  So, I said "no."  He looked at Lance.  Lance said "no."  We packed up our stuff and were back at my apartment by 10:00.

Later today, Richard wrote to me and asked if this was going to interfere with our friendship.  Uh, no.  However .. your boyfriend IS sucking you dry, and has it set up to totally screw you.

He read it, but hasn't responded.

So, the apartment is now crowded with "stuff" from the office.  Again.

Oh, just a footnote - this evening, Curtis (who hasn't been mentioned here in a while - the construction worker who got married to a woman who was supposedly pregnant with his baby) called today - he was on his way back from Freeport in his boss' truck - could he come over and hang out?  And then, could I drive him up past Tomball home (about 60km each way)  Uh, no.  So, it turns out that he doesn't WANT to go home, because she'll chew on him when he just wants to sleep.  I said "well, you're the one who married her.  Deal with it."

The married guy Brent dropped by again today.  He just needs to get a grip and deal with the fact that he's a big old fag.

A sweet big old fag who likes to play golf, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Okay, I'm out of ideas.  I have a ton of work to do tomorrow.

Douglas J. Hord

Douglas J. Hord

God, more bizarre dreams last night.  Exhausting.  I don't even really remember what they were about last night.

Walking the dogs this morning, I got to thinking that I really don't want to split fees with MJV anymore, so I went to the ProSeries website and ordered up a demo package.  Seems that I can buy my own copy with a license for 50 returns for $250.  Why, that's less than what I'd have to give over to him for ONE big corporate return!  I just don't know if I can qualify through the background suitability check for being an e-filer, but I'm sure I can figure that out.

I have to get into the shower in 15 minutes to leave for "work."  I really don't want to go, but Lance and I have agreed that we'll both show up this morning.  I'm not doing any more meetings, and I'm not doing any more sales presentations, webinars, demos, nothing.  No more.

Anyway, Eric has taken on, unasked, the project of converting my douglashord.com website to a non-flash site; I'll be able to host google ads there and have a bunch more content over on that side.  He also suggested a "martinimotorist" website .. another avenue for me to have more google ads.

I don't know how long I'll be at "work" today - could be fairly short, and me coming home with a box full of my stuff.  Wouldn't hurt my feelings in the slightest.

The bread's done.  I should hit the sack here, but of course, I'm not sleepy.

I was talking to Mike - this terrific guy that I've known about three years.  He moved to Phoenix a few months back.  I was his "first" back about three years ago.  He'd come over, we'd have GREAT sex, and then he'd vanish for months.  Then, he'd roar back into life .. for a few hours .. and then vanish again.  Not willing to talk to me at all.

Since he's been in Phoenix, he's been much more communicative.  He's gotten "into" being submissive, sexually, and he likes me to talk to him in that fashion.  Then, he'll go into these moods where he talks to me like I'm a dirty old man, only interested in him for something he won't and can't give.  He tells me that he ran from me because I expected too much from him, wanted too much, and he couldn't be around that.

So, today, he tells me that I've put a "curse" on him, that he can't find anyone to have sex with.  And that he's open to being my boyfriend.

Where's the valium?

Jennifer Government: NationStates | Divo | Rio Gay Dinero

FabulAIR -- Taking off shortly!

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JibJab

Baking bread.  I've accomplished little in the way of substantive work today; I still have to read for tomorrow evening's class, I have two movies to watch and send back.

Not a peep out of R&R this weekend.  Lance feels we should go in tomorrow morning, and see where things take us.  We're both committed to finding something else.

The church thing this morning went great.  I had no real "lesson" per se, I was just winging it.  I had no reference material, just was talking about how the freedom from worry (serenity) brought about opportunities and increasing our income to a level appropriate to our skill set and productivity.

Today, at lunch, I had a fortune cookie "Your professional experience is worth a huge fortune."

I like it!

In my post church nap period today, I had truly bizarre dreams.  I was wiped out when I woke up.  I was back in my high school (which was about six times the size of my actual high school) in the theater .. and running around from room to room .. for some reason, I think I was trying to find someone to have sex with, but it was just weird.  Part hunting, part running.  Anyway, there were these two guys that I met in a stairwell who were threatening.  I don't remember exactly what happened to the one, but the other .. well .. the police showed up to arrest him, and we were sort of engaged in sexual congress while the police officer was busy dealing with the other guy.

Then, I was in my father's house, which was across the street from Rick's house.  I kept going from one to the other.  Rick was totally threatening, and he kept screwing with my computer (shades of truth)  I was trying to get away, and I kept going to my dad's house for help, but he was busy with his wife and her friends.  Nicole kept trying to help me, but I felt aimless.

I woke up just .. stunned by it all.

Anyway .. that's the poop.  More in the morning.

 

Almost an hour before I have to jet to UTMB and teach cold from materials I haven't looked at in maybe three years.  Lovely.  Last night was INSANE.  I talked to Lance on the phone for more than an hour, found out that Rick is blaming ME for everything that's going wrong at the firm; they were my decisions, my recommendations, my inaction.. blah, blah, blah.

In talking to Lance, I realized last night that I've spent the last nearly seven years working for people for whom I had great responsibility, but no real authority.  John Frels, Judy, Valentine and now this.  Everyone expected me to produce everything, manage everything, handle everything, but they held the decision making power to themselves.

I was thinking last night (as I lay awake rolling things over in my mind) whether this was the big black hairy beast that my sister was hosing down in my dream the other night.  Certainly, Lance's presence in my life has made this pattern less tolerable.

Anyway, yesterday, I asked Scott Hardie if I could process loans for him (which I can do from home) and then, E suggested that I could handle his contract to process HUD records for public housing authorities.  It pays $1.85 a record, there are 50,000 records to input.  Or something like that.  Details at 11:00.

Not a peep out of R&R yesterday after the end of our unproductive conversation.  I had a mind to overnight my keys and my access card to them for Monday morning delivery.  I'm having lunch with Lance tomorrow to discuss our next moves.  Rick was glued to his side after the telephone convo, and was trying to paint me and Lance as the bad characters in this drama.  Lance (from his conversation with me) didn't give an inch, and kept tossing the scenarios back into Rick's lap.  However, Lance is pretty subtle, and I doubt that Rick would have taken in that he was having things put back on him, given his ability to blame others and never look at his own input.

So, I have a pattern, not yet fully identified (but I have until tomorrow morning to synthesize it and be able to do something with it) with lots of clues buzzing around.

Yesterday afternoon, Valentine was telling me that he couldn't believe that they would take advantage of me that way, at least HE treated me fairly.  I nearly spit out teeth.  In the conversation, he finally admitted that he had gone more than a year with me being on a fungible, undocumented pay promise, and that maybe I hadn't been treated properly.  I have written him an email, but haven't sent it yet.

I need to create a plan for myself, I guess.  I am so good at creating plans, and yet haven't done that for myself.

More later.

well, I just quit my "job" with Intelli-Source.

It's all about serenity, I guess.  I need to gestate on this some more.